Due September thread 10 - On the downhill slope...

[Kiwifruit]

Here's the new thread ladies - may it be as chatty as the last 9!!

Mummyhill - no school dinners at ds2's school. ds1 tried them for half a term but came home hungry and grumpy - don't think I could stand this in Sept.
Boompi - save yourself some time and money and don't read any baby books (buy a good novel instead....) IMO, anyone who says Gina Ford worked for their baby would have had an easy baby anyway!! Anyone I have spoken to who tried it just got v stressed about making baby fit her timetables. Life is too short to spend clock-watching!! Esp with no1, I would just go with the flow and get to know your baby your way. Having said all that, I had no experience with babies when I had ds1 (and was frankly terrified of them!!) and would have been very tempted by any sort of instruction guide!! Trouble is, babies can't read

Have a look in the archive re. GF, Boompi - it's kind of been done to death and you'll probably get a lot of facetious remarks if you rake it up again ... The answer is yes, there is definitely some useful info in there, as long as you take her horror stories about what will happen if you don't adhere to her routines to the letter with a HUGE pinch of salt. There are people who swear by it but they all tend to be capable of leaving their babies to cry (apologies to anyone who's an exception to this) - you'll find out in due course if you're able to do this but if you do an internet search on controlled crying you'll find plenty of evidence about the psychological harm it does if practised on very young babies - I don't think GF makes it clear that it shouldn't be attempted before about 6 months. (After that age it's generally agreed to be highly effective but very, very hard.)

My suspicion is that if you don't think you're a Gina Ford type, you're not! By all means take a look but read a good antidote as well - Baby Whisperer and/or The No-Cry Sleep Solution (Elizabeth Pantley). Both are much gentler and move away from the arbitrary obsession with a certain number of hours' sleep at certain hours of the day and night.

If there are any GF devotees on this thread, I hope I haven't started anything .......

andif, totally agree with what you say, esp re. the clockwatching and the fact that good sleepers / easy babies are to a huge extent born not made ...

boompi - I think the main thing with GF is to take what you want from the book and fit it in with the way that you live. I read it with ds1 and took some things out of it, but didn't stick to any of her routines as such - definatley didn't stay so that baby could sleep in his own bed.
I have been lucky in that both boys have slept / fed really well, and have been very laid back babies - am hoping that this one follows the same pattern as not sure what I'd do with a baby that cried a lot and didn't sleep much!

Apologies for raking up a overdone subject! I'm sure the GF issue has been covered loads - but I never seem to find useful links when I do search (on anything). Well TBH always find loads of links but have to scroll through lots of posts to find subject - and often cant see it! IT skills never been a strong point!! Any tips on searching archives greatly appreciated.

The myth that GF peddles, I think, is that if you don't 'train' your baby into certain habits, s/he will turn into the Baby From Hell. In fact, what I discovered is that (surprise surprise) pretty much all babies find their own routines with time, and probably the most stress-free way is to slowly and gently 'nudge' their natural tendencies in whatever direction makes sense to you. E.g. if they're reluctant to sleep in their cot, just find different ways that make it easier for them and then simply give up for a while and try again later if they really hate it. You'll be amazed to find that they might suddenly take to it without a murmur a few weeks later, with no effort on your part. 'Start as you mean to go on' doesn't really apply much with babies and leads to a very hard life, not an easier one as GF claims.

Boompi - on archives, search the thread subject title not the texts of the posts - if you get every thread that mentions GF somewhere in the course of the discussion, you'll be reading for days. Does that help at all?

Milward! It hadn't even occurred to me that it was possible to be mobile while BF'ing!! Not something I've ever seen anyone else do, so much respect to you!

Moschops - shame about your hospital tour. There was no booking for ours, you just turned up. Maybe try to 'tag along' with the next one, and say you did book (I'd be surprised if they actually turn people away who have bothered to turn up, and perhaps some others who have booked might not show up anyway), and if the worst comes to the worst ask them if they have any more tours scheduled. I could have lived without doing it, it just gave me an idea of what to expect (first baby and all!).

Boompi - As everyone else has said don't worry about a book go with the flow, I didn't bother with any of the books till DD was 2 when she really started playing up at which point the health visitor suggested toddler tamming by Dr Christopher Green. I read it, took away the usefull bits and discarded the rest. Don't bother buying the books borrow them from the library or borrow off friends who have children. You will get tons of advice from well meaning people as well as you go along. Again please use what advice you can otherwise if it doesn't feel comfy with you just nod and say thank you and go your own sweet way anyway. Don't try to please everyone else just make sure that you and the baby are happy with what you are doing you are the ones that matter the most.

