To black people - what are you doing to ensure your black children GET PAID

[samosamo]

Dear Black Women,

I am thinking about things I can be doing now to prepare my children who are black, who look black, and who have names which suggest they are black, for life in this world as an adult needing to make money despite all of that.

Yes yes, maybe in 20 years the world will be a different place and their cvs won't be rejected because the name doesn't fit, but just in case?

What are your thoughts on ways to make money where they can be anonymous? I'm thinking about the stock market at the moment. They can go in and become traders very simply and they simply interface with some graphs on a screen. Being black, female, young, old, none of this matters it is truly a level playing field. But finance is my bias.

Can you think of anything else where background truly doesn't influence how well you can do?

Thx @bevelino

That's not really what I have been talking about in my posts on this.

I'm talking about young people seeing first hand black people working in a variety of roles, sectors, professions, seeing the possibilities way before they start choosing gcses, even taking high school entrance exams. The way white children are more likely to see that because of old boy networks and other mechanisms of structural racism which impedes black people's progress. Fir me it's not only about them wanting to do a specific role, but growing in confidence. They won't be intimidated by those spaces if they've always known and seen black people thriving in them.

As a black person growing up i think I would gave benefited from that - was it different for you? I'm aware that my black upbringing is not everyone's. I'm aware that it won't be the same for my own children.

This is why, where possible, children need the opportunity of some time spent in countries where they are not the minority - where they can see every single institution: political, academic, scientific, whatever, being lead by black people. So they'll know, once and for all that the U.K. is not, never was and never should be the benchmark for what black people are allowed to do. It makes such a difference.

I know some posters here are already doing this, but many families don't or can't.

@samosamo , I hear what you're saying. I don't actually think it has to be that structured for a 7 or 8 year old. Just popping in to those spaces for lunch or an event with a parent, family friend etc. can be so useful in showing the possibilities. My DC have been doing this since they were very little, and they feel comfortable and more at home than my 17 year DN did working shadowing, because it was so new to DN. DN struggled to engage and was in awe of the situation, where as my DC were happy to have conversations with everyone from the most junior to the most senior.

This is also important in creative spaces, either in the context of working in creative spaces / industries and or being an audience member. A creative career can be extremely rewarding on a number of levels, including extensive international travel.

Yes, thank you.

I left bmn a while ago to avoid people who aren't black jumping on and 'critiquing' black women's opinions. This thread became active again so I commented. I fear that in no time it might have happened again.

Perhaps im wrong, but I'm annoyed with myself now......!

@samosamo, I can't thank you enough for starting this thread and I was so pleased that it was up and running again. I think I posted a lot when it first started and we did indeed have people trying to derail. Ignore, ignore, ignore - don't engage.

Did you post about possible areas for secondary schools on another thread?

I've certainly found this an important and illuminating thread. And I doubt that we've yet heard from everyone on MN with something useful to say ...

Wow such an insightfully post and comments for a young black mother like me. Thanks all

Just read to them every day, Mamana127. Share the reading aloud between you as soon as they are able - and make sure you try everything. There's no reason why you shouldn't share Charles Dickens and Gerard Manley Hopkins and Ngugi Wa Thiong'o with a three or five or seven year old - don't wait until their school deems them worthy of decent literature. (And don't let them believe people who tell them the only literature they can 'relate to' must have been written by someone who looks exactly like them.)

And spend as much time as you can taking them to galleries, museums, concerts, plays, (not just things intended for children).

Basically, let them understand that everything is open to them; their lives need not run on narrow tracks determined by other people.

I just wanted to reiterate what @MayIDestroyYou said...even if you chose not to further educate your child outside of school, regardless of your colour, creed or background, reading to your child does absolute wonders.

Coming from a childhood where I had no toys or anything else to stimulate me, I secretly read my mums books.

There is absolutely no way on this earth that I'd be in the position I'm in now if I didn't have the simple opportunity of reading.

And for that, despite her misgivings, I will always be grateful 🙏

@MayIDestroyYou

Just read to them every day, Mamana127. Share the reading aloud between you as soon as they are able - and make sure you try everything. There's no reason why you shouldn't share Charles Dickens and Gerard Manley Hopkins and Ngugi Wa Thiong'o with a three or five or seven year old - don't wait until their school deems them worthy of decent literature. (And don't let them believe people who tell them the only literature they can 'relate to' must have been written by someone who looks exactly like them.)

And spend as much time as you can taking them to galleries, museums, concerts, plays, (not just things intended for children).

Basically, let them understand that everything is open to them; their lives need not run on narrow tracks determined by other people.

