August 2021 - Heading into the second trimester

[BertieBotts]

Old thread was about to fill up again

I will try to get to the car seat/pram Qs in a bit...

@wimbler - EDD 29 July, having a surprise! 💛
@Champson - EDD 22 August (but really June/July), TBC 💛💛💛
@Jessicapebbles - EDD 5 August (but having C-section at 39 weeks, so really July) 💛
@smurf123 - EDD 5 August (but likely to be July) 💛
@WhatEvenIsSleep EDD 2 August, TBC 💛
@Smushty14 - EDD 6 August, TBC 💛
@Rattyclife - EDD 6 August, TBC 💛
@Biscuitcat - EDD 10 August, having a surprise! 💛
@runnergirl123 - EDD 11 August, TBC 💛
@PurplePansy05 - EDD 12 August, Boy 💙
@BananaHammock23 - EDD 13 August, surprise 💛
@MrsB2019x - EDD 13 August, TBC 💛
@Magik01 - EDD 13 August, TBC 💛
@Carefree1 - EDD 15 August, can't wait to find out 💛
@DressyGerbera - EDD 15 August, surprise 💛
@lucyrp - EDD 16 August, undecided 💛
@BertieBotts - EDD 16 August, want to know! 💛
@Whatshouldbemyusername - EDD 16 August, TBC 💛
@WolfMother326 - EDD 17 August, surprise 💛
@Smallbean27 - EDD 19 August, surprise 💛
@WatermelonKisses - EDD 20 August, surprise 💛
@alittlexmasmagic - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@Millymay13 - EDD 22 August, TBC 💛
@Notinthestarsigns - EDD 23 August, TBC 💛
@northernsquirrel- EDD 31 August, surprise 💛

@WolfMother326 I almost posted the exact same question yesterday, I've been wiped out. Currently trying to stay awake to finish work (clearly going well with so much time on mumsnet today...)

And thank you and @Carefree1 and @MrsB2019x - I'm feeling much less guilty now (and had a moan to my sister who also agrees with me and all of you). I do really want to see them, they're so lovely and it's been so long, but not staying in my house with a newborn!

Glad your appointment went well @lucyrp 🥰

Welcome @Hoares3 😊 we're due date twins! My scan is the day before yours, but the plan is to have a surprise - so it's lovely hearing what everyone else is having to while away the time!

@Carefree1 I don't feel particularly pregnant either, luckily feeling much better in 2nd trimester. Patiently waiting for a bump to maybe make it feel like something is in there!

@MrsB2019x that was just the bit of reassurance j needed in between waiting for the next scan. Hopefully OH will be able to feel them move before then too which would be nice. I recorded the heartbeat on my phone and can't stop listening to it 🥰

@biscuitcat thanks 🥰

Also on the fatigue front yes, especially being at work this week I normally nap at around 2-3 o clock so doing the school run straight after work is proving difficult 😭

I've just been reading about tears, episiotomy, epidural etc. I have to say I'm petrified of the delivery. On one hand, I look forward to it because I know it's a beautiful act and going through it naturally, whilst exhausting, seems the most likely choice to me. But I am petrified of complications, like tears and episiotomy, getting paralysed after epidural, GA complications and primarily something wrong with the baby. I have this fear of my son becoming distressed and stuck and losing him because I wouldn't know that something is wrong and what if it goes unnoticed. Is this completely ridiculous? I am scared because I've never done it before and fear I'll be out of control and unable to advocate for him or myself. xx

@PurplePansy05 doesn't sound ridiculous at all. I've sort of been avoiding thinking about the birth part but I have my next midwife appointment on Friday so I might have to start facing up to it!

I didn't actually know you could request a c-section 😳

@Daffodil21 I'm learning from MN tbh. It doesn't seem like there's much assistance available to present all the options. I think I'd like to consider this over time tbh, with understanding that things may go differently on the day. But I do find this is a lot to take in gor FTM and I don't want to be bombarded with information in the last few weeks and expected to make quick decisions I'm actually undecided about pros and cons of natural birth vs ELCS as it stands. xx

I didn't know there was any other option than natural birth with my first and none of the other things were actually discussed with me I.e forceps, ventouse, tears etc. So never had to think about it. The midwife seems to think because my last birth was fine thag this one should be too and if I haven't torn the first time I shouldn't this time etc etc but don't think I agree with her. However don't really want to think about it in any other way so I'm not 🙈

@biscuitcat hello I feel the same
I think because I don’t have a bump and I haven’t felt any “flutters” I’m anxious but I’m just reminding myself it’s my first and everyone is different
Everything was fine at my 12 week scan, I’m 16 weeks now but don’t have my 16 week appointment until I’m 18 weeks but at least I won’t have long to wait until my 20 week scan after that
Try not to worry too much- everything will be fine and I’m sure it won’t be long until you start feeling pregnant xx

I think the process of requesting an ELCS is quite lengthy and you have to go through a lot of hoop jumping - I think midwives/consultants are quite reluctant to offer them without medical need and you have to push quite hard (pun not intended!) to get anywhere with it. I read of a lady on MN who was sexually abused and suffered trauma during medical examinations as they reminded her of when they had to take evidence from her, consultants were still reluctant to give her an ELCS. I don’t mean to put anyone off or anything like that but if you strongly want one you’ll need to start getting a strong case together
(From experience working on maternity)

@Alittlexmasmagic yes I’ve been advised if going for a vaginal birth to scream for an epidural straight away as I’ve heard they’re not always available. Still seems scary even with pain relief...

