The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Hi All,
First time posting here, hope you don't mind me joining in. Congratulations to all of you on reaching your milestones and staying sane during this process! I recognise a couple of names from previous chats (@InDreamland glad to see you have happy news!; @Squiff70 I remember we were trying the SMEP earlier this year and guess it did work out for you, twins!! So happy for you!)

I decided to take a break from Mumsnet a few months ago to take it easy and relax a bit after a few complications from a miscarriage in Aug 2018 and a long wait to get back to normal.
Last Friday I got a BFP at 11dpo. First positive in 14 months! I got so excited for a couple of days... then the excitement has turned into anxiety and worry. I've been waking up at 5am every day 🤦🏻‍♀️ Someone give me a chill pill !! 😅
I'm only 4w4d, taking each day as a milestone, trying to enjoy the fact that I'm pregnant today and hoping I get to see a baby in my scans this time around. We'll have to wait and see... 🍀🍀🍀🍀
Xx

@Notnowokay I like it when other people mention DD2 as well, as sometimes I fear that I'm the only one that will keep her memory alive. Although my DH told me yesterday that he talked about her at work yesterday so it's probably more just that I don't hear it.

@Knitkitty I hope the position changes and you get more reassuring kicks soon.

DH made me a cuppa in bed this morning as I'm feeling worse with this cold today so he got up with DD1. DD1 came up with him and gave me one of her toys to make me feel better, which was sweet but she took it back to her room again before going back downstairs.

Welcome @Ladybug84 fingers crossed for you. Just take each day at a time.

Thanks @Bluebelltulip @InDreamland @Beaglemum93 @ChikiTIKI @Rubyroost @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Dimblebimble @Navy123 @strawberrye @TwittleBee @SunshineCrocodile @Squiff70 for all of your extremely kind words about my scan! Sorry if I missed anyone there, have been reading all the posts but not had time to go back properly and respond to all yet. I really really appreciate the support as I’m starting to get very nervous again this morning. About 2-3 hours to go.

@Rubyroost I’m so glad your second anamoly scan also went well and that explained your reduced movement! I really hope the same is true for me today, I also haven’t been feeling as much lately, but I hesitate to call it reduced movement when there wasn’t much to begin with. I’m just worried because of that and it’s rainy out and I’m very superstitious about these things (I know it’s stupid but I try as much as possible to make scan days different than the one of my mmc, which was rainy day in February and I was wearing black. Now I refuse to be scanned in February and always wear bright colours to the appt, but can’t control the weather unfortunately. Wow, writing that I realise I may have actually lost my mind!). So sorry to hear about your terrible dentist appointment and really hope your recovery is going smoothly.

@Dimblebimble get all the scans you need, don’t feel bad about it! My DH was the same after our 16 week scan, but since we haven’t felt much movement still at 21 weeks he’s now come around to more scans if needed. It’s natural for us to worry more since we have had the worst of it before, but I know he worries too. As for work, I told my supervisor (also at a university) at around 17 weeks. I didn’t feel the need to do it sooner because I didn’t have any sickness and I have not needed time off so far. Also not really showing until now. But I will say that it was an easier conversation than I expected and it helped he already knew about the mmc and so was very understanding. Good luck with it!

@KnitKitty sorry to hear you arrive anxious, it’s so understandable with you nearing the third tri and you described my own feelings exactly. How many weeks are you now? I would just go in and get checked out for peace of mind. Thinking of you xxx

@strawberrye that’s so cute regarding the baby gros! Wish my DH would start doing the same. Are you holding a baby shower? Here’s hoping for stronger movements in the coming weeks!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hear you on the nesting front! Also been weirdly excited to cook and freeze things, I guess because it makes everything seem more real. Can you freeze glass Tupperware or does it all have to be plastic?

@Squiff70 wanted to add congrats on reaching your milestone and on your lovely lovely scan! A boy and a girl is so wonderful xxx

Thank you @sadtoday21.

I'm getting worried. I haven't felt the babies move since 4.30pm yesterday. Not like them at all.

Hi and welcome @Ladybug84. We never did SMEP so I'm not sure whether you've mixed me up with somebody else or whether it was our intention to try SMEP and we never got round to it. Can't remember now! Huge congratulations on your pregnancy. Wishing you a very happy and healthy 9 months and beyond

Morning ladies... well I never thought I'd be back here and I'm not even sure if I'm ready to be but I found myself reinstalling the app and here I am 😬

I recognise so many names and I am so happy to see you all on here! I hope some of you remember me.

So last year I had two miscarriages and then this year my husband decided he didn't want to be a dad and didn't want to try any more so I left MN with a broken heart. My DH has anxiety and depression and went down hill this year, I've had to beg him to get help in the last couple of weeks. So it was a huge shock to us both that I got pregnant unplanned. He's still not talking to me much and I feel very alone. I'm 31 and this should be a happy time!

