The babies are here! September 2020

[LatteLover12]

Hi all 👋🏻

Here's a new thread so we can keep chatting through the sleepless nights and the many outfits they've already grown out of... 😄

Ladies I'm struggling a bit today... DH is due back at work at the end of the week and I'm feeling so emotional about this bubble ending. I am still struggling a lot after my car crash c section and I'm so worried with how I'll cope. Is this normal?

@Chanel05 that’s totally normal and definitely I still feel a bit sad at the end of the weekend knowing I’ll be without my support during the day in the week. Best thing is not to put too much pressure on yourself when he’s back. HV said she genuinely doesn’t care if she comes round and I’m still in my pjs and have basically spent all day on the sofa with a fed baby and nothing else to show for the day. It’s just how parenting can be in the early days.
In genuine awe of the ladies with more than one child at home.

I empathise @Lazydaisydaydream I'm really missing cuddling up to DP in bed - at the minute there's so many cushions and pillows that we might as well be in different post codes!

He's been so good with all the housework and making dinners and cups of tea etc but none of that stops me feeling the rage when I see him fast asleep as I'm up for another night feed (which sometimes last 2 hours+)

I'm dreading him going back to work and being in my own all day every day - the restrictions in the NE have just been made even tighter. Baby groups are still operating though so I'm going to try and find at least one near me.

Love to everyone who's having a tricky time of it x

@Lazydaisydaydream I think I know what you mean. I feel like we’ve basically divided childcare so I look after new baby 100 percent and he looks after our 2 year old - feel like I’m going to have to put a lot of hours to get the close relationship back with my toddler too as he’s become such a daddy’s boy. Having a section doesn’t help as I am just not up to looking after him
At the moment eg can’t lift him or run after him so it’s a bit of a waiting game. Equally think my husband finds it a bit sad that he can’t do most of the things that our newborn needs eg feeding. It will get better with time just holding on to that!!

@MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee that's exactly it. When we had our eldest my DH loved having loads of baby cuddles, he did all the nappy changes and burping and rocking him back to sleep after I'd fed him... This time sometimes it gets to the end of the day and he points out he hasn't even held the baby all day as he's been so busy with the toddler . I'm normally at home 24/7 with the toddler so I'm really missing that time with him, and he's definitely struggling because of it. Especially me not being able to carry him around and cuddle him in bed etc as I'm just too sore.

Yep exactly - you are not alone. Give us a few weeks and will be different I hope!!

OMG @Lazydaisydaydream I feel exactly the same!! Miss my DP so much. I'm lucky that when he returns to work it'll be working from home but I get a huge sense of loneliness even when he just pops to the shops. It's like I'm terrified to be on my own with baby, think it's a confidence thing and a need to have my support to lean on 24/7. Covid is not helping !!! Hugs xx

@LatteLover12 do try to go to a baby group if you can. I’m finding them a bit of a lifeline. Some days it feels like a bit of a mission to get there close to on time but I’m finding them a big help with my mood personally. Change of scenery and seeing other mums (even masked and socially distanced) is a bigger lift than I imagined.

@MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee - I feel for you on the relationship with your toddler. My friend had this with her toddler when her twins were born. Her toddler genuinely told her she only liked daddy now and broke her heart but it didn’t last and they’re as close as ever now.

Can sympathise with lots of whats happening with your girls. I don't have a toddler but an 11yr old that's just started school. My partner has basically done everything with him and I feel ive not spent any time with him. Had a section so can't drop him or pick him up from school yet, the instant I tell him I've got a few minutes away from baby to read or do something together the baby starts crying and then I have to apologise and go and feed her etc. It's making me sad he probably feels completely abandoned by me as we were so close :-(

Partner has just gone back to work, but from home, so he's now not doing as much in the night now but does help when the crying goes on for hours as it's really difficult to deal with the constant crying. She has a cold and stuffy nose so is finding it hard to breath and is sick after most feeds which requires full outfit change and sometimes bedsheets etc, it's exhausting.

I think when she was first here I was doing everything off adrenaline and really enjoying it, now 3.5 weeks in and feeling anxious about how I stop the crying, how I fill my days, I dread going to bed and how I'm going to get her to sleep after night feeds. There are no baby groups and can't drive anywhere for another 3 weeks so just feel on edge a lot, it's just as tough second time around if not worse!!!!

I admire all of you who have other children! I don't know how you do it...my husband is being really supportive with the newborn, not sure I want to handle it all by myself. You all deserve medals and your children are so lucky to have great parents.

We're just starting day 3 now but feels like she has been here forever. We're starting to get the hang on things. Breastfeeding is finally improving (had been expressing a lot of colostrum to give her) but she's turning into a real night feeding monster! God knows what will happen when my milk comes in!! Our next challenge is to get her to sleep somewhere other than on our chests! As lovely as it is, we need her to sleep in the crib by the time my husband goes back to work!

Anyway, hope you are all's doing okay! We got this! (And if you feel you haven't, that's why we're here!!)

