Due April 2009 - Saucy dreams, squirting boobs and spacehoppers. Whatever will the April mums get up to next?"

[PuzzleRocks]

holly - how fab have you got any pic's?

wasn't snowy doing uni stuff, so she couldnt come on as much?

I am working on a website just now - had dh and a friend posing on St Andrews beach a month or two ago, and so they will appear on the site, maybe with ds in his kilt but walking away so his face isnt on it. Will post when the site is up and running properly.

i think snowysunshine said something about her computer not working and dp not always able to leave his as well so could be that.

Ah Bauberella, that is exactly what it started like with me (and those exact times) and now I feel it pretty much all the time - sure they are just a bit smaller and so took a bit longer to get their kicking legs on! So excited for you - it is amazing the first time!

I know, we have a 7 foot artificial tree in the dining room with full on decorations (tinsel, baubles, lights and chocolates etc) then we have a 4/5 foot real tree that we grow in are garden all year round) in the living room that is just very simple and classic looking which I love! I really love Christmas - can't wait (holiday, presents, family friends, food and drink - what is not to love!!!)

Epic me post, then I'm going to catch up I promise. I just need to splurge because I think my head might explode & I want to be able to pay attention to what you've all been up to. Sorry for yet more memememe posting.

I nearly left DP on Friday. As in really very nearly left. It started off as a really stupid argument - we both have Fridays off, so woke up & said that we'd go to the bank to merge our accounts, which we've been meaning to do for a while. & on that topic I asked when we're getting married because we intended to do it before the baby arrives. I don't at all want a big wedding (we'd already decided that we'll have a very, very quiet signing of papers now & a big party in conjunction with the baby's 1st birthday or something) & it should've just been a simple conversation. But I got a bit miffed that he wasn't bubbling with enthusiasm (neither was I, to be honest - it's kind of just a chore on the To Do list; even though we do / did / whatever want to be married the wedding is just a hassle) & said as much. It was downhill from there. Where I was only looking for a bit of reassurance, it turned into him flouncing off to have a shower & then when I was still not 100% fine with him afterwards (mostly because he'd flounced!) it became a big argument. Abotu half an hour later he said 'I can't believe you're still arguing about this!' & I said 'do you know why?' meaning something along the lines that he was arguing about it as well, & he said in a really nasty tone, 'because you're a bitch'. Nice.

So I decided that it was time to take my ring off & give it back to him, which he threw across the room. I got my stuff together to go out & he was physically blocking the door. In the end I had to threaten to phone the police because he wouldn't let me leave. As I left, he said 'I probably won't be here when you get back', so I asked where he'd be. & he said 'I don't know, probably swinging from something'. Again - nice. I was half way down the road when I got a text saying 'You've seen me slicing myself up before, what makes you think I won't this time?'. That really did it. I phoned my friend in hysterics & he asked me to go & meet him in Leeds (he's honestly my geographically closest friend from Sheffield, how stupid is that?), which I did. He met me with a selection of chocolate bars & we went for hot chocolate & had a chat in which I pretty much realised that I had nowhere to go from there. I knew that when I got back, DP would ask me what he could do to change & I wouldn't have even the beginning of an answer. Which I realised was probably the answer in itself. I was trying to work out the practicalities of doing this all by myself & balancing a newborn, uni, financial issues & being a 20 year old single mother with only a few months to go. It was terrifying.

I went back that night, despite my friend's pleas to stay with him, & found DP sitting playing the Xbox. I went into the bedroom where he followed me & began to apologise, but I wasn't ready to hear any of it. So it turned into a massive thing where he blamed me for everything & said that I was the one who'd ruined the relationship, etc. But eventually he realised that I was serious & we had a very frank discussion that's resulted in me still being here - for the time being.

He's making an appointment with the doctor this afternoon to talk about getting some counselling or something. I'm going to go with him to make sure that he doesn't chicken out of it or lie or whatever. I want to sit & hear him admit to somebody else that he has a problem. After the threats over his safety I have come to realise that he really has been abusive in very typical ways (although he's never physically hurt me), which I already half knew. I have to put me & the baby first, but I know that if he can sort himself out he'll be a great father & I don't want to deny him, or the baby, that chance. But he is on very limited time.

