The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Hi everyone sorry I haven't posted in a while. I hope everyone's ok. I'm 25+3 now and my pelvis is starting to get sore. Anyone else? My next appointment isn't until 3/12 and it's my 28 week one. It feels like forever from my 20 week scan. Still haven't got flu jab or whooping cough either.

Hello everyone!

Just a quick catch up as I've not kept up with this thread this week

Firstly, welcome to those of you who've recently joined in. I hope you have happy and healthy pregnancies with as little to worry about as humanly possible. Try not to wish this time away - I know you are anxious to meet your little ones but I think reaching one milestone at a time is the way forward.

@InDreamland, really glad you're feeling lots of movements. It's amazing isn't it?

@Beaglemum93 35 weeks - that's mad! When if your baby's due date? We might be having a Christmas baby on this thread next month!!

@Bluebelltulip what you've been through truly breaks my heart, I can't even imagine. I am praying your little one is healthy and happy and that you are too.

I'll be 22 weeks tomorrow and time is FLYING, I wish I could slow it down a bit sometimes. My unborn son and daughter are wriggling away loads now and I feel the boy doing rolls as well as kicks. The girl's movements are much softer and more delicate. They amused me no end this afternoon as I watched my tummy moving under my clothes. It's magical, if a little scary.

We're undertaking a huge project here. We only have one spare room and it has our house bunnies living in it. We don't have time to move (nor have we found the perfect house anyway) before the twins arrive at the end of Feb (ish) so we've just had a 12ft shed built outside the back door for the rabbits. My DP is insulating and boarding it currently and we're going to paint it inside and out. An electrician is coming next week to put lights and a radiator & socket in there so once it's finished we can move the buns in before turning our attentions to the nursery after Christmas. Pardon my French but it's fucking exhausting with everything else going on besides but it'll be worth it when it's all done.

Take care everyone. Have a good weekend!

@Kayjay2018 that's quite a big range, the uncertainty of things and timings I find hard. Yes I'm having extra monitoring throughout, my first baby was small as well so I tick quite a few boxes for extra care. My community midwife has been good at booking appointments in between scans so that I don't go too long without seeing someone, do you think yours would do the same?

@Notnowokay pregnancy is hard without other conditions on top, good luck for your scan and I hope the second trimester gives you more energy.

@janey15 I've got some good 3D photos that consultants have done but they were all over 28 weeks.

@Squiff70 thank you. I find it fascinating that you can distinguish between each twins movements. You have very lucky bunnies, mine are out door rabbits but they always have been so are used to it.

@Squiff70 I wouldn't worry about the nursery too much as the little ones will be with you for a while so you won't use it until 6 months. You don't néed to put u I uraelf under too much pressure x.
@janey15 I had 3d scan last time around I think about 28 weeks, I found the pictures and the little video a bit freaky if I'm honest. It was cute to see the baby in 3d, but just was a bit weird. When I look at the pics of him as newborn, you can definitely see the resemblance to the 3d scans though.
I'm treating myself to another small glass of red wine this weekend, the second this pregnancy . I must not let this become a habit.

Thank you everyone for comments about 3D scans. I'm now tempted to have another one at around 28 weeks! I think I'd prefer a video too as it looked better while moving on screen but none of the photos really captured it.

@Rubyroost I'm planning on sipping a Buck's Fizz on Christmas Day in honour of my late dads birthday (if I'm not still feeling sick by then)

@Squiff70 lovely to hear about all your movements! I had a little bit of tickling this evening which I'm guessing might be what people describe as flutters. I'm so keen for more now!
Also don't worry about the spare room too much. Ours is unlikely to be finished as it's currently the tools and building materials store room, plus a lot of junk! We were hoping to move before baby's arrival but it's looking increasingly unlikely as DH is named on his mums huge mortgage and her sale has just fallen through again 

@tinatsarina my pelvis is sore too. I'm hoping it's just my usual back and hip issues being made worse by pregnancy but seeing physio on Monday to see what they say.

