The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

@Kayjay2018 yes it wasn’t nice waiting for that final measurement, felt I was on tenterhooks! But looking back it was funny when I returned and she was literally shoving her spine in his face. Best of luck with your next scan.
@KnitKitty thank you, it feels like we are finally getting there- you must feel the same. Yes I’m prepared for a C section, I’ll just do anything to get her here safely. I also understand there is a chance of a big bleed and I’ll need to go into hospital. My friend had exactly the same so I’m getting good advice. How are you feeling?
@Squiff70 I can totally understand how you’re feeling, when I had a bleed at 16 weeks it was identical to both miscarriages and I thought that was it. But all was well. New baby, different situation. I just kept focusing on what the professionals were saying. I didn’t properly relax until the bleed stopped. How are you doing today?
@InDreamland sorry you saw blood, glad all is well though. My consultant told me at my 20 week scan that bleeding is so common. Hope you feel ok now.
@janey15 I’ve been getting cramps in my back throughout. I don’t like it when I get new pains, always disconcerting but it’s good you get reassurance from a phone call. In second trimester random pains seems to be the norm. Never nice for us!
@TinyPaws was just thinking about you! So glad all is going well. I feel the same about milestones. How exciting you’re having a boy! I feel a lot calmer after my 20 week and feeling movements. Great your DP has sorted herself out.
@Laney79 lovely to hear from you. Not long now! Is your C section booked? I’m pretty much the last of my friends to have a baby and some of their kids are teenagers!

Thanks for the congrats. DH felt the baby kick for the first time! Got my nursery walk around consultation at John Lewis on Monday to try out buggies (then hopefully get one cheaper in the sales!). It’s free so worth looking into.

My NCT classes round here are £300, feels like robbery compared to the rest of the country. Baby and Bump club also expensive. Can anyone think of alternatives?

@Mistymeow yep, c-section all booked for New Year's Eve. Had a tour of delivery suite and theatre after my appt on thurs to try and help with my anxiety. Getting very real now! Everyone was really lovely on the ward/theatre side though so that really helped.

In terms of antenatal the class we did was a free nhs one-not widely advertised but my midwife told me when I asked (didn't see the point of NCT as having a section and not intending to breastfeed!)

Morning ladies! I've been trying to keep up with this thread so I can see how you're all doing but haven't been posting as I'm so far behind you all it's difficult to join in.

@Laney79 So pleased things worked out for you! I often wondered how you were doing.

@KnitKitty Sorry to hear your last scan filled you with anxiety. It's very common and I'm sure baby is fine.

@InDreamland Glad you went to get checked and everything seems okay. What a horrible scare for you!

I'm 7+3 now and although my 6 week scan was better than expected, I'm already very anxious about by 8 week scan on Wednesday. I don't have many symptoms - just sore boobs, tiredness in the evenings and bloating after eating. I wish I felt sick and I wish I was peeing more frequently but none of that either. Can anyone reassure me that you had very few symptoms and everything was okay? I've received my dating scan date and it's Xmas eve! We are supposed to be going down to DH's family on 23rd. I'll see if I can move the scan date forward but I doubt it's possible. I just really want to know before Xmas but also worried if it's bad news again on Xmas eve that'll ruin Christmas forever! I'd love to announce on Xmas day if things are okay. Did you all wait until the combined test results though? Getting ahead of myself again!

@RedRobin7 please don't wish you feel sick, its horrid if you feel really sick. I mean I don't really know as I have no experience of sickness either in my successful pregnancies or my unsuccessful ones, some women just don't feel sick. I do know from these boards though that the sickness can be pretty debilitating. I know you want to feel youre getting 'proper' symptoms, but rest assured the symptoms you are experiencing are proper. I worried because my boobs would hurt and then not hurt and would also deflate and inflate in the first tri. I was a right boob prober, checking to see if they hurt! It's natural to worry about symptoms, but in my experience they come and go and my two closest friends never experienced sickness.. just like me. I don't know why this is, but I put it down to the fact that it takes a lot to make me sick in real life anyway so I just don't experience it. Hope your 8 weeks scan goes well and good luck!

Hi Ladies

Thank you all for the good wishes on my scare, thankfully so far no more blood seen, let's hope there is no more until Bubsy is due and delivered safe and well. I'm so scared about what could still go wrong. Thankfully we've had lots of movement last night and this morning .......meaning I've not had much sleep. We're away this weekend doing a mini break in the UK, probably our last trip away now until due date as we simply can't fit another in.

I have read all the posts from yesterday, sorry not to reply individually, I'm really tired .......and we're about to head out (hope I don't struggle too much). I now understand why babymoons tend to be on a beach or in a spa resort!

So sorry to read others have been having scares too. Fx all is well for you! This pregnancy game is so stressful isn't it.