@WillowT let me know if you succeed with the putting her down to sleep during the day!!!
Our little girl will sleep in the next to me at night fine but she's not having the Moses basket or even next to me on sofa during the day!!!!
My partner back at work today but from home. I've emailed a few baby groups but to be honest I'm not ready to leave the house alone with her yet! Maybe just try and enjoy being at home and think about groups next year when she's about 4 months and more active

@HugeAgeGap my DS1 is 12 and I'm struggling with the guilt too. He doesn't exactly demand much of my time at his age but I'm super conscious that the time we did have together is affected. I used to get up with him for school and do his breakfast and a hot drink together but this is the time DP brings baby downstairs now so I can get a couple hours uninterrupted sleep so we're not having that first hour of the day. Also as soon as he asks me to do something like go to his room to help fix something on his computer it's like the baby has a sixth sense and decides he wants to feed! So I'm forever saying 'i'll be there in a minute'. I hope it gets easier for us.

Going to have my stitches out today I am absolutely dreading it. Does anyone know if I can have a bath after they are out or should I still stick to showers?

@HugeAgeGap I think this week 3 is a tricky turning point time - like you say the first couple weeks you are running on adrenaline, excitement and novelty but then the reality and tiredness And anxiety hits around about now !! Think we just have to push through and it will pass !!!

@Sara7455 thanks that story makes me feel a bit better !! If can just hold on a few more weeks hopefully I can be fun mum again for him not only a tea trolley for the newborn ha!

Yes agree three weeks is a tough time. The euphoria has worn off and the lack of sleep has kicked in! My little one is really unsettled at night but sleeps in the day so I'm having to do that too! Thank god for Netflix at night !!

It's so hard when dads go back to work, I found getting visitors over every day helped! My Dh isn't really working at the moment due to covid so I'm very lucky to have him help. Means I can sleep in the morning and he sorts the girls out for school etc.

@ShiningStarz sounds like you're doing well expressing! I get about 200 ml in morning and then around 130 in the afternoon which is my lowest, it then goes back up again. I express every three hours though because he's one hungry boy! He was 10lbs 5 at two weeks 😱 going to maybe start using formula as I'm struggling to keep up with him.

Re the carrier he loves it! I went out for 45 mins in it yesterday too and he slept the whole time. My scar hurt last night though so I'm going to try do it a day on and then off.

Hey @ChipsAreLife it's not great your up at night but sounds like you've more opportunity to express during the day. My little girl
Doesn't like being put down during the day and now that DP is back working albeit from home I'm finding less time to express! I might look at the express long bra to see could I hold her and express same time! That's great supply your getting!! My max is 130ml and that's 15 mins per side. If I get 2 BF a day I'm ok with that, disappointed it's not at least half her feeds but I'm ok with it x

My DP is on work calls downstairs and I'm lying on our bed with little one. It feels so isolating, if it wasn't for covid I probably would have gone for lunch with friends etc and if it wasn't for c section I could at least go in car to do food shop or something useful!!! So frustrating and annoyed but on the other hand I know I'm blessed to be able to have her 😍 feeling tearful again today. When it post delivery hormones just that and when it is postnatal depression? How would i tell the difference? I'm
Bonding great with baby so no issues there. Just feeling sad at times and also thinking what if something happened to DP how would we cope without him. Think that's probably called going crazy lol

I did this and I got a score of & which is fine. Think it's just the stupid hormones mixed in with covid anxiety and restrictions.

www.helpguide.org/wp-content/uploads/edinburghscale.pdf

@Sara7455 good to know that it's normal. I feel like I need him so much, I just cry every time I think about it.

@ShiningStarz I googled the same thing yesterday and I'm hoping it's just hormones. I seem to cry at this point every night at the moment. DH is so kind about it saying I've had a very traumatic time so of course my hormones are going to be all over the place in top of normal post partum hormones.

@Chanel05 aww I'm sorry to hear your feeling similar to me. I don't think it's postnatal depression, I think I'm just very emotional and frightened of the responsibility a bit. It's all a bit overwhelming. Hugs. X

@ShiningStarz I just did that quiz and got 18 I don't know whether at 12 days PP though it's just still baby blues and the shock of delivery/emcs Etc. Maybe I'll repeat it in a few days or a week and see how it changes.

There's so many of us @Lazydaisydaydream that feel like this. I got 8. Maybe it's totally normal and in a few weeks we'll al be fine.
We should have a zoom meeting to meet each other and babies! Not sure how we'd organise that but this group has been a life saver for me so far x

I also feel overwhelmed at times and a bit anxious. I just watch a lot of shows on netflix to relax my mind, and eat chocolate every evening 😋
@ShiningStarz have you tried co napping during the day, or putting your baby in a swing for day time sleep? I've noticed i can put my baby down more easily once she's in a deep sleep.

@ShiningStarz these are the bras I got. I mean style wise guaranteed to make sure I don't get pregnant again 🤣🤣 but very helpful! I feed baby whilst expressing. I tend to do on the bed and prop him on a pillow rather than hold him.

Becoming a mum feels very lonely at the best of times. I think beforehand you have this expectation it's amazing because you've waited so long for it. And then it comes and you feel like you've hit by a tonne of bricks both physically and emotionally.

You're exhausted, hormonal, looking after a tiny person who needs you every minute of the day and often in pain after birth plus dealing with leaky boobs, sore nipples etc. Plus your partner can feel pushed out or you resent them because they're sleeping or going to work and they just don't get it.

But It does get better. I would maybe try get a friend over or meet up for a walk/lunch? It's a pain not being able to drive but can DH drop you off maybe?

It doesn't last forever, I promise xx

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