The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Gorgeous pic of Ava @Squiff70 xx

@Squiff70 your daughter is so precious! You are both in my thoughts. How are you doing?

Sorry you have piles @KnitKitty :(

@RedRobin7 I hope the spotting has stopped. I had brown spotting for weeks (up to 10 and a half weeks) which was exactly the same as in my MMC so I was sure it was all repeating itself but it was ok. Did you call the EPU?

I'm really emotional too @InDreamland. I keep crying over the littlest things which is so unlike me!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I finished work yesterday! Although so far I haven't been able to relax because the decorators are in and I'm in proper nesting mode now, so far all I've done today is clean! (Still better than work). Hang in there, you're almost done!

At the weekend we were away at a wedding and my husband's friend's baby was there. It sounds awful but I've been dreading seeing her. My first baby was due a week before theirs and they announced their pregnancy while we were in the week between failed medical management and the D&C... It was hard not to think about how my baby should have been the same age but she was so cute and I actually managed not to cry! It probably helped that all being well I'll have my baby by Christmas Day (assuming the induction works...)

I did end up going to the PAU while we were away with reduced movements again. I really thought he was gone this time. I could feel a limb poking out the side of my bump and he wouldn't move even when I poked the limb... Luckily he started moving again once they had hooked me up to the monitor. Problem now is that the consultant said they would probably move the induction date forward if I had reduced movements again. I went to a different hospital because we were away so she won't know I was in again. I'll ask the midwife tomorrow about it.

I've been having Braxton hicks loads and they're getting stronger and are sometimes painful so I'm hoping I'll not have too much longer to wait. I'll be considered full term on Sunday.

@Melpops36 I can't believe you're due tomorrow! So exciting! Hopefully your baby won't keep you waiting too much longer!

Amazing photo @Squiff70, Ava is gorgeous! And you are so right about the NHS, I'm from the US so I can't vote in these elections, but if I could I would. The NHS is an absolute godsend and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. Healthcare is a human right. How are you feeling? Thinking of you and your family Xxx.

@Dimblebimble 100% agree with everything you wrote. I told my mum yesterday that I was worried about movement and she just said, "oh I'm sure it's all fine, just have faith." She's never had a mc or any problems with her two births, so I find her attitude to be really annoying. It also stresses me out that the whole family are already talking about buying expensive plane tickets to fly over here for March. My sister is also really nonchalant and never checks in on me at all. My FIL constantly asks about baby movement and then dismisses my concerns when I say I'm anxious. And I miss my MIL every day, who passed away around this time nearly two years ago...I just keep thinking I wish she could have met the baby and how she would have been such a help and comfort throughout this whole stressful process. Anyway, try to ignore the positive people or just tell them you've had bad experiences in the past and that will shut them up right quick. I also hate that everyone at work knows now, but there's nothing I can do. No one will really understand, you can only understand if you've gone through it.

@Melpops36 best of luck for your due date tomorrow! EEK! I'm so excited for you!

@Mistymeow sorry to hear about the piles! What is that? How are you finding the third trimester overall?

@InDreamland congrats on getting to the third tri, who-hoo! Are you finding it any different than the second tri yet?

I'm sorry for anyone I've missed, not had time to go through the whole thread properly yet. 26 weeks tomorrow and have my first consultant appointment with the obstretician, not sure what to expect. Had some movement this morning so trying to relax. And we put together the pram last night, which is great, but now I feel very nervous looking at it all the time in my living room. We now have the cot, pram, and a bouncer and I both love looking at them and hate it. But our house is small and not much I can do. Just hoping the appointment goes well tomorrow and to see baby boy again at the 28 week scan. This is a really long time to feel so anxious, isn't it? Might have a nervous breakdown by the time the baby is actually due!

Ahhhh brilliant @Beaglemum93! And here's to nesting! Everyone who tells me I can finally relax when I'm off work can f* off - all I want to do is organise and clean!! :)

Congratulations on being fully baked @Melpops36! I hope your baby doesn't keep you waiting too long! Can't wait to see a pic!

