The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

ah I am in Essex too (I think we had previously discussed this actually!?) - north Essex though so away from the high prices influenced by London @InDreamland ! I am surprised your NHS ones are not free? Crazy how much it differs in areas. Up here they even do hypnobirthing courses for free on the NHS

I'm good thanks @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue. I'm 35+3 so hopefully not long to go! I finish work on the 3rd December, only 8 shifts to go! How far along are you now? I can't believe how the mother did nothing! I think I'd have stepped in too.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is worried about their pets. I'm worried how my dog will feel when she is no longer my main priority. I know she likes children and is good with them but I worry she'll feel like we don't love her anymore... She is very laid back though and I know she probably won't care.

@InDreamland I did the NCT classes because they were the only ones I could fit around work but they weren't that expensive here, I think just over £100. I do feel much more prepared after them though so I think they were worth it. I'm sure all the antenatal classes are basically the same. Good luck for your GTT results, did they say when you'd get them?

I think we did @TwittleBee quite a while ago now. Wow, that's so good your Trust offers that all for free. No chance of that here. I have to book and pay for own hypnobirthing course if I want to do one. I'm just not sure .......

Home now but feel queasy. Having 2 lots of bloods taken on an empty stomach is not good. Not even food now has settled it. Hopefully I'll feel better in an hour.

Thanks @Beaglemum93 I should get them at the midwife 28 weeks appointment next week. How excited are you to be finishing work soon? You're lucky to have such good priced NCT classes. I like that our NHS one is just one full day on a Saturday so fits around work.

Oooo only a couple of days before me then @Beaglemum93 - my last day is the 5th when I will be 35+5. I need to sort Christmas and hopefully have some downtime beforehand, tbh I am ready to go now! I am so over the commute and rushing to pick DD up form nursery.

I hope you feel less queasy soon @InDreamland. Keep eating is my advice!!! Haha!

Lol, thanks @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue the queasy feeling soon settled down but I really didn't enjoy today. Nervous about the results now.

They told me if there was a problem I would no sooner rather than later @InDreamland. The man who did my test said they do hundreds but it's very rare and mainly just precautionary. Hopefully you won't hear anything!

Fingers crossed @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue let's hope all is okay but I can't help worrying.

@InDreamland Urgh! The leg cramps are the worst! I'm quite used to them because I get them regularly even when not pregnant for some reason, but they have upped their game in pregnancy. The other week I woke with my calves seized up in both legs and shot out of bed to stretch them out against the wall (my usual procedure, haha!) but then the front of both legs cramped as I stretched and I needed to push my feet backwards to stretch them front of the legs, but when I did that it made the other cramp worse again. I was writhing around in pain for about 15 minutes. OH was really worried about me. It did die down after a while but boy that was the worst!!!!
I'm glad you got through the test okay yesterday. It doesn't sound pleasant. Hope the results come back normal. x
Gosh! You have to pay for NHS classes???? They're free where I live. The NCT ones cost over £200 so I opted out of those, but the NHS ones where I live are slap bang in the middle of week days and my midwife said you do get a lot of information but you basically just get talked at and the NCT are better... So no classes for me. Bit disappointed as I was looking forward to going to a class with OH and meeting some new people, but it just didn't seem worth it.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I've been a bit worried about my cat getting stressed out with all the change coming up, especially as we're moving house just before baby comes! But I'm sure she'll be fine. Cats are very resilient aren't they?

@TwittleBee The advice you have been given is specific to this pregnancy because of the bleeds you've been having. Normally you can be quite active in pregnancy and it's usually encouraged! It's usually great for baby and you to exercise plenty as it gets the blood pumping and getting lots of good oxygen to baby, so no, you did absolutely nothing wrong with Roy's pregnancy and you're doing your absolute best with this one. Hugs!

I'm a little bit worried today. OH came down with a really nasty something-or-other yesterday... Said he felt queasy but didn't get D&V but was feverish and slept on the sofa from when he got home from work pretty much until 15 minutes ago. He didn't have dinner and I've had to force him to drink water and take paracetamol. He is just having some breakfast now and seems to be a lot better but I'm really worried about getting a fever while pregnant so hoping I don't catch whatever it is he's had.

@KnitKitty - try not to worry too much about getting a fever, I got a fever with my last pregnancy and the Dr and MW just told me to keep hydrated and if it reaches beyond 39 then phone back for advice but it never got that high thankfully.

We found out the sex of this baby last night! It is a boy! Our 3rd little boy! Thrilled but need help with names please haha

That's a long time to have to wait for results @InDreamland. Fingers crossed you don't have it though.

We're nearly there @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue! I'm just so ready to be done with work. I'm always exhausted after and feel like I should be resting while I still can.

Try not to worry about a fever @KnitKitty. You can always take paracetamol to bring it down if you need to. I hope you don't get sick though!

That's so exciting @TwittleBee! I'm not going to be much help with names though, I only have one I like so far!

@Knitkitty, sorry to hear about the scan. I'm glad your dh and colleague are supportive. Remember scans can be of by 10% either side. I would take comfort in the fact they weren't worried till they did their calculations. I do understand the worry still.

Have you or will you be getting steroids to mature baby lungs in case of premature labour? I know some doctor's don't like them, I have forgotten why. With ds1 I got it at 28 weeks as a precaution. However, with my other two I was told they would only do it if and when nessessary. Good luck with making a birth plan.

MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, ds1 behaviour was excellent, but ds3 he is pusher/ snatcher. I do hover over him and I have warned everyone I leave him with over this. It is very annoying, but because of his behaviour we have left a lot of playgroup/ soft group early sometimes. But my child happiness does not triumph other children's safety. Your freind might have been given the wrong information, like I used be told. "Leave them alone, they need to learn it themselves. If they hurt a child the child will hit back, that is the best way to learn." I absolutely disagree with that especially since I know other children might not ever hit back like ds1. Also that makes me feel like it is normalising violence.

@TwittleBee, I'm glad your scan went well and you having your 3rd son! Congratulations, if you can now feel guilty buying expensive things that can be handed down for ds1. Lol. Anyway that is what I have done but my youngest is to young to understand a lot of the clothes he wears are hand me downs. I do of course buy my youngest few new things for special occasions and here and there as ds1 like to rip his jeans/ school uniform and has worn out al his shoes. I suspect he likes to kick walls or trees.

Do you have a hemotoma? That is what they diagnosed me with during ds1 pregnancy. Blamed the bleeding on something they saw and said the body can either absorb it or pass it. I remember asking how can I encourage my body to absorb it? Of course they didn't have an answer to that. Hope your body deals with it effectively and in timely manner without causing any issues for your pregnancy.

I would also like to echo others, you did not kill your baby and you are doing your best for this one, just as much as you did for all your other children.

@KnitKitty, I hope you don't catch what your dh had. If you can stomach it eat some oranges or vitamins supplement to help you stay stronger and hopefully fight possible infection. Sorry that is what my dh always advice me, but I may not always follow that advice 🤫.

Just back from mw appointment. No signs on preeclampsia atm like last time (found in the same week) which is a relief. He's measuring right in the middle of the growth chart and is head-down, but we'll see how long that lasts as previous silly child liked to change positions! 🙃

@Knitkitty I hope you don't get ill.

@Twittlebee congratulations on your scan and also finding out you are having DS3. I hope the bleeding resolves itself. Try not to interpret advice you are given now as criticism of your pregnancy with Roy, as others have said each pregnancy is different and your bleeding changes advice a lot.

@Indreamland my baby was very active for ages after the glucose drink.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 glad everything is going well.

DH asked me earlier about him going away for work again before Christmas and when I was happy for him to do it. I said I don't want him to go after I'm 35 weeks (currently 33). Mainly because I'm worried that if anything was to happen that I wanted checked out in the evening or overnight it would mean me taking DD with me to maternity assessment which they don't allow. Here children can come to the day unit but not maternity assessment. We don't have family local so can't rely on them either. Has anyone else had to think about this?

Hi everyone, sorry I disappeared for a bit! Was getting very anxious about my dating scan and needed some time away. Too much to reply to so I'll just give a little update and be around more again.

I had my scan on Tuesday. Broke down and cried as soon as I laid down on the bed! Chills running through me and just feeling like I am living my EPU experience all over again. I settled down after a few minutes and we got going, everything was fine. One very wriggly baby in there. I couldn't believe it. Rolled around, kicked, stretched and even had hiccups. I've been put forward to 13 weeks so a day off what I thought. Now awaiting my combined test results but NT was good so fingers crossed. 20 week scan booked for January

Hello everyone, I'm hoping some if you can give me some advice please? I'm pregnant again after a MMC in May this year. I found out at my 12 week scan that the baby was measuring 8+4 and no HB.

I'm currently 5+5 (although I ovulated late so think I'm more like 5+1) and I'm going into my EPU early next week for a reassurance scan so will be about 6+3 then.

The moment I was told about my missed miscarriage and the image on the screen plays over and over in my head and I'm so nervous and worried about this next scan. I keep telling myself that nothing with be there, that I'm not actually pregnant or that something will be wrong. I'm terrified.

How did you manage your scans after a miscarriage please? I know the nurses at the EPU are amazing and will understand my fears but I'm genuinely scared.

I think it's natural to be scared after a miscarriage and there's very little advice I can give you as I was shitting mysekf before each scan, including the anomaly scan. It's a very anxious time and you just have to try your best to get through it and try to distract yourself from thinking too much about your pregnancy.

@irishgene sorry to hear of your loss. I have been there twice myself and I absolutely hate scans. What I can say is you will be ok. As the epu midwife said to me, you will never like scans but you just need to get it over and done with! I always mention how nervous I am and everyone has been so gentle with me. Unfortunately it's just one of those things we have to live with because of what we've been through, but it will gets easier. I'm 20 weeks now and finally starting to enjoy things and feeling like other "regular" mums-to-be.
@KnitKitty sorry the growth scan made you anxious. Others have given you good advice and it's really great they are being so thorough.
@InDreamland I think I remember you saying you're small- same here, and I also look quite big (but baby doesn't have much space to grow!) I hope it comes back negative.
@twittlebee congrats on your scan and finding out another boy! Hope the bleed shrinks, it's really not what you need.

I had my 20 week scan today, I was pretty terrified. Lovely calming consultant. I had to leave for baby to move so he could measure her spine, but luckily when I came back in she'd moved to face down as if to say "hi doc, look at my spine!" In classic consultant fashion he gave me a terrible blurry photo of her head and also forgot to check the sex (I already know it's a girl!). Couldn't be happier that everything is looking normal. The only thing is my low lying placenta- it will need to be checked at 34 weeks. Does anyone else have this? Mine is apparently 2cm away.

I feel like I can enjoy the pregnancy a bit more, and go out for a wedding anniversary meal tonight. My cat is also cuddling against my bump which is so precious!

Hope everyone is doing well x

Ladies sorry, need a selfish post. I went for wee at 12:30pm and very odd tiny weeny blob of red on tissue I lined loo seat with, must have dropped out of me. It was around 3mm long and thin and very red (rather than a proper drop of blood) but obviously had some blood on it as you could see the pinkish red spread on the tissue. However, zilch in the toilet bowl or when i wiped or even on my panty liner. Been to the loo again for a wee 5 times since and zilch at all. Wonder what the hell that was and where it came from. I am worried but not sure if I actually should be or not. Help! WWYD?

@InDreamland if there hasn't been anymore it's probably nothing to worry about. I would call the PAU just in case, at least then they can reassure you.

@Irishgene I've found scans to be a double edged sword since my first miscarriage. I'm always terrified before going in but really relieved after. I hope all goes well for you next week.

I'm glad your scan went well @Twitwooo, good luck for your combined results.

Thanks @Beaglemum. Really hoping it's all okay but can't help worrying.

@KnitKitty both legs at once sounds like torture. Thankfully I've only had one at a time. That pain for that long must have been unbearable. I was told once it's due to low sodium but that cannot be the case with me as I eat plenty of savoury snacks. Pregnancy is so fun ......... I feel like my NHS trust is the only one that charges for antenatal classes. Wonder if it's because it's an intensive one day course at a weekend. Fx you don't catch the bug from your DH, sounds horrible whatever he has!

@TwittleBee awww another boy! Congrats on finding out. Am I the only one who hasn't found out yet?

@Beaglemum93 thanks. Fx!

@UnicornsandRainbows1 great news on no signs of preeclampsia. That is a relief.

@Bluebelltulip I will be the same and not wanting DH to go away for work from about 5 weeks before due date as I'm worried I'll need him around if something goes wrong and I need to rush up to hospital. TBH at the moment I don't want him going anywhere now until baby comes given we've already needed one trip up to MFAU.

@Twitwooo great news on the scan!

@Irishgene it's totally natural to feel this way after a loss. Pregnancy following mc is really hard mentally. We all understand that here. Unfortunately all you can do is try to distract yourself.

@Mistymeow thank you. Good news on your scan! Enjoy your anniversary meal!

As soon as I'm home (on way back now from work) I'm phoning MFAU.

@InDreamland - do let us know how you get on, I hope all is okay. Hopefully nothing worrying but always best to get checked.

oh @Irishgene that is so totally normal after a MC - I was like that too. Btw, do not be alarmed if you do not see a heartbeat at 6+3 ! I saw nothing but the yolk sac at 6 weeks, it wasnt until a week later that I saw a decent fetal pole and a nice HB