To black people - what are you doing to ensure your black children GET PAID

[samosamo]

Dear Black Women,

I am thinking about things I can be doing now to prepare my children who are black, who look black, and who have names which suggest they are black, for life in this world as an adult needing to make money despite all of that.

Yes yes, maybe in 20 years the world will be a different place and their cvs won't be rejected because the name doesn't fit, but just in case?

What are your thoughts on ways to make money where they can be anonymous? I'm thinking about the stock market at the moment. They can go in and become traders very simply and they simply interface with some graphs on a screen. Being black, female, young, old, none of this matters it is truly a level playing field. But finance is my bias.

Can you think of anything else where background truly doesn't influence how well you can do?

I am making sure my child is very well educated so he has the best possible chance of making money via his academic ability. To use the stock market effectively he would need to be able to understand it and therefore needs an education.
To be honest, I don’t want my child to have to be anonymous. I do accept that in some ways this would be easier for him but it’s sad that we have to think in terms of them not revealing their identity just so they can make money

A colleague suggested her offspring marry into money

As a white woman I am shocked and saddened that this is actually a thing you have to even think about. I pray for a fairer world for all ❤️

My DD is brown, with a clearly brown name.

She's getting a very good education, so hopefully like the rest of the family she has the chance to get a well paying job.

Yes, an education is incredibly important.

It's just unlikely to be enough though, if the world is anything like what it is today when our children enter adulthood.

I have a very mixed social group, a lot of professionals at the top of their game, but they are still butting their heads on racist ceilings all the time. Look at Tidjame Thiam. I mean, really. Black people get such short shrift.
I'm not saying your efforts aren't enough, I am just wondering whether anyone is thinking like I am. I might fear too far. My friends in big corporate firms, they need partners to recommend them for partnership etc. Some, a few, of the men are making it, but my female friends who want children are being told outright if they have more than one they'll be sidelined. End of partnership ambitions. But in the stock market there is nothing anyone can do to stop my children making money, nothing.

I wondered about whether others know anything like this that I might be missing because of my own biases.

My parents ensured I was well educated (not enough on it's own) and my dad taught me how to code at quite an early age. I am doing similar for my DC. I have also invested heavily in passive streams of income and save religiously to help my children out in the future. Being able to purchase property or live well when you are likely to be underpaid is a luxury. They will likely be underpaid in comparison to their colleagues, despite being highly qualified and working in l niche high demand roles - I am underpaid, so is my brother and my father. And when new salary offers are pegged to on your previous salary - it's a cycle you cannot get out of easily. I am well paid but still underpaid.

My aim therefore is to provide a cushion to my children to make up for the gap, as unless in a specific role with clear pay bands and progression for each year without any managerial bias -they will likely be underpaid in relation to their colleagues, no matter what role they have. Statistics do not lie.

An education is extremely important, but as someone who went to private school then RG uni, I think confidence and self assurance is the most vital thing. My school and hometown were not diverse, so I still struggle a lot with imposter syndrome in rooms of white colleagues and customers.

I'm fortunate in that my family have diverse passive income from property and stocks and that helps with feelings of security, so I'd suggest encouraging that. I must say though that I think it made me a bit complacent at times and I didn't appreciate how difficult things would be. I think that because my parents had to work so hard they wanted things to be easier for me. I also think that making yourself indispensable is important - DH has carved out a niche set of skills - tech industry - and so has better negotiating power when it comes to salaries.

Odd to cite Tidjane Thiam as an example when he has been hugely successful and was the CEO of a Swiss bank and is now getting significant media coverage for his next venture

@GarlicBreadItsTheFuture

Please tell me more about his tike at the Swiss bank.

@PompomDahlia Tell me more about your thoughts, if any, about installing confidence? I think this is also key, and actual thought private school would help.

@Rahrahgurl yes, coding, thank you. I know zilch about it. Where would I start for my DC? Is it coding club etc? Mine are all 5 years old and under.

If only education was enough!

As pp already mentioned having multiple streams of income is especially important, as is the ability to create a separate income/niche in whatever industry dc end up in. In my experience, being you’re own boss, despite its challenges, gives you ultimate control. I know that’s not always possible in all sectors. I have a high flying paediatric surgeon friend of mine, who has dealt with many years of bullying and being passed over for promotion in the NHS. She’s finally leaving to set up a non surgical cosmetic practice.

For now private school education for dc, I feel, it’ll build a good foundation for learning, instilling confidence. I’m also growing a diverse stocks, shares and property portfolio, they’ll both have their own passive income from 18. That’s the plan anyway.

