Due March 2010 - do I look pregnant yet or just fat?

[annamama]

... starting a new thread as the old one was running out of space ...

Boys are fab Pacific and they won't be as hormonal in teens hopefully. I will certainly get my money's worth from the Brio!

Manga- not too sure about brother's friends thing as a positive!- I will ensure DD does not have a boyfriend until she is at least 18!

Happy birthday Walnut. A bit jealous of the 29 thing, I was 30 this year and a bit loathed to leave my 20s behind!

On subject of prams etc, we don't actually need anything but it would be nice as our stuff is looking very worn now. The pushchair wheels have actually lost their tread! But I too keep repeating- I MUST NOT BUY ANYTHING!

Good luck to everyone with 16 week cheeks and 20 week scans and if anyone else finds out sex and wants to share- I would love to know!

Morning all

Is it just me or does October = freezing cold all of a sudden??

Belated birthday greetings to walnut and BPM!

And congrats to all those who already know what they're having, including Pacific - 4 boys, wowser!

Still struggling with the finding out/not finding out dilemma here.

we've decided not to find out. I have two boys so can live with the fantasy of a girl for mjust that little bit longer!

Dear all

really sorry I only post from time to tiem - work's really hectic at the mo and by the time I get in I can't trust myself to be coherent enough to post!

However happy birthday walnut and BPM - hope your birthday celebrations last all week!

BPM - how's the house stuff going? Ours has moved frighteningly fast adn we're now supposed to be completing and moving at the end of October. Great in loads of ways but, eeeeek, haven't even thought about packing yet!

Sorry to all of you with colds and coughs. I was a bit ropey last weekend but seem to have shaken it off. I found lemon and honey did they trick and I really hardly missed the whisky.

I'm looking forward to 20 week scan in a couple of weeks and now booked in with home birth midwife who I'll see for the first time on the same day. Anyone else hoping for a home birth?

Must be better at posting as I love reading all your posts - keeps me sane!

No time to spell check so fingers crossed.

x

Heh, its funny you should mention homebirth rebecca as when I was booking in and going through the 'previous births' part with the midwife, when she realised I'd had birth one Five hours 15 mins labour, only pethidine for pain relief and no assistance/stitches followed by birth two 1 hour 40 mins labour, again pethidine only, no assistance/stitches, she looked up and very hopefully said 'ooh, maybe you should have a homebrth this time?'

I instantly put the kibosh on it by relaying I live in a tiny flat and there just isn't room.

I swear her face fell. I think she wanted it

I hope to use the midwife led birthing centre attached to, rather than the actual delivery suite at the hospital. I think I fancy those birthing pools although not sure about delivering in the water.

Also slightly envious of you guys who are chanting your must not buy any baby gear mantra... with 12 years between this one and my youngest, I have NOTHING and so need EVERTHING. At least with experience I now know the 'everything' doesn't really include a load of bumpf they try to palm off on first time mums as 'essential'... 'This wipe warmer, only £50, is essential to the well being of your precious baby's bottom. No new born likes a cold wipe on their derierre so avoid the tears and screaming if you love them - be sure to buy this essential piece of kit, or else, quite frankly, you're a bit negligent really, aren't you?' Oh, puh-lease. Actually, even as a first timer I relised a lot of this stuff was a gimmicky waste of money (not to mention first time around I didn't really have any spare cash and must be careful this time now that I am more financially comfortable to not fall for their twisted marketing).

ANyway, what I really meant to say instead of that mini rant is I won't be buying anything until my anomaly scan on 27th October wen I SHALL be finding out the sex (baby willing to show the goods, that is). then I shall go into a shopping frenzy start.

Hope everyone is feeling as well as can be (pelvic floors notwithstanding ) and have a great trip annamama

Hello everyone,

I guess it's my turn to be sick. In bed now, but too afraid to fall asleep in case I suffocate. My nose is completely plugged up, my throat hurts and I am feeling sorry for myself. I just hope I will feel better enough to get on that plane Sunday morning and fly to Greece.

Becky congratulations on your wonderful news! Wow, another boy!

Walnut, happy belated birthday! Hope you had a great day...

On the MW front, I saw mine yesterday and have another appoint booked in 5 weeks, once I've my scan results. It was another quickie appoint, she did a urine test, checked my blood pressure, and asked if I had any questions. She didn't listen to the heartbeat because she said at this stage it's very erratic. Just asked if I've already felt movements. Which I have

Thanks for the clothing/shopping advice. Once I'm able to get out of the house, I'll check it out. I am desperate for a maternity swimsuit and obviously I can't send DH out to get one for me.