Happy birthday for yesterday @ChikiTIKI hope you feel better soon x

Thank you for thinking of me @InDreamland It's been lovely feeling reassured this evening. I wonder how long it will last?! My DH said after the scan that it feels weird coming out of appointments feeling happy after receiving good news. He said it's like we're normal people now. Made me well up a bit as infertility definitely made me feel abnormal and sort of less than other people. Really hope we all get our happy endings this time. I've had a little look at baby clothes online this evening trying to ease myself into the idea of buying something after our 20 week scan

A new worry occurred to me today - my brother had a rare heart condition that usually goes undetected and causes SAD in healthy sport players etc. He luckily had symptoms and they were able to fix the problem with surgery although he did have to be resuscitated during the op I was checked and don't have it but suddenly worried about whether it can be passed on to baby? Will have to ask the midwife next time.
I'm feeling a bit wobbly as my friends mum passed away yesterday after having a stroke earlier during the week. This is how my own dad died and it's really got me thinking and feeling sad that he will never meet his grandchild. Sorry to lower the mood and to anyone else in the same situation reading this. I just hadn't really got round to thinking about it yet.

@janey15 it's sad that your dad won't meet your grandchild. I wish my mum had met hers, she died about five years ago now. 😢 It made me feel even more irritated by mil in the early days.

Meet your grandchild!! Wtf? Either pregnancy brain or that wine has gone to my head! 😂

I knew what you meant @Rubyroost in fact I probably wouldn't have noticed!
I'm sorry about your mum too. This baby won't meet either of its granddads only grandmothers x

Sorry, for the moan earlier. I just a had a stubborn hypo (low sugar) and was seriously considering calling an ambulance for myself. That has never happened, but despite eating so much sugar, it just kept either staying low or giving me a false hope by going up a little then back again. It was exhausting and very worrying but thank God that it fixed itself. I'm up now giving myself extra insulin to prevent my sugar going super high. Normally I would just sleep and let it get high but I can't now for baby sake.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I didn't get nausea in the third trimester, but I used to get lot of heart burn. However, food aversion stay with me throughout pregnancy. So did certain perfumes smells. Hope you feel better soon.

@TwittleBee, sorry to hear about the cramps. I understand having to hold your tongue but I personally enjoy people being navie and enjoy their pregnancies. I have never been classified as low risk because of the pre-existing diabetes so maybe I just assume it is nicer to not to be told. So you could relax the 9 months. Instead of doctor saying congratulations first they say you are high risk and lots of other warning before saying congratulations. Yes, that first gp appointment where I told doctor about my first pregnancy was anxiety provoking. I'm not sure that is the way to go either. But loss is something that happens. How you tell it, is what matters. I don't think you are being a Debbie downer in the antenatal group.

@SunshineCrocodile, hope you are well both physically and mentally. Hope you get out of limbo soon if you haven't done so already. I hope to see you back here soon.

@janey15 I hope your scan went well yesterday. There is nothing small to Dr Google and everything can means worst case scenario. I remember once when my dsis went to nhs direct so she could read information on self help. She listed her symptoms of a migraine and it said call 999 there is a chance of meningitis. No purple spot or fever just a migraine.

I don't know how this hospital will act. But last time, I was first put in a private room temporarily then into a shared ward when space became available. I was told I could pay to stay in the room, but they prefer me in a ward in case I "faint or require further care in an emergency." I was more happy in the shared ward than I didn't like the isolation room. My son was in the NICU after having been born little early. I feel like it helped hearing other babies cry to help with pumping breastmilk. The midwives felt sorry for me and kept on offering to take me to see my son. I was just very happy to have a son born alive that I could go visit whenever I wanted. I also felt normal at the shared bay. This may seem sadistic but I saw two women struggling and I felt like I wasn't alone and other people struggle to.

@Kayjay2018 I hope the specialist helps put your heart at rest.

@sadtoday21 I'm glad you were able to feel movements after a while.

@Tiniestsky welcome to the group, @Kayjay2018 has given you excellent advice and her method sounds achievable. My glass is half full at times to and my mind goes crazy places.

@Kayjay2018 oh no. Is it possible for you to change consultant? Because some are better with people skills than others. Instead of making you feel foolish, the consultant could have offered you a better explanation that you are stratified with.

@janey15 congratulations on the positive scan.

Ops, I forgot to refresh the page and missed out on a page

@ChikiTIKI happy belated birthday
Hope you get better soon.

@Squiff70 congratulations on enjoying your pregnancy. I'm looking forward to feeling movements as I found them the most enjoyable aspect of pregnancy.

@Bluebelltuli, I never thought I say this but I'm looking forward to insulin resistance that starts in the second trimester. Yes, high sugar are bad but I test and test to make sure if/ when it starts going high I would just give myself more insulin. That is so much more simpler than the exhausting low sugar that take so much energy and need to stop carrying so much junk wherever I go. My teeth are not happy with the amount of sugar I have consumed this time around. But my low sugar are not as bad as yesterday normally as I have not required hospital treatment. I have been very lucky, my consultant says only positive things according to dh. I may have praised my consultant to much to dh as I have noticed he don't like it when I mentioned my consultant. Maybe it is because when dh says my blood glucose readings are good I don't believe him but when consultant said it I accepted it. It is good on average but there are a few blips of low sugar followed by rebound high sugar.

