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This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

Original poster

Urgent School say my Sons hair is too short!

316 replies

Dontjudgeme101 · 06/05/2021 07:00

My son told me last night, that the his hair is cut too short. The school have had, if it happens again, that he will have to go into isolation until it grows to a acceptable level. I need to contact school this morning to speak to them about it. It looks neat and tidy and it grows really quickly. His hair is mixed and he doesn’t look after it properly. Is there anything, that’ll can say to the school, or will l just have to accept that it’s too short?

OP posts:
picturesandpickles · 06/05/2021 13:52

@Frazzledbutcalm

picture .... disgusting is absolutely the wrong word.

I agree it’s a stupid rule that has no bearing on a child’s ability to learn.

So, petty, silly, out dated, draconian, irrelevant might be more appropriate. Disgusting has an extremely strong vile repulsive meaning. This rule really does not fit that category.

Disgusting also means offensive to the moral taste.

These rules are offensive to my moral taste, and therefore I stand by the word disgusting.

Dohrehmee · 06/05/2021 13:58

The short back and sides is popular with nearly all
The boys I see. Infact that the way barbers tend to cut a lot of the boys hairs . And it’s a style that is manageable and neat.

a8mint · 06/05/2021 14:00

My DDs school refused to allow a black girl to have braids, and then said nothing about a white girl coming back from holiday with them.

deathbyprocrastination · 06/05/2021 14:08

Such a ridiculous rule - can't believe schools waste their time on this nonsense. Good luck OP and I really hope this hasn't caused you too much stress.

Original poster
Dontjudgeme101 · 06/05/2021 14:15

@deathbyprocrastination

Such a ridiculous rule - can't believe schools waste their time on this nonsense. Good luck OP and I really hope this hasn't caused you too much stress.
Thank you for that post. I am feeling really calm now. It has really helped doing this thread and hearing from other people’s perspective.
OP posts:
Becca19962014 · 06/05/2021 14:18

My parents would shave my head as a teen (they hate long hair on women, and they're not that keen on me either). I was repeatedly suspended for it and once made an example of in front of the whole school.

Yes, I'm female and this was decades ago.

Becca19962014 · 06/05/2021 14:19

I missed there were 11 pages not just 1! Opps. Sorry.

ElsieMc · 06/05/2021 14:19

Our local secondary school's Head was obsessed with boys' haircuts. When I took gs to get his haircut, the salon owner dashed over to challenge the stylist knowing there would be trouble at school with his chosen style.

He told me that the Head actually rang him up to check whether certain pupils had had a number 1 or number 2 cut. He always insisted it was in fact a number 2 (when it was a 1). That is taking it too far.

To me you have done nothing wrong at all op. Just an honest mistake. I find if Heads piss off the generally supportive parents, it is not going to end happily.

tcjotm · 06/05/2021 14:21

How ridiculous OP. I just googled a fade and it looks perfectly neat and tidy and suitable for school. Much better than floppy hanging in the face hair.

I’m glad you’re feeling better and hope they don’t give you further grief.

tentosix · 06/05/2021 19:11

Goodness! That is a very strict and rigid guideline for hair. Is it a private school? Here they don't much bother about hair. One kid has hair in a ponytail and a few have shaved sides.

MaryBoBary · 06/05/2021 19:34

I am really shocked at this thread. My son is in reception and his hairstyle is not extreme in my opinion, but would be breaking your sons schools rules which is really surprising to me. My son has a number 1 back and sides with it longer on the top and a side parting. To me it looks smart and saves going to the barbers every 2 weeks for a trim. When it starts to grow over his ears it looks scruffy but would probably be 2 inches.

Bizarre school rules.

WrongKindOfFace · 06/05/2021 20:05

A fade is a standard and neat hairstyle. I hope the school comes to a sensible conclusion over this.

I’m sure nobody will be surprised to learn that the local to me secondaries with the best results have pretty lax hair polices. Utter waste of teaching time measuring the length of hair.

Original poster
Dontjudgeme101 · 06/05/2021 20:28

@tentosix

Goodness! That is a very strict and rigid guideline for hair. Is it a private school? Here they don't much bother about hair. One kid has hair in a ponytail and a few have shaved sides.
No, it’s not a private school. It’s an Academy run secondary state school.
OP posts:
tcjotm · 07/05/2021 00:19

@Becca19962014

My parents would shave my head as a teen (they hate long hair on women, and they're not that keen on me either). I was repeatedly suspended for it and once made an example of in front of the whole school.