I still feel really withdrawn, though. I'm not wearing my engagement ring again yet, I've not told him that I love him & I only kissed him on the cheek for the first time last night - which is really unusual for me, because I'm very affectionate. I've spoken to him about it & he's actually been really lovely. He says that he knows that he's hurt me really badly & there's no pressure for me to be okay with him. He's going to be patient & blah blah blah. Ironically, he also then made love to me (it doesn't take much, eh?) & said that he'd help me feel closer to him physically, at least - & he'd go slowly & gently & if I wanted him to stop at any time he would. It was like being a virgin if you don't lose your virginity to another virgin at the age of 15, but that's another story

That did help. That's when I kissed him on the cheek, afterwards. He was lovely & it was good sex - although obviously not the hanging-from-the-chandeliers type of sex. It did help. But I'm still feeling really messed up about it. I was going to leave him & now I'm trying to let him fix it, but I was emotionally shutting down already.

Hopefully it'll get easier.

The other thing that's really worrying me is that yesterday & so far today I've felt very little baby movement. I felt some yesterday, but nowhere near as much as usual. & I'm not sure that I've felt any so far today. I don't want to get all panicked & red alert about it, but I'm beginning to get really paranoid. I've tried all of the usual things, but nothing. DP has an appointment with the nurse at the GP surgery at 1.50 to get himself registered there so he can make an appointment for his mental health issues, so I'm going to go with him then as well & ask for someone to give me 5 minutes with a doppler.

Until then, is this normal do you think? Do they just have quiet days? He's usually really wriggly & very noticeable, but there's a distinct lack of it. If something was wrong would the movement have just fizzled out like that, or would it have just stopped? I don't even know if I want the answers to these questions. The more I think about it the more I panic. I quite want to go to the doctor now, but we've not yet heard the heartbeat at all & I know that things are probably fine & DP will want to hear it as well. & it's only a couple of hours longer. & maybe he'll start kicking away soon. But I'm so scared. I'm scared that all of the stress of the last few days has hurt him or something. I really need him to be okay - he's the only thing in my life that makes any seense at all. I spent all of yesterday packing away all of my pre-pregnancy things to make space for all of the new stuff we have to buy - all of my beautiful clothes, bottles of expensive alcohol, etc. are in boxes now. Between that & things DP I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't have a proper emotional connection with anyone & I don't even have material goods around to remind me who I am - who I was, more to the point. All I have is this baby & he's not moving & now I'm sitting here crying again & he's probably okay. But what if he's not?

Argh. I'm going to shut up & read all of your posts now. There'd better be some nice stuff, I swear... xx

Springy Snowy hunny (((((HUGS))))) xxx the baby is prob a bit reluctant to have a wiggle cos you're stressed out at the moment, they tend to wiggle alot when your most relaxed so i wouldn't worry too much xx

feck about dp, it is good that he's going to see somebody about it and that you are going with him too, he really needs to find out where his head is at, what his prioritys are and adjust his behavior. Of course you are going to feel closed off to him emotionaly, your very weary of what hes going to do or say next, its normal. I'm so glad you had your friend even if you had to go to leeds.

there is not alot i can say that is going to be helpful apart from stay strong sweety. and i'm/we're always here when you need.

(hugs) xxxxx

snowy - do you mind if i ask how old your dp is? is he the same age as you?

Oh Snowy!

Ok first of all do not worry about the baby, that is perfectly normal, last week I was convinced something is wrong as hadn't felt him / her move for 2 days, cried to DH and was literally about to call the doctor when I got a massive kick and he/she was wiggling around like crazy. The stress is never going to be good for either of you but don't worry about the not moving thing, I think they sometimes do it just to make us worry about them and remind us that they are the most important thing in the world!!!!