@Squiff70 You have also been in my thoughts a lot. I am so heartbroken for you and there are just no words. What lovely names you have chosen. So glad you got to meet Elliott 💙 Thank you for sharing photos of beautiful Ava, she's a gorgeous little fighter and I hope she remains stable. Thinking of you and your OH xx

Thank you all for asking about me. I definitely went into meltdown/panic mode and spent the night crying my eyes out thinking it was another miscarriage all over again.

I called my private consultant's secretary but she told me he didn't have any free slots. Then I called the EPU but they needed a referral from my midwife, who I haven't seen yet and won't see until 11th. Managed to speak to a community midwife and she could only get me an appointment for Friday. Nightmare! Thankfully my consultant phoned back and said he'd see me before his clinic started today.

So he did a scan and baby was there wriggling around little arms moving about! He thinks the blood is coming from the placenta but not to worry too much. Anyone else had this? He's put me on progesterone for 3 weeks.

I'm having another scan next week but someone said to me today that too many scans can harm the baby. Is this true?! Ive had two internal and an external so far. 9 weeks today!

@RedRobin7 what a load of hassle but glad you got seen and that everyone is all okay with your baby. Hope the placenta thing isnt something to worry about though, although sounds like your Dr is on it. Regarding the scans, I have heard this too - I havent been able to find anything research on it though. I've had 6 scans so far and only 11 weeks, with it being planned to have fortnightly scans until I give birth so I dont think there can be risk to baby?

I've heard that about having a lot of scans too @RedRobin7 but there is no evidence to back it up. In this pregnancy I have had 18 scans so far and they were weekly from 6 weeks til 13 weeks. I also used a foetal doppler at least daily from 10 weeks until about 22 weeks and it doesn't seem to have harmed the baby... Glad your baby was wriggling away at your scan :)

Yes!! Great news @RedRobin7!! Just did an internal cheer for you and baby at my desk! (I am not working very hard now )Pleased they have also taken action and given you progesterone. Regarding the scans I had 5 before 12 weeks this time and then another 4/5 until 20 weeks. And then 2 since then! No one ever said to me that there was a risk of too many. A lot of mine were privately booked, so you could argue that these places don't care and just want your money, however the NHS will also scan women fortnightly to monitor growth and other issues. If they see no risk then neither should you. I hope all continues to go well for you xxx

@Mistymeow welcome to the pile high club. 🍇🎉🤣🤰I thought I escaped the dreaded things, until about 4 weeks after birth, they kept me awake all night and it was the night my baby slept for a full 7 hours! He hadn't done that before that night and I don't think he did it after until about 8 months... Typical.
I think for me it was the combination if pregnancy, constipation throughout and then constipation after my c section. They also made an appearance a couple of weeks ago after a few days of constipation. They've gone back in again now. 😂There's a cream and also a pessary, but I think you need to talk to doctor or pharmacist if you are pregnant. I found the pessary quite good even though most of my piles were outside as it would seep out slowly throughout the day. 👍

@TwittleBee @RedRobin7 someone posted on the pregnancy board about scans and some links to research. I took a look and to be honest the research seemed quite damning. I just assumed that the research wasn't really credible as I've never heard of anything like that before! But I've never heard of issues and I know in lots of countries they do loads more compulsory scans than us. I'm not worried about having a few extra scans. I had one at 4, one at almost 5, then 6, (left sided pains so they were checking location if pregnancy to start with and then making sure pregnancy was progressing) then 8, then 10.5, then 13, then 16 and then 20. Next one will be 28 weeks (growth scan because I'm past it) I don't feel worried.

@RedRobin7 that's great news, congrats! I had scans at 7, 9, 10, 12, 20, 21, and 24 weeks. I have two more planned for 28 and 36 weeks. Just do what you need to do for peace of mind! I don't think scanning is a long enough exposure to do any harm and I also want to check on growth and catch problems if I can.

