The PESH Deli - The one where Cheggers Goes Pop-Pop!

[skihorse]

BESH BABYWIN STATS

This isn?t a fucking list ? right?

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.

UPDIFFED
Cheggers, she won 2 baybees, due soon
Ponymum, the one with the worst hips, due mid June
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, the ginger with the dodgy joints due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
Pandora, She's got wings, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
Honeymoo, puppy lover, due November 1
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6

I really like it when pets that are called human names. I wanted to call one of our cats Colin but our next door neighbour happened tobe a Colin and it would have been werid me standing at the back door yelling for "Colin"

regina How hot do you think the bath would have to be to boil your foofoo and your baybee? Good luck looking after a real life baybee. I haven't had a go on a real baybee since I was 21 and I have never changed a nappy.

cokie Yes, and the awful incident when Colin pooed in the other neighbour's vegetable patch could've left a black cloud hanging over the cul-de-sac!

ski seems it's her husbionie who thinks that hot baths are bad. Bless 'im, he's probably one of those wot won't bring her a glass of wine while she's soaking, either.

reg bubbly in labour sounds FAB. Even your baby-boiling-worrying DH couldn't possibly think that's a bad idea . Far too late to cause FAS!! Liking it... (Welcome again BTW )

OK girls so I'm still struggling along with "Childbirth Without Fear". Now, it's fair to say that this chappie (Dick Grantly-Read is what he was lumbered with) is NOT your modern, easy to read, put it into convenient month-by-month chapters maternity book-type. I'm on page 42 having bought it about a month ago.

"My thesis was evolved from observations by the bedside, not in the laboratory; it has been tried by clinical application to Human Beings who appeared to be suffering discomforts in childbirth".

SURELY only a bloke could describe labour thus?

However, wading through the somewhat wordy text does seem to give some really interesting stuff. I think the summary so far is, "The only thing to fear is fear itself". The pain-fear-pain cycle is what he's trying to break. He makes an excellent point - in no other aspect of animal physiology does a non-harmful event cause pain. Therefore he's looking into why labour hurts and he seems to find (and I'm only in the first pages) that pain inhibits cervical opening (adrenaline saying run, don't give birth), so the cervix is working against the contracting uterus which causes pain.

So we all know that, but, what do we do to stop it?

I'll update you when I know more...

Oh can I make a formal complaint? On the list it sounds like I hunt hippies, but last time I tried cooking them they were tough and stringy so I've given up on that.

okie I always thought that "Dave" was a fab name for a dog.

Mine's Caspar, named by the rescue centre so don't blame me. I chose him because I really wanted a border collie (as we always had them on my parents' farm of course) but would never have coped with one in the 2 1/2 bed terrace I was in at the time, but wanted something that wasn't a too small, but not too big. He's a staffie/whippet/GSD cross, medium sized, sturdy looking, proper dog. Turns out he's also a complete poof. He's allergic to nearly all kinds of meat (WTF?), all kinds of cereal, rice, so all hypoallergenic food is out... he lives on salmon and potato (fortunately one dog food manufacturer makes it).

My mate used to have a dog called Dave

carrots The Dick grantly whatever stuff forms the basis of the first few chapters of the Marie Mongan Hypnobirthing book, which comes with a CD of affirmations. I've not got to the exercises yet, but I think it all ties in. Relax. Think or say positive things, Get your breathing right and generally see birth as something to embrace rather than fear. Must be hard when you've been through it one and had a bad time, but I'm still pretty chilled and refusing to worry until I can see a good medical reason why I should.

Like poor SIL, whose blood pressure went through the roof and who is still, more than 24 hours later, waiting for a bed on a labour ward to have her induction completed. BP is exactly where it all went wrong with her first child so they are (supposedly) taking no risks. At least if they keep delaying she might not have an April Fool baby afterall...

If we are describing doggies, I have a lurcher of the collie/greyhound variety who is very, very naughty and who rolled in a heap of fox shit this morning. Otherwise she;s actually quite cuddly and gorgeous.

curly WTF? They have no beds? Where in the world is she based? Your dog iz the badness right now curly! She'll calm down once she can sit undernearth that highchair catching "spillage"!

Jeez cas your poor SIL

Actually, I'm not at all worried about labour. I mean, all that really went wrong was a crappy home MW who refused to support a HB, and then hospital was obviously horrible. The actual labour was fine and mostly I did it how I wanted, albeit with a fight against the system. What you say is totally right, and I'm trying to read this book to see what he has to say about the ways to actually reduce labour pain. Last time it did hurt a lot, and while I am not in fear of that as such, when it happens I know I'll need coping strategies and learning as much as poss makes sense, I feel. I know one MW who claimed that after 2 painful labours she had 2 pain-free ones having read this book.

