The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Got a consultant appointment in the morning where supposedly c section will be scheduled, or that's what i was told last time when I saw a doctor anyway. Depends which consultant I get given I suppose. I hope they are not horrible :(

@ChikiTIKI I was told I would be consultant led this pregnancy. All I have seen so far is a doctor who was not a consultant at my 12 week scan. I have a growth scan at 27 weeks, so perhaps I'll see a consuktant then?!

Sorry I been quite busy with dc cold' s and then my own one. Thank you kids. We are better now and no keatons for me 🙌 normally get them while sick and pregnant.

@catconfusion, do you have reactive hypoglyciemia? Or on medication that lowers your sugar levels? Or do you get them after a very anxious time? The best thing to do is figuring out when they happen and figuring out possible coincidence.
As I take insulin, my sugar drops randomly during the first trimester based on hormones. It is hard getting the right dose based on what my hormones are doing on a particular day.
Something that helped me during non pregnancy times was not eating more than 30g of carbohydrates in one sitting. If I did go over that, to make sure I ate a ton of fat or protine alongside it. The fat/ protine would stop blood sugar spiking and level the sugar out. To treat low sugar it is important to eat/ drink fast acting carbohydrate (full fat coke or jelly babies) and follow it up with slow releasing carbohydrate (biscuit or bread). Lately I been drinking one carton of juice followed by 3 Oreos. My sugar don't spike when I do this. When sugar spikes, then it drops down quickly again unless slow releasing carbohydrate is consumed. I'm on the low carb/high fat diet last four years and it has helped with low sugar. My hypoglyciemia (low sugar) treatment vary depending on what caused it and sometimes even that is not clear. So I treat and test and treat till meters says I'm safe AND I stop having symptoms.
I asked about the anxiety because my cousin used to get low sugar when she was really anxious and during panic attacks. The best thing is to talk to health care professionals about how to handle it in the safest way possible. I'm not a medical professional just a fellow mumsneter.

@janey15 yaay for not needing medicen to feel better

@RedRobin7 hope it stops soon and good luck for your scan soon.

@Rubyroost, during my last pregnancy the midwife offered to make an appointment with the most pro elective c-section obstetrician she knew at that hospital during my 16 weeks midwife appointment. Said he could give me an advanced date. I refused it at that time as I wanted another vbac. I really enjoyed it when I was able to hug/ squeeze ds1 after his first brothers birth. I wanted to repeat that, but life got in the way and placenta failour started to appear with ds3 and I labour very slowly so I agreed to c-section. I had made a beautiful birth plan for him but his safety was not something I was willing to risk. I wanted him out asap as soon as the doctor said I think the placenta is failing.

@Twittlebee, I think maybe you dm wants you not to be in pain and it hurts her to see you in so much pain. I had to limit the amount of things I shared with my dm after I noticed it affected her to much. Sometimes grief makes people angry at the wrong thing/ person. My dm randomly one day when I was ranting at something said she didn't cry this much for my dsis, what is happening? She was talking about a sister that died while she was pregnant with me. She was 1yr and had died of an infection/ direah.
I don't blame you for feeling what you have felt. My ds2 would have started reception this year and seeing a picture of SANDS page I'm part of in Facebook made me proper sob in September. It was a picture of someone front door with a bunch off flowers or a picture of a scan of the baby they lost. Luckly it was during the night, so I let myself cry till I feel asleep.
There will always be memories, sometimes you miss calculate and tell the wrong person at the wrong time. But grieving for baby is never wrong. It is ok, you had so much aspirations for Roy and love. Your love don't stop just because someone dies. I don't think it made me bitter off all the children that are starting reception class. Which includes dh niece.

@ChikiTIKI if you don't like the consultant you can request to see another one. You don't have to ask the person you see, you can ask your midwife to arrange for you to see another consultant. Or see a supervisor of the midwife type person. They can get you an appointment and then come and attend the appointment with you. I had a similar type but she was a vbac midwife and she was asking the obstetrician so many questions I didn't know I wanted answers for. She acted as an advocate for me. I loved her and the room was packed when my birth plan was being made, last time. If you can, take someone with you for support.

@coconutlatte44 hope you enjoy your visit to Florida. Wow so many people going on hoildays and babymoons. I'm not going anywhere but I might convince dh to take the boys somewhere. I personally dislike traveling but dh loves it so our children have a chance in life.

@Rubyroost yeah I suppose consultants are v expensive... I'm pretty sure it needs to be a consultant to decide to do a c section though. I suppose "consultant led" can mean that whoever we see is under leadership of a consultant?