@Squiff70 she is absolutely beautiful, Ava the Warrior. I hope she continues to get stronger.
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I took the central line at rush hour and dear me you have my sympathies, what a nightmare. I'm on the northern line and it tends to be a bit calmer going southbound. I'm taking mat leave at 35 weeks because I don't think I can bear the commute.
@RedRobin7 good news about the scan. I had similar at 16 weeks, and all was well. I spoke to the consultant who did my 20 week scan, he said my placenta is low lying. I asked if the bleed was because of the position and he said no, but the bleeding will have been caused by the placenta. He said it's not normal but very common. He wasn't worried at all and I've had no (touch wood) bleeding since.
@InDreamland I tend to just do the whole small talk thing then if people press me I say "well this is my third pregnancy so...." and they nod and understand. The people who irritate me are the ones who say how hard it will be when baby is born, how we will get no sleep etc. I'm like- considering what we've been through, I embrace all of those things (at the same time I do get it's hard though!) But we have a different perspective.
@rubyroost @sadtoday21 guys, c'mon, I don't have piles! I think you mean @KnitKitty but granted we do have cat related usernames! I bet I will end up with them, my mum suffers terribly, you have my sympathies. She also finds sitting on frozen peas helps. Would probably not eat the peas after... :p

A bit shaken because I'm home alone and someone threw a brick through my window. My in laws are coming to stay until my DH is back from him trip. Not nice. Police were excellent, especially when they found out I am expecting. Dreadful times we live in. Hope all is well with everyone.

@Mistymeow sorry, pregnancy brain! 😂 you are right must be the cat thing. I’m so sorry you had a brick thrown through your window, that must have been really scary! Good the police are on top of it though and that you are ok.

Haha... Sorry. You mean you don't have piles... Yet. I think I copied @sadtoday

Yeah I meant @KnitKitty.

@Mistymeow God that's weird, do you think they have wrong house? Hope you're alright

@Melpops36 Thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Hope everything goes well when it happens! xxx

@Beaglemum93 I completely understand you dreading seeing your friends' baby. It's normal to feel that way and doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. I think we all understand. Well done you for keeping it together.
Sorry you had the scare with the reduced movements again. What a relief that he started moving again. Sending you supportive hugs. x

@sadtoday21 Good luck with the consultant tomorrow. 26 weeks! You're doing great! Nearly at the 3rd trimester now! It is a long, long road having to deal with the anxiety and worry, but you just have to take each day as it comes and ride the waves of emotion.
I'm finding the 3rd trimester easier than the 1st trimester so far, but it is a bit of a challenge and my loss-anxiety is creeping back now as I get closer to the birth.

@RedRobin7 as I said in my PM (and repeating here for other people to read) I have had countless scans during my pregnancy and not once has any professional raised a concern about having too many. In fact, I had scans at 7 and 9 weeks at EPU and they told me they would be happy to see me for another one before my dating scan if the date for it was too far away for me, to give me peace of mind; so they can't be concerned about people having too many.
I have also read research which shows an increase in successful pregnancies after recurrent losses when the mummy gets regular scanning during early pregnancy. (I wish I remembered where I read this as it was a few months ago)...

@Mistymeow Oops! Sorry, I hope I haven't jinxed you!!! Haha! Yey for cat-related names though. How awesome are we?
So crazy that someone threw a brick through your window!!!! WTF?!? I'd have been terrified! I hope you're okay?
When I was in my late teens and still living at my mum's house an idiot tried to kick down the front door at about 11pm and threw the dustbins over the car and caused quite a lot of damage. Turns out he was drunk or on drugs and had mistaken our house for the one he'd been to a party at down the road and thought they'd locked him out... It was really scary.

Thanks for all the advice and support RE haemorrhoids. I went to the pharmacy after work and picked up some cream. Anusol... Honestly! What bright-spark thought people would like to ask for that at the chemist? I didn't dare say it so just asked for haemorrhoid cream. Hopefully it'll ease the situation. I probably won't keep you posted, as I doubt you'd like to have updates on this particular situation! Hahaha!
@Rubyroost Pile High Club!!! ROFLMAO

Got my growth scan tomorrow afternoon. Bit nervous after the last one where baby had slowed down a bit, but OH will be with me for this one so he'll keep me calm and talk some sense in to me.

You know, I think we're about due another influx of BFPs on this thread... I'm willing some more successes after loss to come our way.