@WolfMother326 my book covers some bits hypnobirthing and I will definitely read up more on it, a lot of people talk about hybobirthing being great.

I almost posted about fatigue yday, I would say it’s exhaustion actually- I feel shattered and it reminded me of the early days!

@MrsB2019x absolutely, under no illusions that c section isnt a major surgery. I will definitely research til I can research no more but I think it’s getting over the initial fear so I can look at all options objectively.

Much like @PurplePansy05 I’m learning so much from MN, I only realised you could request one after reading on here and then following up on google. I do sometimes feel that you are very much left to it, I know I’m a ftm and maybe a bit precious? But I wasn’t expecting ante natal care to be the way it has been. I’m not expecting to babysat the whole way through but I am kind of surprised and how little contact/info you’re given.

@lucyrp glad the appointment went well!!!

@Hoares3 welcome!!! I am also due 10th august 😊

@biscuitcat apart from the never ending sickness and exhaustion I dont feel pregnant! But I think that’s largely because I’m used to feeling like crap. I have forgotten what it feels like not to feel bad because it’s been 4 months now. I have an anterior placenta so unlikely to feel much and really, I have no bump... so I just feel like I’ve had a bug for a really long time! x

@PurplePansy05 it's totally normal to be worried. Firstly, know your options but keep an open mind. As situations change be aware of what this might involve.
Do make sure your birth partner is fully up to speed on your preferences and wishes. They will be your advocate for any time you're struggling. If you have money available, maybe look into hiring a doula or similar who will be fully knowledgeable and there specifically for you.

I've mentioned this before but avoid reading and listening to other people's birth stories (including MN - there's no point in posting a dull ordinary birth).
In my experience its like a weird competition to see who had it worse. If it was quick, then it was too quick and out of control because they can't look like they had it easy compared to those who were in labour for days. Totally the opposite for ELCS... then it's a competition to see who was up and about playing netball 3 hours post surgery... (Slight exaggeration).

@MrsB2019x yes this sounds in line what I’ve been reading. This website www.birthrights.org.uk/factsheets/right-to-a-c-section/ suggests you get referred to a mental health team to discuss fears of a natural birth so it does look like there’s quite a process.

@Alittlexmasmagic totally agree with this. I try to ignore horror stores but MN has been great with posters who are knowledgeable. Ie on this thread, asking about c sections and you get such a range of non judgemental and sensible replies. Very appreciative of your wisdom!

There’s definitely a competition among my friends over who’s has the worst pregnancy/birth which makes my eyes roll! Lol!

Thanks @Alittlexmasmagic. I don't really understand this whole competition about giving birth or post EC recovery, surely all that matters is that a healthy baby is out and if you're lucky you don't end up shitting yourself for months after or becoming incontinent Sorry if this sounds blunt but I'm a straight talker and I to me this sort of competition between women is pathetic and unhealthy.

I don't understand all these celebrities moaning about having a 'traumatic birth', every single one has it dramatically bad, as if!

I think this kind of a narrative is really unhelpful as we soak up all these horrid stories whereas in reality it's a natural thing, yes, difficult, but I think we have enough common sense to realise it won't be a walk in a park to deliver a baby whose head is bigger than we are down there

I just would like some reassurance I guess, something to help out if things do go wrong. Unfortunately a doula won't be an option (although a great shout!) as my health board won't be allowing more than 1 person at birth as it stands. But that's along the lines of what I'm thinking, someting helpful in practice. Perhaps I'll educate DH very well beforehand. x

Just a quick one from me to say yes totally fatigued!!! I can hardly do my regular hour walk with the dog anymore without needing to sit down halfway through! Slightly terrifying. And can't stop yawning. And breathing heavy - I think that lung pinching thing someone mentioned has already started. Also mega heartburn - anyone else yet?!?! My mum said she had it bad with me 🙄

Not more than a bloat bump here either - at 15+3 and triplets 😂 I'm sure will come soon enough!

Welcome @Hoares3!! Great bunch of ladies here :)

And given the trips, we are 99% having a ELCS - I have done no research, but I'm all about the drugs and feeling as comfy as possible! I have heard of a triplet mum who gave birth naturally though 😱 Mental.

Lots of love to you all this evening! xx

@PurplePansy05 you can shit yourself for months after??! Oh the joys. I'm so clueless, I've been so focussed on getting past the first trimester etc that I haven't thought about birth really at all until reading these posts!!

@Daffodil21 Maybe not for months 🤣 But you can be left with some temporary issues if you have a serious tear I believe. xx

@Inmypjsagain

Omg I totally agree about the so little contact in antenatal care, They have asked me 3 times if I'm suffering domestic abuse (and rightly so it's a fair Aq to ask all women) however isn't my mental health and anxiety about the birth just as important, even when I specifically mentioned it I felt it was dismissed.

@MrsB2019x about pushing for ELCS this is why I've mentioned it to the MW at every opportunity but they do not care.
I'm going to mention it again at my 20 week scan and if they dismiss again I'm going to ask if I can document this in my notes?

www.rcog.org.uk/en/patients/patient-leaflets/choosing-to-have-a-caesarean-section/

This is also a good resource

Errr yeah I think I would opt for a c-section too with triplets :o good choice! Having to deliver the placenta is bad enough. I can't imagine having to actually push a head through more than once in a row!

@Caz1226 despite thinking I felt movement early on I really don't feel much with this pregnancy now, it's weird after my other two were so active. Maybe this baby will be more chilled! If I really sit/lie still and concentrate, I think I can feel something but it would be totally impossible if I didn't know what I was feeling for, def normal not to have movement yet, so don't worry.

I do however look incredibly huge

@PurplePansy05 I can't remember, was it you who joined antenatal classes? That was incredibly helpful to me for birth the first time around, they explained everything that could happen and why and in what situation it would be used.

In terms of being afraid of intervention - I do totally understand this, but I also know from experience (of labour!) that at that moment when you're there if they said "We need to do X to keep your baby safe" you would agree to absolutely anything in that moment and it would be less scary than the alternative. So please try not to worry too much about these things. If it does happen, it will happen for a reason and it will be the best decision, and you will just cope with it because it will already be happening. I would try really hard to stay away from stories where there are disasters, malpractice etc as this is incredibly rare - the NHS staff are really well trained and all procedures have to be documented as evidence based etc. You will be in very good hands whatever you choose. Be aware as well that a lot of birth horror stories in English online are coming from the US where the medical culture is very different.

We also learned a very useful acronym in antenatal classes (13 years ago!) which I still remember and use today: BRAIN.

That is a list of 5 questions you can ask, and you can always ask questions. It's very rare there is a situation so urgent there is no time and if that happened, they'd make it clear to you.

Benefits - what are the benefits of this course of action?
Risks - what are the risks?
Alternative - are there any alternatives? What are they?
Instinct - what does my instinct say?
Nothing - what happens if we do nothing (for an hour, for a day, for a week, nothing at all?) - aka is this urgent, or can we wait and see?

@Champson as I write this I have literally just had a slug of gaviscon, I feel like I have eaten acid. Lack of breath is something I’ve had for 2 weeks and I’m mentioning it my midwife at my appointment tomorrow- I thought it was early to be out of breath. And constipation, it’s been 8 days since my last visit to the loo :(

@LyraShaeLilly I don’t know if I expect too much but I don’t think my midwife has been great, but I do feel you don’t seem to be taken too seriously, especially pre 12 weeks- I wonder if itll change post 20 weeks? I’m also asking my midwife tomorrow when I need to talk about birth options, I’d like an idea of time lines and what happens when rather than it all be sprung on me!

Thanks @BertieBotts, that's really helpful 😊 I will of course accept everything that is needed to keep the LO safe, my fear is that medical staff may miss something, make an error etc. You are right to say this is very rare but actually there have been multiple serious failings in recent years in Cwm Taf health board and for example in Shrewsbury & Telford which I find terrible. I think it's a fear of me and my baby being so totally dependent on someone doing a good job that scares me. xx

Also I agree with you @Inmypjsagain, I already knew what was coming from previous experiences with MC but you are right to say that antenatal care overall feels rushed and very basic, especially as FTM. You're not alone in that view. Without forums like this one, I'd feel very lost. xx

So useful to hear everyone's views and experiences of C sections compared to vaginal births, and thank you to everyone who's shared resources too 😊

I'm leaning towards trying for a vaginal birth, mainly because I live quite rurally and it would be a nightmare not driving for 6 weeks. But some of those thoughts about birth injuries are really worrying too, so I'm not really sure. I know the NHS prefer you to have a vaginal birth unless there are other factors at play, so I worry that in any discussion about birth choices it might not be totally impartial.

I haven’t been on here for a while, hope everyone is doing ok! Whilst the sickness has mostly died down I am also still feeling very fatigued. I saw my consultant for the first time today and he did a scan too, everything was looking good still. I am feeling quite detached from thispregnancy, I think due to having such a traumatic experience in my previous pregnancy. Hopefully that will change at some point. The consultant was good, he is going to do my 20 week scan and has brought that forward. He has also said that after 20 weeks he will be guided by me as to how often I need to come in, and I can have scans every 2 weeks if that helps, so I can’t complain that I am not being looked after!

In terms of the birth, all being wellI will be being induced at 38 weeks due to having sticky blood.

We have put our house on the market this week and have 7 viewings tomorrow, hoping it goes soon so that we can relax a bit!

*fora, I can't think tonight 🤦🏼‍♀️
Is it really that difficult to get ELCS though, O thought around a quarter of births are now ELCS?