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Due August '09 part 2 - 'Bring on the bumps- we're not fat we're pregnant!'

989 replies

HeinzSight · 08/02/2009 21:21

Thought I'd better get our shiny new thread up and running. New title courtesy of BumpBLump

part 3 thread title is bagsy(ed) by kitkatqueen, 'Its the second trimester!! - Does my bump look big in this???'

here's a link to our old thread.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
kitkatqueen · 21/02/2009 17:40

Hi littlefairy I did try a lot of different things including fleece, but no-one ever suggested silk or chamo tea so I am wondering whether to try these now with ds and see if it works he is a big wee-er and at the mo no nappy can get him through the night, any suggestions on a nappy for an 11kg boy slim ish ( ie solid but not wobbly iykwim lol)and super absorbant? I've sold all of mine so I'll need to start from scratch!

kkqx

Mellin · 21/02/2009 17:46

Sarah76 - sounds like you are having a really tough time. I have no experience with ads/and but wanted to say I know how hard it is being lonely during pregnancy. My family are on the other side of the world and sometimes I feel like things would be so much easier if I had them close. Sounds like ScummyMummy has very good advice. Also, have you thought of posting on the Health threads, I'm sure there are other on MN who have had experiences like yours and can offer advice. Feel free to vent on here

Nuttygirl - good news about the birthing pool. I had a water birth with my first at a birthing centre and thoroughly recommend it.

ScummyMummy · 21/02/2009 18:12

Hi again Sarah. Do ask whether there's a specialist team. The CMHT will know and I think you would definitely qualify for a referral. I think it might be helpful for you as you are unfortunately at higher risk of both antenatal and postnatal depression if you have major depression. Sorry the "help" offered last time was so crap. I can't believe they had the stupidity to interview you with a dead fox close proximity! That is really poor. I'm afraid your experience of going through assessment by someone you didn't really need/want to see before getting to the psychiatrist is fairly typical- be prepared for it to happen again but then use the assessment to ask for what you want. All the teams I know of are multidisciplinary and since some people referred won't need to see a psychiatrist (maybe they've been referred specifically to access a CBT course or healthy living group, say) it's common for anyone - social worker, CPN, OT, junior doc- with the time to do your baseline assessment. That then acts as a starting point for planning your care, which will include making appointments with whoever else you need to see such as the consultant, a specific counsellor, group, psychologist, OT or whatever.

I've no idea what the services in Warrington are like! Big move though, London-Warrington and you've been through an awful lot. Also vanlafaxine works pretty differently to the SSRIs such as prozac,I understand, so I'm not surprised it's taking you a while to adjust. I really hope you will be able to see a psychiatrist who has expertise in pregnancy, even if there's not a specialist team, because I do think they can be invaluable in getting medication right and that can make a big difference.

Do you know many folks in Warrington yet? I guess the baby might be a good excuse to make some new aquaintances and hope they become bosom buddies? Are you thinking of joining the NCT? I haven't decided whether to do that yet. Is anyone else going to?

LittleFairySmile · 21/02/2009 18:18

Wow Sarah76, what a year. No wonder you are having a hard time. Hope you get the support you need, I know there are MNers who can help, there is probably a thread here, but someone else might be able to give more info. on that one (and we won?t hold it against you that your are American ).

kkqx, I?m surprised no-one said to you about silk or chamo tea, they are meant to be great. If you?re starting from scratch with new baby, why not try a birth-to-potty nappy on you DS, a Motherease bamboo would be my suggestion, because you can then use it for longer with new baby too. Or if you want to go sized, I found Motherease Sandys a great fit on my very slim boy. You might need a couple of boosters too, but they also come in bamboo. I guess I wouldn?t buy heaps right now, in case it doesn?t work, but buying one or two wouldn?t be too dear. My DS needs two boosters at night, and they fit in the nappy and wrap nicely, and not too bulky either. But the chamo tea you just dip the liner in a bowl of it (normal chamo tea you buy from supermarket) and the liner can be flushable, just don?t wring it out too much, it should still be wet to touch, and place it in the nappy. I am lucky that my DS didn?t suffer from nappy rash, but as I said my friend?s DC2 did, even though DC1 was fine, so all babies are different, so who knows, no4 might be ok? I would also see if you can get a hire kit too, because there are loads of types, and that might make a difference. Otherwise don?t buy too many at first, and see what you can get second-hand before stocking up!

