Due May 2009 We're Nesting and Napping, Squeezing and Holding

[FiKelly]

here we go

To be honest that is what's happened with my sister's 2nd child. Her DD1 was the 1st grandchild in our family so there was HUGE excitement. 2 years later and now her DS2 has arrived he has received quite a bit less attention and def less gifts. My sis was even a bit sad that she had far less congrats cards when he was born compared with her DD1. Guess second children are less of a novelty to some family & friends?

Judging by the amount of baby photos and albums of my older sister, then just a handful of photos (no albums!) of me - that was def the case. I wouldn't have noticed at the time of course, though, and don't feel bitter at all - think it's fairly natural in a way.

BUT I always make sure I make a real fuss of my little nephew, and think that when they get a bit bigger and develop their own personalities they will be just as much loved and fussed over as the 1st. Def doesn't mean that the 2nd child is less loved, just that the excitement (in some instances) is a bit lesser.

I've kind of accepted that my DC will not get quite the same attention from my parents or DP's parents either - as they've all had grandchildren already, and hardly seem to aknowledge that I'm 7 months pg (not in a mean way, it's just not a new thing anymore to them I guess). Hopefully some of my mates will make up for it though

We've definitely had less interest in this baby, and it bothered me for a while until I remembered that MIL had lots of miscarriages before and after DH was born, and I've now put the lack of interest down to the stirring of difficult memories and not wanting to "tempt fate." She only had one successful pregnancy.

In lots of ways I'm glad we've had less stuff bought for us, as I've now got quite firm opinions on what we need and don't need. We are full to bursting with toys, clothes and general baby equipment, and there is literally nothing we need. It sounds awful but I'd rather have the money to spend on days out with DS1 and the new baby. We buy season tickets for local attractions and just pop in for an hour or so, and that is what I spend any gifted money on.

DS was given so many clothes when he was born, I don't think I need to buy a scrap of clothing for this new baby until he is at least 2! The same goes for toys and books.

That's a good point Dandylioness though my sister certainly got more interest and excitement with her DD1 before she was born (from myself as well to be perfectly honest - I remember buying the odd things here and there for her unborn baby but I only got one thing for her during her 2nd pregnancy - def think it's cos they seemed to have SO much by then though)

My sister did get plenty of gifts and knitted clothes etc. during her first pg, and come to think of it I've not received ANY presents from family .

But then, it doesn't really matter 'cos I'm sure we'll be given plenty of 2nd hand things from my sister anyway and it's best to recycle.

dandy i didnt mean it to come out like that, readin your post has made me feel really bad, what i put makes me sound really awful, i dont expect anyone to buy anything,and we've bought everything we need, i would never expect anything, i guess im not very good at getting things across, i feel really odd about it, i can just sense it being different already, just a general lack of interest, maybe its a pregnancy sixth sense, it doesn't help that im a worrier and i over thnk everything.
God I feel so bad now, maybe i do come across like that and thats why theres less interest, because people think i expect it, i really dont, i just dont want this baby to mean less and i guess i kinda feel thats how they feel about this baby, as its not the first.

oh dear im wittering again think i'll keep shtum now

Aren't parents funny...

My Mum has given me a shawl that my Grandmother (who died in 1988) crocheted for my brothers (they're twins - although Mum didn't know she was having 2 until number 2 popped out!) who were born in 1968. Its in perfect condition. She wants me to wrap baby in it when I leave the hospital (very a la Princess Di leaving hospital with all the paps awaiting - ha, NOT!) Still, I think its lovely. Have had a blue octopus and a baby book to write stuff in from dp's parents...

Eczema is a pain in the bum. Well, not literally for me! Have used fairy non bio for years, I steer WELL clear of bio detergents, but thanks for that tip! Am such a typical 'atopic' person - wheezes, itches, hayfever - hope it doesn't all pass on to my little one!

polony - don't tempt me re the little hat and public displays!! See what you mean though - we're at the latter end of May, so I guess its our turn for the fainty moments. V annoying though. We do have a car park at work, but its £2.50 an hour, so can't really justify £20 a day parking, so have to get the manky old stinky slow squishy hot bus. I do hate London sometimes. I live about 5 miles away from work (literally over hills and far away so non-walkable even at the best of times), and it takes OVER AN HOUR to get here. 15 minutes by car. Ggrrr.