Apparently our babies are supposed to start hearing our voices now (at 17 weeks). I keep talking to mine all the time. Only not in public.

Hope everyone is feeling better than me at the mo.

rebecca - your house stuff sounds brilliant - uou'll be moved and detlled before Christmas

Ours is still on the market - we dropped the price significantly (we were taking the piss - but hey ho, worth a shot!) so hopefully will get an offer soon.

We're just a littel desperate as have found a house we really like. I culd walk to school and to work and it is on the outskirts of a lovely village - perfect.

I'm so sorry that you're going throguh this at what should be a wonderful time.

Really focus on what an absolute shite he is and absolutely outrageous comments regarding disability. Move on.

You can get thgouh this without him - it doesn't sound like he will support you through pregnany so cut him out. You can decide his involvement with the baby at a later date when you are not so raw and vulnerable.

Alll IMHO...

Oh, IWCAS, I just read your post and for you. What kind of emotional f*ckwittage is he playing at?!? It's so not what you need right now (actually, at all come to that). But you know that, I'm sure. Do you have parents, friends, siblings close by who can be your support? At the very least, I reckon you need a RL shoulder to cry on tonight and maybe share some chocolate with. (I have some Green & Blacks right here: would you like a virtual piece?)

itwascertainly of course you are upset - it's unforgiveable what he said.

Do remember though that when men are feeling threatened, guilty adn defensive their repsonse is often to hit out. The appointment probably reinforced to him what you're going through adn how crap he's being and he had a big cowardly reaction.

Think carefully about whether you want him at future appointments - if he's not being supportive take someone else along with you so as not to let him ruin all these important milestones.

I'm sure he doesn't mean what he says about disability, but if he does you and your bean are better off far, far away from him.

BPM am sending good vibes to house buyers in your area: you will buy BPM's house, you will buy BPM's house...

Manda sounds like you've got a good plan for the birth. My midwife suggested it to me too and I said no at first, but have been doing lots of reading up and am now very keen.

Can't recommend Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth enough. Really amazing whatever kind of birth you are planning - the first half has positive borth stories and teh second is quite scientific about how she gets these amazing results of hardly any caesareans and forceps deliveries. Made me feel quite 'empowered'. Weird as I'm the least hippy-ish person I know! There was an article about her in the Guardian on Sat (m.guardian.co.uk/ms/p/gmg/op/view.m?id=190160&tid=120787&cat=Family) which is worth a read.

Thanks for the rec/link rebecca will take a look-see right after I do this...

IWCAS > You don't need us to say he was being totally unreasonable, actually downright evil - you're not stupid, you know that... but knowing it still doesn't stop it hurting. his 'your fault' crap would be laughable if it wasn't so difficult to hear - I mean, you did actually fall pregnant through an immaculate conception, right? Yeah, thought not. I'm so sorry.

You'll get to a point (and maybe you're there now) where you'll realise that not only is his behaviour damaging to you, but is totally ruining a time for you that is precious. You're not going to get this time again and you deserve some good memories rather than this bullshit from such an immature, selfish bloke. Moreover, he doesn't deserve to be a part of it (however much your instinct says otherwise) until he can prove himself in the supporting role he ought to be playing. Until the baby actualy arrives, your main concern is keeping YOU well, and the way he's stressing you out can hardly be good for you(or the babe for that matter). Once the baby arrives, then you can be prepared to negotiate what role he plays but until then, I seriously think you need to cut him loose for now. Perhaps your total and utter withdrawal (after perhaps an email stating the reasons why you feel this action is necessary - keep the points all 'reasonable' so that if he decides to share it with parents/whomever, it will be clear you're not a raving bitch from hell trying to make his life diffcult) will be enough to make him think twice.

Have you thought about getting some counselling (ideally he needs some too but I thnk I know that's highly unlikely not gonna happen)? Have a word with your GP and see if they have a counselling service attached to their practice or can offer you some advice.

Chin up. You're gonna make it through.

Right folks, prepare for a MASSIVE post as am working in our slightly more private office (and my line manager's on holidays - double stroke of luck for MNing )

IWCAS big ((((hugs))) to you. What an awful, horrible, spiteful way for your ex to act . No wonder you?re upset. I?m not going to try to make excuses for him, as quite frankly as the pregnant one (with enough anxiety about things like high risk of downs etc) he should be manning up to help you through, at least by handling discussions like these in a more I agree with the others that you should reconsider his involvement in your antenatal care and focus on yourself, and your baby, as you don?t need to be dealing with his sht during all this (like you don?t have enough on your plate). Good advice from Manda* about the reasonable email (feel free to run phrases past us if you?d like some help with tone/wording)

Rebecca yay for Ina May! Am also planning a home birth and am loving her guide to childbirth?I dip in and out of it and find it quite inspirational. A friend told me about the Guardian article, so I?ve already read it (the joy of the internet as I hadn?t seen it because of my holiday). I?m not anti-hospital birth, but I live so close that if need be I can transfer in quickly (and ideally use their lovely new birthing centre).

Iwonka hope you feel better soon ? horrible being sick?still, hopefully you?ll be on the road to recovery by the time you get to Greece (and avoid the ?getting sick on holiday? syndrome that seems to plague me!). PS I also talk to my baby (and read out loud to it ). I?ve actually talked to it in my head for ages but now it can hear I?m able to do it out loud (only at home though ). I?ve also wanted to go to some of those knitting groups in London (haven?t knitted since I was about 13). So if you ever fancy it then we could have a mini knitting meet-up!

Manda wow at your speedy deliveries! Bit of from me (I hope I have a short birth but doubt I will!). The birthing centre sounds lovely.

BPM hope you get an offer on your house soon (and that you can buy the one you like). Some more vibes coming to housebuyers in your area ? ?look into my eyes, not around my eyes?when you come around you will buy BPM?s house? done in best Little Britain style

Becky hurrah for another boy! Your lucky DD having so many brothers (I have 3 brothers too).

Hecklephone I was actually red faced and panting by the time I made it into work today as was sweating away in my big winter coat ? it?s definitely colder but not cold enough for my winter coat yet I reckon. Since my jackets are too small now I?ll have to make layering my friend or risk melting on the tube or something!

Annamama Tis great to have someone else married to a Jersey boy. What part of Florida have your in-laws moved to? Oh and enjoy Sweden! Though hope your flu/cough clears up soon.

Pacific had to look up that nest thingy?now I?d like one too . Hope you enjoy having your parents around.

Sariska Hummingbird book?yum . Just had some cake at work?

Mumbot god, I hadn?t even twigged that the Jan sales would be a good time to buy baby stuff

Pixie can?t wait to hear how your scan goes ? very exciting . And happy knitting . I?d love to get back into knitting, haven?t knitted since I was a kid?

MiniC er, since when did half a stone have no impact on BMI? Er, what?s with the reluctance to change your due date? Sounds a bit iffy to me

Walnut belated happy birthday for yesterday! Hope you had a great time. I turned 32 while on holidays but keep forgetting and saying I?m still 31 . I?m blaming pregnesia?

EmLou glad you?re back?though sorry to hear you?re not feeling too reassured. Anxiety is quite normal, and I think not feeling a baby move this early is pretty normal, even for a second pregnancy.

Hey DrSkid . Sorry to hear you've also had back pain in pregnancy (the sciatica's given me a new found sympathy for back painer sufferers) and thanks for the tips. I'm a bit rubbish at sitting up straight, even with our fancy chairs at work . The sciatica's flared up again so am sitting as though I have a book on my head (feel like one of those old-time gals who practiced with books!). Good luck for tomorrow ? let us know what you?re having (very exciting!).

P&P so sorry to hear about falling down the stairs ? what a horrible thing for you and your DD (must have been frightening?though am glad you?re both OK). And even more horrible about the SPD. I really hope it settles down (((hugs)))

MummyElk imagine if you went into labour on your birthday!

So hope I mentioned everyone ? apologies if I missed you off . And waves to everyone else .

Things fine with me, bar the sciatica. It?s really lovely to hear whether people are having boys or girls ? we?ll have to start updating the list to include it. It makes it easier for me not to find out IYKWIM ? I can be happy for everyone but also looking forward to a surprise of my own . Also really interesting to hear about baby stuff?our flat is tiny so am hoping to keep a lid on things that way. But it?s lovely to browse and make lists of what we need. I?m finding MN to be a great way of seeing what?s needed rather than what companies tell you you need (although it?s even more interesting to see that what one woman thinks is useful tat another woman thinks is indispensible!).

Yes, it's good to have the chance to MN during the day, isn't it Caitni! I'm working from home today and, frankly, am using it to MN have an easier day after a pretty horrendous couple of weeks.

On the subject of birth plans (early days though it is): I'm not planning a home birth but am hoping to go to a birthing centre because of the one-to-one midwife care you generally get, the more "private" environment and because, where I am, it offers the best chance of a birthing pool being available. (I laboured in water last time and it was just fantastic.)

This birthing centre is "attached" to my local hospital, which is where you are transferred if anything goes wrong. The only trouble is that the hospital and birthing centre are 19 miles apart. I think I'm OK with that. I experienced the whole ambulance transfer thing last time when my contractions tailed off at 9 3/4 cm dilated because baby had turned OP - and, OK, that was only a 10 minute trip (was in London in the middle of the night so luckily not too much traffic) but it has left me reassured that midwives do not generally leave transfers too late. DH is a little more worried than me, partly because of the distance involved if a transfer is necessary (even though he has been reassured by the midwife that what happened last time will not necessarily happen this time, especially if I can be persuaded to eat a little during labour and keep my blood sugar level up where it should be) and partly, I suspect, because of the hassle of getting back to collect the car if we end up in hospital. (Last time, I gave birth at 2 a.m. and once I was transferred to the post-natal ward, instead of going home to get some much needed sleep, DH had to get out to the Isle of Dogs to collect the car to avoid punitive fines/impounding.)

Anyway, bit of a ramble (sorry) but interested to know what any of you guys feel about the need to be close to a hospital - and what you would define as "close"!

Glad to have another Ina May fan Caitni- I feel like a convert to a cult and ahve to stop myself rambling on about her to strangers!

Sariska one of the reasons I'm confident about a home birth is how close we are to the hospital - I could walk there in 5 minutes if I had to (though probably not whilst in labour!!! The transfer doesn't sound too long for you and the midwives must be used to factoring that in when making decisions every single day, which must be reassuring.

PIxie - enjoy the scan tomorrow - how exciting! We were watching the BBC documentary on twins last night (another one tonight) and DH said afterwards - 'I wish we were having twins'!!!

Hello Ladies,

The way everyone supports each other on here is really touching. It makes me feel really good to be part of this, everyone is so strong but at the same time, open and honest, I feel stronger within myself reading all the posts. Just thought I'd share my feelings.

IWCAS, I certainly sympathize with your situation. You ex's behavior is just horrible and he just seems to bring you down. It's true that this is a really special time in your life, but also turbulent, and you should have people around that support you and make you feel safe. He obviously doesn't, I can't understand why he would go to the scan with you, except to make you feel bad. I really wish you all the best. Glad you have your mom to turn to. You can also always come to us to share what you're feeling. I'm sure it helps to talk about it with others rather than bottling it up. Hugs to you!

Pixie, no wonder you're excited! I would be too! Definitely let us know what you find out at the scan.

Cianti, I loved loved loved your post. I am sure people really appreciate that you remembered everyone. So kind and thoughtful. I keep talking to my baby and then listening for movements, but it does it's own thing at this point. Maybe when it's a little bigger, we'll have a more 'dynamic' conversation. Knitting is a fabulous way to relax. Where about do you live in London? Sometimes I go to this knitting meeting held at a yarn store close to Waterloo station. It's usually packed but really cozy, and people are nice. Maybe we could meet up sometime.

Sariska, I don't have any advice to you as it will be my first time, although I would say maybe wait and see how the pregnancy continues before deciding what feels like the best option. Would you mind sharing your water birth experience? I am thinking of having a water birth, but not sure if I will manage the pain of natural birth...maybe just a little scared as I'm new to this.

Overall, I'm feeling a bit better. Stayed in bed all day, now waiting for hubby to bring me some dinner.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Give her the morning off school - Life experience is a great educator. (BTW I am a teacher so not anti-school at all)

News from the Arcadie camp: DD has Hand foot and mouth and is MISERABLE with a capital MIZZ. Feel terrible for her but there's not anything I can do apart from Calpol and cuddles. She's all dribbly and sad and keeps saying that her food is hot ( which is what tipped us off - DS had and did Exactly the same thing at her age)

IWCAS In the immortal words of Hugh Grant in Love Actually: "Would you like us to have him killed? The SAS are a charming bunch. Ruthless, trained killers are just a phone call away."

And Caitni - what nothing to say to me? Humph

On the subject of home births. I had my last 3 in hospital ( through choice) and really want to be at the hospital for this one. I have a bit of a fear that I would wake the kids up and the house would be a mess!

Anyway, my births have been very quick and each time have got quicker and as we live 30 minute drive from the hospital my midwife said she would bring everything here for a homebirth just in case! This is really worrying me now as I have images of giving birth alone but for 3 screaming DCs in the background!

Not to put anyone off a homebirth. I am sure they can be great but not for me.

Evening ladies
Sorry I've been AWOL my head has been in a complete spin as my triple test came back as 'high risk' with a 1:55 risk of Downs.
I didn't have a NT so it was just the blood test that the results were based on. Anyway MW hastely arranged for amnio on Tuesday morning and I was told I'd get the results on Friday or possibly Monday which seemed like an agonising wait, especially since we have to go to a family do on Saturday and my bump is very obvious and I will no doubt get lots of baby comments from the extended in laws.
Anyway to cut a long story short the MW called late this afternoon to say that my first set of results have come back clear for Downs, Edwards and Patau so I'm hugely relieved. The second set take about 2 weeks to come back but from what I understand if the first one is okay it is very unlikely that the second one will show up a problem
Oh and I ticked the box to find out the sex as the chromosomal check will make this pretty obvious. We didn't find out with DD but I had a very strong hunch all along that she was a girl and with this one I keep wobbling, to start with I thought it was another girl but when the MS kicked in at 9 weeks I decided it must be a boy this time as I felt so different to DD.
Anyway enough about me, GL Pixie for the scan tomorrow, how exciting to see your twins and find out about the fraternal thing. Can't help you with taking DD dilema.
IWCAS - un MN like hugs to you, I can't really add anything more to what the other ladies have already said. Your ex sounds like a tosspot and like you say, it's so sad that you can barely recognise the man you obviously had such strong feelings for
Iwonka I can't find what your results were but having just gone through a scare myself you are definitely in my thoughts.
Happy holidays to those going away I'm very green.
On the topic of homebirths I can't imagine anything more scarey personally but my SIL has had 2 very good ones, I guess we are all different but I know it's just not for me at all.
My DD was a March baby (back in 2008) and I thought that the January sales would be good to get some baby things but I was very disappointed. I didn't know the sex and all the baby things in neutral were full price and only a few baby things were reduced in my experience. Mothercare is expensive in general but when they do sales they are usually quite good, I got DDs stage 1 car seat reduced but that wasn't a January sale. I found Kiddicare great for prices online with quick delivery and I bought my buggy new on ebay.
There's been loads of other stuff going on but I'll not make this post any longer.
I'll try and keep in touch more often now I feel more positive again about this pregnancy.

IWCAS big hugs to you, that's an awful reaction from him. For the sake of your little one I would avoid contact with him for a few months then get some mediated counselling so that you can discuss things without him getting irrational. Just a thought xxxx

Home births sound great but I know I'm going to have a whopper and need a gaziilion stitches again

Smac congrats on your results, I'm sure the others will be fine too. How exciting that you're finding out the sex too!

On the cold front, I am beating one through the consumption of fruit alone, eating double my own body weight in it!!

IWCAS, I am + for your. Your bloke sounds like the classic passive-aggressive manipulative type. The being all charming in front of the MW and the a total twat to you when you are on you own, grrr, really toxic headf*! I know that I know next to nothing about you, but from what you are writing please distance yourself from him. I cannot imagine him to be a loving supportive patient father - and let's face it, even with the most eventempered personality this parenting lark can test my a saints temper. Be kind to yourself and surround yourself with good people .

Caitni, how the heck do you remember what to write to whom??? I am so impressed by the completeness of your post.

Anyway, I am off, must be sociable, my mum and dad are going to be babysitting for us tomorrow night AND Saturday so it seems only right to be nice to them in the meantime .

hello, I'm back again

Smac, I totally understand what you were going through. My blood results were 1:17, but the scan was great so the combined risk was 1:548. That was at the private clinic and after I was severally freaked out by the results at the NHS hospital. I am feeling better now but not completely assured. I decided if the risk of a miscarriage with an amnio was greater than the possibility of Downs, it's not worth it. I hope my holiday will be relaxing and when I come back, I'll have the 20 week scan. Anyways, the prognosis is excellent so I am keeping positive. Thanks for your thoughts. Happy you are feeling relieved now.