Sorry guys to hijack this pg thread with nappy bluster! I am a real nappyhead!

ScummyMummy · 21/02/2009 18:20

Ooo, Mellin- v jealous of your water birth! I had horrid emergency c section with my twins and am dreaming of hippy painfree vbac watery experience this time. Yeah right I hear you cry! Seriously, I would definitely like to try using a pool but am not sure if the pool at the hospital will be free. My mate told me there's only one. Are you allowed to take in your own pool to hospital, does anyone know?

HeinzSight · 21/02/2009 22:50

Sarah, I've posted on the antenatal depression thread. It truly is a horrid place to be

ScrummyMummy (sorry in advance!!), you seem to be in the know. I'm still waiting for a referal to our community mental health team, it's been 7 weeks since my doctor referred me, I have been suffering with antenatal depression (starting to feel better) and had crippling PND 3 times, I was hoping that I could take antidepressents during the last trimester so that they are in my system before the PND kicks in. I mentioned this to my midwife and she said there was no way they would give me ADs during pregnancy, yet, like you yourself have stated, I have heard so many times that there are safe ADs to take during pregnancy. Is Prozac one of the safer ones? In your opinion, would taking ADs during the last trimester lessen considerably the impact of PND? Sorry to bombard you with questions, but these are questions I have been desperate to ask, but haven't had anyone to ask yet!

OP posts:
VJay · 22/02/2009 08:26

Hi sorry I've not posted on here for a while RL taking over as usual. I've just tried to catch up. Welcome sarah and so sorry to here about how stressful life has been for you. You are getting some good advice on here though.
Congrats on a fab scan olivio.

Well my sickness seems to be all but gone now, I have a little bump (under all my tummy fat!) and I can't tell if I'm feeling baby tickles or wind . I thought I'd be able to tell seeing as I've already got ds, but that was 7 yrs ago and I seem to have forgotten everything.

sarah76 · 22/02/2009 09:19

Thanks so much everyone, it really helps to have a place to vent. Last week I did a really stupid thing and adopted a dog from the Cheshire Dogs Home. I thought having a dog again would help and be a distraction from feeling sick--but as anyone with a brain can probably figure out, it was a huge mistake and I am not in a place to care for her. She is incredibly hard work, and I've had two rescue dogs before, but never felt so frustrated and overwhelmed.

When I moved over here six years ago I brought my dog Jack with me, and it was so helpful when I didn't know anyone and was so lonely. He even helped me meet one of my best friends here (she came up to us in the park to ask if her son could pet him). When things got really bad with my 1st husband (2 years into marriage), I took Jack back to the U.S. to live with my friend and her family, as I thought we'd be getting divorced and there was no way I could afford to keep him on my own. ExH and I stayed together for 2.5 more years and I probably never forgave him for Jack leaving.

We just bought a house and this is the first opportunity I've had to have a dog again, and I stupidly jumped at it. We weren't prepared at all-didn't expect them to give us a dog less than an hour after walking in! My DH has never had a dog, but really was up for it. Unfortunately Holly is really not a dog for a first-timer, and I'm increasingly worried about her with a baby or small child. She is so mouthy and has bit both of us several times (only once hard enough to draw blood, but it didn't seem intentional). This week has been so hard. The dogs' home has a 28 day return policy and last night we decided we have to take her back (after a week). The stress of having her is making me vomit again, and I'm getting even more depressed by my failure to be able to handle her. DH is so frustrated with her. I really didn't expect her to be perfectbut I just know we aren't the people to handle her. The shelter doesn't open until 1pm, so I am just trying to hold it together until then. I really hate myself for doing this to her--we never should have taken her in the first place. I feel relieved to have made a decision, but am dreading the moment we have to leave her.

