Am I being a snowflake about this - name of a nursery that is similar to something I find offensive ?

[Putoffalot]

AIBU to not want to send my child (of a mixed heritage) to a childminder with a name that is very similar to something offensive (GW). It’s come up when searching and is the closest to my work but I can’t even contemplate contacting them as it’s too close to the name of an offensive item ?

Thank you ❤️ This is exactly it. I’m not naive enough after all the racists incidents we’ve had in the short time my kids have been at school to think they’re never going to hear eeny, meeny in the racist way we both have.. I feel sick thinking about it and in the interim I have zero desire to recite it or use the word tigger ever at home. Especially when I know how my husband feels about it! I would be horribly ignorant and arrogant to do so.

That is true

Sorry

Being white, I don't understand

What was the problem?

So who are the “dame” and “the little boy who lives down the lane”?

Its nothing to do with racism! When I’ve googled I’ve found that the “master” and “dame” were thought to be references to the nobility and the taking of wool tax!

Its probably best for a woman of colour to answer this, but I will explain it from my understanding. I apologise if I get this wrong though, Im still learning and happy to be educated!

So black women often have their natural hair coo'ed over and maybe even touched like they are some kind of novelty and that is patronising and uncomfortable for them and racist. If a black woman has a 'white' hairstyle (so straight, dyed blonde or red etc) then compliments can appear that a black womens natural hair isnt good enough - only when it looks more 'white' in appearance.

There is also the issue that many black women use wigs, and weaves etc, and complimenting them may draw attention to this and embarrass them.

In my case it was the latter. I was complimenting what I thought was a new cut and colour (it did look amazing), and it was a wig which embarrassed her by my bringing attention to it.

I also used the word 'dreadlocks' on another occassion and was educated that this is a racist term. 'Locks' is the appropriate term.

HTH

I honestly don’t get this. I did my hair differently this morning and LOTS of my colleagues commented on it. Another colleague dies her hair in all sorts of ways and when she came in on Monday I told her that I “love your hair today that red is gorgeous”. She was happy to chat with me about various new hair pieces she has got with various colours in - she’s a beautiful woman and always looks amazing TBH. But I’m white and she’s black so it’s fine for people to comment on my hair but not hers? Surely ignoring her fab hairdos because she is black is actually far worse……

@bigkahunaburger your attempts to understand and learn are appreciated. Just to add, dreadlocks and locs are different. Rastafarians have dreadlocks and sometimes refer to themselves as 'dread', 'dread man' or even 'dreadlocks' as per the Jacob Miller song Tenement Yard. (Then again, he also sang 'I'm a Rastaman, not a Dreadlocks') The hair is formed naturally without combing or twisting, as they believe in being totally natural. Therefore the locks will be of varying sizes and lengths.

Locs on the other hand are formed by twisting the natural hair which, due to its tightly curled texture, will grow to form locs. The key difference is that locs are maintained according to how the wearer wants them - short, long, board, narrow, dyed, etc. A Rasta wouldn't do that. In the old days they referred to this type of locs as 'bathroom locks.'

If someone called my hair dreadlocks I would correct them not because it's racist but because they're not dreadlocks.

This should say colleague DOES her her not dies. She actually wears a variety of wigs, weaves, wraps and looks different (and fabulous) every day.

Thanks but I was told the term 'dreadlocks' is racist because of the historical content, because in the past people with them were feared, and considered dirty and aggressive and therefore 'dreaded'. This was said to me by a black woman with locks and she explained this to me. She said the term 'locs' rather than 'dreadlocks' is preferred. I get that there are differences in locs (well kinda), but she was saying the term 'dreadlocks' shouldnt ever be used.

Was she speaking as a Rasta?

