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Boarding school

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In search of a suitable British boarding school

143 replies

gorgiasencomium · 19/08/2023 23:27

My spouse - an American - and myself - a Belgian - have two children; a son who is 9 years old and a daughter who is 7. We live in Seattle, where our children attend a bilingual primary schools (French-English). Furthermore, our children master the Russian language quite well, as they have a Russian nanny.Personally, I wish to send them to a British boarding school, as I do not find the curriculum of American schools stimulating enough - there are, of course, some excellent boarding schools on the East Coast - and I refuse to have "all-American" children. Also, I was lucky enough to spend my secondary studies at a Dutch-speaking Jesuit college in Belgium - not a boarding school - , where intellectual stimulation was held in very high regard. But not enough in my eyes. That was due to the fact that our school, like almost all schools in Belgium, depended on the State's educational plans. Our school sometimes had problems with the administration, which felt that the curriculum was too advanced. One of the criticisms was, ridiculously, that we studied too much French literature and instead of debates, we should be practising short and everyday dialogues. So I would wish my children to be pushed to their limits on an intellectual level; I don't want them to be bored, as I was sometimes bored at school.Right now, we are looking at the options for our son. He is, though I say so myself, rather intelligent and curious. I remember that two years ago, he was reading a comic book from my childhood and read the following sentence, "Action, reaction." He asked me for an explanation, since he was not sure if he understood the meaning of it completely. I told him about Newton's laws and he got very excited. That whole evening he was trying to find examples/applications of those laws. Two things that intrigued him a lot recently: Fibonacci's row and the Battle of Stalingrad.He is also sporty; he swims, plays tennis and enjoys hiking and skiing in the mountains. He likes debating, but does not cope very well with losing an argument. Hopefully, this will paint a clear picture of what our expectations are and what kind of boy our son is.In our search for schools, we made the following list - for the moment:- Winchester College: In my career, I have met people who went to school there and seemed to have a fond memory of their time there. However, I have heard/read that the school is undergoing major change. The fact that girls are being integrated into the school does not really bother me, though of course it would be unfortunate if the school lost its identity as a result. Rather, what bothers me about the whole thing is the way the school has implemented this change, namely without discussion and as "un fait accompli". I also read about the fact that wokism is, apparently, taking an increasingly important role at the school. I fear that, despite my rather young age, I am a bit too old-fashioned there and consequently do not really find such an education desirable for my son. But of course, I don't know to what extent this is true.... Furthermore, I wondered what kind of students one finds there. Do they come from ordinary families or from very rich families, as is the case at Eton?

  • Eton College: The school with quite a reputation, but not necessarily the most positive one. That children do come well-off and privileged families does not bother me, but arrogance and ingratitude I do not consider, arrogance and ingratitude, as being enviable values. That's a bit of an image we have of Eton, but again, I don't know to what extent this is accurate.
  • Tonbrigde School: Students there are said to be more athletic and less intellectual than at Winchester, yet do they score better than Winchester as far as A-levels are concerned? Again, what kind of students does one find here?
  • Sevenoaks/Marlborough: Given that our son is not British, they might be a good fit for our son because of their international nature.
  • St. Paul's/Westminster: Given the small number of students boarding there, we don't think this is the appropriate choice.

You might wonder why I ask so much about the pupils' origins. This is because of my own experience at my high school: the students came from the rich and/or aristocratic families of my country. Many of their parents I knew through my parents, but I found that they, the children but also the parents, were often very disrespectful, condescending and arrogant.
Additionally, and this is something very Belgian or even linked to Brussels, the majority at this Dutch-speaking school were French-speaking. You had to choose your camp, which I found difficult as a bilingual who had grown up in both of these worlds. I always say that my school in itself was great, the students not so much. Such atmosphere, is not what I wish for my children.

Thanks in advance for any comments/suggestions.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 21/08/2023 21:45

gorgiasencomium · 21/08/2023 21:38

Well, I won't be able to visit him each Sunday by taking the plane from Seattle.

