Pregnancy after loss - Autumn babies 2021

[Pancakes7]

Hi All, I have only just got my BFP and it's still faint atm. I had an mmc in May 2018, I then gave birth to my son May 2019. I had another mmc July 2020 and have been ttc ever since. I just got my BFP yesterday, so very early days. I'm not ready to join both groups quite yet. I thought this could be a space for us all going through pregnancy after loss. As we all understand the nerves/anxiety that go with this. I hope it's useful.

A bit of back ground on me. I'm 33, married. I have a 20 month old son. I haven't returned to work yet since maternity. I returned for 2 weeks then was put on furlough. I will be going back part time, doing 3 days.

Thanks so much ladies. You have all actually reassured me a bit! I’m really not in pain or anything which I always thought would happen with an ectopic. Think I’m just so worried about something being wrong.
I’ve mentioned it before, but with my MMC pregnancy I always had a feeling something was wrong the entire time, even after seeing the heartbeat at 6 weeks. This time I don’t have that feeling, but I’m getting anxious moments every now and again and I’m panicking that I’m really not mentally prepared for something to go wrong whereas last time I feel like I was in a way?!

@PumpkinEverything That might be a good sign you're feeling positive. I am feeling relatively positive too. But I'm mostly still in denial that I'm pregnant 😂 not long till your scan at least!

@Strawberry08 Have you booked your scan yet? I'm phoning to book mine tomorrow for Friday 12th March when I'll be 7weeks +4. I think I'm going to have a second scan at 10 weeks. I feel like this first part is the scariest for me.

@Pancakes7 nope I am going to book the scan a week tomorrow (when il be 6 weeks) for the 15th March when I will be 8 weeks. Trying to have milestones to keep the mind focussed!
I did get this today though so everything is as it should be for now. No more testing haha

@Strawberry08 Ooh brilliant! 👍🏻 I'm 8 weeks on the 15th too! I just can't wait the extra weekend I don't think lol. Silly I know! Definitely good to have little milestones.

@Pancakes7 I will be 8 weeks and 1 day I think but obviously can’t have the scan on the Sunday so the Monday will be okay.

I am trying to make the gap between the initial scan and 12 week not too big.
But yes at the moment I just feel like how on earth am I going to wait until then! Still 3 weeks away from a scan which is crappy. Hoping for time to fly!

@Strawberry08 Ah right yeah that makes sense. Just spoken to my dh and thinking if the scan is positive news, I'll try and wait to 16 weeks for my other private scan. OMG I hate all the waiting!! The weather is getting warm here though so I should keep busy this week. Hopefully time will go quickly.

Echoing others @PumpkinEverything but try not to let it worry you. If you weren't pregnant, so you think you would've noticed them? Pregnancy certainly puts me on hyper alert for any ache or pain. Hope your scan comes around quickly.

Booking and bloods done, had an awkward conversation with the midwife doing my bloods- she was sure she knew me from somewhere, I thought maybe she was a relative of a child at my school or something, but no, she knew me because she did my first emergency scan appointment after my first bleed last time. But because that was only in Oct, she didn't realise it was me as yet again nobody looked at my medical history. I'm picking my pregnancy notes up on Tuesday and I'm tempted to get some of those warning stickers from count the kicks if they still make them. Failing that, just write up my history in massive capitals all over the front.

Thanks @imisscoffee I think the only thing that’s not tipped me straight over the edge is the fact that I had similar pains/feelings after my surgical management when I obviously wasn’t pregnant, and for that I just figured it was inflammation or something from them poking about inside me. Scan is on Tuesday morning so less than 48 hours to go 🙈 really hope that this time Tuesday night I am happy and not depressed or stressed out!

That sounds awful for you 😔 yeah I would definitely try to get something like that so people know when they look at your notes straight away! Must have been such an awkward convo.

Hey all. I’ve been quiet but checking in with what you are all saying and so many of your feelings and worries resonate with me. I’ve booked a scan for two weeks time when I’ll be 8 weeks. Feels super scary and nervous already. I’ll have to go in solo as my DH will have our DD (we don’t want to get anyone else to know just yet so can’t get childcare) Thinking I might make them wait in the car though 😂

@pixienewbie 8 weeks is good time to have a scan, but understand it's worrying with our history. I'll be going solo for my one at 6&8 weeks too, but I don't mind as only live a 15min walk from the hospital. Last time, DH and DD waited in the car, and it was nice to see them straight afterwards. Sounds like this option is there if you need it.

Hope you are all doing as ok as you can be. @imisscoffee when I had my notes they had a Sands sticker on with my baby’s name and date of birth on, hopefully your hospital will do this too? If not I think you can order them yourself but you could ask at the hospital if they have them, hopefully they do x

I've booked my early scan for Friday 12th March at 9.30am. I asked for the earliest scan I could get. Scared and excited. 🤞🏻🌈

Eeee the countdown is on @Pancakes7 I think it was a good idea to book the earliest one, less time to sit about being worried

@PumpkinEverything Yeah I was like what's the earliest you can do? lol. I think I'm the only scan book that far in advance, she said I could have any time lol. I can feel the anxiety rising a bit now 🙈 18 days to go... why am I counting?! It's weird I can't wait but also I'm scared my hope will be over.

I have very similar thoughts @Pancakes7 like hopeful that I’m going to see everything okay, but anxious that this is all going to be all over already and I’m not prepared for that yet.
It’s all so sad I think! I was checking my apps all the time last time to see what size baby was now, but this time I just can’t bring myself to until I know everything is okay. I’ve checked the apps once or twice to see what symptoms to be expecting and that’s about it.

@PumpkinEverything Yeah it's horrible how scary and hard early pregnancy is for us after what we've been through. I know with my son, I had a scan confirming all ok at 7 weeks but a week later I started panicking again so had another scan at 9 weeks. So much second guessing. I have 3 friends due March & April so I really can't imagine how hard that will be if this baby isn't ok. 🤞🏻🌈

Yeah, I think if all goes okay for me I’ll be reassured for all of 30 mins and then be anxious again! I’m able to ring EPU from today to book in with them for when I’m 9 weeks as that’s when I found out last time. Going to hold off until tomorrow though so I know what’s happening. Midwife is calling me in two hours and I swear I’m going to be surprised whenever the phone rings 🤦‍♀️ I keep forgetting!

@PumpkinEverything That's good you can book the extra epu scan. I was never offered one after either of my mmc's. Good idea to wait and phone after your scan tomorrow. It's good you're not anxious about the midwife calling. I'd probably get myself all anxious and end up waiting by the phone lol. My dh has found out he has to go away for work this weekend too. So I'll be on my own all weekend ☹️ will have to try and keep busy. Are you working today?

Think my anxiety levels are too high for tomorrow that the call today just isn’t in my mind at all @Pancakes7 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Yep, I’m working from home so working away and have my appointment blocked out in my calendar so hopefully no one tries to call me. Ah that’s so crap 😔 do you have a bubble with anyone so you can see anyone else to hopefully distract you and get the weekend in?

@PumpkinEverything
I'm in a bubble with my mum I'm seeing her Tuesday and Wednesday. So not sure shall want to see me again LOL. I'll mention it to her though. Yeah I'm not surprised actually with your scan tomorrow that's more on your mind than a phone call.It's meant to rain today here so I'm really hoping my friends and cancel meeting up for a walk. I think if she does I might just go out in the rain on my own anyway LOL

@Pancakes7 Haha, hopefully she does! I think it’s always a bit easier having some company to distract yourself.
Definitely, if they cancel then still go out. Think it’s always nice to get out and get fresh air and stretch your legs everyday.

@PumpkinEverything Yea definitely easier with company. Oh my God the week it snowed when I first found out I was pregnant took forever. During my sons naps and in the evenings I'm watching married at first sight Australia which is just so much drama it takes over my brain for a bit LOL. I love watching junk TV like that especially when I have serious things on my mind. I hope works keeping you busy today.

@Pancakes7 it’s actually such a beautiful day here today and I’m just wishing work was over so I could get outside. I started watching the vampire diaries again a few days ago so hopefully going to spend the day distracting myself with that and then have a nice shower and wash my hair.
Work is actually quite quiet today so think I may retire to the sofa with my laptop and watch tv as well 😂😂
Midwife rang me nearly 50 minutes early! Thankfully the call I was on finished early so I was able to answer. All very quick and only took 10 minutes. She said the list for the 12 week scans is quite long in my area at the moment so it may be later than that, but I’m hoping not 🤞🏻

@PumpkinEverything it's meant to be lovely here every other day than today 🙈. That was lucky you managed to answer then I'm glad it was over quick. I do think now I've delayed my midwife appointment a week will I be delaying my 12 week scan but oh well it's done now. I am trying to keep my son entertained lol. Nap time shortly, then it's my TV time! lol