@Rubyroost, I don't drink alcohol, but I assume that is bellow the maximum allowance?

@janey15, I really like feeling normal hope your feelings of normal lasts long.

Sorry to hear about your brothers condition. Did you mention it at the booking appointment? That is when they supposed to gather all the information so they can decide what help/ screening you might need.

I'm sorry for your loss. It is normal to have a death remind you of your own losses in life. Talk about your parents if you want/ can. I have not met both my fil and mil as they both died before me and dh got together. They died few months of each other for two complete different reasons. I have no idea how teenage dh coped with it, but I guess life don't give people an option to decline.

@Bluebelltulip I can distinguish between the two as the boy is on my left and the girl on my right. They ever 'swap over' as they're in seperate sacks with seperate placentas.

Nothing wrong with outdoor bunnies! I can't bring myself to put mine outside in the cold and wet (in the wild they'd be experiencing that!!) and like to have them very close by so the big shed is the next best thing. It'll break my heart to ship them out of the house but we need to crack on with the nursery.

@Rubyroost I know that technically we don't need a nursery until they're a few months old but because there's two of them we need somewhere to store all their clothes and clobber and somewhere to dress and change them. We don't have that facility in our bedroom so although I'm not stressing about cot building, there's an awful lot to do in the spare room after we've moved the bunnies out. It needs a new carpet, a new door, decorating and a deep clean for a start :) We won't have the time (nor energy or inclination) to do all that when they're little!

@janey15 It sounds to me like that soft tickling you've felt are you feeling your baby's movements for the first time. In two weeks it'll be unmistakable! Sorry to hear your MIL's house move has fallen through - that's not a good scenario for her or you especially at this time of year. I hope things look up for you and your family soon. I'm also really sorry to hear that your friend's mum has passed away in a similar way to your dad. It must bring back lots of painful memories for you, and your brother having a heart condition is bound to worry you too. They will check your baby over from head to toe at your amomaly scan at 20 weeks (or have you had it already?). They can often detect heart problems at that stage but they will check baby over again at every scan and after delivery so if there's something to find, I'm sure they will find it and treat any concerns accordingly. For now though, try to relax and focus on those little movements. Enjoy it!

Hi @Notnowokay, how far along are you now? You'll be feeing movements soon I'm sure :)

@Squiff70 yeah I forget there's two and all the hard work that entails. 😂
@Notnowokay there is no minimum or maximum recommendation, it changed a few years back to no alcohol at all as the nhs decided that they couldn't totally prove there's a safe limit. But to be honest I'm more concerned about the local anaesthetics I have had which go through the placenta and affect baby's nervous system. I'm not concerned, otherwise I wouldn't have treated myself. The local anaesthetic, I really didn't have a choice.

*@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Yes I would be worried that expressing too early would set off labour too. My Consultant ideally doesn't want me to go into labour at all, so I'll check with her first. Breast feeding after c-section is completely possible, but I've heard that the anaesthetics can delay the body producing milk and also the fact that you don't always get as much skin-to-skin. The midwife and consultant both said that every effort will be made to get skin-to-skin ASAP but midwife warned that during recovery it might be more difficult. But I'm determined to get as much as possible!
Thanks for the recommendations of where to get advice/peer support.
No sickness in third trimester yet, but you're not the first to mention it on this thread. I have lost my appetite a bit though. No room in there. Ribs are getting sore.

@InDreamland The Mothercare near me has a massive Early Learning Centre section; I assumed that they're in all Mothercare stores. I actually popped in yesterday and asked about it and it looks as though ELC has been taken on by another company but they weren't sure if there'd still be stores to go in to.

@sadtoday21 I've not bought a sling because I have watched loads of videos in how to wear them and feel too stupid to work it out for myself. But we have bought a BabyBjorn baby carrier as we tried a couple in the shops and OH really liked it. I think it'll be useful to be able to wear her while trying to do other things sometimes.
Well done for biting the bullet and buying your first item... It feels like a huge step, doesn't it? We bough Baby Girl's first item after the 20-week scan and I felt really nervous afterwards. I still get little flutters of anxiety whenever I buy anything, but the anxiety is slowly being replaced with excitement now.
My mum always told me when I was growing up that nerves are just excitement in disguise. Sometimes it helps to think of it that way.
I think you've absolutely done the right thing in getting some PJs that feel a bit more special!! I've not had a baby before but I've recovered from two major gynae surgeries and you do feel frumpy and lazy and yuck after a few days but aren't up to wearing normal clothes, so having something that makes you feel a bit fresher and brighter is definitely a good idea!

@Dimblebimble Yey!!! Welcome to the Baby Girl club!! So exciting!!!

@rubyroot I haven't had any Braxton hicks yet... I'm hoping I won't notice them.

@Kayjay2018 I'm really pleased you've got a good plan set up to keep an eye on baby, but yes, I can imagine it's really nerve-wracking. I would trust your consultant's advice more than Dr Google (and maybe ban yourself from Googling for now...) And I think talking to the MW about how this is affecting your mental health is an excellent idea. You're doing everything right chicken. Stay strong!

@janey15 So glad you've been feeling lots of movements
Sorry you've had a bit of a tough week with worry and your friend's loss.

@Tiniestsky Welcome aboard! I can totally relate to the negative thoughts. My first 4 weeks of this pregnancy I was a bag of nerves, negative thoughts and tears but it got easier and having this place to get support really helped. Hope everything goes well for you this time!!

@RedRobin7 URGH! I hate when Drs say things like you should be happy that you don't have more symptoms. ALL you want when you're pregnant after loss is to feel like shit. (Well I did). When my morning sickness kicked in I felt so happy and every time I threw up I felt a bit euphoric for a while after. Yes, you can have a perfectly healthy pregnancy without morning sickness, and yes, it's probably a good thing not to be throwing up and losing your appetite, but I don't think professionals understand how reassuring it is to have symptoms after loss and no, you shouldn't feel lucky not to have them. It ISN'T a sign that anything's wrong though, and it's still early days.
Have a lovely time in Cornwall!

@Notnowokay Sorry you've been struggling. Never feel bad about positing during a low moment, that's what we're here for; to help you get through it. What support do you/can you get being diabetic in pregnancy? It's not something I know much about.
We felt a bit nervous about telling OH's sister about this pregnancy because she is infertile and has had 4 or 5 failed attempts at IVF and has now basically given up. But we decided she should be one of the first people we tell and she is really excited about being an aunty. I'm sure she still has really bad days and I imagine struggles with jealousy and sadness still, but she is also really happy for us (especially as she knows the struggles we've been through with the MCs). She was really pleased we'd told her as she's had friends who've hidden pregnancies from her when everyone else already knew and she felt really left out and lonely because of it and didn't like people tip-toeing around her too much. It's so easy to get it wrong when you try to get it right, but my advice would be, be mindful that she might not be super happy when she finds out and may not want the pregnancy shoved in her face, but she should be given the chance to be excited for you too.

@ChikiTIKI Happy Birthday! What a lovely team at work!

@Squiff70 So glad things are going well for you! Fascinating that you can tell the difference between the two babies' movements.
Good luck with the bunny-shed project. Make sure you're getting plenty of rest!

I have an MRI on Monday evening to check I've not got any nerve-tethering because of my spina bifida occulta, in preparation for the spinal anaesthetic for the c-section. Bit worried they'll find something and I'll be told I'll need a general, but I'm sure it'll be fine, and there's not much point worrying anyway really, is there? If it can't be helped, it can't be helped.
Also have my next growth scan on Tuesday morning. Also feeling a bit nervous about that as I feel like bump hasn't grown at the same rapidity as it had been doing in the 2nd trimester. I saw a lady the other day who is due nearly two weeks after me and her bump looked massive compared to mine (yes, I know, I shouldn't be comparing!). I have been getting much more uncomfortable ribs and acid reflux and feeling kicks in new places so I'm sure baby girl has continued growing; I just hope she's still measuring average.
I also have a scan and antenatal appointment booked on Thursday, but I'm not sure if it's a mistake. OH has booked the afternoon off work to go to it so he can see Baby Girl again, so I'm a bit reluctant to ask if I need it, but I suppose I should check...
Bought a few more bits of a hospital bag yesterday. We'll be moving house before Christmas so I feel like I need everything ready before the chaos of moving.

@KnitKitty I have had lots if friend who had c sections and the only real problems I know of is my friend who lost quite a lot of blood (she was quite overweight and I think that was partly why). And then me as I'd been induced and had multiple epidurals pethidine and whatever else they were pumping into me during c section- I could feel quite a bit!
The colostrum was there he just wouldn't latch. My advice would be to take a pump in, in case your baby doesn't latch straight away as they expect you to hand pump with a syringe--impossible to do without three hands.