@RedRobin7 please don't worry about lack of symptoms. What you're feeling is normal for you and this pregnancy. Don't forget every pregnancy and baby is different. I know someone who had a textbook easy pregnancy with her first but is now in second tri with her second and has basically been floored since around 6 weeks. Fx for your upcoming scan! I'm sure everything will be just fine. Hopefully you can change your 12 weeks scan date .......I think appointments do come up as sadly as we know people will need to cancel before theirs so you might be lucky and get it brought forward a day or two.

@RedRobin7 don't worry about the lack of symptoms-I was just tired and sore boobs. No sickness at all with this one. I did pee a little more often but I don't think it was actually need-more psychological so I could knicker check.

In fact bar constipation and tiredness I've not had hardly any symptoms as the pregnancy went on. Only graduated to maternity clothes at about 27/28 weeks as the bump really didn't develop until then.

So - symptoms or lack of in my experience with this one mean diddly squat. Hope that helps xxx

@RedRobin7 try not to worry about the lack of symptoms as it doesn't mean anything unfortunately and if you are anything like the rest of us you will worry anyway. I had all the symptoms (sickness is now fading at 19+5) and have still worried constantly 
I also found an upcoming scan heightened my anxiety although you do feel reassured afterwards 

Have a lovely time @InDreamland Our only chance at a baby moon will be Feb half term when I'll be 32 weeks so I'm looking at hotels in the cotswolds with a nearby spa and pool. Don't think we'll be doing our usual days out hiking

Pain seems to have returned to normal levels and I was awake several times in the night feeling kicks

My friend who got married in the summer told me she is pregnant today and I'm so happy for her. I'm also relieved I'm pregnant as I was really worried how I would cope in the run up to the wedding and I really didn't want it to come between us. I'm also ashamed to admit to being a tiny bit jealous that we never got that joy after our wedding nearly 5 years ago and I feel guilty for feeling like this! I guess I'm going to be dealing with the emotional side of infertility for a while longer yet.

Anyway, on a more positive note I haven't taken my anti sickness medication since Thursday and I'm feeling ok - in fact I feel so much less tired than before! I hadn't realised how much the drowsiness was still effecting me as I thought I'd gotten used to it. This is my fourth attempt at stopping them so wish me luck

Thanks for trying to reassure me ladies. I went to the gym this afternoon, just a gentle walk on the treadmill and some cycling but since then had some cramping all afternoon. Also had some light brown CM which is the third time this week. So scared it's all going wrong again 😢 I know it could all be okay as long as it's not red blood but hard to stay positive. Think I'll give the gym a miss now!

@RedRobin7 you poor thing. Let's hope it's just spotting. It's worrying though isnt it?! Fingers crossed for your 8 week scan?

@Laney79 don't feel old, people having kids at all sorts of ages now. I saw one of my ex students whilst I was out, I was preggars and she'd already had a kid, she was giving me tips! 😂Her mother was also pregnant so had a kid younger than hers! Why are you having a c section and why is there a risk of bleeding.. Sorry if you've mentioned this before. When did they tell you your date? I think some NHS trusts don't even give you a date?

@Rubyroost c-section is my choice. I have a horrid phobia of all things medical/doctor/needles so even thinking about having a family was a huge step. I did tons of research even doing an FOI to my local hospital to try and decide which birth option was best for my mental and physical health as well as the baby and decided the control and ability to put coping mechanisms in place for a planned section would be the right option. My consultant and midwife (and Gp) have been amazingly supportive. I got my date early because of my anxiety-simply knowing it's booked is one less thing to wind myself up about.

Neither option is great for me but I personally feel a section is much less likely to end up damaging my mental health and is overall safer for us both. And as I'm ancient and have already lost two babies it's unlikely we'll try for another baby after this so the concerns about future pregnancies etc after a section don't really apply.

Hey @Laney79 great to hear all ok. I too am worried about the medical side of birth. Very different to you as it’s because I have arthritis in both hips and limited mobility so scared of damaging the joint. I’m hoping I can book a c section too. Great they’re taking your anxiety so seriously and have booked it for you. At our 12 week appointment they were trying to push us down the natural route. I’m seeing my orthopaedic consultant to see what he thinks.

@janey15 I can completely understand why you’d feel a little sad about how long your journey has been compared with your friend. We lost our honeymoon baby to mmc and I still feel really sad about losing that pregnancy. It felt so right to be pregnant just after getting married. When I feel like that I just keep focusing on this baby and how we wouldn’t have him if that pregnancy progressed. I don’t think the grief of infertility if loss ever goes completely away.