Yes, I'm female and this was decades ago.

My goodness @Becca19962014 I am so sorry you went through that.. That’s cruel and abusive and dehumanising. And your school basically colluded with then 😥
Becca19962014 · 07/05/2021 01:21

@tcjotm

The school didn't care. Measured anyone with short hair with a ruler, then suspended and called in my parents who just ranted about how out of control I was. In fact, it was the opposite - my life was extremely controlled by them.

I'd like to think things have changed but given my experiences as an adult trying to access help with disabilities/assault and it coming down to who, to quote social services, was more deserving of being believed, I'd say not.

Obviously my situation is different to the OPs. I just wanted to point out its not only boys who have this problem and it's been going on for a VERY long time.

RedMarauder · 07/05/2021 08:24

@ginoclocksomewhere

What the hell does the length of his hair have to do with his learning?! 🤯

Also contact your MP, I'm sure I read somewhere a while ago there was to be a discussion in parliament re: racial discrimination based on hairstyles!

You mean this?

edm.parliament.uk/early-day-motion/57565/hair-discrimination

There is also this report - publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm5801/cmselect/cmwomeq/274/27406.htm

To be fair my MP is one who is open to dealing with issues around discrimination and is eager to engage with people.

RedMarauder · 07/05/2021 08:35

@Dontjudgeme101 I knew it was an academy as soon as you posted.

It is worth contacting your MP about it even if they are not one of the MPs on this page - edm.parliament.uk/early-day-motion/57565/hair-discrimination.

You can do it through an email on theyworkforyou.com

The more parents of children who have fallen foul of discriminatory hair rules at school that contact their MPs, the more MPs are likely to do something to stop it.

Original poster
Dontjudgeme101 · 07/05/2021 08:40

I spoke to my husband yesterday about this matter and l also showed him this thread. I am going to speak to the HoY today too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontjudgeme101 · 07/05/2021 08:48

The thing is, is it discrimination? None of the boys are allowed to have shaved heads whether its black or european hair.

OP posts:
Faultymain5 · 07/05/2021 09:24

Yes, but that works for European hair not Afro hair. So it becomes discriminatory. Would they tell a Sikh boy he has to cut his hair? No because that would discriminate against his religion, because of your son’s hair type which is based on genetics they cannot be allowed to discriminate on those grounds. I’m sure all the “you signed up to rules” people will disagree.

Original poster
Dontjudgeme101 · 07/05/2021 09:42

Thank you for saying that. It will be interesting to see what they say!

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 07/05/2021 09:53

Wishing you strength @Dontjudgeme101.

mibbelucieachwell · 07/05/2021 10:38

I just want to add my voice to all the others you have had to say what a ridiculous school rule this is.

I know schools have a very difficult job, but sometimes they make things more difficult for themselves, as well as parents by having lists and lists of rules.

Respect for everyone in the school community would cover pretty much everything if you ask me. This hairstyle is not offensive or distracting or..... anything remarkable if you ask me.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/05/2021 10:41

I don't understand why it would be deemed discrimination

Comefromaway · 07/05/2021 13:14

@ineedaholidaynow

I don't understand why it would be deemed discrimination
OK, look at it this way.

At my children's primary school in Year 6 the PE teacher implemented a rule that trainers had to be laced, not velcro. The reason was that laced trainers were more supportive when playing sports.

My dd had tiny feet (as an adult she is still only size 2.5). Her feet were a size 12 G fitting with a very high instep that bulged out of many shoes. Ds on the other hand was a size 13 D. Both my kids are autistic and ds had problems learning to tie laces due to fine motor problems.

Nowhere (and I mean nowhere) sold trainers in their size that fitted them and were laced. In addition the rule discriminated against children with additional needs like my son. The rule was impossible for them to comply with.

The OP's son is being similarly treated (but worse). He is being asked to adhere to a rule that does not take account of his ethnicity eg how a black boys hair grows. It is placing additional burden on him in terms of keeping his hair neat and tidy that a white boy would not have to think about.

These discriminatory rules need to be challenged.