VJay · 22/02/2009 10:02

Hi sarah please don't beat yourself up over this. You know yourself you're not ready you just need to take care of you for now. Take it one step at a time, maybe, and focus on you, your dh and your little baby growing. Don't worry about the dog, the dog's home wouldn't have the return policy in place if they thought that this wouldn't happen, I don't mean for that to sound heartless towards the dog.
I have suffered depression, and when you're in the midst of it it's hard to see clearly, so what I'm trying to say is, you've done nothing wrong, so don't be too hard hard on yourself xxxxx

sarah76 · 22/02/2009 10:45

Thanks VJay. Convinced DH to take dog for a last walk with him this morning so she would stop whining at/jumping on/mouthing me for just a little while. He's had to go to the office as he's leaving tonight on a work trip (just overnight) and has stuff to prepare. I've barfed twice this morning, once I think from stress, then again because the dog jumped into the shower with me and the wet dog smell hit me quite badly. She's finally settled on the couch with me now--last night we gave up trying to keep her off the furniture. She looks like such a little angel when she sleeps. 2.5 hours left now.

God I hate throwing up....and I hate it that nothing tastes right anymore. I thought I was finally getting to the point of being able to eat something other than white bread and mashed potato, because I'd actually started thinking about food without feeling sick. I fantasized about tacos for two whole days, but when I finally made/ate them they didn't taste like my 'dream tacos'. V disappointing. Then I woke up in the night with horrible diarrhoea. This morning I was barfing up English muffins (or as you probably call them here, 'muffins').

Anyone else starting to dream about the baby? So far it's only happened once and the dream started with me getting the baby's head stuck in the sofa and not being able to get it out. Then I'd left the baby alone in a room and when I found it again it was sitting up and chewing on yellow ribbons, and I thought to myself 'It's not supposed to be able to sit up yet!'. When I went to pick it up, it's eyes fell out, but that was ok because it turned out to be a doll and not a real baby. Still disturbing.

ScummyMummy · 22/02/2009 11:36

Hi Heinz. 7 weeks is a long time to wait- grr to your CMHT. I would ask your GP to chase the referral as it sounds like the team is outside the recommended time frame for assessing you. I can't really give proper individual advice over internet (plus am not a medical person- I'm a social worker) but generally I believe that the current thinking is that the benefits of medication often outweigh the risks during pregnancy. Fluoxetine is one of the most reseached drugs and I think studies have generally shown it to be pretty safe during pregnancy. I would definitely ask your CMHT what they think when you eventually get to see them. My understanding is that our local specialist team usually advises women to prioritise their mental health via taking medication where there is clear evidence that medication works for them and is safe for the baby. HTHs a bit and really hope you can get to that CMHT for some proper advice tailored to you v soon.

Sarah- that's really sad about the dog but I think the others are right that it could happen to anyone and that's why they have the return policy. Their matching system may have gone a bit awry as it sounds like even very experienced dog people would find her a handful. I know that won't make it easier to return her but you did your very best. What more can you do? Hope it's not too traumatic taking her back.

Is your mother in law hell nearly at an end, nutty? Hope you have survived!

nuttygirl · 22/02/2009 18:19

Sarah - so sorry you feel down. I had pnd and worry a lot about getting it again.I second what everyone says about not worrying about the dog.

Well we got home at quarter to midnight last night. I'd had enough. MIL has picked on dd too much so when dh & I got back to ILs (we'd all been at BILs, we came back early so Erin could have food at the right sort of time) we packed the bags, loaded the car and came home. ILs aren't happy but I don't care.

