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Due September thread 10 - On the downhill slope...

517 replies

Kiwifruit · 11/07/2005 21:06

Here's the new thread ladies - may it be as chatty as the last 9!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Redhelen · 26/07/2005 09:12

moschops

Some men want there heads knocking together on the topic of breast feeding. Last Friday there was a lady breast feeding her small baby in Tescos whilst shopping - all was discretely done - me and dh thought is was lovely but she was getting the eye from a couple of older men who were making comments about a time and a place - needless to say one of these men was moaning about a crying toddler at the tills!

KiwiKate · 26/07/2005 09:38

Redhelen, I think you will find it great for peace of mind! Definately worth the money. If you want to check, you can see the reassuring green light flashing. I did test mine a bit (lift baby out of cot and wait for it to go off because it could not detect baby breathing) at first to make sure it was working. After that, I just relaxed (until it went off for real!) - and then after that I was even more confident that it would work if I needed it to (so relaxed again).

Moschop - I've had the opposite of you. After not being able to eat very much at all the whole pregnancy, I am suddenly STARVING!

jessysmummy · 26/07/2005 11:05

Morning all!
RZ - think some of the postees on that thread just wanted to be told that they were right in their choices and weren't really open to a discussion. Don't think it was anything personal.
Moschops - Would that strange man in your AN group eat his dinner in a toilet, I think not! I feel sorry for his DP/DW. I'm not into getting my baps out wherever and whenever the urge takes me but the poor little mites have to eat and with such frequency that if you had to be confined to the house everytime they were hungry you'd never go out.
We too put together our new pushchair last night for a little play. It's just the tandem version of our last pushchair and uses the same car seat so thankfully I know that it will go in my car just fine....if only i can remember how to do it....!!!! DD was delighted and enjoyed taking her dolls in and out of it. We had real difficulty getting her out of it - fairly sure she doesn't realise that there will shortly be a real baby in there. Bless.
And you're right KiwiKate - I hadn't even considered the "c" word if baby turns out to be a boy, which I'm fairly certain it is. DH has been "done" for medical reasons, though he thinks that his mum did it just for spite. Haven't even discussed it with him. mmmm...that'll be a nice dinner conversation when he gets back from his travels on Thursday night - yes, he's away with work again

mummyhill · 26/07/2005 13:49

Don't mind people breastfeeding in public as long as they remember to do it discreetly. I run a parent and toddler group and we have one mum who just gets her baps out in full sight of everyone and some other mums and dads have complained about it, as most of the other nursing mums manage to do it much more discreetly. Will be doing it myself I hope!!!!!!

pooka · 26/07/2005 13:58

I personally fed dd wherever and whenever she was hungry. Can be done so discreetly that it makes my blood boil when people suggest that you tkae yourself off to a separate room or loo - this even happened in my own house when a (female) friend expressed surpise that I was feeding dd in front of her husband. He honestly would not have been able to see a thing as boobs not much bigger than dd's head. Obviously from then on I made sure I went elsewhere in HER house (her house, her rules although she didn't actually say anything) although it did make me feel like a second class citizen.

Kiwifruit · 26/07/2005 14:41

Hi All

Welcome back Franch - glad that your trip went so well - at US Customs for making it so stressful at the airport!! Pedicure all booked for 2pm on the 6th August in Marylebone High St - can we leave you in charge of booking a lunch spot?

Pooka - can't believe your friend would say something like that in YOUR house !!!

Very annoyed at the moment, as my spouse visa expires next month, so have to get another one to be able to stay in the country until November, when we go home. Because they're so behind in processing, and I need my passport back in time to be able to sort out the baby's NZ citizenship, have to go for the one day processing at £500 !!! Ouch!!!

I have my first midwife appointment at UCH tomorrow - have triple checked that I have the right date and time for this one!!

We don't have a full length mirror in our house, so typically only see myself from the shoulders up (which has its advantages!!) - caught a side on view of myself in a shop window yesterday and I'm HUGE!!! And still another 9 weeks of growth to go - aaggghhh!

OP posts:
pooka · 26/07/2005 15:50

£500 That's RIDICULOUS!!!
My friend is a bit, well, prudish really. Felt like she thought I was making a play for her dh, though, when until she commented, her dh was blissfully unaware that I was feeding dd.

ych · 26/07/2005 20:00

KiwiKate - I wasn't planning on getting a monitor with a sensor but after reading your story I'm definately having second thoughts.
Franch - glad you had a good holiday. Hope your SIL is okay. Sounds like she's having a rough time of it just now.
I can't believe what that man said about breastfeeding in a toilet! I'm a bit worried about bf infront of step dad and brother in law, etc, but I know there are discreet ways of doing it. When I've went round to my friends houses and they've been bf you would never know, it just looks like they're cuddling the baby.
Someone mentioned nosebleeds last week, well I had my first one last night. Took me by surprise, not had a nosebleed since primary school!

milward · 26/07/2005 20:23

Have bf my dds everywhere in public. Better to bf than have a screaming baby. For me my kids needs come first & if anyone challenged me I'd tell them it was none of their business how I choose to parent. I think I bf descretly but don't care if this is the case or not. If a friend asked me to bf somewhere else than with everyone else at their house I would actually leave rather than be shut away.