I want to be excited about this pregnancy but the previous miscarriages are making it so hard to be positive. I am on metformin this time as I had tests last year and they found high androgen levels. It's not confirmed that's what caused my miscarriages so can only hope the metformin will do the job.

So according to dates I'm 4+3 but I ovulated early so I think I'm slightly ahead maybe. Booked a private scan at 6 weeks with the consultant I saw last year. It feels like its ages away. Only symptom I have is sore boobs. Desperate for more.

I'll now go have a read of this thread and see how you're all doing 😊

Hi @Ladybug84 - congrats and welcome.

@Squiff70 I do find at that stage movement is sporadic and can really change if baby moves into a different position, but I admit I don't know how that works with two. If in doubt, get checked out!!

Glad you're family are looking after you @Bluebelltulip.

I use those foil containers with a paper top @sadtoday21. Then you can write what's in them and the date cooked. Good luck for today too!

I feel EXHAUSTED today. DD is being super demanding and we are also having a fireworks party later so I have loads to do. Luckily all food is from M&S so no cooking. But just want to go to bed and sleep. No chance of that!

@Squiff70 if you're concerned please just call MAC for advice, make sure you give them your history over the phone. I've only had one episode of RFM in pregnancy and it's terrifying right up to the moment you hear the heartbeat again - it's never silly or overreactive to want to get checked.

I just phoned the MAU and they told me not to worry until after 26 weeks as movements are sporadic and unpredictable. She also said I could ring the community midiwves who work weekends and ask them to come out and listen for the babies' heartbeats. I rang and they were closed .

Morning @RedRobin7. You've had a tough old time of it haven't you? I'm sorry to hear of your losses. I really hope your husband is just getting his head round things - I'm sure he'll be thrilled in time. Sounds to me like he's just scared for you both because of what you've been through. Keep your chin up. He will come round in time, I don't doubt it. And congratulations!

Hi @RedRobin7. I think I recognise you. Were you on a thread last year called The Marchers? Due in March this year? I was too (had a different name then Mrs Brightside) but miscarried (discovered 8 weeks, passed at 10). I then had an ectopic in feb of this year. Anyway, regardless of if that was you, I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time. I agree your husband must be scared, we out our hearts into this and when it goes wrong it breaks them. I bet you are really nervous and feeling alone is hard, that's what we are all here for! We understand the anxiety and how much is at stake - welcome to the crazy! I am grossing all for you that this is your rainbow.

@Squiff70 cold drink and lay down on your side for an hour. If still in doubt call back and tell them you're coming. With your history just say you're not risking it and don't take no for an answer. I would always rather be pushy and "annoying", although really they sound like they could have been more understanding! Sure is all fine, the babies are probably just hiding and hope you feel something soon!

So many typos - sorry! Rushing. Must get off MN and get ready for this party!

@Rubyroost delighted that you're back! But sorry to hear about the ongoing dental nightmare, hope it now heals ok for you.

@RedRobin7 and @Ladybug84, welcome and gentle congratulations. Red it sounds like you've had an emotionally draining year, I hope the metformin does the trick and that your DH is able to access help and come round to the idea of a baby - easier said than done, of course, but support is here if you need it. I'm only 9+ here and still very anxious, first tri is interminably long and awful! I have no symptoms fwiw apart from occasional sore nipples and very slight nausea once in a while - but if I didn't know I were pregnant I'd probably miss them. Has been the same in all my pregnancies, successful and not, so means nothing!

@sadtoday21 good luck. I hope your experience today is completely different and much more reassuring.

@Notnowokay it's lovely your DS was included in your family conversation - he'll always be part of your family after all.

How are you @KnitKitty? Hope you've had a good snooze and some reassuring wriggles by now. Do go down for monitoring if you're still worried though.

@Dimblebimble I don't have to tell work per se as DH and I own the company. Have to tell all my colleagues and clients at some point though - I'm also starting to show (at not even 10 weeks!!) despite being generally a bit wobbly (I'm a 12-14 usually) but I've had two full term pregnancies, one of them twins, so my abs are non existent and there's a lot of bloat! Slightly worried about announcing tbh as I think most people assume we're all done on the baby front, I know there'll be some jokey comments and I can't cope with them while I'm still anxious about the pregnancy continuing. But I don't think I'll be able to hide it past 12 weeks.
FWIW previous times I told work at 14 weeks.

Hi @ReeRi! So lovely of you to pop in, how are you doing? Very much hope you join us here soon.

@Kayjay2018 lovely scans pics! So clear!

I'm sorry, I'm losing track of the rest of the thread and in a bit of a rush as have to go and pick the DC up from my mum in ten mins so just a wave to those of you I've missed and hope you're doing ok.

Am 9+3 now. Anxiety is still very much present but a midwife friend did pop over and listen in for me a couple of days ago and I heard a little heartbeat, which was absolutely amazing (albeit the anxiety only lifted for about three minutes before descending again!). Counting down the seconds to the first scan.