Maybe I just have a different batch of children to you because my three year old would NOT be sitting through a chapter of Great Expectations right now!!! My five year old is just getting into the swing of BFG etc. My 3 year old's attention still wanders.....

It doesn't have to be a chapter. Why not just a particularly alliterative or onomatopoeic paragraph? As a contrast to children's books?

Bedtime often used to end (after the story) with a few lines of whatever poetry I was reading myself. Soothing for all involved, even with varying degrees of understanding.

(I admit I have habitually encouraged small children to tackle big books, with an enormous two volume Oxford Dictionary beside them for immediate looking up. The photos are darling.)

Yeah, I know now for certain that you are me, but in MY dreams!

Poetry? Flipping heck. I haven't even caught up on boring emails of a fortnight ago.

My goal is to read three books over summer. Thats my aim. So sad.....

So, I'm a mum of 3 (two in RG uni & one in sec sch). Yes I know RG is a marketing tool. One's reading Law and the other Mechatronics and Robotics.

Things I did/do:

Encouraged reading – we took part in the library’s reading challenge every single year.
One did not like reading so I would play them CDs of books. You can get these from libraries. Back in the day you could also get them from daily papers. I was not a Telegraph reader but bought it and others when they were doing literary giveaways like that.

Kept up my church attendance (born, baptised and married RC) so they could get into the very good church primary and secondary local to us. Fee paying was not an option I qualified for, even with concessions and I did not wish to put them under the stress of a grinding academic workload to possibly qualify - or not - for a bursary or scholarship.

Put them in holiday playschemes that took them on a wide range of trips to places of interest in and out of London (I cannot drive due to disability).

Never used Sky, only Freeview so all of us limited our television viewing.

Took/take them on Eurostar, Megabus, Ferries, the tube etc. They’ve also flown. This in my opinion exposed them to different ways of doing things, emphasised adaptability and helped their practical learning.

Taught them to cook, they now cook for the family. Suring lockdown challenged them to come out of it with a new accomplishment. They /we all did!

Pushed them to use their judgement. When they were young and I took them on walks, I would make them find the way home with no or minimal input from me

Built their confidence by promoting (imposing) church activity (altar serving, taking readings or the offertory) so they had contact with a diverse range of people and stood up and “performed solo in public” in a safe familiar setting.

Spoke about my country of origin very positively, exposing them to Nigerian writers such as Atinuke, Achebe, Ifeoma Onyefulu. We also explained about names, meanings and why they had them rather than “English names”.

It was important that they did not see Africa as an amorphous continent, so we demonstrated pride in our personal roots, and wide general knowledge of our similarities and differences. It does help being South East Londoners.

Always was happy for them to take part in school sport but pushed them towards other in-school activities eg debating, current affairs and so on because you want them to know that black people can do more than just entertainment or sports.

Made them speak to adults. From primary school age, took them to my/their dad’s work, as a way of reinforcing the manners and behaviours we taught them at home.

Promoted a second language - not always successfully. But at least they know where’s more out there than English

I plugged heavily into my network. Not having been educated here, I am able to show them, very easily, scores of role models in all kinds of professions. For instance, someone I went to school with was portrayed by Will Smith in a film so you can imagine how intrigued they were that their mother knew him.

I’ve deliberately listed free or affordable things that I did to raise aspirations. Like other posters, we discussed money, debt and so on with them. Both uni students are working to fund most of their living costs and we pay for their accommodation so they only take out the tuition loan. We also emphasise acquiring and developing transferable skills and the need to aim high.

NOTE: They were not always eager participants in all activities. Carrots and sticks helped (especially that one time I took them to touch typing class).

One thing I have tried to do is equip them for the unknown. There are no guarantees in life, so I've tried not to map out a life/career plan for and with them. No matter the skills they have, if I do not help strengthen their resilience, adaptability, sense of perspective, they will not be able to use them to advantage. We have also emphasised that they can make choices, and that choices have consequences, good and bad, expected and unexpected.

@samosamo I did not have any plan when I was doing any of this, I was merely replicating what I had experienced and what I had seen others do that I thought might benefit my children. If I have any regrets it's that I never was able to find a nearby Scouts Troop and I was too scared to send them to ATE which one of my friends did with hers. They loved it and made friends from many countries and backgrounds and mine often asked to go but I said no. She heartily recommends it.

Totally agree madew, education is a great start, but there are more things we can do. Networks, joining organisations where networking, knowing these who can help, broadening horizons, exposing to a world outside the home, comfort zone etc. Yes they may come across idiots, but you can come across idiots anywhere. Push, push push and sharpen your elbows and teach them to get their under their own steam.