Home time soon - hurrah!

choc - I don't think you're being unreasonable... I wouldn't worry - I feel a bit like it too... my brother (one without children) emailed me the other day to rant about something - no mention of 'ooh how are you, hows it going, do you need any help with anything'. Pfffft, family!

Dandy That's so true! With #1 and #2 I knew to the day how pregnant I was. With #3 I knew roughly, give or take a week. This time? I have to check my pregnancy ticker on LJ!

I'm no less excited - just, I know how it goes this time. I'll be wrapped up in it when she gets here

rosielady Polony Belgian

I had the coke craving... and still have it - I wonder what that is about.. I don?t get cramps if I have a small mini can... do you think it?s linked..?

MatthewAndBumpsMum please speak to a professional as well as take all this wonderful advice you have been given? there is such a thing as antenatal depression. How are you feeling now?

llareggub I notice you were getting the no added sugar choc because of diabetes to be honest since going on injections I do indulge in a small bit of normal things like choc that I crave. As long as you know you can stop and compensate with exercise and medication it?s generally ok! My GP said I?m even allowed ice cream! Not that I have indulged? My insulin intake has gone up but that is more to do with growing in size I think? that?s what consultant said?

andrina hi ? meeting up sounds fab... I live in Barnet so maybe we could try and form a group or something to meet? I work in London though so would be fab!

Andrina Sausage Dandy Polony

Just read a bit further ? did you guys end up meeting after all? Are you planning any more? I?d be up for it!

Divedaisy what a lovely achievement ? I know how hard you have been working on the shop well done!

chocolatebunnies ? Congratulations ? its sounds like a dream Getting married and having a baby so close together!

Momino I know this is late coming but I have one of them lines and DH can see it distinctly ? bit strange if you ask me.. Wonder what the point of that is?

Guys I?m still playing catch up ? but I?ve only got the 15 pages of this thread left! I?m so proud of catching up ? I like to have read everything even if I don?t get a chance to comment on everything? I guess it?s because we?ve all been on here together for so long! It?s like missing an episode of your favorite soap if you?ve missed someone?s news will comment some more once I?ve finished reading ? And I?ve promised myself never to miss so many days! I guess it?s also because many of you are on maternity a bit more time to MN?

sweetbroody, do you have diabetes? I'd forgotten. My readings are getting worse in the morning. I'm on a dose of 18 of my insulin in the morning and 8 at lunch. I've had clotted cream ice cream from Sainsburys which was really good.

Yep I sure do - my intake has increased from my normal 6/8/10 - 18 to 26/38/34 - 18 and my intake of food hasnt changed! Its quite scary actually... I am doing excercise as well but I've been told this is perfectly natural!

My mum has shown up with a suitcase full of clothes for baby. Very about it. She has practically robbed me of the pleasure of buying little baby clothes for my baby.

I felt i should comment on parents reactions to 2nd or subsequent grandchildren. My mum would come and visit all the time when I had DD and would look after her a day a week when i went back to work. Once I had DS, she probably only saw him once a month or two months, and I had to make a lot of effort to travel too. With this LO, I think she's disappointed its another boy (she would prefer girls) and doesnt show much interest at all! She does have other excitement though- my SIL and sister are both having first babies this year too (July and Sept) so she is probably worrying about how she's going to spend time with all her grandchildren!

sweetbroody, my morning readings are the worst, I think my GD gets better throughout the day. I've been exercising every day too, and luckily am breastfeeding still so that helps too. I'm not missing sweet things though.

re: grandparents and 2nd or subsequent babies: I think Dandy got it right. I don't think they're less interested, just a bit less excited because the novelty of getting a grandchild has gone. It definitely doesn't mean that they're not interested. I think I got a bit less stuff when pg with my dd and my mum called a bit less (which was actually a good thing , but now they're 7&5 there's no difference whatsoever in the amount of attention they get. This pregnancy on the other hand did get a bit more attention again (baby even got a few xmas presents!) and I put that down to the 5y gap between the last grand child and this one. No one expected to have a baby in the family again, so it came as a nice surprise.

sausagen I was going to recommend Aveeno cream too. My GP prescribed it for me and it's very good. I find aqueous cream isn't strong enough and E45 or anything perfumed makes it worse. Sometimes you need to experiment with moisturisers to find the one that suits your skin.