Hand express

@Rubyroost I'm having a glass of red wine this afternoon with Sunday lunch and it's going down very well! I read "expecting better" with my first and it explained away a lot of these issues with the caffeine limit, the no alcohol limit. I mean, I'm still very cautious but pregnancy (especially after TTC for as long as some have) is a bloody long time to not have a drink, not exceed the one filter coffee a day rule, to follow all of the many rules and limitations! I found the book really helpful to just allow me to rationalise the risks.

Well back to the drawing board for me, miscarried today :( to say I'm gutted and devastated is an understatement.
Thanks for all your kind words and support this week, guess it's back to the other thread.
I hope I don't see any of you here next time I'm hopefully here because you're all cuddling your little ones xx

@tinietsky really sorry to hear about your loss, I remember you from the TTC board. Really hoping you are back here soon and that you have lots of real life support x

Apologies everyone I am so busy with work at the moment I'm barely finding time to post, although I am reading everyone's updates. Thank you all for your advice about the nipple leakage, it has calmed down now and I am armed with nipple pads for next time! I'm 24 weeks today and relieved to get to this milestone... obviously no guarantees but I have been feeling more anxious over the past couple of weeks about miscarrying just before reaching viability. Had scare last weekend with no movements all morning but went in and heartbeat all ok. Next milestone for me is now my next midwife appointment which is at 25+3 where I hope she'll do my first bump measurement. I have had so many comments about bump being small and even the sonographer at my 20 week scan said she wouldn't be surprised if I needed a growth scan due to being so petite - so I really want to know if bump is small because I am or if it's worryingly small. Sending love to everyone.

@strawberrye congrats on reaching 24 weeks! Are you using any kick counting apps? What is your rule of thumb for going in for reduced movement? I'm 23+3 today and generally feeling movements 3-4 times a day, but still pretty faint given anterior placenta. Feeling a bit anxious about what I should be doing to monitor baby when I've just started feeling kicks and they still aren't regular/strong. My next midwife appt is also 25 weeks, and hopefully will have my first bump measurement then too.

@Tiniestsky I'm so sorry this is happening to you and sending you lots of hugs.

@janey15 sounds like you have a lot to deal with atm. If you don't have an opportunity to mention your brother's condition to your midwife mention it to the sonographer at your 20 week scan.

@Notnowokay my longest friend is diabetic and is struggling with persistent lows atm too but she's not pregnant. I think sometimes it's easier to accept compliments/positive things from people that we aren't as close to.

@KnitKitty good luck for your appointments this week.

@Rubyroost and @Frillyfarmer I had that approach in previous pregnancies that a drink now and again was fine, not done it this time but probably will have something Christmas day.

@Tiniestsky sorry for your loss, take care.

@strawberrye congratulations on reaching 24 weeks. I aim from milestone to milestone too.

Me and my DH have different approaches to preparing for this baby, he finds doing things helps him feel like he is doing something to help this baby whereas I feel sad that DD2 didn't get to use any of the things and scared that things will go wrong again. Luckily we both understand how the other one feels so have been compromising and doing bits slowly. DD1 has noticed baby bits appearing and is getting excited.

@sadtoday21 thanks! I haven't downloaded any counting kicks apps as I have read they are not necessarily recommended any more, it's more about the pattern of baby's movements. I guess the app might be helpful for identifying a pattern though?
Whilst movements are still sometimes quite faint - for example DH still hasn't really felt her move - I do feel baby has a pattern which is moving more first thing in the morning, in the evening and especially at night when I'm falling asleep. Also she tends to move a lot after I have a hot drink or something to eat. I went in last Sunday because I hadn't felt her as much as normal on the Saturday afternoon and evening (but had been really busy) then didn't feel anything Sunday morning from when I woke up at 7 to 10ish when I went in. I think at the end of the day if you're worried at least call and they can advise you whats best x

I'm so sorry @Tiniestsky, it's so bloody hard isn't it. Look after yourself x.

I miscarried before this pregnancy at 5 weeks, I thought everyone would be cuddling their babies and I wouldn't be back too. I would've been where @Indreamland is at about 27 weeks now, instead I'm 4/5 weeks behind her!

Don't give up trying, the next one could be your golden egg. Sending lots of virtual hugs.

@Tiniestsky if you want to chat and need a bit of support, please do so on here or feel free to inbox me too x