@Notnowokay thanks for the advice. I know I can see someone else if they refuse, I just think I will get really stressed because I will panic they will just decide not to do it.

I wrote out all my reasons etc for the last appointment and that one went well so hopefully it will be ok this time. I will put that in the green notes so hopefully they will read it before I walk in the room and then just book the c section.

I found out there is an ELCS course at the hospital so I will be booking on to that ASAP.

Feeling unwell today. Blood pressure a bit low. Just on the boarder or being classed as hypotension. At least the stress of my appointment tomorrow will bring up my bp a bit. :)

Hey @Notnowok. Thank you for the helpful advice. No I don’t have any diagnosed issues with hypoglycaemia. I had loads of tests when I was teaching years ago as I was getting dizzy spells but nothing showed up and I’ve not had it happen since until this pregnancy. I think anxiety definitely makes me more prone to these episodes. Since I gave up teaching I’ve definitely been more chilled. One thing the doctor did say is I might be more sensitive to low blood sugar changes but not diabetic. It may also have been anxiety about the scan. However I had another spell on Saturday. I wasn’t sick but felt dizzy and disorientated. Despite having a big breakfast we hadn’t been able to eat for a few hours due to being out. I’m now being much more mindful of eating and trying to graze throughout the day. I was fine yesterday so hopefully I can control with more regular eating. x

@coconutlatte44 thank you. There do seem to be lots of boys. On another thread I’m on it’s 50/50. Guess it’s quite random. Have a lovely trip to the states. X

@Catconfusion is it definitely low blood sugar? I guess you know the feeling if you've experienced it before. I'm just thinking that blood pressure can get lower in pregnancy too?

Thank you @Rubyroost and @Notnowokay x

Well I am WFH today as I feel like utter shit - certainly have the bug that is going round.

Hey @Rubyroost I’m assuming it as I’m fine once I’ve rested and eaten something. I used to suffer from low blood pressure when I was younger but it’s now nice and normal. However I think the two things are linked. I’ve felt ok today so just hoping it’s just me getting used to eating more. X

Hi all. Just a quick and selfish one from me as I seem to be really busy.

DD’s birthday weekend was fab. Felt really happy and blessed for our lovely family…but then started to think that I was too happy and surely it can’t last before something goes wrong. So now back to feeling anxious and on edge!

It’s my penultimate week at work and I just can’t be bothered. I am huge and tired. I feel like everything aches and is an effort! I just want to start getting ready for Christmas and winding down at home.

Jealous of all with their C-section dates or getting one! Mine don’t give you one until 36 weeks so I have to wait until my appointment on the 9th Dec.

@Twittlebee I found reminders, dates and other people’s pregnancies at the same time as mine should have been really bloody hard. You are not alone in feeling the way you do and shouldn’t be made to feel bad or guilty for it. I think your feelings are more than justified and frankly after what you have been through you allowed to feel whatever you want!

How are things @Squiff70? xxx

Hope your last bit at work goes quickly @myheartisbroke

The consultant today asked me what I had been told to expect in this appointment and I said I was told the c section would be scheduled. So she booked it in. Feeling relieved now. Originally she was going to book it on Saturday 28th March but as nothing was already booked in yet on that day she did it for Monday 30th. Bit less convenient for childcare but will be fine. Starating to think this might actually happen now! Had a panic moment at the weekend wondering if I can do it all again!

@Twittlebee I hope you are feeling better soon. Sometimes I'm ok seeing babies that are the same age as DD2 should be and other days I find it really hard, I would have been upset in your position too.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue good to hear your DD's birthday weekend went well. Things going well doesn't mean something bad will happen try to enjoy it. I'm hoping to get my induction date on the 9th as well. Yay about your last week at work.

I thought I would be finding things emotionally easier after I passed the point DD2 died but it's not. DH is struggling as well he's not sleeping well and both of us are teary a lot. I don't think the build up to Christmas is helping, last year we found out DD2 was poorly just before Christmas so it was spend in and out of hospital and didn't really celebrate it at all.

Hi ladies
Goodness I've missed loads again. I can't keep up. Sorry in advance for anyone I've missed.

