Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

White women posting on Black Mumsnetters - all good?

425 replies

Sugarintheplum · 17/12/2020 23:00

Hiya,

I'm just looking for your honest opinion here - feel free to get a new handle to respond to this one if you like (I do that sometimes!)

My view is this: I don't hugely object, partly because it's the internet, and I can't expect that to be truly for a devoted protected space, so it's kinda 'meh'. I just thought about it because of the 'are blonde women more attractive' thread, and there are lots of white women on it.

I've asked something similar before, and I ask it again here, if it's called Black Mumsnetters, why might non-black women want to post? I can see why they might want to lurk and read, but what might make you want to be visible, present and contributing to that space?

If it is a belief that no space should be 'exclusive', i'd think Black Mumsnetters might turn one off completely - ugh, yuk, segregation. If it is a belief that well, one or two white women won't change things (do they? My opinion is that yes, a space with just black women in it talking black women things is materially changed by having white women in it) I can see that too maybe, only things do have a way of being taken over and before you know it black mumsnetters has very few black women at all posting. If it is 'I should be able to be wherever I choose, thank you!', or 'i just love being in chats with diverse groups, I 'm not thinking about it that way' I'd like to know too.

But mostly, black women, how do you feel about it?

Like I say, I'm cool about it, I just don't get it. If there were a Trans Mumsnetters, or Asian Mumsnetters, or LGBT Mumsnetters, or Young Mumsnetters, I wouldn't feel any sort of compulsion to post, I'm black straight and over 30. My children's partner is from a different ethnic group to me and if there were a group for mumsnetters from that community, again, I wouldn't feel any sort of need to post.

Anyway, on this I am truly musing.

Ta!

OP posts:
Cleverpolly3 · 21/12/2020 14:05

@Quaagars

What's wrong with using the word cool, or that phrase? Not quite sure why you've got a problem with sugarplum's post - was only expressing her opinion.

with statements like the one above perhaps it isn’t a bad thing.

So you're happy because you perceive the above posts to "bring non permited traffic" to the board now?
That doesn't make you out to seem non genuine and shit stirry at all Hmm
Why would that not be a bad thing if you weren't genuinely not out to cause trouble?

Why are you and others virtue signalling so much? Why are you coming down like a tonne of bricks on me at the same time which is hypocritical?

I’m not being shit stirry
How do you even know I’m not a black woman?

Not cool and the context in which the OP used it is shit stirring and goady though

I think anyone should be able to post on any section of this forum including this one. I was pointing out however that the amount of debate this BMN thread has raised will get participation from the race or ethnicity of people the sort of people the OP questions the validity of and it might be said to have backfired

Cleverpolly3 · 21/12/2020 14:06

Oh an btw I’m also only expressing my opinion Hmm

Quaagars · 21/12/2020 14:10

How do you even know I’m not a black woman?

I don't, and I never implied if you are or aren't - I'm literally replying to your words.

I’m not being shit stirry
Saying maybe it's not a bad thing if "non permitted traffic" makes its way here does come across as shit stirry.

Quaagars · 21/12/2020 14:13

Oh, and if it's virtue signalling to understand when people want to talk amongst themselves about issues that affect them instead of barging in demanding people educate me or listen to me instead (not aimed at anyone in particular) then that's fine by me.

Dastardlythefriendlymutt · 21/12/2020 14:18

I wouldnt bother engaging with that poster @Quaagars they are determined to misunderstand,obfuscate and "shit stir". I wouldnt be surprised if they hung about and decamped here for a bit to prove a point and play devil's advocate proclaiming their proximity to blackness through either claiming to be BAME or a POC or having black relatives or even being black herself to add weight to their "arguments" as usually follows the demand of "how do you even know I'm not black", then comes the big reveal of why they are the authority on blackness even though they hold anti-black views. Been done to death 🥱🥱🥱 and we already have a couple of such residents.

Don't pay them any mind.

Cleverpolly3 · 21/12/2020 15:27

@Quaagars

Oh, and if it's virtue signalling to understand when people want to talk amongst themselves about issues that affect them instead of barging in demanding people educate me or listen to me instead (not aimed at anyone in particular) then that's fine by me.
Not it’s not virtue signalling to understand that people want to talk amongst themselves. You are being obtuse. It IS virtue signalling to seek to distinguish yourself as enlightened from others - who perhaps feel differently to yourself - via impliedly labelling them as regressive or not sensitive of other groups needs by feeling that they are entitled to also air their views on a public discussion group. In any section.
Cleverpolly3 · 21/12/2020 15:29

@Dastardlythefriendlymutt

I wouldnt bother engaging with that poster *@Quaagars* they are determined to misunderstand,obfuscate and "shit stir". I wouldnt be surprised if they hung about and decamped here for a bit to prove a point and play devil's advocate proclaiming their proximity to blackness through either claiming to be BAME or a POC or having black relatives or even being black herself to add weight to their "arguments" as usually follows the demand of "how do you even know I'm not black", then comes the big reveal of why they are the authority on blackness even though they hold anti-black views. Been done to death 🥱🥱🥱 and we already have a couple of such residents.