I listened to all the advice and struggled thinking i had to keep my mum and mum in law happy and just ended up really miserable feeling that i was a useless parent until the health visitor and gp stepped in and put me on anti depressants and explained to me that I wasn't a bad parent that i did not have to keep everyone else happy as long as i was comfy and baby was thriving it didn't matter what other people think you should be doing.

I think i will be much more laid back this time I made my mistakes first time round. But DD has not suffered from those mistakes and neither has anyone else. Go with your own instincts you will be fine. You have a good support network here on mn and hopefully you will get a health visitor as good as mine who has already got children and does not expect you to do everything by the text book!!

Good tip re search Franch! Was always searching 'current messages' and 'text' which was very un-user friendly IMO!
Ta!
Thanks for all other advice. Think I will avoid GF and go with flow... Well maybe sneaky peak at Baby Whisperer before Sept!! And I do have lots of novels stacked up next to my bed as realise this may be my last chance to read them. Roll on Mat leave!

I haven't read any baby books, but I did read a newspaper article a while ago which suggested that Dr Spock was worth a look. I chuckled to myself, because this was what my mother had in the early '70s - but apparently he's been updated for the 21st century. And the main advantage - according to the paper - was that he very much DOESN'T make mothers feel like they've failed because they don't have the perfect content little baby.

Ooo. That was a long one...
As I mentioned before, I don't really have any experience with babies, but I do have a reasonable amount with dogs. I took this particular beastie (now ten months old) to some 'taster' training classes at the vets when he was about three months old and really couldn't help feeling that the trainer was talking out of her lower orifice. She was trying to get the puppies to do the same things, regardless of breed: for example, the well-behaved puppy will bring you his toy and drop it at your feet. I have a terrier. It's not fun unless he can take the toy, shake it by the neck until dead, then play a lengthy tuggy game with you holding one end and him the other. He's bred to be a ratter / rabbiter - what else is he going to do?? If you want him to drop the toy at your feet, you should have bought a gun dog.

I've also found that lots of people, including the vet, the groomer and people I've met walking him, are full of good ideas about what I should do with him. 'You haven't had him castrated?!?!' (imagine look of horror on random by-passer's face) 'And with a baby on the way???!'

I do have some concerns about doggie jealousy when the peanut turns up, but he is a lovely, cuddly, affectionate dog - with whom I've spent quite a lot of time working on bite inhibition. I don't think the fact that he's going through adolescence and rather given to humping the odd leg is a good enough reason to remove his mojo. He'll grow out of it.

Anyway. Rant over. I know this isn't entirely relevant to the baby issue, but it does give me a reasonable idea of what to expect. If complete strangers can tell me what I should be doing with a dog (particularly when I'm paying them to provide me with a service), how much more are people going to burden me with advice when it's a baby?? I think the best thing is to listen to everyone, filter it through one's gut instinct and do what feels right, refusing to be bullied.

Btw - I've earmarked 'Don Quixote' to read before September... don't ask me why.

Oops. The 'Ooo. That was a long one...' was meant to go at the END of that message.

Blimey
Everyone has been so busy today!

I've been to the mid wife (everything seems ok!) and resting! Tomorrow going to first antinatal (missed last weeks - got the time wrong!)

I'm going to try not to read any more books or pregnancy mags - read in a mag just now that 40% of mums feel indifferent to their newborn babies just after the birth - made me angry -Ok its ok to be warned that bonding may take longer - but the whole tone of this article was negative!

Great respect milward for your bfeeding wizzardary!! Take care all xx

RZ - my mum is a Dr Spock devotee and recently bought the updated version - I had a peek (of course) and his philosophy on routines etc. is pretty much what I said earlier about kind of going with the flow and gently easing things in the direction of what suits you best, without distressing yourself or the baby in the process. I found that - and his general trust in mothers' instincts (famously, "You know more than you think you do") - comforting. The one thing I don't like about the Baby Whisperer is her phrase 'accidental parenting' (a bad thing, in her eyes), which as far as I could tell was the same thing as instinctive (ie book-free!) parenting.

Just to say that I had to bf & run after my others as I had no option. I also co-slept & this saved me as I could bf & sleep.

I've not got any family nearby to help or that can come & visit at short notice (my mil has been very ill so my fil looks after her, my mother has mental probs & doesn't talk to me any more & my sister has a very busy career for which I give my full support for) plus my dh works long hours. I have two friends living in the same area that can help out sometimes - but they have their own kids & one often has her dh working away from home so it's tough for her too. They will be on standby though to look after my kids when #4 decides it's time to be born.

Just struck me today the mountain of work ahead. Happy for this but at the same time just worried about how I'll actually manage. Think it funny in a way that the only rest I'll get is in hospital after giving birth - what a thing to have to go through just to be able to stay in bed & rest for awhile.