Hawkmoth · 22/02/2009 18:21

How's everyone doing this evening? Hope things are going better for those of us on a rockier road.

To lighten the mood, my DP gave me a long, "please don't turn into a man" speech this morning after being startled as I came out of the shower.

I have never NEEDED to shave my thighs before, but now I think he has a point. Lots and lots of dark hair sprouting all the way up. Didn't have this with DD, at all!

Yesterday was a nice day for me. I put PERFUME on, and it didn't make me retch. I also has two paper cups of Cava at a party. First drink for ages, having tried beer which BURNT my throat (again totally different to DD when I had a medicinal pint a few times a week!). It was very tasty, and much better a painkiller than paracetamol for my back!!!!

Facing another week off sick waiting for physio appointment. I can feel the SPD getting worse, and just wonder how much quicker it would be getting worse if I went to work, as I am really bored! Plus my boss has also employed someone that he wants to cover my Mat leave!!!!

sarah76 · 22/02/2009 19:41

HeinzSight, my GP had to phone the mental health people again after he referred me to 'expedite' the process. I've got an appointment tomorrow (they phoned and offered it Friday afternoon). Can you ask your GP to find out what's going on? 7 weeks is way too long.

Nutty, bet it's good to be home. I like my in-laws with the exception of BIL's wife who drives me and DH both insane with her stupidity/racism/general chavtasticness. When she came to visit us up here she stated 'it's nice you don't have so many [insert nasty word for asian people] or blacks up here'. Her crowing about delivering the 'first grandchild' all the time didn't help either, esp when we'd been trying and then went through the MC. At least living up here we see them a lot less!

We took Holly back to the shelter this afternoon after a very tearful phone call. I basically sobbed the whole time and then threw up four times in the car park. But I know we had to do this--it is not the right time, and she wasn't the right dog for a baby. The staff were really kind about it and seemed to understand we had really tried to make it work. They said it would help them to have the information about her so that they could make sure she would be placed with a family prepared to handle her.

Have finally gone back and read more of the posts in this thread as I realise I've been really self-centred in my posting--will try to stop that!

readyfornumber2and3 · 22/02/2009 20:17

Hi all x

Sarah76 Sorry you are having such a hard time and I hope the appointment goes well and that they can offer you some good advice and help x

Nutty Glad you are back, there is nothing worse than staying with people who drive you crazy!!

Well I have had a mixed day today, I am happy because although its early we bought our pram today we got it off ebay and its a jane powertwin pro and I love it! We got it for a bargain (£400 cheaper than rrp) and it is in perfect condition with 2 car seats, footmuffs and parasols

The bad part is bloody inlaws!! DPs Dad has always been a funny bugger and seems to get worse by the day, we have never been good enough for him and his standards and I am at the end of my tether with it now
When we told him I was pg with DS (2.7) his reply was "Im not ready to be a Grandad!" He has seen my son about 10 times since he was born and has never tried to bond with him, and tonight we spoke to him and he asked how the pregnancy was going and how the twins were doing and then said "oh well you cant change it now!"
He has plenty of money but we have never asked for his help and he has never offered it, until at christmas he offered to give us £20,000 towards buying a house, which sounds very generous except its only if we buy a house and even before we found out about the twins we were not in a position to think about buying, we could really do with moving to a bigger house and buying a bigger car but we are having to make do at the moment as we just cant afford to. His partner has 3 grown up children and the sunshines through their asses and 2 of them have children which he is more than happy to bond with, babysit and buy things for!

Sorry for the rant but I cant really say much to DP because although he is sad about how we are treated it is still his Dad and he feels responsible for his behaviour and I dont want to upset him.

The good thing though is that it makes us even more determined to prove them that we can manage perfectly well without them lol

LittleFairySmile · 22/02/2009 20:27

Just want to say to all of you going through rough times I'm thinking of you.

flibbertywidget · 22/02/2009 21:40

Hi Ladies, can I join you. I am due in august 2009 with my 2nd baby from 2nd round of IVF. My dd is 21 months old.