Don't pay them any mind.

Obviously I’ve hit a nerve

You have just illustrated the point I have made directly before responding to you.

If you also cannot see that you are ironically displaying selective and discriminating tendencies you are otherwise keen to eschew then I’m quite happy to continue to question the motives of you and other posters here or anywhere else on this discussion board

Quaagars · 21/12/2020 16:04

It IS virtue signalling to seek to distinguish yourself as enlightened from others -

I've done nothing of thee sort lol - I'm just commenting with my views, and my opinion like you are.
If you're taking that as my view as more enlightened and distinguished, I must have hit a nerve or you're being made to look at your views a little and you don't like it - otherwise why would you feel threatened by mine?
Makes no sense. At least own your views.

C130 · 21/12/2020 16:05

I agree with Dastardly. I would not waste any of my time on that poster.

Cleverpolly3 · 21/12/2020 16:15

@Quaagars

It IS virtue signalling to seek to distinguish yourself as enlightened from others -

I've done nothing of thee sort lol - I'm just commenting with my views, and my opinion like you are.
If you're taking that as my view as more enlightened and distinguished, I must have hit a nerve or you're being made to look at your views a little and you don't like it - otherwise why would you feel threatened by mine?
Makes no sense. At least own your views.

When I referred to virtue signalling it was to a range of views over this thread and not specifically you.

I don’t take your views as any more enlightened than mine. It’s not like school grades.
What I’m saying is all all views are and should be welcome on any part of this forum and I object to anyone telling me otherwise. I was also stating that if the OP really does want to keep anyone other than black women of this section of the forum that not only is that discrimination it is also likely to engender debate and discussion from people who feel sufficiently provoked to comment when their ironically never have done before.

I haven’t actually given my views on anything to do with Black Mumsnet other than I feel it is not right to state if you are not a Black woman why post. I would have the same issue with any other part of the forum where threads were started purely for the reason to expound eligibility requirements when posting. In my view this nature of this sort of thread goes beyond cultural or any form of identity and is actually reinforcing differences and barriers when I though we were supposed to endeavour to do the opposite.

Cleverpolly3 · 21/12/2020 16:19

@C130

I agree with Dastardly. I would not waste any of my time on that poster.
Honesty i am quite happy for all of you to not “waste your time on me” but here we are, yet another poster who feels compelled to try and say I’m on another “side” because you think something about my questioning the OP’s motives regarding preaching to a captive audience -or not as the case may be - renders me inferior and less perceptive than you.
Quaagars · 21/12/2020 16:29

When I referred to virtue signalling it was to a range of views over this thread and not specifically you

Er....
Why are you and others virtue signalling so much?

I don’t take your views as any more enlightened than mine
Good - although why this then It IS virtue signalling to seek to distinguish yourself as enlightened from others when our views are equal?
Flip flopping.

I was also stating that if the OP really does want to keep anyone other than black women of this section of the forum that not only is that discrimination
Keep anyone who isn't a black woman from posting - but nobody's said that lol.
For the umpteenth time, if you can't tell the difference by now....just..... what?

I agree with Dastardly. I would not waste any of my time on that poster
Yeah, I agree, you'd think I'd have learnt this by now lol

C130 · 21/12/2020 16:36

Good call Quaagers. You will just find yourself going around in circles with some posters.

Cleverpolly3 · 21/12/2020 17:29

@Quaagars

When I referred to virtue signalling it was to a range of views over this thread and not specifically you

Er....
Why are you and others virtue signalling so much?

I don’t take your views as any more enlightened than mine
Good - although why this then It IS virtue signalling to seek to distinguish yourself as enlightened from others when our views are equal?
Flip flopping.

I was also stating that if the OP really does want to keep anyone other than black women of this section of the forum that not only is that discrimination
Keep anyone who isn't a black woman from posting - but nobody's said that lol.
For the umpteenth time, if you can't tell the difference by now....just..... what?

I agree with Dastardly. I would not waste any of my time on that poster
Yeah, I agree, you'd think I'd have learnt this by now lol

Please don’t tell me you’ve never commented on a thread because it has no resonance with you in terms of lived experience, race, political persuasion, interest etc. As if.

Precisely the same logic applies to this thread.

If you have an issue with someone challenging the motives of the manner this thread was quite purposefully started, then I find that completely at odds with the inclusive and respectful positions you seem so keen to occupy to accommodate the OP.

I think some of these views are virtue signalling.
You don’t have to agree. So don’t.

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 21/12/2020 17:40

This is interesting. I didn't know there was a black mumsnetters board. As others have said, this popped up in Active.
I'm white and I'd avoid posting in it, unless it's a topic specifically asking about white women's opinions on something. I'll probably lurk though.
Black women face specific issues and if too many of us white women post on here, it'll dilute black voices and become a general board that discusses race rather than a space for black women.
Aaand now that I've said my piece, I'll duck out again.

Starseeking · 21/12/2020 18:03

Thanks for posting that @JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown, it makes perfect sense.

