August 2021 Babies - Final evictions and the fourth trimester

[BertieBotts]

Time for a new thread! :)

29 gorgeous new babies have joined us already, welcome to the world 💖💙🥳

@Smurf123 - Welcome to the world, baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles - Welcome to the world, baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain - Welcome to the world, baby boy💙
@PurplePansy05 - Welcome to the world, baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 - Welcome to the world, baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum - Welcome to the world, baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 - Welcome to the world, baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 - Welcome to the world, baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 - Welcome to the world, baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 - Welcome to the world, baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx - Welcome to the world, baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x - Welcome to the world, baby Ella💖
@Biscuitcat - Welcome to the world, baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername - Welcome to the world, baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns - Welcome to the world, baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 - Welcome to the world, baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque - Welcome to the world, baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 - Welcome to the world, baby Ethan Benjamin 💙
@WolfMother326 - Welcome to the world, baby Alasdair William 💙
@BertieBotts - Welcome to the world, baby Alexander 💙
@RandomCatGenerator - Welcome to the world, baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp - Welcome to the world, baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB - Welcome to the world, baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 - Welcome to the world, baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@Fran919 - Welcome to the world, baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 - Welcome to the world, baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries - Welcome to the world, baby Frankie! 💖

Counting down until till they welcome their munchkins:

@Dia12 - EDD 8 August, Girl 💖
@livingwithbees - EDD 16 August, surprise 💛
@Sheisfee - EDD 19 August, Girl 💖
@Alittlexmasmagic - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@LottSE20 - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@ame88 - EDD 28 August, Girl 💖

@Magik01 it’s bloody hard. The thing that’s helped us the most is trying to get the baby into a routine of sorts. Most days it does go out the window but when it works it’s really good. Other than that I’m afraid we quite often resort to tv or plain old bribery to get her to do what we want. She’s 3 in December so it’s a tricky age as they’re so demanding but I’m sure it will get easier as time goes by. We also have her in nursery 3 days a week which is a huge help. My dh wfh too so he can help out here and there even though I hate interrupting him

Can I ask a question about stimulation - how much stimulation and play are you giving your babies at this stage, and how much are they responding? I don’t want to let mine down but at the same time, I think they have very limited eyesight at this stage and he’s very much happiest when he’s on me.

So tired today after being ill with a stomach problem last night. Honestly, really not looking forward to the night shift where it seems like he’s always awake for me but sleeps beautifully for DH (I’m sure this isn’t actually what happens but it feels that way).

@Magik01 ds was 3 in March, the tiny hands apps are great, they are sorting/ matching/early number - bright colours and ds loves them I use them with my class in school too (though they are suited to a 2/3 age )
Dexteria junior is good for developing fine motor skills
I bought abc mouse too but I think it's still a bit advanced for ds he gets a bit bored of it. It's good if you sit and do it with him in short bursts but for the price I don't think I'd rush to buy it at this age , looks great for older ones or maybe if your ds has a longer attention span than mine!
Ds is starting to enjoy the CBeebies app more now too

@RandomCatGenerator I don’t really have a clue what I’m doing in terms of how much he should be doing while he’s awake. I’m trying to sing a few songs etc, some nights if he’s not crying I’ll read him a book. Usually in the morning before I put his clothes on he’s very awake so I’ll lie him on his play mat and put a few of his black and white cards out for him to look at it. They say they should only be used for 3-5 minutes so I keep it short. I’ve seen him get overstimulated before and start crying if he’s had too much. I’ve tried the last few days to do a bit of ‘tummy time’ but it’s mainly been on me and not the floor and has been once per day instead of a few times.

When do most people start taking them to baby groups? There’s a few sensory type groups near me but not sure when the right time is to register for one

@sarah13xx I'll be taking DD to baby yoga and baby sensory after she turns 6 weeks as they don't accept younger babies than that. Plus she'll get her vaccines at the 6/8 week mark.