@madew13553

So, I'm a mum of 3 (two in RG uni & one in sec sch). Yes I know RG is a marketing tool. One's reading Law and the other Mechatronics and Robotics.

Things I did/do:

Encouraged reading – we took part in the library’s reading challenge every single year.
One did not like reading so I would play them CDs of books. You can get these from libraries. Back in the day you could also get them from daily papers. I was not a Telegraph reader but bought it and others when they were doing literary giveaways like that.

Kept up my church attendance (born, baptised and married RC) so they could get into the very good church primary and secondary local to us. Fee paying was not an option I qualified for, even with concessions and I did not wish to put them under the stress of a grinding academic workload to possibly qualify - or not - for a bursary or scholarship.

Put them in holiday playschemes that took them on a wide range of trips to places of interest in and out of London (I cannot drive due to disability).

Never used Sky, only Freeview so all of us limited our television viewing.

Took/take them on Eurostar, Megabus, Ferries, the tube etc. They’ve also flown. This in my opinion exposed them to different ways of doing things, emphasised adaptability and helped their practical learning.

Taught them to cook, they now cook for the family. Suring lockdown challenged them to come out of it with a new accomplishment. They /we all did!

Pushed them to use their judgement. When they were young and I took them on walks, I would make them find the way home with no or minimal input from me

Built their confidence by promoting (imposing) church activity (altar serving, taking readings or the offertory) so they had contact with a diverse range of people and stood up and “performed solo in public” in a safe familiar setting.

Spoke about my country of origin very positively, exposing them to Nigerian writers such as Atinuke, Achebe, Ifeoma Onyefulu. We also explained about names, meanings and why they had them rather than “English names”.

It was important that they did not see Africa as an amorphous continent, so we demonstrated pride in our personal roots, and wide general knowledge of our similarities and differences. It does help being South East Londoners.

Always was happy for them to take part in school sport but pushed them towards other in-school activities eg debating, current affairs and so on because you want them to know that black people can do more than just entertainment or sports.

Made them speak to adults. From primary school age, took them to my/their dad’s work, as a way of reinforcing the manners and behaviours we taught them at home.

Promoted a second language - not always successfully. But at least they know where’s more out there than English

I plugged heavily into my network. Not having been educated here, I am able to show them, very easily, scores of role models in all kinds of professions. For instance, someone I went to school with was portrayed by Will Smith in a film so you can imagine how intrigued they were that their mother knew him.

I’ve deliberately listed free or affordable things that I did to raise aspirations. Like other posters, we discussed money, debt and so on with them. Both uni students are working to fund most of their living costs and we pay for their accommodation so they only take out the tuition loan. We also emphasise acquiring and developing transferable skills and the need to aim high.

NOTE: They were not always eager participants in all activities. Carrots and sticks helped (especially that one time I took them to touch typing class).

One thing I have tried to do is equip them for the unknown. There are no guarantees in life, so I've tried not to map out a life/career plan for and with them. No matter the skills they have, if I do not help strengthen their resilience, adaptability, sense of perspective, they will not be able to use them to advantage. We have also emphasised that they can make choices, and that choices have consequences, good and bad, expected and unexpected.

@samosamo I did not have any plan when I was doing any of this, I was merely replicating what I had experienced and what I had seen others do that I thought might benefit my children. If I have any regrets it's that I never was able to find a nearby Scouts Troop and I was too scared to send them to ATE which one of my friends did with hers. They loved it and made friends from many countries and backgrounds and mine often asked to go but I said no. She heartily recommends it.

Thank you a million time for this post.

@samosamo

Now that I'm here. I also think getting children work experience at a young age us good, say from 8 or 9 years old and definitely once in high school.

And opportunities to speak publicly to a large audience.

I hope you don't mind me making a suggestion: my DS found St Johns Ambulance a really good extracurricular. He started at 8 years old, attended one night a week, and learnt not just first aid, but all sorts of communication and organisational skills. By the time he was in the cadets at 14, he was treating adults with real-life injuries at public events (the marathon, Ride London, football matches, parades, and so on). His school was a bit rubbish, didn't do anything like work experience, but St John functioned as a sort of supercharged work experience, as he clocked up many days in lots of different real work environments, having to talk to adults on an equal basis and having real responsibilities. If he'd wanted to go into medicine or veterinary science, it would also have really helped with applying to that. He had no real interest in, or aptitude for, sport or music, and so it was really useful to happen upon an extracurricular that you can start so young, costs very little (£72 a year), will teach you useful skills for life, and serve as work experience.