For the PGP/SPD sufferers on here. I received a very good booklet from the Pelvic Partnership (PGP support group) today, basically what it said is that most of the PGP is caused by a mechanical problem in the pelvis, e.g. misalignment and that the best course of action is manual manipulation + excersises, rather than just the belt that most women are given without any further treatment. I found that really interesting, because almost from the very beginning my gut instinct has been telling me there's something that's not quite in place in my pelvis, but when I mentioned it to my physio, she just brushed it off and sort of ignored it. So I've spent today trying to find an osteopath in my area who knows about PGP. I'm going to have a chat with one of them tomorrow. Can't wait to see what she'll say.

You know how lots of people complained about being told how big they are. Well, I'm now getting paranoid, because everyone I've met this week has been telling me I look small for 32 weeks and the mw measured me smaller last week too. Don't know what to think. See get called big and you think you're too fat, get called small and you worry the baby has stopped growing.

Hi Gals! I left DS off at Beavers tonight and witnessed something so I just have to tell you all... We were gettingout of the van and an old man had parked in front of me in order to drop off 2 boys I;m assuming are grandkids. I had to call my ds back to give him his science badge sheet and then I heard this very grumpy old git call the 2 boys over - he called one of their names, clicked his fingers and pointed sharply downwards, and the shouted 'HEAL!!' - like they were dogs!!! I couldn't get over this! And still am in shock at what I heard! HEAL!???? He was so grumpy too... glad he's not related to me! What do you think!? (I can't wait to hear your replies! - believe me, this is genuine!)

ladyofmuswell - welcome! You say you've been here before but changed your name... very curious!!! Sorry to hear about your mums anniversary - it is very hard, especially the first one - big HUG xx

Momino - Cheers babe!! I've my Magners in the fridge for when I get back from collecting ds from Beavers. (still can't get over 'HEAL'!!)

Sausage - where are you having your baby - the Hilton Hotel!!? Sounds lovely. Shove over, and give us all some room there!!

Jael - oh why can some MW be so grumpy! Any way at least you now know your baby has moved! I think mine shifted last night too cos I was getting new kicks under my left ribs, but this morning they're back under right side again!!

Re subsequent children. My mum has offered to pay for our new pram. She's the only grandparent we have (apart from my step dad - the less said about him the better!) But I have to admit I'm more relaxed about this preg than with #1. First time round I had knitted loads of things - nothing this time and I do feel a bit guilty, but since I don't know the colour I'd rather wait. I don't really like neutral colours, and I'd therefore rather wait! But as for everything else - i have it already, so there's nothing elase really to buy. My sister did ask me if I had a change bag, but I'd got one off ebay for £20 which will do rightly! I'll judge if there appears to be any difference after this one is born, but i really doubt it myself. I think the biggest difference will be me and how I cope - hopefully more relaxed and not striving to be 'perfect' cos that ended up in me getting v bad pnd!

Away to get ds xx then it's magners time!

blottedcopybook I'm typing one handed as i nurse cat with other arm - oh - two hands now, he got the message and is off. Hopefully not to piddle on anything. So is it a protest you think? He's never done anything like it. He's only little still, 8 months. I was out all yesterday and he's used to having me home, do you think its retribution? All the talk of peoples little ones getting the sense that they're about to be invaded has made me wonder if thats whats been wrong with my cat lately. Because otherwise I'm all out of ideas. Also - I love your wool! You clever woman! As i have mentioned, I have knitted two pair of teeny tiny shoes and am threatening to knit other things. Do you know of a good recipe for some nappy wraps that work well? I thought it would be great to knit some of those as I would be buying wool covers anyway. If I knew how to design a pattern properly, I would make some felted wool wraps, but getting them soft enough and of course the right size/ shape might be tough. I have a recipe for some longies that I might give a go - was looking for a pattern for a sleepsuit type thing but now am not sure that a knitted sleepsuit wouldn't be a bit much for a May baby. What do you think?

Choc don't feel bad - but I'm sure everyone will fall for this baby as soon as he/she is here. And I don't think kids are that aware of those imbalances - Mum said she never had any trouble bringing home a toy or something she'd found for one of us but not the other - I think we shared it all anyway, but I guess some kids are territorial. The only thing my older brother was posessive about when I was born, two years after him, was me! Apparently I was his baby. And we were both like that about our baby brother seven years later, besotted and he was ours as much as anyones. We were always into each others toys. I was never even aware that our younger brother's grandparents were probably less interested in their daughter in law's children from a previous relationship (us) - its only as I became an adult that I was aware of that, but they did really still spoil all of us and we all loved their visits equally, and I've never taken it personally. Give yourself a break, it'll be fine! But don't feel bad about talking about your worries here, no matter how small they end up seeming, thats what we're here for.

