Pregnancy after loss - Autumn babies 2021 - Thread 2

[Pancakes7]

Hi All,

I thought I'd start a new thread before we fill the other one.

@Bellabubble
@Firevie
@PumpkinEverything
@MrsF111
@MrsTD88
@Strawberry08
@imisscoffee
@Greenrubber
@vitaminb33
@Smurf123
@NorthernGirl1991
@bookwitch13
@JRH4622

Hopefully I've tagged everyone!

Hi @Cafeaulait27, I'm 10+3 too and have my dating scan on the 31st. So sorry for your losses, fingers crossed for smooth sailing for the next 9 months!

Welcome @Cafeaulait27 and I’m so sorry for your losses. I’m 10+6 and have my scan on the 31st 😊

Hi ladies, sorry I’ve not posted for a while. Had some good news today - was admitted to EPU for extreme sickness and the midwife who looked after me was the same midwife who I had when I was last in for my MMC. I told her how anxious I was about this pregnancy (and now my dating scan isn’t until April 16th which feels so far away!) and she said they’d had a scan cancellation so I had a scan and baby is measuring spot on at 8+5. I’m still in shock but very happy!

Great news @NorthernGirl1991 I’m sure that was a nice little boost amongst the sickness 😊

@Garman another wish of good luck for your scan tomorrow from me.

Thanks for the lovely welcome and replies it's nice to speak to such supportive people. I've been feeling really up and down today, feeling more pregnant today as I'm super tired and achy boobs but also been feeling very worried and quite low/irritated. I always feel like that before my period and the few days before my last miscarriage I was like that, so I'm feeling extra nervy again. Only 5 days now til my scan... hope we get there, hate wishing away time though does anyone else feel like that?!

@NorthernGirl1991 that's brilliant news!

@NorthernGirl1991 I'm sorry you're feeling so sick but great news about your scan. I'm so glad all is well.

Welcome @Cafeaulait27 congratulations on your pregnancy. It's pretty much Monday now, so your scans only next week. Not long now. Try and keep busy if you can.

It’s horrible isn’t it @lamby12 I’ve managed to distract myself most of today to keep the anxiety at bay and going to try to keep doing that for the next 10 days until my scan 😂 it’s so nice to have this group, I honestly don’t know what I’d have done without Mumsnet after my MMC as it’s the only thing that got me through it as I just felt so so alone and no one really understands, and then those that do understand I feel like I can’t talk to them properly about it in real life? (Some are a lot older than me and it happened so much longer ago for them and I just feel like I needed more ‘recent’ experience on how the practical side was dealt with, eg I went for surgical management)
Hate wishing time away as well as I really like to appreciate each day and I think time goes so fast, but can’t help myself 😂🙈

@lamby12 Yes I'm definitely the same, I kept wishing away the weeks waiting for my early scan. Now wishing away the weeks to my dating scan. I know I shouldn't wish away time. But the waiting is awful isn't it. My dating scan isn't till 13th April!

@PumpkinEverything yes I totally agree, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it just yet. With the first I told my mum straight away really not expecting the chemical to happen, and to be honest I handled quite well because I didn't have time to get excited and convinced myself maybe I wasn't really pregnant.

Then a couple of friends confided their fertility struggles in me and chemical pregnancies so I shared too and it was nice to talk. Now they've both had/having their babies (they shared when they were pregnant again past the 12 weeks). They've been really supportive along with another couple of close friends and I told them about what happened with my most recent loss at Christmas, because I really went off the grid for a few weeks though it's easy to that in lockdown isn't it. I've also told them we were about to start ivf.

So I don't feel like I can tell any of them about my pregnancy yet because I'm becoming 'that person' that has all the miscarriages, I'm sure they don't see me like that but I do. And I don't want my mum to worry just yet. I've got a couple of close friends who know about us starting ivf soon, wanting to meet over the next couple of weeks help chat about it and support me.. but I'm just avoiding it because I don't want to tell them yet but also can't stand faking talking about ivf and what's next, it feels deceiving when they are being supportive.

I've had really bad cramps coming and going again yesterday and this morning. I'm hoping it's still just stretching because I've had it for a week or so now on and off but it makes me worry every time because it feels JUST like period pains.

@Pancakes7 yes that does feel like soooooo long to wait!! I'm counting down to Friday and that seems an eternity. Will you have a private one in the meantime or wait til then?

@Garman thinking of you today. I'm sorry you are having to wait to get answers - I hope the day goes quickly for you ❤️

I know what you mean @lamby12 I think I would try to avoid the friends as much as you can so that you aren’t feeling like you’re lying. Are you having an early scan? (Sorry, can’t remember if you’ve already said this or not)
I had cramps during the TWW that continued probably until I was maybe 7 weeks or so? They then eased off and now just happen occasionally. Sometimes they’re cramps and sometimes they feel like a stretching sort of sensation. The ones I had up until 7 weeks did panic me too though, I kept convincing myself they were one sided, or sometimes I felt like I could feel them in my like pelvic/rectal area that panicked me too, but I’ve had two scans (at 7 and 9 weeks) and they were both fine despite the cramps, so try not to get yourself too worried 😊

Good luck today @Garman ! Hope the day goes as quickly as it can for you 🤞🏻

@lamby12 I had a private scan at 7 weeks +4, it was good news. Measuring a few days ahead at 7 weeks +6. So now I'm waiting to my dating scan.

That's an awkward situation with the friends wanting to help you through ivf. Maybe say you're thinking things over for a bit before starting. But thank you for their help and you'll be in touch when you're ready. Something like that? Will you wait till your 12 week scan to tell them?

@Garman Thinking of you today.

@lamby12 Congratulations on your BFP! Sorry for your losses, hopefully you won't need the IVF! Babymoon and baby stuff sorted for the same price!
@Greenrubber brilliant news on your test! Yay to a girl!
@Pancakes7 my scan came through, its the 16th April...are we the same week?
Is anyone else's partner struggling? Mine is stressed out, anxious and struggling to even talk about pregnancy with the fear that we will lose another one! My calm positivity is almost irritating him, like he would prefer me to be a nervous wreck again! I don't blame him after 3 MCs but he is miserable xx

@JRH4622 Yes we're the same week. Mine is 13th April. Tbh we're both keeping positive after our good scan. DH doesn't really stress too much. He gets more anxious last minute before the scan lol. I hope your DH is ok and can try and keep busy. Maybe have a chat about his concerns it might help him to get it all out.

@Pancakes7 Ah that will be nice, I will try and stay calm, fingers crossed!
Every time we talk he says he feels down and anxious...I cant help him other than to talk because I need to stay so positive or I will crumble! He really wants an early scan but I don't, it would reassure him but stress me out! I guess this is all just part and parcel of our journey...we are in the same boat on this group aren't we!

I feel so bad - I get no notifications these days - not even in my junk mail! A big hello and congratulations to anyone who has recently joined!

@Garman good luck for this afternoon - I hope youydoong ok, I found the anxiety before my scans has been unreal!

I had the nhs dating scan today - by my dates (and 2 private scans) I would be 13+1, but this one out my at 12+5 - they said they aren’t worried by a few days either way as apparently it’s an wstimate based on the size of the baby, and babies have growth spurts, then slower weeks of growth etc.
I still don’t feel to ready to announce it - a small amount of people already know, and I’ll let a few more members of my family know - but I don’t think I’m ready to get everyone’s congratulations and excitement yet of that makes sense - although it is third time lucky for us, I just need a few more weeks to start believing in my body a bit more!

@JRH4622 my husband has been making sure he thinks positive each time - I think I have been more like your husband! It has worked well in a way, we balanced each other out well - like his positivity stopped me from being too bad - but my caution stopped him from getting overly excited early on type thing x

@Bellabubble Thank you! I think I'm being selfish because I can feel what is going on, I feel sick, my boobs hurt etc and he cant get reassurance from that even though I mention it and make sure he knows everything...plus selfish for not wanting an early scan, I get such back panic attacks esp around scans (3 MCs and never a good scan) that I can so focussed on having a "normal" pregnancy and "normal" people don't have a early scan! Its keeping me sane but not helping him! There is no right answer, just have to deal with what we have been given! Sorry for the rant!
Great news on your scan!! Sounds like your body is doing you proud! I understand the hesitation of announcing it but the right time will hit you in the face all of a sudden and you will know!
@Garman Good luck for your scan today!! Cant wait to hear your great news xx

@Bellabubble congrats on your scan.. My last one baby was measuring 17weeks and from all previous scans I should have measured 17+4.. Consultant said much the same as what you were told today, that she wasn't worried at all about a few days either way. It's reassuring to hear others being told the same thing.

Regards to telling people.. With ds I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone really. My mum told extended family.. And one of my colleagues eventually told me that they all knew already and that my baggy tshirt couldn't cover a bump any longer.. I think I was about 20 weeks 🙈
This time round I've been here longer and felt sure my work colleagues would all want to rally round no matter the outcome and that they would also be a huge support in the early weeks so I told my closest colleagues around 8 weeks.. There's no right or wrong.. Just go with what works for you

@JRH4622 you have to do what is right for you. Hard when you both have opposite opinions. Could you perhaps book a scan last minute so you wouldn't have too much time to panic over it? But if you're going to have panic attacks then it's not worth it and hopefully DH can understand and wait for your NHS scan if that's what you want. It's lovely he cares so much but it must be difficult looking after him when you have your own anxieties. I hope the next few weeks go quickly for us both. ❤️

@Smurf123 ha ha I love that your colleague had to tell you they could see your bump. Had you told your bosses yet?

I'm dreading telling my work after having so much time off with Maternity and furlough. It's very awkward. I'm in two minds whether I'll tell them straight after my scan and screening letter arrive or whether I'll wait longer. Makes me feel very anxious thinking about it.

@Bellabubble i'm so glad you're dating scan went well today. A few days either side shouldn't matter I don't think as she said. Babies different size so much anyway don't they and I have heard that they have growth spurts at different times. I hope once the news has sunk in You can start to relax more and enjoy it and then tell people when you feel comfortable to.

@Pancakes7 Yes lets how time flies! He is soo good and has put no pressure on for the early scan and understands that it scares me! We will just muddle on through and keep busy! Bring on w/c 12th April comes quick xx

My husband is the opposite @JRH4622 he very very rarely gets stressed or anxious, and if he is he doesn’t show it. He didn’t say too much about the pregnancy up until the 9 week scan, and now he talks about it a bit more and seems excited (which freaks me out!) as I think he wanted that time period to pass. I need him to be the calm one as I can’t be 😂 I think if it will make you too anxious then don’t get the scan and just try to hold out. I know that’s what he really wants, but you’re the one carrying the baby and it’s important that you look after yourself and try to keep yourself as relaxed and stress free as possible.

@Bellabubble so glad all went well today 😊 don’t feel like you have to tell anyone just yet. Give it another few weeks and then just tell people when you feel like it! I think I’d be feeling the exact same as you.