Sorry some of you seem to be having such a tough time with everything.

Hawkmoth · 22/02/2009 21:47

Congratulations and welcome flibbertywidget.

DP is currently ironing and putting all my best little tops away for, well 2010 I suppose!

valz · 23/02/2009 10:35

Hi all

Sorry to those who are having a rough time, i no the sickness can definately make life rough on its own let alone have it on top of other worries so hopefully it subsides for you all soon.

congrats flibber add your name to the list..the more the merryer

well we finally told our whole family our news on friday and once i started telling it was great, i was soo happy cuz they were soo happy, i felt like i had just got the news myself all over again. then since we were so late getting the last of the family told on firday night, i started on saturday ringing friends to let them know, god i love it, i had a great weekend and am looking forward even more now....roll on august think im starting to see a wee bump coming, its definately firm, no morning sickness from last tuesday so touch wood thats the end of that...now id needa start doing some work cuz my heads been baby baby baby since xmas and i havent been concentrating, im so behind. 15 weeks today woohoo. the bright evenings are on the way and im hoping to be out of my mobile home and into our new house in the next few months.

Mondays arnt my favourite day but this morning im feeling great, anyone else very happy?

Hawkmoth · 23/02/2009 11:54

Valz, I got lots of congrats at a family party on Saturday, it was very cheering.

Felt a really big squiggly movement last night, which was great, nice to know bump appreciates all the fudge I'm eating on its behalf!

This week I must sort my physio appointments, register with a dentist (bleeding gums- yuck), make a housework planner for DP (he asked!) and try to go back to work on Friday. I'm going to be positive.

valz · 23/02/2009 15:52

Hmmm fudge, havent had fudge in ages....your puttin bad ideas in my head hawkmoth my gums are bleeding like mad too, was at regular 6 months check up a few weeks ago, dentist told me it normal!

just wondering ladies, when would you start shopping for baby stuff like prams and cots and that? im a bit excitied today so all these things are going through my head, i know at 15 weeks its probably a bit early to be thinkin of it but its my first time so i wanna be prepared especially since theres two

nuttygirl · 23/02/2009 16:03

I think I started researching stuff like prams really early. Didn't buy much until after the 20 weeks scan. Then I went on a mad shopping spree

readyfornumber2and3 · 23/02/2009 16:35

Valz We have just got our pram but only because it was a bargain! Wont buy anything else till after 20 week scan then will try and get everything before 28 weeks to be on the safe side lol
You could always start making a list and deciding what stuff you want (its nearly as much fun lol)

Hawkmoth · 23/02/2009 16:43

I got a box of Roly's Fudge for my birthday last week, it really is delicious!

I gave all my stuff to homeless families at the council last time, so not much left! I only plan to buy crib, car seat, changing table and a bouncy chair though. After DD I did myself in pushing a pram around, so for six months it'll be a sling, which I found much easier. I'll probably get it with the health in pregnancy grant as money's so tight atm.

I'm knitting though, which is a lot of fun!

trixymalixy · 23/02/2009 17:28

Sorry to hear about those of you who are suffering with depression, I hope you get to see a specialist soon.

Sarah, taking the dog back sounds like the right thing to do, it must have been hard for you .

Sorry to hear about all the nutty in laws as well!!

I think I waited until 20 weeks to buy things last time. I don't think I'll be buying much this time apart from some new babygros to begin with. I still have loads from DS, but it would be nice for this new baby to have some new things!!

I'm in two minds whether to buy a new mattresses for the cot and pram I have. They are hardly used so it seems a bit of a waste, but you are supposed to aren't you?

I'm definitely starting to feel flutters now. I thought I'd felt some before, but wasn't 100% sure but there is definite movement today .