The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Hi ladies I wonder if anyone has any advice or words of encouragement, so it doesn't look good for me. Had a big bleed on 4th and visited docs, have had HCG on the following
4th- 12
7th- 40
13th- 67
15th- 81
Today I'm supposed to be 5+1,I had a scan on Friday 15th also and they said it's a pregnancy of unknown location. IV had a severe MC this year in may with severe hemmorage and cervical shock. And a MMC in August, IV been googling like a crazy lady for success stories because I have major symptoms, my breasts are so sore I feel nauseous and super tired ☹️. IV already had 2 eptopics years ago and methotrexate made me really poorly for a couple of weeks, my anxiety is through the roof and I'm just utterly devestated and possibly a little delusional hoping that I may go Wednesday and they may see a baby and my numbers may have shot up! I'd be so grateful for any advice please xxx

Sorry, but it really doesn't look good. I hate to be the harbinger of bad news, but it doesn't look like your hcg levels are rising fast enough to be a viable pregnancy. Sending my thoughts to you and I'm so sorry you're going through this. X

No I know, I think it's the symptoms screwing with my brain 😩! I just can't get my head around feeling so pregnant and yet they can't find it and the numbers are so incredibly low ... I just can't get my head around it it doesn't make any sense ☹️. Thank you for replying xxx

@Squiff70, I'm supposed to be 13 weeks. I will hopefully get a proper due date later today at the dating scan. So I'm not expecting to feel movements yets, but I really want to and look forward to feeling them. It normally takes me a while to feel movements but with ds2 I felt him early at around 18 weeks.

@Rubyroost, sorry I just assumed it was going to be similar to caffeine intake. Because I know few women who drank but they always limited themselves.

@KnitKitty, yes I see a diabetic consultant every other Friday. But low sugar is a side effect of keeping sugar on the healthy normal numbers. Pregnancy causes lots of low and sugar drop quick and symptoms of sugar dropping get reduced. Knowing sugar is dangerously low is very hard that is why my consultant has said I'm very lucky not to have needed hospital admissions. At the booking appointment I was given an prescription for glycogen (sp? but I'm to lazy to go into the cold kitchen to get the correct name) injection that dh was supposed to use if he ever found me unconscious. Then call ambulance. Insulin is a dangerous medicen but I wouldn't have been here without it.

I have absolutely no idea how or when I will tell my employer about this pregnancy. I was thinking of doing it when leaving work on a Sunday. I hope that will give her time to think alone, far from me and my pregnancy. I'm not worried about her but I'm hoping it will give her time absorb the information. She has had failed ivf too and her ex who she did ivf with has had a baby girl back in May with his new younger wife.

@tinietsky, I'm very sorry for your loss try to take good care of yourself.

@strawberrye, you might have strong abdominal muscles, which tend to make bumps appear smaller. Is your uterus tilted? A midwife told me that can change the way we hold our bump. I was worried about not having much of a bump with my first so I asked. She also said at the time it was my first so I was likely to show late anyway. My bump has historically been on the smaller side. But I still remember how much relief I felt after speaking to her about it. She did look at my growth scan first before she reasured me, which made her reassurance seem more valid.

@Elles1980, I'm sorry, I don't know anything about your situation but please do be vigilant about your symptoms and seek help if needed. Ectopic pregnancies can be very dangerous.

@Tiniestsky I'm so, so sorry chicken. Do whatever you need to to get through this difficult time. Huge penguin cuddles. xxxxxxx

@Elles1980 Oh hun, what a horrible situation to be in. I hope time doesn't drag too much until Wednesday. Sending you big, big hugs. xxxx

@rubyroost Thanks for the advice hun. Will definitely take a pump in case. Hopefully I won't need it, but it's always better to be prepared!

@strawberrye Congrats on reaching 24 weeks! It does feel like such a huge milestone!
Bumps come in all different shapes and sizes. I haven't had mine measured at all because I'm having growth scans due to my womb deformity. From what I gather the bump measurements are a very rough guide and they may do growth scans for reassurance if anything looks different to the average. (Also as a bonus you get to see baby more often). And if you're petite, you might not be average.
I don't think you can be 'worryingly small' if the sonographer said that at your 20-week scan... She had clearly just seen that baby was fine, but she probably sees so many ladies with small bumps sent in for growth scans that she was expecting you might be one of the ones she sees back again? Not sure if I'm making sense...