So we're trying something today where we wake DD if she sleeps for more than 3 or 4 hours. She would sleep for hours and hours during the day but not really any at night. So we wake, feed then entertain for an hour or less then she goes back to sleep. It feels cruel waking her but we want her long sleep at night and she's still sleeping during the day as she needs but in shorter bursts.

Rowan is really liking Hey Bear on you tube. Thanks to who ever suggested it. Need to turn it off though as she'd watch it for ages.

@Ready2020 baby yoga sounds good. I was looking for baby massage but can’t seem to find any near me at all 😕 I will probably aim for around 8 weeks. The sensory class runs in 4 week blocks and is about to start this week so by the next one he’ll be 8 weeks.

We don’t actually need to wake him during the day, he seems to just be awake and wanting fed. He almost never makes it to 3 hours! Today he’s been awake pretty much all day apart from half an hour naps here and there. He just seems to have woken up in the last week but he can do whatever he likes during the day as long as he’s still sleeping at nights as far as I’m concerned 😂

Well, it’s 1am where I am and Solomon will not sleep in his cot. Bad wind - I think - meaning howling ensues every time. When he’s on me he settles down. So for the last three hours we’ve been in a pattern of snack (he is doing frustrating small feeds), burping, crying at the wind, lift up onto me, sleep, put in bed, howling, back onto me, repeat.

Feeling fed up. DH takes over at 4am. I’m maybe just resigned to him lying on me for the next three hours if it stops the crying. But this is not sustainable and surely there must be a better way?

I’m so tired and still having tummy problems of my own (I must have eaten something). I just wish he would lie down and sleep.

Feeling a bit at a loss with stimulation too. Your experiences are helpful - thank you - but I feel like a shit parent that honestly, I feel at a loss with him during the day. He just looks at me with wonderful big blue eyes and I just don’t know what to do with him.

Not a good day. Thanks for being an outlet to have a rant. Doctor on Wednesday to discuss his digestive issues.

I feel like I’m rubbish at bottle feeding him, rubbish at getting him to sleep, rubbish at changing nappies - DH is better at all of it. I just feel rubbish.

@RandomCatGenerator oh lovely you are not rubbish. You're not alone either. All new mums feel as you do at some point. I know I do. I was at such a loss today with OH being at work. I find myself getting really frustrated with Rowan when I don't know what to do with her. It's not her fault obviously but I just look at her and say what the hell do you want!

I guarantee you'll feel better tomorrow when it's not the middle of the night.

@RandomCatGenerator remember your DH doesn't have it as constant as you. My husband is much more interactive than I am with him which I do sometimes feel bad about, and I do need to make more of an effort with this, but he's back at work now and doesn't do the night feeds during the week, so it's much less relentless for him. I can't remember if your DH is at work or not, but it sounds like you're breastfeeding which automatically makes it far more sided to you. Cut yourself some slack - you're doing better than you think x

@RandomCatGenerator you’re doing amazing to be able to be doing all that you are! Second the thing about DHs getting the nice bits of coming in from work having missed them and not having to do the night feeds (in my case anyway). We have it all day long and it feels so relentless, especially during the night

Combi feeding - so I feel like a dairy cow anyway, attached to a pump for hours a day. (I also sympathise with dairy cattle as to why they get so antsty when their udders are full in the morning, that is not comfortable…)

I think my DH might genuinely just be better at it. He can tune out the crying. He is working, afternoons only, and still does part of the night - from 4am til 9am. DH doesn’t have to do the pumping but he is pulling his weight a lot, which makes me even worse that he just seems better at it.

Thanks for reassuring words. Maybe it’ll feel better in the (normal, daylight hours) morning.

I just don’t feel the nights are in any way enjoyable or improving bonding, I’m just tired and sad.

I am in eternal admiration of single parents.

I find my OH is very good at playing with her and interacting but not so good at being quite and intimate. Doing night shift most nights and being responsible for all producing all her food is such a responsibility and its OK that OHs have a different role of entertainment. I think it's slightly inevitable that mums are more the organiser and feeder while dad's are the entertainment. Maybe that's sexist of me though.

It will definitely feel better in the morning. And yes, I bet for your DH that mental shift between work and home is helping in a way that probably helps him step back a bit from it. For us it can be so intense because it's all consuming and with the hormones as well.

In terms of stimulation we're not really doing anything specific. I tend to think newborns find absolutely everything about normal life stimulating! So everything can be a sensory experience whether that's a trip in the pram or sling or car, lying down and looking at things, being in a different place and looking at something else... Baths as well. I would say the only things we really do are talking to him, looking at him (they love to spend time gazing at faces which almost feels like they are studying you which I love!) DH tries to make baby sounds to see if he'll copy as well. We play music for him sometimes and DH dances with him and we've started doing a bit of sporadic tummy time.

Baby classes are more for your benefit than theirs until about 2 I always think so go when you feel in need of some adult company!

Oh and I stroke or massage his feet and back which he likes... Look up baby massage on YouTube.

And Random I would highly recommend you go on Amazon right now and order a copy of a book called What Mothers Do (especially when it looks like nothing). You are doing 100 invisible jobs that we simply don't have words to describe, which is exactly why it feels like nothing but you're exhausted anyway. And it's all so, so valuable and important.

@RandomCatGenerator I'm currently pumping while my DH is sat next to me doing 'row row row your boat' and 'head shoulders knees and toes' with the baby. Not what I would be doing at 10pm but I have no intention of putting him to bed tonight! My pump also sounds like a cow mooing 🙈

@RandomCatGenerator Well, first of all, your DH isn't better since it's you who carried, nurtured and birthed Solomon and you've done an amazing job. No one can beat this. You're his mum and he'll never love anyone else in this world unconditionally like you.

Beside, I'd like to think this isn't a competition but a partnership. It's good your DH is doing his share and you're happy with how he's doing it. It makes everyone's lives easier and does not take away from everything you do for DS. As Bertie said, in addition to all the visible stuff, you do the invisible work too and that's a month after giving birth. Give yourself a break, girl! You're understandably exhausted now. Things will look much better tomorrow morning, try to get a little bit of a rest if you can xx

Re sensory stuff, DS loves Hey Bear (glad you and Rowan are enjoying too, Ready, I've posted them before). We watch them daily, sometimes twice a day, for as long as he's enjoying it. If he's tired/permanently loses interest, I just switch them off. We chat and sing to him a lot. Lots of cuddles, tummy time on our chests (he just does it himself) and eye contact, bath twice a week and calendula oil massage after. He has sensitive skin and Weleda really helps him. I bought him sensory toys from Lamaze too and we're slowly introducing them, but at the moment his reactions are of course limited. He'll start enjoying them more in a couple of months, they're cleverly designed to suit different ages. I feel he's changing every day and now at 5 weeks he's a very different boy to say even 1-2 weeks ago xx

Ladies who had a vaginal birth, how long did it take for the muscles to stop hurting? It's been over 4 week and I'm still sore.

Also what size of nappies are you on now? Rowan is about 9lbs ish now and still on size 1 but I'm not sure if we should be moving up a size now.

@Ready2020 Elliot is 10lbs and still in 1s. We tried a 2 the other day but it just looked massive on him and was a bit too loose

@RandomCatGenerator oh lovely you are not rubbish. We have all had those days where we feel like we just can’t do it, but we can! You will feel better in the morning, I fed the night always heightens everything. Don’t beat yourself up, being a mum is a massive learning curve but we will all get there eventually.

I agree with what everyone else has said about partners, we have the baby all day so see all the good and bad sides, whereas they normally step in to just the good bits and that’s why it seems they they are great at it all. As @PurplePansy05 said, I love it when they study your face! They are so focused and I think that’s enough stimulation for them at the moment.

@Ready2020 I think Isaac is probably around the same size as Rowan and still in size 1. I won’t be changing the size just yet as they seem to be doing the job- no leaks etc. ☺️