Well saus seeing we'll be out in public next week perhaps we should both bring a hat and show them what its all about. I'll try not to pass out mid routine. I would not survive a bus ride these days. Not without frothing at the mouth defensively or having a cane made with some kind of weapon concealed inside of it.

polony - hehe! That'd be a show and a half! Like the idea of the weapon!

divedaisy - you'd think its dead posh by the sound of it - its in the (ahem) mankiest part of south London. And I can say that cos I live and work in the area, and so have relatives, so there

Also - that bloke treating (poss) grandkids like DOGS? That's DISGUSTING! I dare you to put it on the AIBU thread! (I try and avoid those nowadays - too scared of saying the wrong thing and getting slated!!!)

Right, am definitely getting some of this aveeno malarkey. I had some oatmealy mum to be bath stuff from the sanctuary which was heavenly - really into the oatmealy stuff, so am chuffed to hear there's proper creams and things! I used to be a tar bath baby, and used to be wrapped in bandages at night time. Needless to say, pictures of me as a LO are not that hugely in abundance at my parents!

Dp is out at some swanky work drinks thing tonight, so am not expecting him in until midnight honking of booze. Pooo. I'm in here with a pile of ironing Still, could be worse!

divedaisy at the grumpy grandad... maybe he was a dog trainer as his profession and the whole family has been treated the same

re grandparents/1st born grand kids/pressies etc. My lot are quite restrained in comparison...

My mum has said a few times i've yet to buy anything for the new one... what would you like? & is it ok to wait until we know what you're having (we haven't told anyone at all we're having a girl). DH's mum is the same... both grandmums are desperate for a girl grandchild so they'll be so chuffed when our pink one arrives.

Our DS was the 1st grandchild on both sides and they all love to give DS sweets & but know that we don't like him having too many so they hand the bag to us and we dish them out as and when. At Christmas and birthdays we usually suggest they combine funds to buy one big present... this last Xmas it was a lego train set with extra track/bricks/bridges. Of course DS ended up with a few extra small bits and pieces... we still had to have a pre xmas clear out but not too bad all in all.

I've had a job keeping up with posts today... sorry. I'm having one of those worn out shattered days & DS is the same. i'm heading to bed very soon as he fell asleep in the car on the way home from taking my mum food shopping. Luckily DH was off today and came with us so after he unloaded mums shopping he carried DS into our flat. He stayed asleep even when we took his coat and shoes off. As it was 4.20pm I thought i'd let him nap for 30/40mins as he was completely zonked. At 5pm even with a bum change he was still falling asleep and said he wasn't hungry/thirsty so we got him into his PJ's and put him into his bed... He'll either wake at 10pm tonight hungry or we may be in for a tricky night if he's brewing some bug. early night needed just in case I think.

Sweetbroody - we have organised to meet up. Pass us your email if you're keen, it would be lovely to meet you. Also the fact that you're craving the coke and that the cramps go away after you have some - it does sound like there could be something in the potassium thing. If you don't want to drink coke, you could try a supplement or some other food - I think we established between us that bananas are full of it as are dried apricots. I wish I knew more about this stuff - but maybe if your cramps are bad and you have this craving it would be easier to just get a supplement. And a massage.

I'm embarrassed to say I have no clue whatsoever how to knit, and on this occasion I will blame by age. I'm 22, I never got taught how to knit or anything, and if I could I would, if i had the time! I feel so bad I had to get DP to come home half hour earlier than usual today, as I was literally almost falling asleep, I knew I wouldn't fall asleep, as I needed to watch DD, but I just had that feeling, if you get me. I had an hour when he got in though and it made me feel tons better.

I can 100% say that my MIL is treating this pregnancy differntly. For example, I have 8 weeks left today and am planning an elective CS for end april start may sometime, she's not planning to come down and help with DD or anything, she's honestly not intersted, and basically said she'll have to check her diary to see when she can visit...It's really upsetting me. I'm not bothered about her splashing the cash on this baby at all, i'd just like her to care...She only has DD as a grandchild, and this will be her first grandson, yet it still doesn't make a difference...sorry for babbling X