On the subject of kick-counting; I'm not counting specific movements but noticing when they're happening. I've read conflicting advice about counting movements so I'm just doing what I feel comfortable with and feel like if I was tallying every movement it might add to my anxiety.
I'm nearly 30 weeks and OH has only really felt baby's kicks a handful of times due to anterior placenta as well as the fact she seems to stop kicking as soon as he tries to feel it!!! It's really frustrating! Haha! I think she's just facsinated by the differnt feel of his hand compared to mine so she pauses to concentrate on it... Not sure though, maybe he's just too impatient and doesn't wait long enough. Having said that he did feel a couple of kicks this morning... She seems very lively today!
Also, someone else mentioned a while ago that they only really feel movements when they're sitting/lying down. This is still the case with me. I've only felt kicks once while standing up so far... Think it's just to do with positioning and how taut the tummy is when standing.

@Bluebelltulip I'm glad you and DH are finding a balance for coping with the preparations. xx

@Notnowokay It sounds rather overwhelming dealing with all that. But I'm glad you're getting regular monitoring.
It does sounds like a very tough situation with your employer. What a difficult time for her.

I forgot to mention my palpitations update.
Well I had a week off work the week before last and the palpitations seemed to almost disappear completely. Now I'm back at work they've crept back a bit; although not as bad as before. But I now have an ECG booked in. It's not until next week. I'm not expecting them to find anything unusual as it seems like it's just related to needing to take things easy (which I am trying to be mindful of, but it's difficult because my colleague is currently on reduced hours so I'm having to pick up some slack at the moment). Will talk to my boss if the palpitations start getting worse again.

Morning, crap at getting on here over the weekend - especially this one as it was crazy busy. Looks like lots to catch up on.

@Notnowokay That is a toughie regarding your employer. Although I do honestly believe that there is no bad time for good news (its a family motto, we always see the positives for other people but doesnt mean to say it doesnt hurt still when good news is shared when you are going through something like that, if this makes any sense?). Its certainly sounds better to do it at a time when she can then absorb that information on her own afterwards though.

@knitknitty - I know that when I was pregnant with DS1 (so 3 years ago now) we were told not to count kicks but instead to take note of when they occur to notice their pattern of movement. Haha also babies always bloomin do that dont they, stop moving when DH's hand has a feel but as soon as Mw or Dr touches then they go crazy! - Ensure you do take it easy, certainly talk to your boss, I know its hard when you feel there is so much on at work but your boss should understand that it is surely better to help you than have you leave on stress?

@Elles1980 I am sorry it sounds like it may be bad news for you on the horizon. So shit. Symptoms are awful and playing with your head - I was suffering terribly with morning sickness even after the confirmed MMC, wast until a couple days post ERPC that it left.

@Tiniestsky I'm so so sorry you're going through this again. Sending massive Penguin hugs! It's just the shittiest thing isn't it. Hope you're being well looked after at home

@ChikiTIKI wow 20 weeks is such a great milestone and I feel like you're catching up with me! Half way!!!!! Yay!

@tinatsarina lovely to hear from you here. Was getting worried but glad to hear all is going well, we're so close in dates! Not had the sore pelvis, sounds painful but I have had some lower backache and this morning feeling a little nauseous....... hope it doesn't continue as nausea is horrible.

@Squiff70 I love feeling movements, prefer the higher up kicks though, lower down is sometimes uncomfortable but so reassuring when I can feel baby move. Amazing that you can tell the twins apart, that is so cool! Hope you're not overdoing it and getting some rest time, that project sounds major!

@Rubyroost hope the glass of vino was good! I'm sure the occasional small glass is fine. I baked some cakes last week and totally forgot ..........licked the bowl! Raw egg in the cake batter .....oops.