Exactly

gorgiasencomium · 21/08/2023 21:51

@Araminta1003 You're absolutely right about finding a nice and suitable local guardian. The presence of my parents and our good friend in London won't be enough. I will discuss it with him; since he has grown up in Surrey, he might know some suitable persons.

OP posts:
LIZS · 21/08/2023 21:55

Guardians don't usually visit for matches etc, just act in loco parentis.

gorgiasencomium · 21/08/2023 21:57

@Rockhall Nice to have a reaction from the Benelux. Just living there or from there?

Do I understand it correctly that you believe that Winchester would be the most suitable school?

Regarding Winchester, how come that an "academic powerhouse" like that, has great but not outstanding A-levels grades compared to others (eg. Tonbridge, Westminster, Brighton,...)?

OP posts:
HawaiiWake · 21/08/2023 22:16

It is not the boarding school you going for entry but the house you select or get allocated. Some are musical, sport etc, there are a mix in each house but the House DNA is important.
Also, you have to beware there is a ‘few too cool for school’ types and drinking here is 18, but 16/17 can be given alcohol by an adult. In England, Scotland and Wales, it’s not illegal for someone between the ages of five and 17 to drink alcohol at home or on other private premises. But this does not mean it is recommended though DC can be spending weekends at friends’ house and parents offering a little tipple with meals.
Also, 13+ boarding schools mentioned have a big cohort that comes from certain prep schools and they have met on sport fields and events. Therefore they know each other quite well and before entry in the Spring/ Summer there will be social events for them to meet. The time commitment is more that you may have thought about. Yes, the Asian families have 1 parent living locally for the first year and maybe second year to assist the transition or cousins already in UK.

gorgiasencomium · 21/08/2023 22:57

Thank you for pointing that out, but I'm aware of the importance of the houses inside the boarding schools.

Boys at that age should have some fun and drinking is part of it. Nothing wrong with it, moderation is key. In my home country, the legal age for drinking beer and other light alcohol was(is) 16 and of course that teenagers tried to drink it earlier and/or received some wine at home. It didn't transform me, nor my classmates, into alcoholics.

If there are some important social events before entry, we will of course make ourselves available or at least one of us.

OP posts:
Enriquetta · 21/08/2023 23:49

You married an American and chose to live in the west coast of the US. So now your child has to live with that choice. If you don’t like the US move back to Europe. Send him to a Swiss boarding school

illiterato · 22/08/2023 00:20

gorgiasencomium · 21/08/2023 21:57

@Rockhall Nice to have a reaction from the Benelux. Just living there or from there?

Do I understand it correctly that you believe that Winchester would be the most suitable school?

Regarding Winchester, how come that an "academic powerhouse" like that, has great but not outstanding A-levels grades compared to others (eg. Tonbridge, Westminster, Brighton,...)?

The London schools always perform extremely highly in public exams relative to almost everywhere else in the country and the three you mention are all effectively London schools- Brighton College is a M-F boarding school that has a very high London intake. Tonbridge is v commutable from London.

They all also have a v high % of day pupils ( Westminster 75%) which gives them a much higher pool of potential applicants to choose from as fees are lower and more parents want day vs boarding. And they are Co-Ed and girls tend to outperform boys at a level.

illiterato · 22/08/2023 00:33

Sorry- Tonbridge isn’t Co-Ed. BC is and Westminster has girls in 6th form.

Netaporter · 22/08/2023 02:16

@gorgiasencomium If you wanted to try for Win Col (or any competitive entry school for that matter) you’d need to be very organised. For Win Col, Assuming your son is 9 currently and his 10th birthday is on or after 01.09.13-31.08.14 he’ll be in the 13+ intake for 2027 entry. The deadline for admissions will be before next summer. I don’t know specifically the Co Ed impact but I would assume that the % of male places at schools looking at coed will reduce in favour of female pupil entry.

Westminster school has said it is going coed for all year groups. It is also clear that international boarders are only welcome in years 12 and 13. So the OP can rule this one out. As an aside, Regarding Academic results, Westminster is highly selective and a competitive entry at all points, particularly so for their largest year group (y12&13) which explains their results.