@janey15 totally understand the impact years of unexplained infertility can have on you, even when you're very pregnant now. I'm still upset and bitter that others I know get married and fall pregnant literally straight away and have an easy time as in no losses (not that I'd wish it upon anyone) yet I struggled for so many years then when I finally get a miracle pregnancy I lose the baby .....twice. It just feels so unfair and it does have a massive impact on your mental health. I don't think I'll ever come to terms with it. I still get bitter and jealous despite being 1 day away from 3rd trimester. I don't like hearing about other's easy journeys when I've been through so much heartache. It's natural to have those feelings. This Christmas should have been either baby #1 or baby #2's first Christmas and I've cried about that very recently. I feel guilty for the one I'm carrying as my focus should 100% be on them but I'm still grieving the ones that should be 10 months and 4 months old now. I hate that I'm so anxious this pregnancy about losing Bubsy too and cannot enjoy it or feel like I can bond as well because I'm trying not to get so attached. It's so hard. After 6 years of disappointment and heartbreak why should this one turn out any differently?

@coconutlatte44 have an amazing time in the States! Not jealous at all 😉

@TwittleBee similar to what I said above to janey. What you're feeling is normal and natural. Given the most traumatic and heartbreaking experience you've had, and especially how raw it still is you have every right to think and feel how you do. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Sending lots of hugs!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue wow, can't believe you're so close to finishing work now. Weljel! Hope it's not too difficult in your final couple of weeks. I've really struggled today, dreading what's to come if I feel like this now.

@ChikiTIKI fab you have a date!

I'm 27+6 today. Desperate to get to next milestone tomorrow ......am I really almost in 3rd trimester? Someone pinch me! No seriously, I cannot believe I even got this far. Nausea still kicks in in the morning, felt dreadful this morning on my commute in, major acid reflux and was just hoping I didn't vom on the train or on someone. I'm exhausted, can't sleep through the night, can barely sleep in fact, between Bubsy kick boxing me and DH snoring his head off and being uncomfortable it's a recipe for a sleepness night. Does it get worse? I'm still really worried about something going wrong now. 24 hour knicker watch still happening here. Grateful for every movement I make, even if I can't sleep. Seeing midwife tomorrow afternoon, should get my GTT results.

Hey ladies! 20 pages to catch up on! Glad things are going well for most.
I finished work on Friday last week and have 11 days until due date. Am sooo big and uncomfortable I’m more than ready now. This time last year I was still bleeding after 2nd mmc in a row. Bizarre how things change.
I’ll keep you posted if little one makes an entrance anytime soon. Thanks to all of you for holding my hand through this. 2 years and the last week is now in sight. Love to all, sorry for being such a crap poster! Xx

@Melpops was just thinking about you today as was checking everyone's due date out today and thinking when is the first to make an appearance... And it's you. Do send us an update when your little one arrives. Not long now and they'll be a stream of baby pics. 👍

@Melpops36 eeaaaakkkkk so close! So exciting. December will be full of baby photos and you're likely to be the first of that flurry! Thank you for sharing your journey with us and hope you stick around after the birth too. I feel like this is a little online family that understands what each other is going through even though our experiences have been different there's that one major event (or for some of us more than one event) that sadly brought us together but it is amazingly supportive. Enjoy your "me time" before the little one arrives!

@Rubyroost how are you doing?

Can't believe it, made it to the 3rd trimester! This isn't real is it? Seeing midwife later this afternoon for routine antenatal appointments and hopefully GTT comes back clear so I can eat and drink what I want at Christmas.

Hello, I hope you don’t mind me asking but I’m after a bit of advice. I was on the ttc after pregnancy loss thread and then found this one.

I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks last year and one at 5 weeks in October. I think I got a positive test this morning, it was so faint so I’m waiting to do a frer tomorrow morning to confirm one way or the other.

Do you have any practical tips/suggestions on how to deal with the extreme anxiety of pregnancy after miscarriage? I’m already on ‘knicker watch’ and only found out a few hours ago. How do you get through the first few weeks without turning into a complete mess?

@TwinkleStars15 sorry no real advice, the answer is I was a utter complete mess. But we are here for support and understanding. It does get better in the 2nd and 3rd trimester... In my opinion anyway.

@TwinkleStars15 pregnancy after loss is really hard. That's partly why all the ladies on this thread are here. It's a very anxious time and there isn't much you can do. Just have to take each day at a time and post here when you need support. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

28 week midwife appointment went well. All appears fine and GTT all clear! Means I can eat and drink what I want at Christmas! Was asked about making a birth plan ........ I'll look at that after the antenatal class in a few weeks time.

Welcome @TwinkleStars15.

@Indreamland good news about the GTT and rest of your appointment.

I'm feeling very uncomfortable this evening, feels like the baby has engaged and is trying to head butt it's way out.

Oooh @Bluebelltulip that sounds really uncomfortable. Can you go on all fours and wiggle or do cat cow to get baby to move position?