Hi all. I am amazed by how much of little babies I've forgotten. I'd forgotten about one-armed breastfeeding while cooking. I'd forgotten about Gina Ford (thank god - felt huely inadequae when realised that I simply could NOT nor would not get up at 7am to have tea and toast while expressing before waking baby at promptly 7.26am or whatever). I've even forgotten, to a certain extent, the amount of night waking and just general disorientation of the first few weeks. At the time, I wished it would end, but now, 2 years on (my baby is 2 tomorrow!!!) I feel sad that I wished it away.
Am really looking forward to breastfeeding again. But not sure whether the experience will be as postive while juggling dd's lengthy needs. Worry about how much my priorties will shift from dd, who at the moment is the apple (hell no the whole fruit salad) of my eye, to the new babe.
We shall see.........
All going well here. No anitbodies in blood test so glad I didn't have the anit-d. Iron OK ish. And have recovered finally from sheer exhaustion of motorail journey back from s.france. Actually went to yoga last night and have bought second hand homeopathic birth kit from friend there who has recently graduated with a darling gorgeous baby boy. Not sure how much it'll actually work, but rather like the idea of having pills to take as a placebo if nothing else!

Found the new thread .

Franch, I'm really sorry for your SIL. I can't imagine how horrible it must be for her.

I am not at work today as I have no energy, can't face the commute into London etc. I will try and do some productive working from home, but am mainly focussing on the fact that I stop work next Friday .

This baby is doing lots of moving as always but so did DS so I'm used to it.

I keep wondering how I am going to manage with two children under two, but I will I am sure. Although there will probably be more than a few tears (on all sides) I am also sure.

Got a card from one of my friends saying she's just had a little baby girl. As I didn't know she was pregnant (she does live 200 miles away) that was a surprise . She has a DS who is 2 months older than my DS so the age gaps will be pretty similar.

On a completely different note I decided to try attacking the forest of hair I had down there, while I could still see it a bit. A combination of nail scissors and Immac means I now have less hair. DH did somment that it wasn't quite symmetrical but agreed that with a large bump in the way, probably it wasn't that surprising .

I would injure neck if tried to do own bikini line! Bought a mini electric razor specifically for down below and let DH do it. Not too bad, quite neat - better than the job he did on my toenails

There's been another baby born on the August thread . I hope we all have a little longer to go though.

I do my heparin injections just on the thigh side of my bikini line (doesn't hurt there, for some reason), but as the bump grows, it's becoming less of a controlled injection and more of a 'stick it in and hope for the best' pin cushion approach. Apologies to those needle phobics out there.

Feeling very weepy today, for some reason. Had a dream last night in which I'd already had the peanut, but couldn't remember any of it - and didn't know what gender it was when asked.

Not feeling positive today! Fed up with hardly sleeping then having to face the day ahead. Worst problems seem to be heartburn and cramp/busy legs - any tips? (sure we've been there and done that but too tired to search) Can you O/D on Gaviscon?! Can't believe still 9 weeks of this (at least...)
Boompi, was also going to get dh to do toenails - just managed to get old varnish off on my own, but don't like chances of putting new on! The forest of hair down there has been left to its own devices - can't face itchiness of post shave regrowth, and not sure about safety of immac! Thrush also seems to be on its way back, just to add to the party! Thinking of trying homeopath now - anyone had any luck with homeopath and thrush?!

My hubby refuses to do even my toenails (let alone my bikini line)! My feet aren't that bad surely!

I went to the GP today, and I have put on 4kgs in the last month alone! Also had a trace of glucose in the urine (although as far as I know glucose tolerance test was fine), so have to ease up on the cheesecake and fruit for the next 2 weeks. At least I can still console myself with cheddar cheese!

Can homeopathy really help a lot in labour? Is it possible to just buy a 'birth kit' of stuff you need, or do you really need to see a practitioner?

Contemplating going to look at cots today, but it's a bit too hot to go anywhere near the car at the moment! I am nice and comfortable in front of the fan here!

andif - I know what you mean about feeling fed up with not sleeping. I have been up since 6am, went to bed reasonably early but just couldn't sleep for a couple of hours due to not being able to get comfy. I can't imagine having to look after other kids and feeling shattered at the same time, so you have my full sympathy!

LadyL - can def get birth kit. I spoke to homeopath this am and she says can easily help and will give me a labour kit too. Not sure if you can buy one without a consultation though as it may be tailored to you. Will report back next week after appt (there goes another £45 - this pg lark is getting expensive!)
I shouldn't moan, as I don't have to look after the kids all day while they're at school, but the hot walk to school and back is getting longer and longer, and I feel so grumpy by the end of the day! - yesterday ds2 and a friend completely trashed his room, and I completely lost it. I'm def getting that nesting feeling of wanting the whole house clean, tidy and sorted (ha, ha, fat chance!)