Good luck with coming off your meds too. I’ve had four sickness free weeks and then randomly vomited over myself a couple of days ago. The midwife has told me to eat more and more often. I was already eating a lot. I’m finding as I progress it’s harder to keep blood sugar stable.

@RedRobin7 I know very few people in real life who have had the sickness and have had healthy babies. I’ve had it bad and honestly I’ve lost three months of my life to it. You really don’t want it. Also I was really sick with my mmc baby so it doesn’t necessarily mean all ok. Good luck for Wednesday!

@InDreamland I’m really glad your check showed all ok. I had a bit of spotting the other day but luckily it stopped and my scan on Friday was great. It’s just so difficult to see after loss even though quite normal.

As for me, I had my anomaly scan on Friday and I’m pleased to say all was ok. It was such a fascinating experience. I loved seeing the brain and heart. We also found out we’re having a little boy. We’re just so relieved and excited. I’ve felt a lot of the anxiety melt away. I am however struggling a bit with keeping my blood sugar up even though I’m eating well. I had a near fainting episode and vomited down myself very suddenly a few days ago. It was only a couple of hours since I’d eaten. I’m now trying to graze more. Has anyone else had this? Xx

@Laney79 you're not ancient! I had my first at 38band second one will be arriving at the ripe old age of 41 1/2. There's still chance for another. If my second one had worked out okay (got pregnant 5 months after having my first) , I would have had my second 14 months after a c section. I think there's not much danger unless you have a vbac. No one was that concerned when I got pregnant again quickly.

The reason I ask is because I will be also having c section after a failed induction and emergency c section last time. No one has said anything about date etc, and I'd rather have a date than just be told whenever. I think either can happen though. I'll ask my midwife at 25 week appt.

First at 39, not 38

I meant chance for another for you, not be. I'll definitely be done at two!

@Catconfusion great news on your scan. I think they do push people down the natural route as much as possible. It's so bloody annoying. The doctor said to me that I'd laboured before so no reason why I couldn't again. I said, no I hadn't laboured, or if I had it was very forced. 4 days of induction ending in emergency c section! 🙄 She relented and shut up after that. 😂

Thanks @Rubyroost It is concerning when they don't take into account past traumas. Birth seems such an uncertain process and since it was gruelling the first time no reason in your mind to think it won't be gruelling again (although I'm sure a chance it wouldn't be). Glad she shut up.

I'm just so surprised the state of my left hip isn't being taken very seriously. I don't have a hip ball on that side so have limited rotation. When I asked my consultant years ago he said if I had kids it would be a c section. I'm seeing him in a couple of weeks so will be interesting to see what he says. My hips are already feeling angry and the pelvic girdle pain is excruciating and that's at 20 weeks. The good news with this pregnancy is with it being a boy the chance of him having the same condition is slim as its genetic in my case and affects mainly girls. He still has a raised risk of dislocation at birth so a c section would help minimise the strain on his little pelvis. xx

@Catconfusion, you just need to be insistent and I'm sure you'll get what you need then

@rubyroost yes I will be, especially if my consultant backs me up. I’m not ruling out natural but I’m worried it will bring the hip replacement I will eventually need forward. Just need some decent advice on it, hopefully my surgeon will give me that.

Afternoon, hope you are all having a good sunday? Sorry I have been absent, we have had sickness in this house past few days and so been trying to catch up on chores! There has been 50 messages since I was last on!

@KnitKitty are you avoiding the fever? I hope so!

@Squiff70 so sorry to read of all that worry with your babies positions and the pink discharge!

@TinyPaws congratulations on finding out you have a baby boy. Btw, I always get Braxton Hicks super early - apparently every woman does but most dont notice them until they're carrying bigger, so try not to worry.

@janey15 its a nightmare of worry isnt it, the pains etc but I am glad all appears to be okay according to the MW who spoke to you. It really is best to call, dont worry about them making you feel silly - just know in your heart you are just looking out for you and your baby

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope your DD had a good party?

@Kayjay2018 I agree boys are lovely! I have 2 already! Surprised to be having our 3rd, even though this whole pregnancy I had been worried about how I feel like a boy mum and was worrying about how I would raise a DD! What a lovely scan photo, love it when you get a good scan experience like that too with them sucking their fingers etc.

@Irishgene and @kayjay2018 it is tough getting past the due date, hope the world is kind to you over that day

@Beaglemum93 reduced movements are such a worry arent they. And its tough to sometimes feel properly listened to on them, on my son'd report it states that I said about reduced movement but they put that the trace picked up movement fine - but his movement wasnt his usual and that is what they failed to understand. Hope you got a good start on the washing!

@Laney79 it is so interesting how different people are in terms of ages and positions when they have children isnt it! I always feel super young! Glad to hear you are progressing well

@Mistymeow - aw it is so special when you can start sharing those kicks together. Blimey that is so high for NCT classes, feels so unfair that price!

@RedRobin7 - I am not far in front of you! I am only 9+6 today! That is tough timing with the 12 week scan, I hope the 8 week one gives you some needed reassurances, I do think it is very normal to feel anxious in that build up to a scan.

@InDreamland what a relief, glad all seems okay now. Maybe it was just a bit of the plug being jostled away? I seriously want a babymoon, a nice spa one though for sure haha. hope you are having fun even if you are exhausted.

@catconfusion lovely to hear your anomaly scan all went well and congrats on a boy too! Sorry you are struggling with the blood sugar levels, I have no tips sorry. Good luck with seeing your consultant, seems obvious you would surely need a c section?

@Rubyroost section dates are as close to 39 weeks as possible arent they usually? As anything before 38 seriously increasing the risk of respiratory morbidity on the baby I thought? I've been doing so much research into it because I am being recommended a section as it will be under a year since my last section but I am stressing out because they think possibly the section might have contributed to my son's death.

Not much to report here for me apart from the continued spotting and the newly developed intense pain on my left side. Also just stressing about birth choices, if I even make it that far!

@Squiff70 sending you all my love and I hope your spotting has stopped. It's so worrying for you with these twins after your last loss, completely understandable to be worried sick, but just remember that you've seen two heartbeats at your last scan xxx

26+2 here, feel like I haven't seen any midwives for an age now - 20 week scan was so long ago! I've got my 28 week appt in just less than two weeks time and I'm hoping she doesn't try sending me for another GTT but suspecting she probably will!

Need a rant if that's okay ladies? My neighbour across the road has gone into labour. It's tough to know that although our toddlers will be in the same class and will grow up together, probably will walk to school together. My little Roy wont share that with her new baby. This is assuming all will be okay for her and her baby, which I really hope is the case. She was due only 6 weeks post Roy's due date and so we should be on Mat Leave together and have both children in the same classes together.

I spoke to my mum about this and she had a go at me saying I should only be focusing on her happiness and stop being bitter. I'm obviously happy for her, I just wanted someone to understand how hard it's going to be watching their newest child grow up without my Roy was all.

Maybe she is right, I need to stop making everything about Roy and my grief. But it's all so recent still and i dont see how I'm ever meant to move on from him

@TwittleBee it's natural to think like that esp as you lost him so late on. Grieve all you like, you don't sound bitter. X

BTW I'm going with thi study on c sections versus vbac after previous c sectuon: www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/planned-caesareans-safer-women-past-history-caesarean-sections/

With regards to anti natal classes, u went to nhs ones, I won't be doing them this time around. They were pretty basic and went through labour and drug options , what baby should sleep in and covers etc, regulating temp, how pooh should start and change over the first few poohs, how to deal with crying baby- burping and all that jazz. There wasn't much to them and to be honest I could have done without them probably. I though the nct ones were more about making mum friends? As I didn't want any more friends I never bothered with this. I got a lot of advice and help from mumsnet and friends as well as Google. Eg. When my little one had quite bad nappy rash. And when my little one cluster fed all night the first night from hospital I was so worried it was because he wasn't feeding. Then I looked it up just before the midwives turned up and worked out it was cluster feeding. No one warned me about that one! Not even my b feeding friends.

Thank you @Rubyroost .

It's tough with the section choice for me though because of my history and how I'm likely to have another pre term birth. VBAC seems safer for the baby of born post 32 weeks from the studies I've been reading. I just dont know though, I feel like I need to know all the answers and information from my consultant already - another few weeks until that

Yeah, for me the choice is a lot more straight forward. I'm hoping they'll give me a date for 39 weeks. My womb tends to like to hold on to things so im thinking preterm birth is unlikely for me. I hope you have a good conversation with your consuktant and get some answers.

@Squiff70 - sending you positive thoughts and really hoping that everything works out OK for you.

@Laney79 - glad to hear things are going well - I am having trouble staying on top of the thread too! I am right behind you at 31+4 - keep seeing photos of babies born around this gestation and literally cannot believe I have a baby that size inside of me!
@Catconfusion - great news about your scan. I found the 20 week scan really incredible too, they are so human-like at that point in the way they move around!
@Frillyfarmer - It's so weird not having any scans scheduled after the 20w one. I thought I would feel the need to get one privately but my little one is moving around so frequently that I feel like I can almost see him in there just by feeling his movements.

Lots of us having boys it seems like!

Been doing some research today on what we need to buy and think I've come up with a decent list.

We fly to the US this Thurs to see my family as I will be too far along to fly at Christmas like I usually do. Need to call the midwife tomorrow as I forgot to get a letter from them saying that I am fit to fly! I think they are going to be in shock at how big I've gotten!