I think many parents look at results tables and decide that is where their child is destined to be. Your son sounds curious and intellectually minded and so are the other children who are applying. You need to consider the impact on your children of not gaining entry and I’ve had experience of the impact of this first hand of my DC’s friends. You also need to consider that your daughter might not automatically follow her siblings footsteps (there are no sibling policies for competitive entry schools) and then you’ll have disparities in the most formative years in their childhood (‘why did you send me away but not her?’)

Finally, do not underestimate the amount of prep that goes into the application. Many of the successful applicants are in feeder preps guided by savvy headteachers ….which means being present in the UK. Yes there are many international students at British Schools but also who have at least one parent who is in the UK with them during term time.

CurlewKate · 22/08/2023 05:51

Hang on- you're worried about American Exceptionalism but you're considering an English public school???

Brunello · 22/08/2023 09:28

I’m very sure that the OP would appreciate constructive practical responses that address his "In search of a suitable British boarding school" questions rather than dismissive one-liners.

He has already obviously given this issue a great deal of thought and has formed his opinion based on his own worldview and values.

One doesn’t go onto a culinary website, click on the “In search of a suitable biryani recipe for vegetarians” thread and criticise others for choosing a meat-free lifestyle for their children. One doesn’t go onto a Christian website, glance at the “In search of a suitable Advent reading list” thread then disparage others’ religious views and question them as to why they’re not raising their offspring as, say, Muslims. Likewise it’s inappropriate – indeed borderline obnoxious – to hijack his original list of questions and turn this into a “my brother / husband / uncle didn’t like boarding school, so of course your son who I’ve never met before and know nothing about won’t succeed either” polemic. One can do that on Twitter – sorry, X – or the Daily Mail website.

The questions at hand here are, inter alia:

(a) Is a UK boarding school the right choice vis-à-vis a Swiss equivalent? (it sounds like the US option is already out of the picture)

(b) [The key question] If it is the UK, which schools should be on the shortlist (based on the correct fit for the OP’s son as well as the logistical feasibility for the family as a whole)?

(c) [The natural follow-up question once he addresses the above] How does one get from a shortlist to undergoing the various admissions processes when based in Seattle, bearing in mind that all of these schools are very much oversubscribed, with the competition often coming from well-placed feeders?

Hoppinggreen · 22/08/2023 09:39

I am sure OPs child would appreciate not being sent halfway around the world to live for no good reason but here we are

Brunello · 22/08/2023 09:48

Hoppinggreen · 22/08/2023 09:39

I am sure OPs child would appreciate not being sent halfway around the world to live for no good reason but here we are

From the OP's point of view, there are very good reasons why. That is for not for us to judge him on, the same way we don't criticise others' choices of depriving their children of meat or subjecting them to daily prayers to their respective deity/deities.

Clarashat · 22/08/2023 09:50

I don't think that this post is real, the OP is clearly looking for nformation from current/past parents at Winchester. My first thought is a newspaper article.

Enriquetta · 22/08/2023 09:52

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Hoppinggreen · 22/08/2023 09:54

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OlderOwl · 22/08/2023 10:13

@gorgiasencomium I have two children currently attending boarding school in England (45 min drive from our home) and a 19 year old one at university in Japan. I am all for bold decisions but I advise against your idea/plan to send your son to boarding school in UK when you and your spouse live west coast USA. They are too young for such a change. Either use the perfectly good schools in your state for a few years (until age 16 for example), travel in the holidays, encourage reading etc or move to the UK. All the best.

Brunello · 22/08/2023 10:18

One could equally well argue that not providing a child with a balanced diet is irresponsible parenting as it may prevent him/her from reaching his/her full developmental potential. Conversely, spending time to select the appropriate school for each child - whether day or boarding or homeschooling or any option in between - is absolutely the logical thing to do.

Regardless, I think it would be proper etiquette for the two of us to continue this discussion in private rather than clogging up the OP's thread!

Wisteria74 · 22/08/2023 10:19

gorgiasencomium · 20/08/2023 17:16

@Mombas Could you tell me more about the lack of pastoral care?