@janey15 its lovely isn't it to be that normal couple who has a good scan. Hopefully the anxiety stays away. Definitely speak to your midwife about concerns you have about any conditions running in the family. Sorry about your friend's mum and that your dad won't meet his grandchild. I never knew either of my grandfathers as both passed away before I was born. Also, DH lost his mum years ago so she'll never meet her grandchildren either. It is sad.

@KnitKitty we popped to Mothercare yesterday to look at car seats, thought we should finally bite the bullet and just start looking at the thing we absolutely have to buy and do some research and get advice. Saw the ELC in there. Anyways, we decided we'd like the fixed Britax Romer i-size 360 seat, they tried it out in DH'S car, fit fine but they didn't like the angle of the seat as it slopes meaning the angle for baby isn't flat or reclined enough so they recommended not to buy it. They recommended trying out the Joie 360 which if okay would save us some money but they're out of stock at the moment but expecting deliveries of it this week so she said she'll phone and let me know if she has managed to reserve one for us. I really can't fault the service we got yesterday, it's so sad they're closing down. I'm so proud of myself though that wd took that step of actually being prepared to buy something. Still scared of something going wrong but I guess we have to get the essential basics. Hope your MRI goes well today!

@Notnowokay please feel free to post when you are feeling low. That's what we're all here for. Hope you're feeling better now. Hope you have a good scan today! Looking forward to a cute photo.

@strawberrye fantastic you've reached 24 weeks! Your midwife should do bump measurement at the 25 week appointment. Ignore all those commenters on your bump size, you cannot compare plus unless they're a qualified medical practitioner they don't know what they're talking about.

@Elles1980 I'm sorry it's not looking positive but keeping fx for you. Into the centre of the huddle for a big hug!

In the subject of movements and kicks everything KnitKitty said about DH and sitting/standing could've been written by me lol. I keep telling DH he's impatient. He has felt kicks but often they stop when he puts his hand where mine was, like baby can feel the difference in size and temperature or something. I'm using the kicks app that's on the NHS website but notice that I feel more when I'm less busy running about.

Can't believe I'm 6 months today. 3 months today Bubsy is due! 27 weeks tomorrow.
Never thought I'd reach this point. Got my GTT on Wednesday which I'm not looking forward to. So worried about having GD.

So sorry for your loss @Tiniestsky :( it's so horrible that you're going through this again. I hope to see you back with us soon and that next time will be for the full nine months. Look after yourself, I hope you have lots of support around you.

@ChikiTIKI I can't believe you're half way already! I feel like everyone else's pregnancies are flying by!

@tinatsarina sorry you've got pelvic pain, I had that for about a week then baby moved and it stopped so I hope that happens for you too!

@Squiff70 amazing that you can tell which twin is kicking! I'm due on the 22nd December but my due date from LMP (assuming you count my CP as a period) was Christmas day! I'm really hoping not to go over 40 weeks but there are only 3 scenarios I can imagine: born on Christmas day or my husband's 30th birthday or emergency c section after failed induction at 42 weeks... As long as he lives I'm really not bothered though!

Good luck for your GTT on Wednesday @InDreamland. I really hope you don't have GD. I've had the test twice, it's not too bad and luckily I don't have it.

@InDreamland as long as the eggs are lion stamped, the advice is you can have runny eggs so I'm assuming uncooked eggs are fine too?

Regarding movements, mine has been much gentler last 3 days, I'm assuming another shift in position.

@Indreamland I'm worried about gestational diabetes after all the sweet stuff I'm eating. Pregnancy just does this to me and I try so hard to resist. 🙄

Hi, my scan went well and since a student was doing it, I had more time to stare at the screen. Lool, it was nice but that student is probably very new as he needed a lot of guidance. He started trying to do other measurement before checking for the heart beat. His teacher set him straight and showed us the heart beat. That was little scary as my anxiety was screaming where is it! Dh wants no more students but I'm not sure that is the way to go. The selfish part of me says if students are there I will get more time to stare at baby, experience staff will do the job too quick. But I agree next time to ask for the heartbeat and then let anyone's that might be there learn.

My scan dates me as 13weeks excatly today, which means I ovulated the day af finished. Weird body. Which is also means higher probability that it is a boy. As I don't dtd during af and I remember reading from somewhere that male sperm are faster. I have no idea and I am probably talking rubbish.

I'm going to wait for dh to get home to take a picture of the scan picture. My phone camera is not working properly & is very blurry. I'm waiting for black Friday deals to upgrade to a new phone.

@Notnowokay what a relief! Glad scan went well. It can be hit and miss with students cant it. Had both ends with them. And yes, I have read that too about how sperm meets egg plan might result in a girl whereas DTD on day of ovulation or day after could mean a boy. But I have also read contradicting stuff too, who knows! Will you be looking at the nub theory for clues?

@InDreamland it is lovely to see you so far along in pregnancy, really makes me smile. Hope all continues smooth! 3 months to go!

@Tiniestsky I am so very sorry to read your sad news. Have you got somebody looking after you? Please take great care of yourself

Thank you everyone for the well wishes and listening to rant at life. I'm doing well, it was just a prolonged incident that scared me. I'm back to normal for now. I'm feeling grateful and happy now.

@InDreamland hope your gtt goes well on Wednesday. Same to you @Rubyroost for when you have yours. I don't blame myself for my diabetes (at diagnosis I had a healthy diet and was at the lower end of healthy bmi), thanks to the wonderful healthcare professionals who all first said to me it is not your fault for getting it. We don't know the exact cause so it is not fair to blame people for causing it. Don't you blame yourself. I will say the same to you, an exact cause has not been found and I didn't like sugar at diagnosis as it made me urinate more and increase my thirst. So it was the heavenly sweet plain water that I loved more than anything. Anyway gestational diabetes and type 1 are different but I certainly did not crave sugar as my body automatically registered sugar = more thirst + more time at toilet in the long run.

@KnitKitty I would advice you to try and make an appointment with a lactation midwife if your hospital offer that service. My last hospital did and I attended one lesson with her and she told me they have two breast pumps at labour ward that many midwifes are not aware of. As they are not allowed to offer it, they need to be asked for it and only then are they allowed to give them. Same with borrowing a portable breast pump. NICU stopped lending them for health and safety reasons apparently. But if you asked for her, she had three breast pump that just sat in her work cupboard. I decided to borrow her one and I then bought one excatly like it. As I heard some women prefer diffrent pumps so I used it as trial and error.

@TwittleBee, yes I will look at the nub theory for clues. But I got it wrong last time, so I will take it with a pinch of salt.

@Beaglemum93 @Notnowokay thank you. I'm not looking forward to it. Hate having bloods taken and I'm worried about the drink they give after hearing what others have experienced. Driving myself there and back .......5 mins drive but still .........

@Rubyroost fx you won't have GD but understand the worry. Do you have your GTT booked yet?

@TwittleBee awww thank you. I really can't believe it and so it is making me more nervous about something going wrong at this stage now. How are you feeling now? You've been on such a rollercoaster.

@Notmowokay excellent news, glad scan went well today.

@Indreamland No I don't have it booked and I doubt they'll book me one. Last time I had sugar in urine twice, but because one was with gp and not part of midwife check they said I wasn't high risk and so wouldn't test. I imagine theyll say the same again. This time I've not had sugar in urine once, so I imagine there's less reason to test. I'll ask at my 25 week appt anyhow.

I've had a braxtonhickstastic day today. Not concerned about early labour etc as this happened first pregnancy and baby dragged out at 42 weeks! Apparently subsequent pregnancies braxton hicks can happen earlier too.
Someone mentioned something today that made me anxious, I was plodding along quite nicely, got me thinking and worrying. I'm going to try and forget it and get it out of my mind, maybe another glass of wine will help? Just kidding, I might wait until Chrimbo for my next treat.

@InDreamland I was diagnosed with GD at 32 weeks in my last pregnancy and although it wasn't ideal, I was diet led and I did get additional ultrasounds every 2 weeks which was reassuring.

I've had three GTTs so far this time and all have come back low. The actual drink is fine, but I would take something to eat after the second blood, before you drive home.

Thanks @TwittleBee, I will make sure to look after myself at work.

@InDreamland NHS guidance says Lion Code eggs are fine for pregnant ladies to eat raw. Enjoy that cake batter!!!
Well done for starting looking at baby things! It's a big step. Yes, I'm going to really miss Mothercare and the service you get there too. I worked in one years ago and feel so bad for my old colleagues.
Good luck on Wednesday. I'm worried about GD too as I had a bit of sugar in my urine last week. I'll be having it checked again tomorrow when I see the consultant so hoping it was just a one-off.

@Notnowokay I'm really glad the scan went well. I've also heard that about boy sperm being faster so you're more likely to conceive a boy on the day of ovulation, whereas girl sperm can hang around for a few days in the Fallopian tubes and wait patiently for the egg to arrive. But I guess it all just depends on 'survival of the fittest' and whichever sperm makes it all the way. I watched a programme about conception once and it seems like such a miracle that anyone ever conceives at all!!! I'll be really interested to see if you have a boy now though. Looking forward to seeing the scan picture.
Thank you for your advice on seeing a lactation midwife. I will ask about it.

@Rubyroost I've heard that Braxton hicks can be earlier and more noticeable when it's not your first child too. Sorry you were triggered today. Try to put it out of your mind and pull up those big ol' positive pants. Hugs x

MRI went fine. Baby didn't move toooo much so they managed to get clear images apparently. Won't get the results for another couple of weeks. Back to hospital tomorrow for my next growth scan!

Ok, here is the picture attached. Anyone care to guess the gender? I will wait till January for the 20 weeks scan where I will ask for the gender.

@KnitKitty, I'm glad your MRI went well and I hope you get the result soon. Good luck for your growth scan tomorrow.

@InDreamland not sure the worry will ever stop will it! That rollercoaster continues with our 5th scan today, only 9 weeks pregnant and already had 5 scans!

@Rubyroost yeah dont worry about Braxton Hicks, they can start in 2nd trimester and I reckon reason you feel them earlier next time around is probably because you spot them easier having already had them. With mine I swear I have started getting them as early as 18 weeks.

@KnitKitty glad MRI went okay, good luck for the growth scan today

@Notnowokay - if you have facebook i recommend submitting your image to the " The Gender Detectives 🧐 Nub And Ramzi Theory Experts💙💖 " page as they are pretty good at working it out!

@Notnowokay What a lovely scan picture. I'm going to guess girl.

@TwittleBee hope your scan goes okay today. xxx

@Rubyroost it's good in a way that your midwife hasn't yet got any concerns about GD for you so hopefully all will be fine. I hope whatever it was that someone said has been dismissed by you now and you're okay. Maybe have Ribena instead of wine

@Frillyfarmer thanks for the tip, I'll try remember to pop something in my bag to scoff before I drive home. So even if this test were to be all clear I may have to have another later on? I really hope I don't have it, I love yummy (naughty) food too much and Christmas is coming!

@KnitKitty thank you for that reminder about the eggs, of course lol, guess with the 2 losses I've become really worried about so many things. Fx you don't have GD and it was a one off. I don't want Mothercare to close, it is incredibly sad, feel so sorry for all of those poor people losing their jobs. Fx that your MRI results all come back clear. Hope your growth scan is good today!

@Notnowokay cute photo! Unfortunately I haven't a clue with nub theories.

@TwittleBee hope your scan goes well today! Welcome to the serial scanners club lol! I had scans at 7, 9, 10, and two at 12 weeks. Then another at 15 weeks before holiday. After everything all of us have experienced it's natural to be anxious and want so many scans in the early days.

27 weeks today. DH is looking forward to next week and 3rd tri. More nausea again this morning on the tube. I really hope this isn't going to continue through 3rd tri, thought nausea ended after 1st tri. Had terrible leg cramp early this morning too but the positive is Bubsy was very active when I woke up this morning and has given me another few kicks on the tube journey in.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue went through Woodford a couple of stops ago, so many people got on. I don't know how you do it! At least at the end of the line I get a seat rather than bundled onto the train so I really only get the pushing and shoving on way home and occasionally when I do the train change at Mile End for the district line. How are you feeling today?

@InDreamland - if you can stomach them (I struggle with them during pregnancy) my mother in law swears by bananas for cramp!