@TwittleBee thank you. That is so hard that your MMC baby is forgotten by others. I've heard and read where people just don't think before opening their mouths when it comes to mc's. Even my own mother just said get over it and try again, no acknowledgment it was a real baby, one I had hopes, plans and dreams for and was much loved and wanted. Losses at whichever stage are hard to come to terms with, you're so right.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I agree with you about those threads. Some women obviously were blessed with easy pregnancies, no aches or pains or uncomfortable symptoms, no anxiety from being pushed and shoved because they obviously never had been etc. My experience of tube travel isn't great not pregnant and it's just hideous when pregnant. I've lost count of the number of times people have pushed and shoved me out of their way to get on and off the train, get to seats before me etc. Totally get the anxiety. You definitely have made the right choice to stop work now. I will have a chat with my manager as soon as I get the opportunity. I don't think I can do this much beyond 36 weeks too.

@Melpops36 eeaaakkkk so exciting! Hope baby doesn't keep you waiting too long. Can't wait to hear you've delivered!

@Beaglemum93 it's not easy keeping the emotions under control is it. I try so hard to not just cry. Amazing you've also finished work now. You done well to stay strong at the wedding. Exciting to think you'll have your baby by Christmas.

@sadtoday21 sorry to read you don't have a very understanding or supportive family. 26 weeks is amazing, almost in your 3rd trimester! I'm definitely feeling it. Slower than I used to be, bump keeps getting in the way and I'm getting so tired now, I am not sleeping very well either. Hope you have a good appointment tomorrow.

@RedRobin7 so pleased to hear things with the baby are well. I've read and heard too about the number of scans and too many not being good for baby. I have no idea though how much truth there is in that. I've had them at 7, 9, 10.5, 12, 12.5, 15.5 and 20 weeks with this pregnancy.

@Mistymeow OMG that's so scary. Why on earth did someone do that? Are you safe? Glad police took it seriously but yes you'd be so shaken up by that. Totally with you in embracing sleepless nights to come etc. I've been wanting my own little family since summer 2013 and it's been such a hideous journey to get to this point I'm willing to have my baby keep me up at night and the rest of it.

Good luck for your growth scan tomorrow @KnitKitty! I really hope it goes well and eases your mind for awhile. Good that your OH will be with you as well this time. And hope your piles improves with the cream - it sounds painful! How many weeks are you now?

I guess the third trimester does slow you down a bit, I'm not quite there yet but already feeling a bit of what you said @Indreamland, more tired and more sleepless nights! I've had a pretty symptom free pregnancy from day one, so I cannot complain at all, my main symptom is anxiety :/. But it is interesting to notice some hormonal changes towards the end of second tri, best of which is finally completely spot free again and worst of which is just mild boob pain/insomnia (so far).

@Beaglemum93 sorry to hear about your reduced movement scare, but really glad everything is ok! Do you have a rule about how many hours you wait until you decide to call/go in? Just curious what other ladies do. Hope this is the last time so you don't have to be induced (I take it from all the posts on here that induction is bad, although I'm not sure why exactly - more painful?). Anyway, I hope you can relax a little bit more now, you are almost there!

Good luck for scan tomorrow too @KnitKitty.

Don't underestimate the power of sleep deprivation @Mistymeow @Indreamland of course you will appreciate your little ones after years of trying/losses. Unless you are one of the lucky ones whose baby sleeps like a dream, you wouldn't be a normal mother if you didn't consider putting your newborn on ebay at least once! I know I fancied this many times.

Newborns really do turn your life upside down, no matter how much you want them. I'm excited and dreading it all at the same time. Not sleeping, puking (not me the baby) , constant nappy changing, cluster feeding. It's exhausting, after a period the sleep deprivation does affect your day to day functioning. Zzzzz

@sadtoday21 Thanks hun. I'm 32 weeks now. Crazy! Luckily I'm no where near as tired as I was in 1st trimester so far; but just physically exhausted some days, if that makes sense. In first trimester I just wanted to sleep all the time. This trimester I just want to have my feet up.
I am also curious to know when others decide it's been too long since movement or that movements are reduced... Some days Baby Girl wiggles LOADS and I feel her kicking about all day, it feels like. And then other days it's just the odd squirm, kick and punch every so often. I've worked out it's to do with her position; I can feel her back/bum at the front quite often and when I do feel that I don't get as many movements. She turns around to face the front sometimes and that's when I get loads of feelings... It would be nice for me if she stayed front-facing, but she seems more comfy towards the back, so I'm just having to keep a look out for any small movement most days. I get really nervous that I'm going to miss her movements stopping or slowing though, because of how infrequent she still can be. It feels like a lot of pressure to have to look out for it.