PiccadillyCircus · 26/07/2005 20:40

I bf DS everywhere that he needed to be fed. I think I was discrete - anyway no one ever said anything and if anyone did look at me - I didn't see it.

Picked DS up from nursery this afternoon and one of his carers showed surprise that I'm not for over 7 weeks. She said I looked like I was due in about 3 weeks . Hopefully she is wrong .

KiwiKate · 26/07/2005 20:48

I didn't mean to scare people ych. But we certainly had a scare. After our experience with ds nearly everyone in our antenatal bought the Hi Sense motion sensor monitors. I don't think anyone else's went off for real, but they were glad to have them for peace of mind.

Pooka, does you friend have kids? Sounds like she is jealous because you are a mum? Or maybe she is insecure about her relationship? Or downright mean. Goodness, when you have a little baby you have more than enough to cope with.

With DS I felt a bit weird bf in front of FIL, but he was lovely. Whenever he saw me getting ready to bf he'd pop off to get me a cup of tea, or take a short walk to "fetch something from the car" (all done rather discetely, don't think anyone else noticed) until I had ds settled (DS had difficulty latching, so bf during the latching phase was not as discrete as some manage to get it). Point is that he obviously felt a bit uncomfortable, but managed the situation with dignity and respect and never once made me feel uncomfortable. I appreciated him giving us a bit of privacy especially in the first couple of weeks when it was a bit of a nightmare to get ds to latch.

Redhelen · 26/07/2005 21:29

As I have recently become very superstitious and I had a good night sleep last night.
I'm saying it again tonight:0)

Fantastic dreams and rested sleep to us all!!
Hope it works for every one! I obviously think I'm Nick Ross!

pooka · 26/07/2005 22:09

Funnily enough my friend has just had her first baby. She found it impossible to feed in public or in front of anyone, and so mixed expressed and formula bottles, she gave up because she didn't believe her baby was getting enough. She's really beating herself up about it

pooka · 26/07/2005 22:09

Obviously "funnily enough" is jsut an expression - I really feel for her.

milward · 26/07/2005 23:51

Picadilly - have had similar remarks about my size! Think that some mums at dds school will be surprised to see me still preg in sept. They kept asking how many weeks to go - looked a bit shocked when I said the end of the summer

RedZuleika · 27/07/2005 09:20

Morning morning. First whinge of the day coming up....

Had an appointment with my GP yesterday regarding (you may recall previous rantings) the continuation of my anticoagulants post-partum. I haven't seen this GP since January, having had no need to visit the doctor, or indeed been 'summoned' for monitoring etc.

No sooner had I sat down and she'd realised that I was going for a home birth with an independent midwife - and that there was a query over who was doing the neo-natal check - than she started on about how the NHS isn't set up for people to just pick the services they want, how they think they provide a perfectly good service and it causes inconvenience for everyone when people just pick out parts of the system. She didn't quite call me selfish and irresponsible and guilty of cherry-picking the NHS, but she was only fractionally away from it. For god's sake - the commitment to pay an independent midwife isn't one you take lightly - and thereby we're saving the NHS money. Isn't the government encouraging people to go privately, if they can...?

When she realised that I had received absolutely no blood monitoring (or indeed any other kind of extra monitoring) since starting the anticoagulants, she tried to say that I had 'fallen through the cracks' because of said 'cherry-picking' - which is rubbish because I last saw the consultant at 11 weeks and we didn't hire the midwife for a good 10 weeks after that. At that point I didn't know about the guidelines on both the RCOG website and in the BNF - but I'm sure they should have done at least two full blood counts during that time.

She expected me to justify why I'd chosen the course I have - telling me that of course I don't 'meet the criteria' for a home birth or a birth centre (yes - I know that - which is why I took matters into my own hands in the first place) and went on about the risk of bleeding because of the medication. Which is also rubbish because it only takes 24 hours to leave your system, so unless I go into labour at 36+1, I don't really see this as a valid argument. Apart from which - I'm happy to have a reasonable educated discussion about comparative risk, but I'm not prepared to be spoken to as though I'm some kind of irresponsible half-wit.

She then rang the local hospital to get me an appointment with the consultant to discuss the drugs post-partum and in talking about me with the sister, said my plans 'make [her] hair stand on end' (I'm sitting right here - I can hear you...), implying again that it's my fault I've not been monitored. When I remarked that the appointment clashed with my first ante-natal class, she said 'Well this is much more important'. No sh*t - I came to see you, remember...??

She finished up by reiterating that they provide a perfectly good service, that they have x thousand people passing through their doors and that they can't be expected to tailor things for every individual. This is the same woman who six months ago called midwifery services in this country 'a national scandal' and mused on why more women don't complain about it.

Anyway. I'm quite feisty, but I emerged feeling really quite angry and upset. I wasn't going to have an argument with her because I didn't think it would be a productive use of my energies - and there wasn't really the time available - but I found her attitude really quite offensive. You'd think that I was using a cowboy midwife, rather than someone who trained in the NHS and is registered with the same professional body.