As for your DP, I am so sorry you had to go through that - are you Ok? (Silly question I know!) What a truly horrible situation for you to be in - I hope that what happened really does make him think things through and get things sorted. BUT having said that you really really need to put yourself first and the baby and do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and safe. It will be a tough couple of weeks / months of that I am sure but you will get through it one way or another, and that little BOY inside of you, will get you there, just think in four months time you will have a health, happy, bouncing baby boy who will smile at you when you need a pick me up, who will give you the best cuddles and will make you amazingly proud just by rolling over!

Can you go home or go and stay with friends for a few days and get away from it all - when does Uni finish for Xmas? You really need to be around people you know and love now (and I know DP is one of those people but he can't give you the chocolate, hugs and reassuring giggles that others can at the moment!)...

Right, just read all of the way through - & just saw how utterly huge my last post was. That was a bit of a shock

Ladies, there's not enough nice stuff! Why are none of us floating around glowing & blooming & feeling in the best shape of our lives?

Boffin & Nutty - I'm so impressed that you stay so cheery despite being in so much pain. I hope you moan a lot in real life to balance out your MN cheer or I'm going to have to hate you both a little bit

Yay for the people who've had good scans recently & good luck to those of you with them soon. Nutty, at least if you have a gender to put to your baby it may help to ease the annoyance (& terror!) of your various symptoms. It'll be a pleasant distraction for a while, at least! & you'll have somebody to blame instead of just an abstract concept of a baby.

Christmas - I've almost finished my shopping, although I'm not doing much of it this year. But we don't have a tree yet & nothing's wrapped. I thought I was doing reasonably well until I read about all of you & your decorations! Two trees? I'm very envious. When I was younger I used to dream about my future Christmas tree, which would look like it came off the page of a posh magazine & used to swear blind that any 'crap' my children made could be put on a separate tree in their bedroom, out of the way. I feel a little differently now - I wonder why

baublerella, I'm really pleased that you've started to feel kicks - your tummy's going to look fabulous with so many bulges protruding from it

holly, your kilt making sounds ace! I love the idea of things like that but I'd never have the skill or the patience. Making kilts seems really unusual, too. What a great hobby - especially if it brings in a bit of extra cash!

Also, I'm really touched that you all seem to pay so much attention to me - bless you with your wondering where I am & recalling what I've said! That's cheered me up quite a lot in itself. I sometimes feel a bit like I'm screaming into the ether (generally, not just here) so it's nice to feel part of something - even if I'm only conspicuous by the lack of huge posts & far too much chitchat when I should be studying

Nutty, he's 18 months older than I am - he's 21. I am hoping that it's just an immaturity type issue. It's been building up for a while with him being aggressive & flipping out over really tiny things (like the time he punched the wall because the bread was off ) & impatient with me, but Friday was obviously just off the scale. I can't live in the fear that he's going to hurt himself - or worse, me or the baby.

BabyCRIMBOlat, I am okay, I think. I mean I'm not jumping for joy, but I'm holding it together - I'm more worried about the baby at the moment. None of the other stuff really matters if the baby's not okay. & as you say, I know that none of it will really matter when he's here & being all gorgeous at me. It's just getting from this point to there that seems so difficult at the moment.

Uni doesn't finish for me until the 18th, but I think DP & I are going to briefly visit my family in Birmingham this weekend because I want to go to the Christmas market before it starts closing down & then stay for a few days from the 19th, before Christmas. We're intending to have Christmas here & visit his family over New Year. None of my family know any of what's been going on here, because I don't want them to hate him or freak out. Only two of my friends (& now you lot) know about any of it. I may talk to my mum at the weekend if I get half a chance, but I want them all to see that I'm okay & stuff first - I know they'd only worry.

Thank you both for saying that the baby not moving is normal. I hope that's the case. I've always promised myself that I won't be the kind of woman to get all hysterical over every little thing, but it seems that I am anyway... I'm just really scared about what'll happen if they can't find a heartbeat, or if they can but send me over to the hospital or something anyway. I don't think that I can cope with the fear & stress of it all. At the moment I'm trying to be optimistic & know that chances are it's all fine. Everything at the scan was fine & he's been fine until now, so why would it suddenly change over half way through the pregnancy? It's almost certainly okay. But as soon as there's any real sign that it might not be, I don't know how I'm going to even keep breathing.