It's a very interesting and important question OP.

Agree with previous posters about education and engaging in plenty of high quality extra-curricular activities, it is critically important. Knowing that every step you take informs the next in terms of qualifications, university opportunities, further education etc.

I would also impress upon them the importance of learning foreign languages and encourage them. This will literally open up doors for them in overseas markets (as well as being a great life skill). I'm currently working on a secondment abroad, and having such skills made me an immensely marketable resource as part of my global employer.

Given the direction the world is going in, technology is a key sector, where innovation is burgeoning. So many future jobs will be replaced by automation. This will need fresh minds to stay abreast with all the change.

It is also worth considering putting into their minds (and perhaps you taking the first steps) to diversifying their future sources of income (again, if you are able) through amateur share trading or similar. Get them to read the business news, understand financial concepts etc - this will be a great foundation for a future career (if nothing else, a profitable hobby). Similar would be property development and building up a portfolio etc. I appreciate this does take capital investment, so not possible for all.

A final big differentiator is grit and resilience. There will be knock backs, bias (conscious/unconscious) and outright discrimination our children will face just for being non-White. But a sense of aspiration, strong self-confidence and resilience will enable them to keep them knowing their worth throughout.

@SpaceRaiders

If only education was enough!

As pp already mentioned having multiple streams of income is especially important, as is the ability to create a separate income/niche in whatever industry dc end up in. In my experience, being you’re own boss, despite its challenges, gives you ultimate control. I know that’s not always possible in all sectors. I have a high flying paediatric surgeon friend of mine, who has dealt with many years of bullying and being passed over for promotion in the NHS. She’s finally leaving to set up a non surgical cosmetic practice.

For now private school education for dc, I feel, it’ll build a good foundation for learning, instilling confidence. I’m also growing a diverse stocks, shares and property portfolio, they’ll both have their own passive income from 18. That’s the plan anyway.

@SpaceRaiders - you have captured everything I wanted to say far more eloquently than I did!

Sorry OP - another thing I should have mentioned is not to be hemmed in by the UK for education or work.

I will be encouraging my children to keep up their 'expat kids' attitude to take up as many opportunities abroad as they can, for university education and work etc - seeing themselves as global citizens and being brave enough to grab opportunities on a broader scale.

"She’s finally leaving to set up a non surgical cosmetic practice."

This is what confidence does!

One (privately schooled) young family member isn't just thinking of being a lawyer, he is aiming to move abroad and open his own firm. I have another family member, state school pupil, who is on track to study at Oxbridge, but really lacks confidence. To get him to consider Oxbridge was a challenge in the first place! I don't want my anecdote to be state vs private, because family expectations/support also played a major role here.

The hands off /'leave them to find their own way' can severely backfire because when we start from the bottom, we are bottom bottom!

We have a good amount of income streams to ensure our kids will get a good start (although one such stream needs to be reminded that it was supposed to be 'passive'!). But I also want my children (while young) to learn languages and travel significantly, especially to non-resort locations. I want my sons to embrace reading, which he seems to love right now but things change when they grow older. We are considering private school for secondary (secondary schools aren't that great around here). We also have grammar options. His current primary is quite diverse and I don't want to lose that. When the time comes we will know what will suit them best.

(sorry I have two sons but one is still a baby so I keep saying 'him/he/his'- i mean the older one)

@JayDot500 - the biggest takeaway from the secondary education between my siblings and I (one grammar, one private) and my (non-white husband (boarder) is aspiration. These schools train it into you, that you are the chosen ones, getting the best education/resources and you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to.

I honestly think my secondary education was the catalyst to my confidence, and the key to everything I have achieved since. It's this innate self-confidence that I want my children to have forever.

I like what @SkeletorAttack said.

I'm white with obvs no personal experience, but did run a BAME grad programme (in marketing/comms) for a few years and the main factor those grads had that held them back was lack of 'foot in the door' options.
If you can use your contacts to gain them any work experience whilst at school or internships in the holidays or relevant placements whilst at college, that will help tremendously. This is what middle class white kids do via their parents friends, and the office experience is worth a lot.

Hopefully the world will have changed enough with the next 15 years for it to be smoother sailing and less unbalanced once they are actually IN the door?

@SkeletorAttack

Sorry OP - another thing I should have mentioned is not to be hemmed in by the UK for education or work.