Well, I can dream!

Up in Scotland, innit ski. Where the population is so spread out they have fewer consultant units, so they are busier. she's in a bed, but not on the labour ward. (on ante natal ward I think). Who knows what they'll do if the baby starts coming out anyway! Think all the snow and chaos means they're not sending as many back home etc, or they are going in sooner. Hospital covers both urban and rural areas.

so glad we have so many MW units in this county. They said last night that they never really get jam packed (there was noone there last night) and the MW we saw had, for example, never had to refuse a waterbirth because pool was in use. And we get all that aftercare seen by a few of you as something from the olden days. The set-up here has been held up as best practice. it's all v comforting.

rots I know it's not the same, but I started off in a private room when I had surgery a few years back and it was the most lonely, emotional draining experience. Not seeing anyone for hours on end. Getting no breakfast (before surgery) but then sitting there starving for hours until the porters finally show up and say "oh there you are!" and take you to theatre. Miserable times with muchos crying. Give me annoying old ladies on a busy ward over that anyday - that's what I had for my other hospital stays, and the remainder of that one. And to think you had that experience with all the bleeding AND a new baby AND a useless daddy.

I'm HOPING to be ignored a bit more this time round! Having nurses creep up on you at 5am to stick more stuff into your arm by drip when the drip needle thingie isn't in properly is fucking painful, and also disturbs your sleep which you need when you've missed 3 nights sleep already - 2 due to labour and one due to being in a bizarre wake/sleep state while coming round from GA. Constant poking and prodding, and when I drew the curtains to get a bit of peace they kept opening them because they wanted to be able to 'observe' me. PITA!

Btw I don't know where all my lochia went. I think they had a spring clean while they were in there, but bonus! No maternity pads for me!

I am not staying in hospital this time unless it's a matter of life and death. And if I have to stay I will demand a private room. If not, I'll 'do a pandora'

Horse saga alert - no need to read unless you are Ski and hoping for the next willy update - the willy is still fine btw. Big horse didn't put a foot wrong and I was so proud of him. But they don't want to buy him because they think he is too good to be true. I give up!

Talking of animal names, big horse is really called Bruce. He was called Bruce Willis when I bought him but there was no way I was having commentators saying stuff like 'now in the ring we have pandora riding Bruce Willis.' No siree!

I also have a cockerel called Mick Jagger, and the 2 fighting cocks who went last month were Bobby Charlton and Mummy's Boy. Bless them! Apparently they are now living with enough birds that they are too busy shagging to fight each other.

curly I'm with you, I don't like private rooms. I've been stuck for surgery twice in the last 5 years and had a room with 3 ladies, it was perfect. Human contact but not billions of screaming lunatics a la an NHS ward.

pandora Meh. Fecking eejits. "horse is too good", "horse is trustworthy around our 6 kids but it makes a funny noise when it eats". Pricks. hahaha re: "riding BW"!

My latest fighty documents are to be submitted to the court today, in it it's said "skihorse is about to become a single monther".

I'd forgotten about that horrible curtain-opening thing nurses do...

My neice has arrived! Hurray! She was born at around 3am today and was over 7lb despite being a couple of weeks early. Such a cutie in the photo I've been texted. Can't wait to meet her (in a month).

Hope you all have nice bank holiday plans. SFF is off doing what FFs do and earning extra moula with it being a Bank Holiday. I think I have the glamorous joys of housework to look forward to, though baby gift shopping also sounds tempting...

FFS niece. I keep typing that wrong. anyway, all that matter is she is here

Congratulations Curly on your new niece! Lovely, lovely news and a fab size!

It's not a bank holiday here today but I'm "working from home" and actually have nothing to do... so for all intents and purposes...

Had a look at my calendar yesterday and with hols and bank hols over the next couple of months I don't actually have that many days left - probably fewer than 20 that I actually have to be at the office!

ski it's fair to say I am a lover of the old monkey bath - the type where you go "aa aa ee ee" when you get in it and come out like a lobster

carrots do you think if I ask the NHS to provide the champagne on ice with a nakid butler I'd get shunned?

On the note about pain, I think I have come to terms with what it will be like due to past experience of what pain can be like at it's worst (gallstones, and arse abscess, and a surgeon inserting his index finger into my infected laproscopic incision) none of which were pleasant and each ended up me being pumped with morphine). Don't get me wrong, the pain before the opiates was all encompassing but manageable and from I have heard a gallstone attack makes labour look like a splinter.