But that's neither here nor there yet. It's going to be okay & I'm just worrying for no reason. I really want things to just get easy.

You are not worrying for no reason, you are worrying as any mother should! you are being completely normal, but you are right, everything is more than likely perfectly fine but all these things together are not helping you think as positively as you would normally - you should do whatever you need to be reassured, take yourself off to the doctor and hear that heartbeat although my doctor always says to me that you can't always hear it so that alone is not something to worry about!

I think that going home and your plans to tell your mum are good ideas - they need to see that you two are Ok and that he is being supportive and that he is making the right steps to sort everything out. I know it might not feel like it now but sometimes you need to go through a really horrible phase for things to get better and this might be the thing you two need to make him realise what he needs to do to sort himself out!

I know this is going to sound really bad but I just don't think anything about pregnancy is easy, irrespective of the personal issues / pain we all face. I have never been so worried, stressed, physically sick and emotionally unstable ever in my life, not to mention the random pains and everything else and I have had no serious medical or emotional issues to deal with on top of it. I think you all are amazing for coping with the pain, the other children and the other issues you are dealing with but maybe they make it hard on purpose so we can show that we really do want them more than anything and are willing to go through everything to have them with us!

Nutty - do you have any of your jokes stashed away?

hmmmm i do think it may have a little bit to do with imaturity and the vastness of looming parenthood, but hopefully him going to get some advice will help with the agression & threatening behavior, maybe he will be able to express whatever worries or concernes are on his mind and it will dispell the anger.

but i do agree don't live in fear, but if you do feel worried at all take yourself out of the equation for a little while even if its just for the day or the weekend.

do try to have a word with your mum at least you will have back up (so to speak) and explain that you want to deal with it your way and that you would like her to respect that and not judge him too harshly etc

jokes on their way...... brb

ran out of hobnobs though sorry xx

A little girl goes to school in a short skirt that shows her underwear
when she bends over. Shes in the front of the school before the bell rings when a boy walks up to her and says, "Hey dumbass! I bet you cant climb that really high tree over there!!"
She glares at him and says," I bet I can!!"
So she climbs it and when she gets back down he says,"Hey nice underwear!"
When she gets home she tells her mom and her mom says," Well thats what you get for wearing those short skirts!"
So the next morning she goes to school in an even shorter skirt that shows her underwear when she lifts her leg to walk.
The same guy comes over and says,"Hey dumbass! I bet you cant climb that really really high tree over there!!"
Once again she glares at him and says,"I bet I can!!"
So she climbs it and when she gets back down the boy is stunned and has a scared look on his face.
She goes home and tells her mom and her mom says, "Why did he look that way?"
She says,"I outsmarted him mom! I just didnt wear any!!"

ha ha! Do you have a book of them or have you just stored them all in your memory!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.
Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, ?Well, I?m off now. The man
should be here soon.?

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened
to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ?Good morning, Ma?am?,
he said, ?I?ve come to...?

?Oh, no need to explain,? Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, ?I?ve
been expecting you.?

?Have you really?? said the photographer. ?Well, that?s good.
Did you know babies are my specialty??

?Well that?s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat?.

After a moment she asked, blushing, ?Well, where do we start??

?Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is
fun. You can really spread out there.?

?Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn?t work out for Harry and
me!?

?Well, Ma?am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I?m
sure you?ll be pleased with the results.?

?My, that?s a lot!?, gasped Mrs. Smith.

?Ma?am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I?d love to be in and out in five minutes, but I?m sure you?d be disappointed with that.?

?Don?t I know it,? said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
pictures. ?This was done on the top of a bus,? he said.

?Oh, my word!? Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

?And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.?

?She was difficult?? asked Mrs. Smith.

?Yes, I?m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good
look?

?Four and five deep?? said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

?Yes?, the photographer replied. ?And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.?