I hear you. The week before there was a group of us me (white with red hair) -and four black women, and I had come in from the rain, with mega ringletty hair. They spent ages gushing over my hair. I loved it! Haha. Fast forward a week, and then one of the women had gone from long curly black hair to long red and straight and it looked amazing! I gushed about how beautiful it was, in the group. I embarrassed her because it was a wig, and I think my black friends and colleagues felt I should have known that. I really didnt. I was mortified. It lead to many conversations about it, but what I learnt is despite the fact that I am a very complimentary person with women by nature - in work, family, friendships and strangers tbh, that complimenting black womens hair COULD offend. That doesnt mean all will be - your colleague sounds happy but maybe just check with her? But whereas prior I would have happily told any random at the train station - 'oh my god your hair is gorgeous' whatever race they were, I wont do it now if the woman is black. They can compliment mine all they like and I revel in it (totally vain here! lol), but I respect that they can do it to me because there isnt any kind of racist connotations around my hair. Despite having ringlets I have only had my hair touched once (by a pervy dude), and I have never been made to feel like I was a novelty or patronised. Although some ginger bullying as a kid though but not quite the same is it.

Gosh I dont know? From your description I dont think so because her hair would be loose and very very curly some times, and then other times she had what looked to me like thin locs? So they couldnt have been natural. I honestly dont know.

So dreadlocks isnt a problematic word to you WildBactrian?

Thanks. Fortunately I know my colleague loves talking about her various looks. We are quite good friends - go out together etc. She often shows us pictures of wigs, weaves etc that she is thinking of ordering. She’s one of the loveliest, bubbliest, caring people I’ve ever worked with.

It's not problematic for me if it's referring to Rasta hair. For other locs it's just not correct. But Rastas would need to speak for themselves on this one, as only they can say if they are offended or not.

An interesting discussion:

https://going-natural.com/dreadlocks-vs-locs-an-intense-debate-about-the-origin-meaning/

Thats super interesting thank you WildBactrian

I think you need to reread the OP's posts, as well as your own before hitting 'post'.

YANBU

I would feel the same in your situation. If you can, it's worth seeking a different nursery.
Are there any/many black or mixed race kids there? It would be even worse if your child is the only one (or one of a very small number).

Take the Baa Baa example.
Objectively speaking the rhyme does not stem from anything connected to racism. It has been passed down for generations without racial connotations

Except when I was at primary school and the kids would shout it at me and laugh. Except for the time that I was spat at and called a wog. Except for the time I was headbutted and called a black bitch. Except for the time my hair was likened to sheep's wool.

I don't give a fuck if the origins of most nursery rhymes did not start of racist.. look how the nursery rhyme was twisted by racists abd idiots and then same said idiots on this thread (mainly non black?) want to make fun of someone who would not want to take her child to a nursery with a dubious name!

I also couldn't give an extra fuck the colour of the posters who want to laugh at a mum who is comimg on here with a legitimate concern relating to her child.

Seriously, until you've been through what many of us have been through, sit down! Or, better yet, find a thread that you can personally relate to and contribute to without being a know-it-all that knows nothing!

I don’t know how anyone can read posts like yours and still come on here to tell black posters that they’ve got it all wrong. Well I do, it’s because they’re racists. The fact they try to present themselves as not racist is a fucking joke.

I am white and have only occasionally posted on this board, usually when a post has appeared in active, and only ever to support because at times I honestly feel so ashamed by the attitudes of some white people. I often just read, to listen, which are the only ways non black people should ever use this board imo.

I really hope the OP is ok because parts of this thread have been disgusting. Mumsnet really need to do more about racism on the whole site but especially on this board. To provide a board and then not deal with racists and racist apologists is not acceptable.

I agree wholeheartedly and that is what I was trying to say - as a white woman - if you dont get it, ask questions, try and understand. Dont call another woman unreasonable or ridiculous or scoff at her because she is worried about her kids!!! The lack of emotional intelligence here is astounding.

No you're not if I've read it right
It's like the UK has regressed
I'd personally would probably enquire how they got/approved the name?
And has anything ever been said before??

Knew a comment like this would come up sooner or later from a person intentionally unaware and assumes they know everything

I'm feeling that too