So I'm not going to get worked up about it, as me and ski have previously discussed your body is doing what it needs to do to get the baby out, so if you accept that fact and what you'll have at the end of it all being as chilled as you can about it is the best way to go. Or, I can arrange a bong if that helps?

Fwiw, my other half's mother had a c-section under hypnosis and popped out a 10lb'er. So it's pretty amazing this mind over matter stuff.

I think cheggers is our current resident bath expert - I'm still chuckling at the thought of her spending hours in the bath with her goggles & snorkel. regina, she is expecting twins and the first one out is breech, so she's trying to turn it - her method seems to be as above!

I am actually planning to have champage ready to go in the fridge for when Julian arrives. I will send jailbait to the kitchen for bottle & glasses and then lie in bed getting smashed with a dozy look upon my face. Or there's the bong - one of the advantages of childbirth in NL I'm sure.

Ha ha. You're quickly convincing me about advantages of homebirth. (you are actually. If no.1 goes ok, I would def consider it. And yes this is coming from this twit that wanted to spend £10K on a private room with jacuzzi. I am a schizo at the best of times).

I have to say, I am (against all the fkg odds I can tell you) beginning to think I should try and do this minus the epi and not be so up for it. The more I read the more I am changing my mind. How about that rots?!

Enjoy your weekends ladies of the deli. I will mainly be cooking potted crab and salmon tart today. Followed by mini eggs and a dog walk/lie down.

honey You've got aaaaages to get your head around it all, it's not as though you have to make any firm decisions today.

Crag? Tart? eggs? dogs? ohmygod your baybee will be born with 6 legs, 2 heads and dog-allergeeeees! I bet you wash it all down wit pastis too.

Yes I know, but I'm a VIRGO! I'm already planning the contents of the 3 bags for labour.

I'm planning on a glass of crisp chardonnay actually. Now that I'm not feeling so ick anymore bring it on. Ski I know you are pretty unlucky with the whole MS thing, but did amyone else have a dip in nausea at about 10 weeks? Mine really has subsided a lot which is brilliant but also has made me go menkul and a teeny bit paranoid.

When do we get a photo of your puppy honeymoo? As for a home birth, well worth considering - there will be nobody having "beaten" you to the bath if you want to sit in it. I'm looking forward to having my early labour in the bath/watching TV/pacing around/head in the fridge etc. I'll have all the facilities I could want and the midwife (and helper) are 100% focused on me. Btw, I had a glass of chilled white at a work's do back in January and nothing has hit the spot since. I'm not a drinker but this week I've had real cravings... may need to buy a bottle. I think everyone bar me had their ms pass by 10 weeks (possible exception was Cossie).

I am just back from the shops with a navy blue babygrow with a Miffy (Musti??) logo on the front. awwwwww.

I've just spent 170 coins of the realm at the garden centre

You're just a few weeks ahead of me cunty, I've decided to grow a few things this summer to keep myself amused. I also want a chair that I can get on and off of without needing to be hauled. The word whale has been mentioned in this household.

ski is definitely MS champion. Mine lasted until 18 weeks. Every time I spoke to someone about it they would say Oh that will most likely pass by 10 weeks / 12 weeks / 14 weeks / 16 weeks etc (adjust according to one week on from where I was at the time).

I had a private room when I had my c-section, and again when I had my appendix out. I think the latter was due to the fact that I was breast feeding the foal at the time so they had to drag in the industrial milking machine so I could hook myself up four times a day - not a pretty sight for anyone.

Private room on maternity was good as it had an en suite loo which was a godsend given that I couldn't walk. The other (at a different hospital) was ghastly as the nearest loo was way down the corridor and I was in intense pain post-op. In the end they parked a commode in my room and just told me to use it when I needed to and ring the bell for it to be emptied... but they would constantly forget to empty it so it was seriously disgusting. Hated it so much. Yuck, no wonder hospitals are full of diseases.

pandy How can it be a problem if a horse is 'too good to be true'? Do they think you have drugged it? Being relatively local, surely they can get references from people who know the horse? Or do you think they just don't actually want it but won't say why? So weird - if I found a horse 'too good to be true' for me I would jump at it. (But then don't listen to me. Last time I sold a horse I lost over £5000 on it.)

Ski I've uploaded some photos especially for you all... have added you as my mumsnet mates (can't have all and sundry gazing at my dog) for the purpose. Only one I can't find is skater oddly.

Lunch was lovely but hardly long and boozy. Sleepytime now.

Cunty so tempted to head to garden centre myself. Only problem with that is that I really can't be arsed.