Pregnancy after loss - Autumn babies 2021

[Pancakes7]

Hi All, I have only just got my BFP and it's still faint atm. I had an mmc in May 2018, I then gave birth to my son May 2019. I had another mmc July 2020 and have been ttc ever since. I just got my BFP yesterday, so very early days. I'm not ready to join both groups quite yet. I thought this could be a space for us all going through pregnancy after loss. As we all understand the nerves/anxiety that go with this. I hope it's useful.

A bit of back ground on me. I'm 33, married. I have a 20 month old son. I haven't returned to work yet since maternity. I returned for 2 weeks then was put on furlough. I will be going back part time, doing 3 days.

@Smurf123 glad I'm not the only one 🤣🤣 this didn't happen until much later last time round

@SpohW194 hi, sorry to hear you're still off food. How exciting your dating scan is so soon. Mine isn't until 24th March, cannot wait to find out all is well so we can tell our daughter ❤

I love the sound of everyone’s breakfasts this morning! All sound delicious 😊

I will be having sourdough and eggs and some orange juice for breakfast. We pick up a loaf from a local place every other week and it’s honestly the best, so I really look forward to it!

@Pancakes7 I love the bold type! I watched it all last year and I’m just waiting on them putting the last season up 😊

@Firevie when mine hurt I purposely would walk really heavily down the stairs to see if they still hurt 😂 I wish they would hurt again! Now I can’t tell whether any of the pain I feel is just from me poking at them so much 🤦‍♀️

@PumpkinEverything Oh cool. I've just started Season 2. I'm really enjoying it. I should really have a shower and get dressed. I've nearly eaten all of the Brioche rolls 🙈 I forced myself to stop but there's only 2 left 😂

I need to up my breakfast game - I had porridge and jam 😂

I just tried my work trousers on for Monday (back to “smart attire” as all children are back in) It’s not happening - they barely went over my hips! Oh says I should take that as a goid sign things are going well - I’m more upset that I’m in the between stage, not really able to fit my regular clothes or maternity!

Yeah I enjoyed it too as I love those types of shows @Pancakes7 😊 we just watched the last episode of wandavision and I’m trying to will myself now to get up and get ready to get outside!

@Pancakes7 hope you are feeling a bit better today, a good cry is helpful sometimes! I was explaining to my OH the other day that staying positive after having a MC is so exhausting, it is taking up all my mental energy so its not surprising if we get overwhelmed by it sometimes and have a down day. I went to bed last night with the teddy and sleepsuit I have already bought for the baby!

@Bellabubble i got two pairs of maternity jeans this week and im spending the whole time pulling them up!! Still more comfortable that my others which i have to wear with a hair bobble

I need a bit of help today, I don’t even know what I need! 😔
Got myself in a bit of a flap last night and cried to my husband because I’m so anxious about tomorrow. I’ve looked at so many old posts and googled it but I’m just so panicked about my boobs not being sore the last few days after my MMC last time. I’m just in the exact same part where baby stopped growing at 8, and my boobs stopped hurting this time at 8 (which happened before), and I had my scan at 9 weeks, and this time I’ll be 8+6.
I’m going back and fourth between trying to force myself to be positive, and then another half of me that’s being so negative and can’t see past this and I can almost imagine the whole scan and hear the bad news tomorrow already. A week ago I was so excited and thinking ahead, and now I feel like that’s all disappeared and I can’t think ahead anymore, as if my thoughts have disappeared because something is wrong.
I keep trying to tell myself that my scan last week showed me measuring a day ahead, with a heartbeat, whereas last time I had a heartbeat but measured a week behind. I know that this doesn’t mean that all will be okay but I just can’t seem to keep this in my mind.
I also feel like I’m less bloated today as well and I now can’t tell if not only do my boobs not hurt, but are they also less full?
I’m driving myself up the wall with worry. I’ve tried focusing on the positive things, and I’ve even stood in front of the mirror and told myself I’m going to go tomorrow, there’ll be a heartbeat, and baby will be measuring right as they’re supposed to, as if I’m trying to convince myself that I’m fine. I also keep trying not to think about the negative parts because I feel like by doing so it’s as if I’m accepting it, but then part of me is saying that I should think of them so I can prepare myself.

Sorry, this is all a bit of ramble, but if anyone has any advice or tips I’d really appreciate it 🙈
Going to get ready to go out for a walk and get a nice coffee, and then we always get a takeaway on Saturday so I don’t have to think about dinner, and I’ll try to pick a nice funny film to watch later.

@PumpkinEverything sorry you’re feeling like this. I keep having similar thoughts but we have to snap out of it. Rush down the stairs to feel the pain in your boobs. I’ve just done the jumping up and down lol. Less than 24hrs to go until you see your healthy bean tmr. Also I’ve read ofte your body starts getting used to the hormones and then the pain subsides xxx

@PumpkinEverything that sounds really tough. I've been up and down like this too. It helps to remind myself that the chances of it happening again are very low.

I also find that trying to avoid/ignore the negative thoughts can make it worse. Sometimes, just sitting with those thoughts and feelings and accepting them for what they are can help them to pass. I find yoga can help with this.

It sounds like you have a nice plan for today. And tomorrow will be here before you know it. The odds are always in our favour.

@PumpkinEverything It's shit when you can't get your head out of the negative! Have you tried any meditation? If you like it and it doesn't make the negative talk worse then I will send a few links to my favourites...they help me relax mostly but also getting out and go for a walk and visualise the good news!! Get a lovely coffee and the film sounds like a great idea!! Don't beat yourself up either...its normal it feel shit scared!! Xxx

I'm just catching up! Had a rough few days as my toddler decided not to sleep so I've been semi-comatose.

I can't remember who asked but I do recommend Superstore! It's perfect for one those lighthearted comedies, very watchable.

I've obviously spent the last few days going between conviction I have an ectopic pregnancy/miscarriage is starting 🤦‍♀️. Still no prominent symptoms, boobs hardly painful at all, only tiny bit of nausea etc. Completely exhausted but I'm pretty sure that's a toddler symptom rather than pregnancy.

I'm so sorry you're worrying @PumpkinEverything! I don't know if this is helpful but I think having been through a MMC scans (especially ones close to dates the last pregnancy ended) are probably always going to be intensely stressful. Maybe accepting that you're going to feel terrified and that's entirely normal might help a little? The panic isn't a sign something's wrong, it's completely expected. After your last scan was good chances are really high it will be okay!

I can say this but I still can't bring myself to book a first scan because I know I'll start dreading it the minute I book it 😬

@PumpkinEverything I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. Remember that some people have barely any symptoms at all and baby is fine. You might find your boobs have stopped hurting for a bit as they're not growing at the moment and then in a few weeks time they could be hurting again. The fact that baby measured the right size and even a day ahead on the last scan is a really good sign. I completely understand the fear though. Try and remember this is different to last time. I'm sure baby is growing away nicely. A walk is definitely a good idea. Also a happy film is good to keep busy. Is your scan in the morning? X

Thanks so so much everyone, I really appreciate all the comments and the positivity. I think that’s what I need, positive vibes!

I’ve never tried meditation before @JRH4622 but would be interested in it so happy for links 😊 I sometimes use the breathe feature on my watch for a minute of breathing to calm myself 😊

Had another cry after my post and trying to pick myself up to go out now, a bit later than planned 🙈

Scan is at 10 o’clock tomorrow; and I believe I’m their first appointment so hopefully there shouldn’t be any delays 🤞🏻🤞🏻

@PumpkinEverything After my first mmc I was really struggling and I got Headspace. I really recommend it. You can do a free trial I believe. It's an app and it helps you meditate and just calm your nerves.

Continuing the food chat. My DH and DS came back with a Strawberry Yumnut from M&S. So yum!! Feeling a bit rough now though. Having a lie down.

My symptoms, especially sore boobs, have really eased over the past few weeks and my scan on Thursday was perfect. The HCG levels can peak anywhere between 7 and 12 weeks and can account for symptoms settling. It is just our bodies being used to the HCG. Everyone and every pregnancy is different. I can highly recommend getting out and doing something for a few hours to take your mind off things. I'm just home from a trip to the park and had a lovely hot chocolate and carrot cake. I feel like I need a nap now!

This is a lovely one for relaxation! Just love the idea of building my nest!

Eugh girls I'm feeling so ill this afternoon. I feel so sick and really faint. This is how I was last time. It's making me worry that things will be like last time. I'm really teary too. Keep crying for no reason. All these extra hormones along with the worry is just making it really hard.

Thanks for the link @JRH4622 and the app recommendation @Pancakes7 😊 I do feel better after my walk as it distracted me a lot and I’ve not had time to be negative. Can’t stop but think what am I going to be doing or thinking this time tomorrow. We’re supposed to be making nachos for dinner and I’m hoping I can be sitting on the sofa enjoying them 😂😂 I’ve been looking forward to them all week.
I think because the only times I’ve been in that room are when I was getting bad news or talking about what happened, so I don’t know how to imagine being told something positive!?

I’m sorry you’re not feeling great @pancakes7 😔 can you maybe lie down and take it easy this evening so you aren’t moving too much? The hormones are so hard to deal with when combined with stress and worry

@PumpkinEverything I've been lying down this afternoon. As soon as I get up I feel awful. I'm hoping I'm feeling better Monday when DH is back at work. Sorry I think I'm just feeling rubbish and just really being scared of my scan. As much as I want it, I don't want it. Because I don't want my hope to end. I don't know if that makes any sense.

Nachos sound amazing. I'm jealous, I'm really craving some now! I've not had them in forever. With how positive your previous scan was I'm sure everything will be great tomorrow.

@PumpkinEverything glad you’re feeling better! Enjoy the nachos yumm
When did you have your first scan/how many weeks were you at your first scan? Or is it the first one tmr? Apologies I just can’t keep up lol xxx

@JRH4622 thanks for the link. I’ll also make it a routine and listen to it everyday xxx

@Firevie I mediate at least once a day and always before bed...hope it helps! Xx