The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Oh wow ladies please forgive my absence I've just spent that last hour and a half catching up on all your messages from the past three weeks or so.
I'm struggling to post regularly on here as I work such erratic shifts and am so tired when I'm not at work!

Plus have my 20 week scan on Friday and an struggling with "scanxiety" (as someone has said on here) I know it's completely irrational as I'm feeling movments - like little flutters and twitches that can't be gas (I hope-otherwise I'm more full of gas than I thought possible 😂) and I heard the heartbeat at 16 weeks. However having bad anxiety dreams and therefore not sleeping brilliant, think working on a paediatric ward in a specialist hospital is not helping as some of the conditions we treat are picked up this early, I have to keep telling myself that although we see these almost everyday at work... They are very rare in the overall general population. That's where being a nurse isn't good for anxiety!!!

I'm so pleased to see those beautiful scan pics of others and want to welcome all the newbies.... Sorry its such a generalised post but I feel like if I was to reply to everyone individually I'd be typing all night!! And for those with worries and scares please know that although I'm not posting on here regularly I'm thinking about you all, and just knowing I have this as a place to come to to connect with others in the same situation and who have been through similar circumstances as myself. Sending big hugs and positive wishes to you all.

Hi ladies,

Sorry I went AWOL. I have news.

After posting my last message the pain worsened and so we came to the hospital. I was 22+5 they quickly realised I was in established labour and fully dilated.

I was taken straight to the delivery suite and our daughter was born at 20.28 on Friday evening. Thank GOD they decided to resuscitate her and she's been in NICU ever since. She's very little and very poorly but she's fighting.

Meanwhile, her placenta was not delivered and Saturday night I started to become unwell. On Sunday I was quite unwell and they realised I had sepsis and decided to induce me to deliver our little boy. They had to break my waters in the end but he arrived very quickly after, at 12.01pm and at 23+1 gestation. They resuscitated him also and he's in NICU near his sister. He's not doing as well as she is just yet and the nurses and doctors are fighting to keep him blood pressure up. He's VERY poorly and they can't guarantee anything but where there's life there's hope.

Babies have names but to protect their identities for now I wont share yet. I'm not going to post photos of them because they may upset you and I'm not telling anyone this to worry you or frighten you any more than you already are.

Hang in there ladies, you're doing amazing!

Oh @Squiff70 what a scary time you’ve had after everything you’ve been through before. I’m thinking of you and hoping all is ok with your babies and yourself. Sending love and hugs! Xx

@Squiff70 hope you and your babies are doing ok. It's great that they resuscitated them both and fingers crossed they get well soon. It must be so terrifying for you :( did they get your sepsis under control? Don't worry about worrying or upsetting us, we're still here for you if you need.

Good luck for your scan on Friday @Lozzak87!

Great news about your GTT results @InDreamland and congratulations on getting to the third trimester!

Tentative congratulations @TwinkleStars15 and welcome. Unfortunately I have no answers to help with the anxiety. It gets easier as time goes on. I just focused on getting to little milestones and took one day at a time - I was a complete anxious mess though, still am at times and I'm 36+3 now!

So jealous you're finished work @Melpops36! Sorry you're getting so uncomfortable but it's not long now!

Thank you for all the replies. I took another test this morning and it’s negative. Gutted. It was either a chemical or faulty tests. I hope to join you ladies soon. Good luck with your journeys

There is the tiniest line on there so guessing a chemical

@Squiff70, I'm sorry to hear the very tramatic start but congratulations on becoming a new mother to two very beautiful fighters. I hope you get better soon so you could stay with your little ones. I don't know if you are well enough to visit them. But at my hospital there were wheelchairs designed to help mothers visit their babies. It was mostly used by c-section mothers but there were so many of them in labour ward but hardly any in NICU. You can ask about kangaroo care, when appropriate, if you want.
The charity Bliss is a wonderful charity for premature babies and their parents/ carers.

@Squiff70 I'm so sorry for all the trauma you've been through and that you and your babies are poorly. I am praying for all of your recoveries. Sending love xxxx

@Squiff70 I’m so sorry, I posted an update without seeing yours. You don’t know me but I will keep you and your babies in my thoughts and wish you the greatest outcome xx

Oh my goodness @Squiff70 what an experience. First of all congratulations on the birth of your babies. I’m so sorry it’s not as straightforward as we all prayed for. I am in floods of tears for you as I write this and I hope you and your son and daughter pull through. You’ve been through so so much. We are all here for you. Thinking of you all.
Loads of love xx

@Lozzak87 good luck for your scan on Friday. As you said sometimes exposure to what can be wrong can make it seem more likely that it actually is.