I will be encouraging my children to keep up their 'expat kids' attitude to take up as many opportunities abroad as they can, for university education and work etc - seeing themselves as global citizens and being brave enough to grab opportunities on a broader scale.

This I'm astounded how small a world some young people insist on keeping. I was fortunate to have been privately educated and that meant a lot of travel opportunities - I even did exchange programs a fair bit. Often very few signed up but when I got to South America or Africa, the kids even expat(immigrant- only fair isn't it) American and British children were massively competing for similar opportunities. It opens up your world immensely.

The same in uni, I also worked abroad for most of my early career. I have professional contacts the world over. I have consulted on projects in over 30 countries as alwhat started as a hobby or helping out but instead I accidentally walked into a functioning business. I think thinking in terms of being a global citizen opens a world of opportunities and you might find that life is so much better elsewhere or race isn't as much of a barrier.

Indeed investing in passive streams of income now and then teaching them how to do so as well is a great way to get around it.

Why would you want your kids hiding away and being anonymous. Don’t you want them to challenge what you recognise as barriers so we have an even playing field? Imagine if you said this about women it would be like saying “what can the little woman do without making the man feel intimidated.”

@Fcuk38 - have you ever heard of unconscious bias? Or even big, hairy, blatant bias where people are not even considered for jobs due to their (clearly) non-Westernised name?

The OP is clearly immensely proud of her children and wants them to shine. We are discussing careers and opportunities which mean that they will be protected from the damaging discrimination that many of us face day-in-day-out, and flourish.

As an ethnic minority done good I think it's better for BAME to be as visible as possible in the professional world. It provides role models if anything.

I'll be concentrating on
Good manners (including at the dinner table and knowing what glasses hold what liquid!)
Being as culturally aware as possible and be globally aware.
Very well read.
Cultured in the arts. At least the popular great artists, composers, theatre.

But essentially, what sets those apart is
A) not having a defeatest attitude and blame attitude. Blaming the system, blaming xyz. Honestly I've come across so many and they can't see beyond that. It limits their opportunities.

B) hard graft. Yes it might take a hundred job applications, many interviews, fail and fail again. about exercising network and if not, making your own. LinkedIn, proactively calling recruiters. I recently received a YouTube video of an applicant showcasing the digital work created in their own time. She was offered a job on the back of that. And so many young people shy away from the hard graft that's needed to get that foot in the door. And if working for someone isn't your bag, then it still applies if you want to create your own business/work for yourself.

This applies to all people not just bame or ethnic minorities but imo, I think these two aspects are more prevalent.

Yes yes, maybe in 20 years the world will be a different place and their cvs won't be rejected because the name doesn't fit, but just in case?

Campaign for “blind” paper sift? Many workplaces now remove names, ages and addresses from applications, that should be accepted practice.

The other thing would be to absolutely take advantage of sectors where ads include the “we welcome applications from diverse groups” speech. Grab any advantage.

If you can afford it, private education at a good private school. Don't be afraid to change schools if it's not working for your child and family. We moved from a poor prep school to an excellent one.

Scholarships and bursaries are often available at bigger schools. From experience a great mid size / larger private school will offer the breath that is needed to be able to find something that a young person can excel at. Being good at something, whatever it is, gives even the most introverted child confidence.

If you are opposed to private education, or you can not afford it, a good state school with lots, and lots of extra curricular activity - music, performing arts, rowing, cricket, LAMDA, English Speaking Board, art galleries, museums, theatre trips etc help to develop soft skills
Even if you have a comfortable lifestyle, teach your child that they still have to try hard, and as @SkeletorAttack says resilience is key. Self belief and self worth (not to be mistaken for arrogance) is so important.
Choosing the right A levels, and universities. Also being a creative, critical thinker.

Completely agree, help to get on the property market.
Not sure who said it up threat, but completely agree, think globally when it comes to work.

[quote samosamo]@PompomDahlia Tell me more about your thoughts, if any, about installing confidence? I think this is also key, and actual thought private school would help.

@Rahrahgurl yes, coding, thank you. I know zilch about it. Where would I start for my DC? Is it coding club etc? Mine are all 5 years old and under.[/quote]
OP - Google concepts such as resilience and the 'growth mindset'.

Start integrating these concepts into your day-to-day conversations at home, with your children and your DH/DP. Actively talk about goals, challenges, what you learned about things and what you need to do differently in the future. Role modelling with our children is so important and shapes their behaviours/expectations.

You are clearly investing so much into your children by even opening up the conversation on this, and planning ahead for their future.