@Rubyroost You do make me chuckle with your choice of expression... Putting your newborn on ebay.
As a first time mum after losing 4 pregnancies previously I do feel like I might have embraced being pregnant far better than people who haven't suffered any losses... Getting morning sickness literally made me grin with joy some days (what a weirdo); and I'm hoping some of that enjoyment of the bad stuff because of the struggle lasts through the difficult stages of Baby Girl's life... However I am also really nervous about the sleep deprivation and have been priming OH on what to look out for with post-natal depression just in case. And I've been working hard on not having a 'perfect imagine' in my head of what everything will be like... No expectations on myself about BF in case I can't do it, and no vision in my head of what the birth will be like in case it doesn't go to plan.
I've heard a lot of stories of women who have had children after infertility etc who get depression and feel really guilty because they've struggled for so long to have a baby and then don't feel they're coping very well once it all happens. I think being prepared for a difficult emotional time when baby comes is probably really important.
We mustn't put any pressure on ourselves for feeling like we have to be super-mum and never struggle because we have had such difficult journeys to get here. Being a mum is difficult and I think complaining about the sleepless nights is probably a coping-mechanism. I fully expect to be signing up to ebay at 3am some time in January or February now that Rubyroost has suggested it...
On the other hand, other mothers with no sympathy for the struggles that their peers are going through drive me nuts... Okay, so you were happy to stand on a train for an hour while heavily pregnant and never had any pregnancy symptoms; congratulations, but don't expect others to have the same experience as you! Lots of women who are pregnant suffer with back pain, braxton hicks, acid reflux etc... Sitting down when you need to is essential. Grrr!!! So glad I don't live in London. I used to live in Paris and I cannot fathom how I would have coped with pregnancy in that city either...

I think your outlook is very sensible @KnitKitty. I am with @Rubyroost in that I'm excited but also dreading the first few weeks. It is HARD. It doesn't matter how much you love your baby or how much we have longed for this, sleep deprivation, cluster feeding, sore nipples and the incredible overload of hormones is a lot to deal with. The reality is that it won't be perfect. You will cry. You will get angry. You will have days when you want to give up and put your baby on eBay. You will question your decisions and feel a guilt like you've never known. But then there will also be moments of the most amazing joy and love like no other. I always appreciate mums who complain and "tell it like it is" because I can't bear this whole Intsa-perfect picture that is often the portrayal of motherhood. I would much rather my mates cried and told me they were so tired they almost put their baby on eBay than glossed over it all 😉

Anyway, good luck today @KnitKitty!

Hope you are ok @Mistymeow, that sounds so scary.

@Beaglemum93 I think you did very well to see your friends baby. It's like now we are pregnant everyone expects us to be over the losses. But they will never be replaced and we will always wonder what could have been.

Hope the consultant goes well today @sadtoday21!

I'm about to board the central line for my last morning tube journey! 🙌🏻

Ugh - typos galore and bold fail! I'm too tired!

Thank you all for the reassurance regarding having so many scans! I feel better now I know just how many of you have had lots of scans this pregnancy.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Thank you, the internal cheer at your desk made me smile 😊

@Mistymeow That's interesting to know and has reassured me. The bleeding seems to have stopped now so fingers crossed no more. I'm glad I'm seeing him again on Wednesday so he can check what's happening with the placenta.

Also what a scary time for you. Absolutely awful someone would throw a brick through your window. I hope you feel safer with you in-laws there. Not the stress you need, hope you're feeling okay this morning.

@KnitKitty You always know the right things to say 😊 Thank you for the positivity! Good luck for your scan today xx

Something occurred to me last night. I'm rhesus negative so should I be having an injection if I've been bleeding? I don't know if it doesn't matter before 12 weeks? Does it need to be red blood or does brown count too? I don't know why I didn't think of it! I had the anti D injection after my MMC last year. Maybe I'll email my consultant's secretary and ask her! So many things to worry about all the time.