Pregnancy after loss - Autumn babies 2021

[Pancakes7]

Hi All, I have only just got my BFP and it's still faint atm. I had an mmc in May 2018, I then gave birth to my son May 2019. I had another mmc July 2020 and have been ttc ever since. I just got my BFP yesterday, so very early days. I'm not ready to join both groups quite yet. I thought this could be a space for us all going through pregnancy after loss. As we all understand the nerves/anxiety that go with this. I hope it's useful.

A bit of back ground on me. I'm 33, married. I have a 20 month old son. I haven't returned to work yet since maternity. I returned for 2 weeks then was put on furlough. I will be going back part time, doing 3 days.

@PumpkinEverything amazing!! I totally understand that it helps with the anxiety. So pleased for you x

Thanks @Strawberry08 it’s the little things! 😁

I started getting really anxious again last night, but about everything 🤦‍♀️ Started thinking what would I do if anything happened to my husband, or both of us, and then a mild panic about having babies as it’s our first and I was like do we even know what we’re doing?! And then I started getting anxious and feeling guilty for thinking that because of our MMC and how much we wanted this, and I of course still do. Think I just haven’t had a chance to think about that part as I’ve been so wrapped up in the actually being pregnant part

@PumpkinEverything aw bless you, that’s because it’s starting to feel real now which is actually really great (although the anxiety doesn’t seem it), it means you have confidence this is all going to work out.
Don’t feel guilty about having those feelings, it’s totally normal for your mind to race when you are pregnant as it’s a huge life change!! Just let yourself feel them, acknowledge they exist and then put them to the side

Morning ladies! Totally share with what everyone has been saying here. I didn’t sleep well last night at all - had weird dreams, felt hot then cold, tummy felt bloated and just uncomfortable and boobs were painful. Not sure what to make of it but I’m hoping these are symptoms that everything is progressing nicely :) did a cheapie test yesterday which was v strong so happy about that. Will do another cheapie on Sunday when I will be 6weeks xxx

Thanks so much @Strawberry08 that’s actually a much better way of thinking about it! That really helps 😊

They all sound like good symptoms @Firevie got to love those cheap tests for making you feel better too. Now that I’ve got my 3+ weeks on my digital I don’t think I need to do anymore tests. I’ve got my reassurance scan on Sunday and I’ll maybe do one then before I go 😂 not that it makes a difference as I keep telling myself. I had positive tests for weeks after my surgical management when I definitely wasn’t pregnant, so I highly doubt my test is going to change to negative between now and Sunday 🤦‍♀️

Had a bit of a meltdown last night, feel a bit like I'm living a walk through of my previous pregnancy. Everything was fine until 12 weeks, then it was constant trips to a&e and emergency scans until I eventually had him at 17 weeks. I haven't thought of those early days at all since his death so doing things like sorting booking in, booking a private scan etc have been bittersweet.

Hi, I’m 13 weeks now so a bit further along than some of you. My first baby was born at 20 weeks after his heart stopped beating in June last year. @imisscoffee I really relate to what you said, my last pregnancy was the same, everything fine until 12 weeks and then 12-20 weeks was a rollercoaster of ups and downs. It’s so triggering being pregnant again and definitely feels like I am re-living the trauma of last year. Hope everyone is doing ok x

I am so sorry @imisscoffee @notinthestarsigns that you both went through that. Honestly don’t think I’d have had the strength to get through it and try again, so you’re both amazing!

@notinthestarsigns & @imisscoffee I'm so sorry you went through that. I completely understand anxiety but I really hope you'll be able to relax more as time goes on. You've done so amazing and you're so strong doing this again.

@PumpkinEverything I'm glad you got your 3+ result. It's little things like that if you need to do them and I make you feel better then it's worth it. It's completely understandable to feel like that especially with your first it's a big change to your life but honestly it's the best thing you'll ever do. So don't let that stress you just concentrate on the here and now and how far you've come. Take a day at a time that's what I'm trying to do.

I spoke to the GP and she has prescribed me 5 mg of folic acid. Really glad I thought ask about it I just saw it online. Hopefully it can make a difference. At least it feels like I'm doing something.

Thanks all, it really is a rollercoaster. @notinthestarsigns I'm so sorry about your son, it's so shit. We'll all get eachother through these next few months 💪 put on my big girl pants and sorted my booking in appointment earlier, the midwife remembered me and was so lovely on the phone. We're telling my in-laws tonight. I don't feel a massive rush to share the news like I have in previous pregnancies but they need to know as they're our childcare bubble, and will be having the kids when we go for a private scan. We've got my son's post mortem report appointment on 8th March so will tell the consultant about my pregnancy then and hopefully go for a private scan later that week.