Franch: it really does seem that your SIL and partner are having the kind of time that makes you wonder why you bother to get out of bed. I'm not a cat person, but I'd be distraught if anything happened to my little dog (he's not even 11 months yet, but I can be reduced to tears at the thought that one day he will grow old and die...). Hopefully the tests will throw up something comparatively simple to resolve. In the interim, I took advantage of doing things I wouldn't have been able to do whilst duffed: drinking wine, eating blue cheese etc. I also took quite a lot of tension out on unsuspecting workmen we had around at the time: quite good at their jobs when they actually did some work between fag breaks. They probably thought I was a psychotic control freak - but at least by the end of the week they were putting in a full day's work. Better than therapy... .

KiwiKate: your FIL sounds like my father. I can imagine that - faced with the possibility of his daughter's breasts - he'll find reasons to do the garden, or hide behind a newspaper.

RedZuleika · 27/07/2005 09:21

Oooo - that was a long one.

pooka · 27/07/2005 11:00

Oh poor you RZ. I take my hat off to you though for being so well-informed and for not just following the prescribed route having got the information you need.
I'm feeling really tired today having had another sleepless night. Have booked a hypnobirthing session for tomorrow morning, for chat and hypnosis and then will have another session next week. All came about because at yoga last night the hypnotherapist came to advocate hypnobirthing and it just sounded so amzingly fantastic that I couldn't stop thinking about it. Am feeling slightly dubious/slightly sceptical as usually find even the relaxation sessions at yoga not that helpful - my mind races and I really don't seem to relax, just end up thinking of all the things I have to do the next day, what the baby will sleep in, what I'm going to have to eat when I get home etc. Really hope it works.

LadyLazarus · 27/07/2005 11:09

RZ - that sounds horrendous! You'd think GP's in this day and age would be open to a woman's wishes wouldn't you?

Pooka - I am using hypnobirthing CDs at home, and I find it does help me relax, if nothing else. I do feel more confident and chilled-out about the prospect of labour, birth, etc, but I guess I'll only know if it's helped when the proverbial hits the fan, so to speak!

LadyLazarus · 27/07/2005 11:10

Hope Boompi's ok, just noticed she hasn't posted since Friday...

RedZuleika · 27/07/2005 11:32

Thanks. You'd think she'd respect the fact that I'm reasonably well informed and didn't just swan in in a haze of patchouli whiffling on about home birth and my yoni opening like a lotus blossom...

Thing is - I respect the training and experience of the medical profession, but they're not infallible. My brother-in-law died of an entirely preventable DVT because some fool stopped his warfarin and didn't do any monitoring, even though he'd experienced a previous DVT. My father-in-law similarly experienced DVT due to insufficient anticoagulants and no monitoring - even though he kept asking for them; he was dying of cancer at the time, but an embolism would have finished him off sooner. My aunt, with a previous history of breast cancer, was sent away and told to take evening primrose oil when she presented at the GPs with a second lump.

I could go on. I just think that one has a duty to oneself to question medical advice - but it's bloody hard work.

sarahhal · 27/07/2005 11:51

RZ - it's unbelievable that some so called professionals can be so bloody unprofessional isn't it? You'd think that they'd be pleased to deal with somone obviously so well informed.

Whilst I'm not having a home birth, I have chosen to have the baby in a hospital "out of area".We are actually smack bang in the middle of two authorities and my GP is in a different area to the hospital where I am having the baby. As a result it's always made clear to me at appointments that it's inconvenient for them. There seems to be no communication between anyone - still haven't had the results from the bloods I had taken at about 13 weeks which is ridiculous. When I was pregnant last time I was nearly too late for the triple test as my notes were floating round in no man's land.

Grrr...let's wait until there are no available beds for us all to deliver in September for us to really start!!!

Boompi · 27/07/2005 12:20

Im here Lady L! Thanks for concern Reading posts but trying to not spend too much time on MN as have lots of work to finish.
Now that I am on annual leave I have been trying very hard to get my research data completed before I reach 37 weeks (in 18 days ). My mum was 3 weeks early with my brother and I and all this stuff has to be done before baby arrives. A lot of it is entering data into a computer stats programme - mindnumbing - which has crashed and Ive lost loads of work. Normally would upset me but now has floored me!! This has happened before, even though I 'save' every 10 min or so. I just dont see the point in redoing it as I cant back up every 10 min therefore what is stopping it from recurring a third time?. I have so much to do and no motivation.

Franch - glad your trip went smoothly bar US customs. Really looking forward to a pedicure!

Have really started to put on weight - 4 kg in last 3.5 weeks Hope baby isnt getting much bigger than was at last scan! Maybe its fluid retention(she says optimistically)

Boompi · 27/07/2005 12:21

overuse of smileys indicative of mood!

Kiwifruit · 27/07/2005 13:24

Hey Boompi - I was starting to wonder what had happened to you too! Commisserations r.e. the stats - I remember how frustrating that part of my thesis was!! I still haven't been weighed, and am too scared to get on the scales at home (they don't work anyway - battery is flat ). Have my first appointment at UCH this afternoon and am really hoping tha they don't ask me to step on the scales...

OP posts: