Due April 2009: Episode 18 - Mumble gets married and we have triplets and twins here!!

[PuzzleRocks]

Let the ramblings commence.

Springy - maybe explain to him, that ok maybe he's not reading the thread (say this to keep the situation calm) but the reason mn is so popular, specifically this thread is that we can be so open and get things off our chests (weather we truly mean it or are just ranting) and if he does read it hes not only breaking your trust but the trust of all of the other women on the thread as we all discuss our fanjo's, bodily workings relationships etc and while he may only be interested in your stuff he's actually intruding into other peoples lives. Public forum or no. and he should have more respect for others privacy. this goes for if he has/ just thought about reading the thread.

Boffin, I HAVE told him. We were lying in bed last night & when he said what gave him away I raised my eyebrows at him (& blushed furiously!) & he was all 'what? what? what have I done?'. & I said that he knew what he'd done & he said that he didn't. So I said 'if you honestly don't know, then you've not done anything', & he claimed to be confused. So I asked 'have you been reading Mumsnet?' & he said no. I chased him around with it a bit, trying to close loopholes & say '& nobody's been telling you what I've been saying?' & so on, & he's denied it all.

& Nutty, I said all of that to him last time. & like BB, I tell him / show him bits of what we're saying when it's not personal & just funny - it's not like it's all a big mystery to him that I'm teasing him with. But he also knows that we talk about boobs & fanjos & so on, & that men aren't allowed unless it's to give an update in our absence. Never mind his individual promise to stay away!

Good advice from Nutty. Any man who could sift through all that stuff about other women's cervixes (and the rest) has 1) no shame 2) a good strong constitution!

Haha, Ju - sadly, you summed him up perfectly.

I think I might make a new AIBU thread for this so I don't take over this one & I can see what the battleaxes non-April-lovelies have to say on the matter.

Gosh I know my DH wouldn't want to go anywhere near this thread! He's seen a couple of posts when he sat next to me on the sofa and he was appalled at us discussing bjs etc.

Having said that, I also know that if he was on dadsnet I would be reading his stuff

Sorry, not helpful but Springy, is there really anything you've said on here that you wouldn't tell him to his face?

Auld and Kitty and everyone else who is having a hard time, so sorry to hear about your troubles It's really not a good time to have to deal with big life changes and redundancies but as others have said, maybe there will be a positive outcome! Fingers crossed from me. xxx

Springy if you do, leave the thread open and viewable on your laptop and just leave it and go to the loo ar for a bath for when hes around

We could always start a husband bashing thread

Yes, Schulte. There is stuff here that I wouldn't say to his face. I would never bitch about his mum in such a way to his face, because it's not fair to do that to him. She's not that horrific (not like Nutty's MIL, for example), but we seemingly just don't get on, despite my best efforts. I hate to think that he'd be caught in the middle of a really awkward situation with me & his mum because I can't keep my mouth shut about how I feel about her - so I say things here to get it off my chest so I can be more neutral for his benefit. I don't keep quiet about everything, obviously. He knows how I feel to a great extent, but there are some things that I just keep away from him.

& I've spoken very openly here about his problems over the last few months (because they were becoming my problems & I thought I was going to have to be a single mother from the off, for quite a while) & I wouldn't have wanted him to know at this point how openly he was discussed, but I referenced that yesterday too in the same conversation.

There are lots of things that I say here that I wouldn't really want him to know - down to the less attractive aspects of pregnancy, even. He knows that there's Anusol in the bathroom cabinet (how many times can I bring that up in 24 hours? ) but I don't talk to him about my piles! Whereas here I feel more able to, because I don't expect any of you to want to have sex with me.

There are lots of reasons why I don't want him reading what I say here & even more reasons why I don't want to be married to somebody who can lie to my face like that after breaking an explicit promise

Oh dear, I've come to say 'hi' during a break and see things are not going well for some

What stresses we are all going through lately.

Hopeful lost jobs will mean exciting and new opportunities for us all aye? Though it's hard to be positive sometimes.

And Springy, trust is the point isn't it? One needs to be able to trust ones partner and you're feeling you cannot.

Springy I suppose what you need to do is figure out what would help you feel like you can trust him...and then tell him. Have you said that you feel you cannot trust him? In those exact words? And have you clearly said how that makes you feel lonely and insecure and anxious? (I've not caught up entirely yet so I'm not sure if you touch on these things later)

Exactly, Bleu. & I don't know why he won't just own up to it

Off to MW now - back in about half an hour xx

Springy I can see why this makes you sad and angry... not sure what advice to offer other than having a very open conversation with him, which I gather you have already done anyway.

Would anyone like to recieve a figleaves £5 off voucher for undies--maybe to go for a new nursing bra? (I'd need your email to sign you up and then you'd be getting mail from them...I get maybe one email a month so it's not too bad)

Well Springy, if he has been reading the thread, and sees what you have written about the issue here, I think you make it very clear why you feel MN is a place you wish to express things without him knowing, and why you feel upset about the way he has handled it. Hopefully it will be enough to prompt him to step away; whether he chooses to let you know that yes, he had been on here but will not do so in the future, or to slip away without mentioning it, will then but up to him. It would be nice if he felt able to admit to you that you were right, explain why he did it (most men must be fascinated by what goes on in our heads, and this is all great insight!!) and agree to leave you your virtual personal space. He could even let you know his computer passwords as a gesture of how much he trusts you (writing this in anticipation of him reading it? - maybe ). If he reads what you've written and continues to keep looking - well, on his head be it!

And to my DH - who knows if you read this? If you do, I'd just like to say that watching Orange County Choppers makes me want to murder people! And i hope you've noticed how tidy I've become since starting maternity leave! Look at the shiny taps in the bathroom!

If I were in your place I would sit down and say exactly how I was feeling...and truly open myself up, explain why I'm feeling the things I'm feeling (throwing in the occational justifier that I know it may be that I'm being paranoid or whatever and he's might not actually have done anything...) but truly explain why I'm worried and confused and feeling like I am. I'd say that even the hint of him breaking my trust has made me concerned and anxious because of X Y and Z. I'd say such things softly, yet firmly and circle back on them a couple of times in a slightly different way to make sure that he's truly understanding. Then, I'd sit and listen to explainations but reiterate my points, my fears, and ask what solutions we can find so solve the problems before us...

lol Ju at the last bit... shall we ALL write something to our Dhs/DPs?

I must be off again because I haven't really eaten properly yet today and I think I may need a bit of a nap too (troubled night's sleep for me too last night).
Hugs to everyone and just insert your name (and other appropriate names)into the song Cheer up Charlie from the old Willie Wonka movie. Hugs.

hi to all and sorry to hear about people and redundancies etc. dh's company is under fear of that as well at the moment. Not a great time ubt he hates working there anyway so just holding out for his redundancy package which would keep us afloat for a little bit.

I am knackered today. FInd it so hard to sleep between restless legs and heartburn and then wide awake at 5am! Also took ds swimming today. He is 2 and a total fish in the water. He loves jumping in and has no fear whatsoever. Not sure that is a good thing though but he has great fun and would stay there all day if he could.

I would go mad if I thought dh read anything I have put on mumsnet, here or threads in the past. Hope things get sorted out for those having problems with that.
But if my dh does ever read this then I have been painting and todying today and not just surfing the internet as he seems to think I sometimes do all day

Its pouring rain here, must go and get dd from school in a bit, need to boost of something to get me into the car

Afternoon all. Sorry to see people are feeling a bit down.

Springy - that's really off of your DH. I have to confess I haven't told DH about this thread. He knows I go on MN but I don't refer to it much, preferring to keep it as 'my place'. (Plus I may need to bitch about my MIL from time to time too!)

Oh dear - DH is disassembling kitchen.

Ju that doesn't sound good

Springy, I agree that you need to sort out DH's spying, if that is what he is doing. I imagine he'd be p'd off if you listened in to his phone calls with mates; this is just the same, as MN is a space where you feel you can vent freely and frankly without it affecting your relationship with him.

Have just eaten a whole packet of biscuits, robotically and mechanically. Am now feeling sick.

Was wondering about returning to the island where we lived before moving here, but then I looked at the local paper and I see the riots that were happening in Guadeloupe and Martinique have spread there, too. Not sure this is ideal...!

Wow - Auld - you lived out there. How phenomenal. Although I would agree that it doesn't look like you ought to move back just now.

How about New Caledonia? A friend of mine lives there and it truly sounds like paradise.