Thanks for the messages @Pancakes7 and @PumpkinEverything. Sometimes I think I must be mad putting myself through it again, but the alternative was spending our lives wondering “what if” we had tried for another baby. I felt reassurance for about a day after the 12 week scan last week but now feeling very nervy again, I hope it does get better as time goes on but having had such a late loss I don’t think it will ever go away until the baby is here safe and well.

@imisscoffee our review with the consultant after the post mortem was back in September but I remember the wait for it well. Although it was sad I felt like it was something we needed to get through and our consultant went through a plan for a future pregnancy with us so hopefully you will be able to agree a plan for this pregnancy then.

@notinthestarsigns Completely understandable that you'll still have worries. But we'll support each other through it all🤞🏻

I picked up my 5mg folic acid. The GP also said I should really register my pregnancy now rather than wait... so I did that online. I figure if they contact me I'll ask for an appointment after when I'll have s as scan. It's crazy I'm only 4 weeks today but I've known nearly a week (faint BFP last Tuesday)

I told my friend today. She was mostly ass asking if I was ok rather than any congratulations. Which is understandable but also sad when I think about it. As that's my instinct too. To be like uh oh what is this goes wrong. No excitement like some people get. But I keep thinking at least I've got a chance now. The past 6 months since my mmc I started to worry as it has never taken that long before.

Can I ask if anyone has had back pain before in any of their pregnancies?
I’ve had a bit of back pain today (6 weeks exactly) and then either yesterday or another day last week (all the days are merging into one in this lockdown!) today it’s been sort of like along my bra strap type area, and then travelled a bit further down to nearer my lower back. It’s not severe pain, but it’s just annoying me.
I’ve had a little bit of mild cramping, but not much, and sometimes I sort of feel a bit of pelvic cramping?
It’s making me really nervous and I feel like I’m convincing myself it’s ectopic or something or that something is wrong. My scan on Sunday feels so far away 😔
I’ve not had any bleeding or spotting, but I didn’t last time right up until the day I had surgical management.

I go for a walk most days and didn’t yesterday so hoping that I’m just a bit stiff. Going to go out for a half hour now and hope that sorts it out.

@PumpkinEverything I developed sciatica in my first pregnancy and it always gets worse when I'm pregnant. I've noticed my bra feeling much tighter around the band these past few days- bras that I've had forever and are really comfortable are suddenly digging in and rubbing, but my boobs don't seem any bigger, it's like my back has just gotten fatter. Hope the rest of your weekend passes quickly and that your scan helps.

@PumpkinEverything Yeah I have had some back ache already. I had PGP (pelvic girdle pain) when I was pregnant with my son. I think I'll probably get it again. But I'm sure this is just pain from hormones or your body changing.

Thanks @imisscoffee @Pancakes7 that’s reassuring! Hoping it’s just hormones and my body stretching and changing 🤞🏻Hate how much I think into it all. I was telling my husband about it on our walk and he said he just tries not to think about the things that can go wrong etc, and I’m like well that’s lucky for you because I’m physically dealing with it and can’t ignore it 😂🤦‍♀️

Hi ladies! Sorry today has been a shocker day at work so just catching up on here.
I know it’s hard but let’s try and focus on the positives. Like every day that goes by we should be like yay another day where everything was fine. I know it’s easier said and done but I’m trying so very hard to stick to it myself. It’s so easy to get anxious and absolutely normal with what we have gone through but let’s try. We will have our healthy autumn babies 👶 sending you all lots of positive vibes! And PS - since in lockdown I’ve stopped wearing bras lol so don’t even know what that feels like 😂😂😂 xxx

@Firevie I agree - I'm really trying to be positive this time. One of the things pregnancy loss steals from you is that excitement you should feel after a BFP, so I'm going to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. I did wardrobe switchover today. I put away all the clothes I don't expect to be wearing this year, and hung up my old maternity clothes. It's probably a little early at 5wks, but I'm so bloated that it felt like the right time.

@marplemead yay to the wardrobe change! I haven’t done any of that yet. I haven’t even booked into a hospital yet for my midwife appointment. I am seeing my private consultant for now but I should be booking in with a midwife too. I’ve just had dinner - coriander protein noodles with broccoli and grilled haddock. I will treat myself to some hot chocolate and vegan marshmallows now lol xxx

I just finished making this. It's a macramé rainbow kit. I found it really relaxing. It has on the box 'the bigger the storm the brighter the rainbow' I found it meaningful too. I sent one to my friend who is currently on her last embryo through ivf . I just thought I'd share something positive. 🌈

@Pancakes7 yay thanks so much for sharing! That’s exactly what I’m talking about - gives so much positivity and hope xxx

That’s lovely @Pancakes7 where did you get the set from?
We had some delicious refried bean and halloumi tacos, and then I had a rolo yoghurt afterwards whilst playing animal crossing 😂

@PumpkinEverything yumm love the rolo yoghurt treat
I’m having my marshmallows and hot chocolate now haha xxx