@InDreamland thank you, lying down discouraged the head butts.

Wow @Squiff70 congratulations and I wish you all well, I hope you are feeling better from the sepsis. Come here for support whenever you need or pm if thats more comfortable.

@Squiff70 first of all a congratulations and wishing your babies all the luck through this NICU journey. What a scare for you having sepsis and how terrifying it must be to see your babies so small. I am so so so glad NICU fighting for your babies survival and I so hope they both do make it. Such a rollercoaster journey NICU. I hope you're able to stay with them?

Oh my goodness @Squiff70 what a terrifying time for you. You will all be in my thoughts over these coming days.

Oh my goodness @Squiff70 what an update! Congratulations but so sorry for all you've been through, you must be terrified and exhausted. You and your beautiful two little fighters will be in my thoughts over the coming days. I am willing for them to get strong and well soon. Please do not worry about upsetting or frightening us. We might be an anxious and neurotic bunch but we are all here to support each other no matter what. Please keep posting if you feel it helps. Sending love to you and your family xxx

@InDreamland congratulations on the negative GTT.

@Lozzak87 good luck on your scan.

@TwinkleStars15, I'm sorry to hear that. Fingers crossed for next cycle. I hope to see you back here soon.

Sorry to hear that @TwinkleStars15. I had a CP the cycle before I got pregnant this time, I really hope the same happens for you and you'll be back with us soon.

@Lozzak87 good luck for your scan! I can can understand why you're so anxious. Remember that the odds are in your favour and those in your care are in the minority.

@Squiff70 OMG I did not expect your update this morning! Firstly a huge congratulations on becoming mum to two amazing fighters. What a scary time you've had. Thinking of you all and praying that the twins pull through this. Just wow! Please keep posting here, as others have said we're all here for each other. I hope you're recovering well. Sending lots of love.

@Bluebelltulip glad the headbutting stopped. That must have been so so uncomfortable.

@TwinkleStars15 so sorry you've had that disappointment. Hope you can join us again soon.

@Squiff70 thinking of you at this difficult time and sending you hugs! I can't believe what you've had to go through in the past few days, you must be so strong to have held up as well as you have been! Your little fighters are so lovely and it sounds like the NICU is doing everything possible to give them the best chance. I hope you are also recovering well and not feeling too poorly. Please keep us updated on how you are doing, we are all here for you day or night! Xxx

@Squiff70 oh my goodness what a whirlwind! Congratulations on the birth of your two little fighters and I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. You must be so terrified and exhausted! Bless you for thinking of others' anxiety at a time like this - please do keep us updated as much as you feel able and don't feel like you need to censor your posts. We are all here for you xx

@Squiff70 Sorry to hear that your little ones have arrived so very early, glad they are both fighting and hoping for a good outcome for you all. How are you recovering? Are you still in hospital yourself?

@squiff70 wow, what a whirlwind few days you have had!!! Massive congratulations on the births of your twins, thinking of you and your tough family during this tricky time. As a student i spent some time on a nicu, such an incredible place, your twins are in great hands.
Always here for you and never feel like you have to censor your posts, we've all been through tough times but are all here to support you. Big hugs xxxx

@Squiff70 I was so shocked to read your post, I really didn't expect to hear that. You sound so brave and strong, but I guess you have no other choice-you need to be there for your little ones. I hope they both pull through, such an awful time for you and your littlies. I'm so sorry you're all going through this x. I'm not religious by any stretch of the imagination, but I've said a little prayer for your twins today.

@InDreamland @Beaglemum93 @Notnowokay thank you I’m going to hang around a little bit longer if that’s okay? I did another test today (a supermarket brand one as I couldn’t find a frer) and it was positive, albeit a faint line. So 3 internet cheapies and 1 own brand all with a very faint line. And also a negative Clear Blue Digital. I’ve got AF type cramps and some light bleeding on wiping occasionally but I’m going to try and stay positive and test again tomorrow.

@Squiff70 oh my goodness - another one crying as I write this. I'm not even going to try to find the right words but just want you to know that I am absolutely rooting for you and your little family. Please keep us updated and I would love to see a photo if you feel able to post one xxx

@Squiff70 congratulations on your new arrivals. Thinking of you and wishing you well in your fight. Your post blew me away as I think I am one day behind you gestation wise, I can't imagine.

Sorry I've not posted much ladies, I do read intermittently but struggle to keep up with how fast the thread moves. All going ok so far for me 23+3 🤞. Just trying to keep the anxiety at bay and look forward.

Hope you are all doing ok xx