OP is looking for information from Winchester parents the rest is nonsense.

Enriquetta · 22/08/2023 10:30

Wisteria74 · 22/08/2023 10:19

OP is looking for information from Winchester parents the rest is nonsense.

Agreed it's all a ruse to get people to diss Winchester

@Brunello are you and the OP the same person?

Brunello · 22/08/2023 10:48

Enriquetta · 22/08/2023 10:30

Agreed it's all a ruse to get people to diss Winchester

@Brunello are you and the OP the same person?

Ha! Good one! Absolutely not: with due respect to the OP's drafting, it should be pretty clear that I'm native Anglophone rather than an obviously-very-fluent but slight-whiff-of-another-language/grammar speaker. I take it very much at face value that that other language is French, though it appears that some believe it is in fact Python.

Brunello · 22/08/2023 10:59

It seems like a rather roundabout (and clearly unsuccessful!) way to get information on Winchester. Surely the best sources of dirt on any school are recent leavers, rather than parents?!

gorgiasencomium · 22/08/2023 14:49

Honestly, all those comments accusing me of wanting to write an article or to find trash about boarding schools are simply ludicrous. Does asking information about a school we seriously consider, make of kind of journalist who wants to write an article? I'm sure that people couldn't wait to hear about all the enigmatic rites that happen inside those schools. Hahah, funny and pathetic at the same time.

This being said, the concerns expressed about sending my kid at a young age to the UK are valid. Especially, because it seems that English parents have radically changed their view of boarding school, namely that you should see your child each week (and that those who don't are terrible, deficient and lunatic parents. If your classmates believe that and explain that to you, that must be a wonderful experience as a foreign kid. )

If we would wait to send him until he's 16, I do have two concerns.

  1. It has become "clear" to me, by reading this thread, that being foreign in a UK boarding school is difficult. You should be English, to be "one of them". You should know the parents of the other children, to be able to hope - or should I say pray? - that he will be accepted. If that's really the case, then I'm baffled by the education given to those children. If this seems to be already a problem when the boys are 13, when they come over from the whole country to a NEW school, I don't dare to imagine what it will be when they're 16. Worse?

The problem that I have with believing this, is that I do know enough children who, despite of the fact that they were not British and not living in the UK, had a happy time there and made a lot of friends - not with everyone, but that's a universal truth.

So, do you actually have children boarding some of the mentioned schools, and therefore in the know, or do you only know your husband/uncle/grandmother who went to a boarding school and was traumatized decades ago?

  1. He would miss the first 3 years of English education, which might complicate integration for him.

Anyway, we will try to visit those schools before the end of the year to form our own opinion about the matter, as it has become clear that I shouldn't expect to receive may comments, that are helpful or not filled with hate or contempt. It must be wonderful for a lot of you to be filled with so much inherent knowledge. Hopefully, I will one day be blessed with the same wisdom and get rid of that malicious envy of wanting to profoundly ruin the life of my son.

OP posts:
gorgiasencomium · 22/08/2023 14:52

@Brunello

a) A Swiss boarding school might be envisaged, especially since my brother lives in Geneva. But I must admit that my image of Swiss boarding schools is not very positive one. I have known two children who went to Le Rosey - a sui generis school, that's for sure -, but those kids were out of touch with reality because of their incredible wealth and their lack of a normal, respectful education. The only think they could think about was travelling and partying. I say "no thank you" to that kind of education.

b) Making up a shortlist is not an easy task, but hopefully we will be able to visit certain schools with him, before the end of the year (October ideally). Are there any of the mentioned schools you would rule out? Not being too far from the Isle of Wight and London (airports, train stations) are two important criteria. I believe that we should consider Eton, Winchester, Sevenoaks (?), Tonbrige (not enough boarders?) or even Brighton College.

c) Coming over from the US to have some interviews is not a problem, we will manage to find some time. I have had a look at some of the examinations,like Election and the King's Scholarship and those seem to be hard, but not impossible. But of course, a thorough preparation will be needed. And if he doesn’t get in, well that’s life…

OP posts: