Pregnancy after loss - Autumn Babies 2021 - Thread 3

[Pancakes7]

Hello! We're on thread 3 already!!

@PumpkinEverything
@ahuss
@Bellabubble
@Strawberry08
@marplemead
@MrsTD88
@Cafeaulait27
@ELMcg
@NatJ24
@JRH4622
@vitaminb33
@imisscoffee
@Firevie
@lamby12
@smarty4
@Smurf123

I hope that's everyone! If not please tag people if you think of any x

@Firevie So many unusual sensations in pregnancy, it's so hard to know! I had my 16wk midwife appointment today, which was face to face. I asked about the vaccine and they gave me some info to read - I have two of the risk factors listed so will definitely get it when I'm invited. It took ages to locate the baby's heartbeat, but all fine when they did. I don't have a date yet for my anamoly scan, but my midwife said I should be getting it in the next few weeks. Not long until your scan! Is it a private one?

@marplemead ah thanks for reminding me about the vaccinations. I’ll ask her as well when she calls. Yes my scan is a private one. Are you in the UK? Was your scan NHS or private? I thought NHS only offer 12 and 20 week scan. My 20week scan is on 27th May. I’m 16w+5 days today and will be 18weeks at my private scan yay
At my private scan I’ll ask to record my baby’s heartbeat as DH hasn’t been able to come to any scans with me yet. I should have thought about this earlier tbh - I’ve been hearing the heartbeat at every appointment but DH hasn’t had the opportunity yet so will ask to record next week xxx

@Firevie Yes, in the UK. I'm consultant-led, so get extra scans, which is nice. Next one is the anomaly one, which my midwife said they do up until 22+6, so this is the longest I'll be waiting for a scan. And then I will have growth scans at 28, 32 & 36 weeks. I heard the heartbeat today, but forgot to record for DH. I have lots of recordings of DD's heartbeat, oops

@marplemead ah ok nice that you got an extra scan in :) I’ll ask my midwife too about growth scans when she eventually calls. She was supposed to call at 10.20 this morning!!!
Will def remember to record heartbeat next time as it is the most wonderful sound to me ❤️❤️

Not all hospitals let you record a video etc but it's worth asking.

Ironically the only scan partners are allowed into is the 20 week scan, mine is the end of June and my husband probably can't come because of work, typical! Not allowed to record in the scans either so he's just had the few scan photos to go on.

Hi ladies I'm surprised at the hospitals that don't allow partners in still, it seems a bit over the top!
Thankfully ours now all partners to everything antenatal, other than the community midwife appointments. So the booking in and any scans and subsequent scans or consultant appointments. So DH could have come with me to my booking appointment last week but it didn't feel necessary. Thankfully he can come to the dating scan on Monday.

I'm becoming terrified about Monday or something happening (like bleeding) before Monday. We've come so far! I'm really trying to keep distracted, it's only 5 days but I'm panicking about every twinge, feeling, mood even (right before my last miscarriage my mood dipped massively which I now think was a morass I've hormone crash, so every low moment I think oh no is it happening again?!)
Arrrrghhh I thought be ok given we've had two early scans. I just keeping trying to remind myself nothing can cause a miscarriage, external factors I mean, nothing can cause it so it's fruitless worrying about it. That's what I'm trying anyway!

*massive hormone crash, I mean

Sorry I've been a bit absent a bit distracted by life (although has been nice to be not entirely focused on pregnancy).

Just wanted to pop by and say a late congratulations @Cafeaulait27 on your little boy! 💕

@lamby12 it's so rough getting to the dating scan, I honestly went completely out of my mind. Feeling down and extremely stressed about it is definitely normal after loss. Everything will be okay just try and get through the next few days!

Hi ladies! So my midwife didn’t bother to call yesterday! She called this morning and might not have called - absolutely useless! Asked her about COVID vaccinations - she said she can’t say anything. I should talk to my GP.
Then asked her about the itchy tummy. First she said it’s normal because skin is stretching then she said no check with early pregnancy unit or GP to do blood test to check for liver. I then said I thought you said nothing to worry about because skin is stretching. She said well yea but if it’s itchy every day then maybe you want to speak to someone else. Honestly I’m so enraged! What kind of service is that?! I might as well be a midwife if that’s all she knows. I know more just reading on google and so heartless and emotionless! I’m now trying to call my GP though I’m sure all is fine as my private doctor will probably do bloods anyway next week but that’s just it. If I didn’t have my private doctor then I would go nuts at this kind of service and this is supposed to be one of the best maternity units in London!!!!

Sorry for the rant ladies but had to get it out! Xxx

Thank you @vitaminb33 literally counting down the hours!

@Firevie I agree I found my community midwives useless last time. For a start I never saw the same one twice. They were never available on the phone, appointments were scarce, they knew very little (either that or they were just totally non-comital!) and I felt like I could read more online than they told me. I had an embarrassing scenario in the first pregnancy (to do with an STI..) and I psyched myself up to ask about it. She made me feel silly, embarrassed and was thoroughly unhelpful and basically said it wasn't her forte. It should have been and another midwife at the hospital when I had a scan spoke nicely with me about it and got medication prescribed. I found the teams at the hospital (EPU and then those you see when you have scans) so much more helpful than the community midwives. It was like a different world.

@lamby12 sorry to read that you’ve also had an infuriating experience! It’s just so awful. This is totally unnecessary stress. I’ll just have to sit it out until next Thursday when I see my private doctor. EPU aren’t even picking up the phone and there’s no email address. Truly pathetic. Xxx

I had terrible experiences with the midwives in my second pregnancy, because of it and my first birth experience I requested different treatment this time through the director of midwifery. I'm essentially getting a private midwife who usually deal with homebirths or high risk pregnancies, but for me it's for continuity of care and to avoid the stress and trauma I previously experienced. The general midwives here are overworked and just fob you off/push you along to someone else, don't read notes, have a bad manner about them in general, I think it's a terrible system.

@Garman couldn’t agree more! Their bedside manner is so off too! Really rude in fact. Just spoke with EPU and they fobbed me off to the GP because they only deal with ‘serious’ stuff. Are you in the UK? How do you get a private midwife? I’d be happy to pay extra but get attentive care with no stress attached xx

No I'm in Ireland, but this isn't normal level of care, usually you'd have to pay for a private midwife here but as my trauma issues stem from my experiences in my local hospital I went directly to them based on excellent advice from a now retired midwife I met there in my last pregnancy. She said I shouldn't have to be thousands out of pocket for a private midwife because the hospital wouldn't provide a basic level of decency and care for me, and to ask them for what I wanted.

I'll have the same midwife for all appointments, through the birth and for post natal care including home visits instead of phn. I'm also getting counselling paid for by the HSE too, because she agrees that my previous care was unacceptable.

@Garman so sorry you had to go through all of this! It really is so sad and infuriating! I hope you get the right level of care now. I will speak with my private doctor next week and ask him what the options are for me as this will just stress me unnecessarily xxx

@lamby12 Sorry you’ve had this experience with community midwives, I have too. They don’t seem to be very knowledgeable at all. Mine told me to come off metformin in pregnancy when the overwhelming evidence is to stay on it. I spoke to my consultant from when I was TTC who knows my history and a private endocrinologist who originally put me on it for PCOS a few years ago, they both said do NOT come off it. I told the midwife and she was just like ‘ok’. She literally had no idea.

@vitaminb33 thank you 💙💙💙

@Cafeaulait27 it is so worrying isn’t it? They actually give wrong advice ! Xxx

My community midwife with DD was awful. She was so disinterested all the time. The worst appointment was when I was rushing to get to the appointment that it triggered hives and I couldn't breathe. My blood pressure was sky high, but she let me leave and I had a panic attack in the waiting room. I don't know why I didn't complain at the time. And I was unlucky to have a community midwife for the birth, who was incompetent - I did complain about her a year later.

My midwife this time around is wonderful. I have seen her face-to-face for every appointment and she is easy to contact. It makes all the difference having proper care.

@marplemead omg what a horrific experience! So sorry to hear glad to know you have a good one this time around. I will complain about this midwife next time I’m in the hospital xxx

@marplemead I had panic attacks at almost every appointment on dc2 and the midwives couldn't have given less of a shit, it's terrible! They can be so uncaring when they're seeing people at such a vulnerable time.

Mine was terrible too @Firevie I was an anxious mess beforehand and had to wait 40 mins to be seen. Got into the room and she took my blood pressure which I told her was probably high because of nerves. She then took me over to the bed to check the heartbeat and couldn’t find it straight away so she sent me to the toilet to empty my bladder. I was absolutely bursting because I’d been waiting to see her for so long and had tried to hold as well incase I needed a urine sample. When I came back she found one that measured 125 but was weird and quiet about it. She then took my pulse and realised that was my heart instead. She then eventually found a heartbeat measuring around 145 which turned out to be babies, but I was so completely worked up at this point I felt I couldn’t believe her that it was baby and not me again. I mentioned here about being worried because of a previous miscarriage and she said nothing about it. She then barely gave me any chance to ask questions as she was trying to rush me out as she running behind. I asked about peppermint and camomile tea - peppermint fine, google the other she said. Asked about a ‘getting ready for baby’ leaflet in my notes - told me I should have been contacted and that she’d give me a call, and she still hasn’t. Then I tried to ask her about the covid vaccine and she told me she’d heard nothing about it and to check online. This was 2 weeks after it was on the news about it changing so she should have seen that herself 🙃
The whole thing was awful and I was a mess the rest of the day with nerves, I was actually nearly sick in Asda because I’d got so worked up. Thankfully I had my private scan the next day, otherwise I don’t know how I’d have got through!

Oh you ladies have had some terrible experiences. I've been lucky with the hospital midwives, my booking in appointment was lovely even though it was quick (they did most of the questions over the phone, so it was blood tests, blood pressure, urine and a few other questions etc). She asked me so many times if I had any more questions or needed anything else I was really surprised.

She told me they had prescribed daily aspirin for my previous suspected preeclampsia, small early baby and I was just a bit blindsided as I wasn't expecting a prescription and hadn't heard of daily aspirin. I know now it's no biggie to take but she went to speak with a doctor to make sure she explained it well to me.

On the other hand the community midwife rang me to tell me they won't see me til 16 weeks please don't contact them before that, they are very busy, etc etc. I hadn't contacted them at all (other than the Gp doing my referral!) so they basically rang me to say leave us alone just in case...!

Sorry it sounds like everyone is having a hard time with hospital care/ midwives. My last pregnancy I had one arrange to do antenatal home visit "before baby is born" 3 days after he'd been born. Then when she arrived (late despite me asking her to please come early as I wanted to get back to nicu to see ds after drs rounds) said and where's baby? Em in nicu where I told you he was yesterday! Her reply to that was well that means you can rest and catch up on lots of sleep while he's there. Im sure that was her being reassuring but wasn't particularly helpful at the time. This time around I don't even have one yet.. Due to covid I keep getting told they are swapping hubs.. I finally have an appointment for when I'm 28+6 for my 28 week bloods and am just hoping it won't change as it has done 3 times already.

Re the covid vaccine I got through to my GP yesterday who said that the guidance has changed to say we should be offered in within our age and risk group and that the vaccines are not live vaccines can't give you or baby covid and that they are very safe vaccines despite what the news says about astra zeneca. He said we should however be offered Pfizer (moderna hasn't made it to us here yet @PumpkinEverything) but that that is only because they have more data on it due to America using it in pregnancy and it is historically hard to get past an ethics committee to do trials. He did say that they have vaccinated pregnant staff within the practice with AZ as they still believe the risk of covid is much higher than any small risk of the vaccine.
He did say that it would have to be through a hospital site @PumpkinEverything as gp surgeries in NI only have AZ
He seemed very adamant that he would absolutely recommend taking the vaccine as soon as you become eligible. So I think I'm going to go ahead and take the vaccine at the appt I got for the weekend. My only concern is that it would negatively affect baby and there doesn't appear to be any evidence of that so that being the case I think I'd prefer to be protected again covid sooner rather than later

I'm sorry so many of us have had poor community midwife experiences. When I was a FTM, I wasn't very assertive, and I think some took advantage of that. I would absolutely say something this time around, but haven't really had any complaints so far.

@lamby12 I've been prescribed daily aspirin for a small early-ish baby too. I hope you feel reassured about taking it. I take it with my multivitamin, and don't even think about it anymore.

@Smurf123 I'm going to have mine when it's offered. Good luck for getting yours at the weekend.

Thanks for letting me know @Smurf123 ! Good to hear 😊 I’ll maybe need to ring my GP then. I did have a look a few times at the website to see where was coming up for booking, but only seems to be SSE most times. I also realised that my mum and stepdad, and my friends fiancé all got theirs in ballymena leisure centre and they got Pfizer there. So that could also be an option too!