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ?Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment??

?It?s true, Ma?am, yes.. Well, if you?re ready, I?ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.?

?Tripod??

?Oh yes, Ma?am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It?s
much too big to be held in the hand very long.?

Mrs. Smith fainted !

young man starts his first day in the morgue, and has to do a night-shift. The
boss tells him that under no circumstances must he call him unless it?s an
emergency. Around midnight the boss?s phone rings.
"Boss boss you must come quick, there?s something really weird here!"
The boss gives off to the young man but he?s so insistent, the boss goes back in
to the morgue.
"What?s the emergency?" he asks.
The young man says: "This woman has a prawn sticking out of her pussy!"
The boss inspects the corpse. "That?s not a prawn, it?s a clitoris!"
To which the young guy replies: "Well it tasted like a prawn..."

so these two women decide to go out on a girls night out and they get hammered so they start walking to their car and one says to the other we cant drive were drunk so they decide to walk home when they both have to have a poo so they go in a nearby graveyard and go behind some headstones the first girl wipes with her panties and throws them away the second girl has an expensive pair of panties so she finds a wreath with a ribbon on it from a funeral from earlier that day and wipes with the ribbon and they both go home the next day the first girls husband calls the second girls husband and says hey i think our wives are getting too wild my wife came home without panties on and the other guy goes u think thats bad my wife came home with a ribbon in her ass that said from all of us at the fire station we?ll never forget u

BabyCRIMBOlat, I hope it's true that this is just an awful phase. I can see that maybe one day we'll look back on this & sort of laugh about it. The whole situation is completely daft & is becoming a really bad northern episode of Eastenders. I hope that it's not going to be the beginning of something awful that's going to leave me bitter & cynical forever.

What you said about the whole experience being so difficult is really accurate, I think - it is sort of a rite of passage. Maybe we have to fight this hard so that when we're out of our minds with exhaustion & there's a tiny person who won't stop screaming at 3 in the morning, we can hopefully step back & know how hard we fought to get there & know that it's worthwhile - even if it doesn't feel it right that moment.

Nutty, I'm really not sure what it is. He has some huge Daddy Issues of his own & has never been a timid, mousy sort of man - I wouldn't want him to be. But all of a sudden it's all getting a lot more obvious. Not that he doesn't want this baby - he honestly does seem to be more excited about it all than I am a lot of the time. Whilst I'm lolling around moaning that my hip hurts or I feel sick, he's all 'let's go out & look at cots!'. It almost gets annoying, but I'm really glad that he wants the baby so much. I'd be terrified at the moment if he didn't. That's not to say that he's not scared about it, though. He hasn't really said that he is, but I know that I am & I'm the one who's meant to be all full of maternal confidence. I still have moments when I have no idea how I'm going to get any of this right.

Everything seems huge at the moment, but I know that it'll settle down & I'll be fine. There's just too much all at once right now, I think.

me & dh have a lil collection of e-mail jokes

the last one is my personal favorite cos dh says it sound like something i would do lol

Nutty, I do love your jokes

Shame about the Hobnobs though Luckily I have some Maryland cookies. Anyone want any?

Snowysunshine, hang in there. You sound like you are doing a great job. Don't worry about the wedding - if it's just more pressure, you don't have to do it.
How long were you with dp before you were pregnant? did he ever show signs of this sort of thing before?
Best of luck - let us know how things go at the doctors.

i think you deserve to have all the cookies to yourself today snowy

gahhhh it wants to escape....... just had an alien moment....lil monster booted me so hard, ugh i feel quite sick

hi snowy - agree with what babycrimbolat said about sometimes these big fights have to happen for things to really change, and hopefully thats a line drawn and things can improve from here, and if he really wants the baby - thats hopefully half the battle, and he can put in the effort needed to change things and be there for you, cause he wants to be part of the family package in the future.

lol at the baby kicking so hard nutty - i'm jealous. lo has hardly kicked me much at all - just the odd movement now and again - am trying not to worry about it, but i am worried, and no midwife for another 4 weeks.