Sugarintheplum · 21/12/2020 18:18

[quote Cleverpolly3]@Sugarintheplum

“Of course black women responded to you, many are kind and wonderful women. That doesn't really mean it was cool for you to post. “

Wasn’t “cool” for someone to post?
Are you being serious?

I’ve read this thread and I suspect you’ve ironically probably increased what you see as “non permitted” traffic to this board: with statements like the one above perhaps it isn’t a bad thing.

You are actually in more danger of derailing and sabotaging your perceived safe space in on a public discussion forum than many of the posters you fee potentially could or have tried to do so when you write statements such as the one above.[/quote]
My perspective is that it is quite simple.

If you are not a black woman and you post on here it should be to give. Examples would be 'Hi, I am a Consultant Haematologist and I want you all to know there is a cure for sickle cell".

YES PLEASE, HALLELUJAH! Post post post!

It can also be as simple, but helpful, as "here's a great book", but hopefully you see my point.

If it is to take or receive, then you are centering yourself as a person who is not a black woman - this space is categorically NOT for that. Examples abound so far on this thread.

Now, you attempt to demean me by highlighting my use of the word 'cool'. Firstly, this is just how I speak. It's not strange around these parts (London Millenial). Secondly, on reflection, though I wasn't consciously doing it at the time, I was trying to sensitively relate to @Lndnmummy, so I employed colloquial language. I understood that what I was saying could have impacted her feelings, and honestly, i liked her, I empathised with her wanting do the best for her black sons, and I showed her exactly that through my language. The outcome? We came to see things eye to eye. I respect her, she respects me, allllllll good. Progress.

It's different between you and I, because I don't like racists, so I won't treat you that way. In fact, this is what I have to say to you:

You are not wanted on this thread. No one is happy with you here. You have centred yourself by constantly spewing your ignorant comments. I can tell, by the way women are responding to you on here, that they feel they are punching down, and they are right.

Yours is a dying breed. In part, literally, but most definitely ideologically. Even the most elite white people in the world are talking about BLM, the richest companies in the world are falling over themselves to profess their support of BLM and redress their prejudicial and discriminatory ways. Momentum is behind US, it has left you. You know this, you realise your number is diminishing, daily. You see our children playing together, laughing together, living together, heck, making well-rounded and happy babies together and it bites you. You are always looking at us, always fearing us, scared for YOUR existence, as white racist people always have done, for good reason. But black people and lovers of humanity and equality march on.

Yet, with all that looking, you still don't know us. But we know you. We know our enemy and we are overcoming. We are President of the Free World. We are VICE PRESIDENT of the Free World. The White House seemingly cannot shake us, we appear to have set up camp in there! We are even in the Royal Family of the Commonwealth. A beloved Prince of the Commonwealth has given up his title, his family, his country, all life as he knew it, to be with a woman like us. We are all over your streets, your universities, your top jobs, despite all that you and yours are trying to do. We're KILLING IT OUT HERE. You must be finding it hard to sleep at night.

And all we do is look at you through the rear-view mirror, when we can be bothered because we have everything to look forward to.

Now, it's time for me to get back to my pot of scallion, onion, garlic, tomato, and left over lamb from last night's roast, so I can feed my children a good meal, love them, hug them, and put them to bed tonight knowing you and people like you can't touch them.

You can't even upset my mood.

I won't respond to your comments again, because I shall not read them. I'm too busy raising my black beautiful babies.

I wish you the very best in life.

OP posts:
Quaagars · 21/12/2020 18:24

Moving post

Quaagars · 21/12/2020 18:26

That was meant to have a Flowers after it

Dastardlythefriendlymutt · 21/12/2020 18:34

FlowersFlowersFlowers👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 OP

I hope they can read the room but I'm sure they will be back explaining why they are the victim and we are all nasty racist bigots

DownstairsMixUp · 21/12/2020 18:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

babynumber2pending · 21/12/2020 18:41

I think you have made your point @Sugarintheplum Talk 👏🏿 all 👏🏿 of 👏🏿 da 👏🏿 tings! Time after time Black voices are silenced. 2020 has shown that we aren't putting up with it. In the words of Issa Rae "I'm rooting for everybody Black" and I'll make no apologies for it.

Quaagars · 21/12/2020 19:00

Thinking out loud but I think it's a hard thing to take - sugarplum's comment Of course black women responded to you, many are kind and wonderful women. That doesn't really mean it was cool for you to post
can make you go "Ouch! No need for that, I was only asking" and go on the defence, or think "Ouch, but OK, point taken" and think about it a bit more and not do it.
Think the first reaction is the most common go to and seems the way going by some of the other comments.
It's knowing when to sit down and take something on the chin that's the hard part I think
Hope that made sense lol

Lndnmummy · 21/12/2020 19:11

@Sugarintheplum that post went straight to my heart ❤️

C130 · 21/12/2020 19:30

Wow Sugarintheplum your post is heartfelt. I hope it sends out a powerful message to those who see it, who are not anti-racist.