@Squiff70 you should have a number in your notes for the community midwifery office rather than individual midwives, they should be open on weekends too as there will be midwives doing postnatal visits and the office coordinates them? (Sorry if this is who you've already rung)!

Thanks ladies! ❤️

@Squiff70 I missed up chats! 🙈
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue and @RedRobin7 I was also in the same chat for babies due in March 2019 under a different name (@Mumtobe34). That ended in miscarriage and I haven't had any luck until now 🤞🏼 Amazing coincidence ☺️ @RedRobin7 you're right, make the most to enjoy this pregnancy especially after all you've been through and like others have said I'm sure your husband will be happy as well in his own time. At least he's accepted to get support, that's a great start.
Xx

@Ladybug84 there seems to be a few of us that were on march 2019. I was too under the same user name, DD2 was stillborn in January.

@sadtoday21 how did the scan go? Looking forward to seeing some cute photos! Yes I'm sure movements will become stronger with time. We aren't having a baby shower, I've never really liked the concept of them and since trying to TTC and having recurrent miscarriage over the past 2 years I have just found them so painful. You could always drop some hints to DH! To be honest I think mine came up with the idea to minimize my baby clothes buying - I've always loved looking at baby clothes and buying them for friends or family who are expecting, I think DH is worried I might bankrupt us through baby grows alone if left unsupervised haha!

@Dimblebimble I told my workplace early, around 9 weeks, because I can encounter hazardous things in my line of work and wanted to be protected against that as much as possible. I have only just officially told my employer though at 22 weeks by putting in my application for maternity leave. My contract says you must notify them before 25 weeks. I know it feels like a big step but work might appreciate the notice if they are going to need to find cover for you? Also one of my bosses is an older male professor and he has been the most supportive - whilst another female boss who has been through infertility and now has 2 kids of her own has been least supportive! You never know what people's reactions will be like. Hope it goes smoothly for you! Also don't fret about having multiple scans - if it is helpful to manage your anxiety then there's no harm. Coming from a serial scanner myself haha!

@KnitKitty sorry you had such a horrible night. Hoping little girl started kicking you firmly and you managed to get some sleep in the end. I can identify with what you mean about feeling more anxious as the pregnancy progresses, and the fear of things going wrong when you are so close. Remember this anxiety is an understandable product of what you have been through to get here but doesn't function as a premonition. That said if you still feel something isn't right don't hesitate to get it checked out. Sending hugs lovely lady.

@Ladybug84 welcome and congratulations. You are in the right place for swinging between excitement and anxiety! Ladies on here are fab so vent whenever needed.

@Bluebelltulip sending get well wishes your way

@Squiff70 how are things now? Really hoping they have moved for you. If concerned just turn up at MAU.

@RedRobin7 hi and welcome back! I remember you from the TTC thread. Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope you are in for a happy and healthy 9 months. Sorry that DH isn't being supportive, it sounds like he is worried about you both and the pregnancy, I hope he comes around soon. Don't worry too much about symptoms at this stage, I think my only symptom at 4-5 weeks was sore boobs. Nausea didn't start until 5-6 weeks and was very intermittent that early on.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue wow a fireworks party, how exciting! Probably not what you want if you're exhausted though. Hope it goes well!

@SunshineCrocodile how lovely to hear the heartbeat so early! When is the first scan?

@Bluebelltulip apologies I didn't realise and sorry for your loss, you have gone through some pain ☹️
How are you feeling now? You're nearly there. This Christmas might be super special if the baby arrives early 😃
Xx

@strawberrye thanks a lot lovely ❤️ xx

@KnitKitty sorry you had an anxious night. Its weird isn't it, the thought that you might actually have a baby.
@sadtoday21 good luck
@Squiff70 hope you're feeling better about your twins movements

No need to apologise @Ladybug84 I hadn't realised so many of us were on that group.

@strawberrye I'll book a private dating scan and NIPT for around twelve weeks if I get past 10 weeks. Still waiting for my booking appt (as I only actually notified them of pregnancy once I'd heard the heartbeat ), was too paranoid to tempt fate before and it still feels too early to be honest!

@Squiff70 I would like to think that he's just worried for us but I don't think he actually cares what happens ☹️ he's an amazing uncle so I know he'll be an amazing dad. Just have to keep my fingers crossed this works out and then he'll see for himself that it was all worth it!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Yes that was me. I remember you too! I also remember your current name so maybe that was on the TTC boards before I left earlier this year.

@SunshineCrocodile Thank you for the reassurance! I felt a little queasy after lunch today and then had a panic my eggs were off rather than it being pregnancy related but I don't think it was the eggs lol.

@Ladybug84 A very strange coincidence but it's nice our dates are very similar. You're so right - I often remind people every pregnancy is different and that every baby deserves to be celebrated so I need to start listening to my own advice! 🍀🌈

@Bluebelltulip So sorry lovely, there are just no words xx

@strawberrye Thank you. Always helps to hear other people didn't have many symptoms at this stage either. I've got a 6 week scan on 13th November with my private consultant and really hope there's something to see!