The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

How are things today @TwittleBee? Been thinking of you and hope the bleeding has eased up.

I have been getting braxton hicks for quick a while now @Rubyroost. I got them with DD too but I must admit I freak out this time I just want Little Brother to stay put until my section (whenever that will be!) and I worry that Braxton Hicks will bring on labour. Irrational I know.

Its tightening of your uterus @InDreamland so my bump goes SUPER HARD at the top and feels all tensed up. It usually stops if I get up, change position or drink some water.

So the past two days the nausea has returned. Anyone else having this in their third trimester? I don't remember it with DD. I feel like I need to eat constantly to ease it and I only want plain food again. last night i felt so ropey all I wanted was pasta with cheese and butter on it!

@sadtoday21I have some nice 'lounge wear' for when Little Brother gets here but not as posh as yours! I say go for it as you will no doubt have visitors and at least you can feel/look nice despite the inevitable sleep deprivation and lack of showers!

Good for you @Frillyfarmer travelling is horrible when you feel pregnant and vulnerable and the Central Line is actual torture.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - I have terrible cramping this morning but bleeding has now eased up so not sure what to think. Thank you for asking x Sorry that nausea has come back for you! That happened to me in my pregnancies, is horrid isnt it!

@Rubyroost have you had your iron levels checked recently?

@Frillyfarmer oh london travel is horrid isnt it! hope you can avoid it, I always try and get out of working there if I can - a lot of the meetings i set up via skype now

@InDreamland did you get your bed?

Struggling a bit on the antenatal groups, find it hard when people say they are waiting until 12 weeks for the all clear before they buy anything - want to scream at them that they wont be in the all clear. Feel like a constant debby downer on there atm

That's why I never joined any of those boards @twittlebee. I definitely feel like ignorance is bliss on those threads. I know my experiences are not the same as yours, or someone who has lost their baby further along in pregnancy. However, my ectopic really opened my eyes to the fact that these things don't just 'happen to other people' and that pregnancy is a fucking risky business. I couldn't deal with the blase attitude on the January thread and everyone joining a Facebook group at 4 weeks! I realise I sound bitter and jealous and to an extent I am!

Glad to hear the bleeding has stopped. Remind me how far along you are? Could you book a private scan this weekend?

Hello all. I'm just popping in to say thank you to everyone for your lovely messages last week, I appreciated them hugely but wasn't in a good place to answer at the time. Done most of my ugly crying now but still waiting for the physical miscarriage to start so remain in limbo - just wishing it over and done with so I can say a proper goodbye and move on.

I can't quite bring myself to go back through the thread but I hope you're all doing well. Thinking of you all. @TwittleBee hope the bleeding buggers right off and all is ok.

We're still mulling over whether we might try one more time, so perhaps I may be back to this thread again, although equally hope most of you have graduated onwards by the time I do!

Oh bless you @SunshineCrocodile. Crying isn't ugly, it's normal and natural. I'm so sorry that you're still in limbo waiting for the physical miscarriage to begin. I can only imagine how scary and upsetting that is - life is so cruel at times.

We are here for you for as long as you want us to be. Take good care of yourself and don't give up on your dreams

Ah right, thanks @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I haven't had that yet I don't think. More tight feeling of bump but think that was baby growing and stretching. Sorry the nausea has returned, that really sucks! Goodness I hope I don't get that. I'll second that the central line is torture! Tube travel in general is.

@TwittleBee seconding everything myheart said about those antenatal groups, that's same reason I've not joined them, can't handle it. I actually had a cry this morning when I woke up, news on TV was talking about Christmas ads and the magic but all I could think was it should have been baby #1's or baby #2's first Christmas. No. 1 was due 25th January this year and as you know baby no.2 was due in July (where I met you on the TTC board). Actually I wonder how @kinsters and the others from there are getting on. Not had my bed yet .....not until tonight. How's the bleeding? I hope it's stopped.

@SunshineCrocodile wish I could make it all better for you. Really hope that it's over for you soon and quickly and would love to see you back here soon. Take all the time you need to recover and when you're ready you'll know what is right for you both to do. Sending you and your OH lots of love and hugs x

Evening ladies

Can't remember who was talking about this but I really hope I won't need to stay in on a ward (if we get that far). I spent a night on one in 2010 and only managed to sleep for an hour at about 6 in the morning until the nurses woke me up with a comment about having a lie in!! Our birth centre is very new and state of the art apparently but no idea what the wards are like.

@KnitKitty that's interesting about breastfeeding. I'm a bit worried as my mum said she had no milk whatsoever when she tried. Although I'm usually a c or b cup but just had to buy an e cup bra

@Rubyroost Sorry you're having to work so much too. I'm feeling the same about getting up for work. My second cold has turned into a third cold with a different load of symptoms and now there's a horrible cough going round too. We've just got so much monitoring coming up and practice ofsted 'deep dives' in my subject and others and I just can't be arsed to put it bluntly. I feel tired and overwhelmed at the sight of my to do list and I'm basically working full time despite only being 0.8.

@InDreamland thank you for your kind words - I will certainly keep posting my worries! I know everyone worries but there's one lady at work who asked why I was worried about my 'gender scan'. She couldn't get her head around why I might think something could go wrong. I didn't explain why. Mind you, she is 10+ years younger than me and had a surprise pregnancy.

@sadtoday21 I think it's a great idea to treat yourself to some lovely pjs! Throughout all our years of infertility misery I really learnt the value of making yourself feel special. It seems pointless but it can make all the difference.

@TwittleBee sorry you're still having problems. Really hope you get some reassurance and can relax soon x

So I caved in and booked a scan for Saturday. I really didn't want to as I'm already getting nervous but also can't stand the thought of two more weeks of worrying like this. I've felt nothing remotely like a baby movement since Sunday and am now wondering if I imagined all of it My DH is happy because my bump is growing but I stupidly googled something I thought was harmless and ended up reading something I shouldn't have about a bad scan outcome. I won't write it down because every time I read something like that I think it's going to happen to me and I don't want to pass on more worry to you all! It's so irrational but I can't help it.

Wish me luck for Saturday - just hoping I don't go crazy before then xx

Hello, sorry I've been absent for a while, I've been really busy at work and on a course in London the last three days. Full respect to those of you who commute daily - I'm shattered. On the positive side my bump on board worked a treat and I always got a seat.

I feel like I'm starting to lag behind everyone! I'm only 14+4 and it's dragging. I saw the consultant at my local hospital on Monday, I've already been referred to at George's for some fetal echocardiograms (first one in 10days). But she took my history, did a sneak baby scan to measure heart rate and check flow in placenta, she has also put me on 4 weekly scans from 24 weeks to check growth, before those will be visits to her to check the heart, every midwife visit will entail a heart check too. Bit nervous as from 16 weeks is when it could go wrong . Hope I feel more reassured after seeing the specialist. Oh and have got another random scan date for a week tomorrow (think it's a mistake but I will go anyway). Was hoping for weekly checks during danger period, so will ask to at least see midwife weekly for a Doppler check - if heart rate starts to lower that may signal an issue.

Sorry for long message, I've just been internalising all the worry and it needed to come out.

Hi @InDreamland ! I'm doing well thanks. So happy to read and see that you're pregnant - I know it's been a very long road for you to get this far. I'm 33 weeks and all seems ok, got a drs appointment tomorrow to see how she's doing. Feeling movement regularly is definitely reassuring although anterior placenta means my movements can be a bit muted which is worrying and I always get worried before every scan but I guess that's normal. DH and I moved up to Penang a couple of months ago and I really love it here but there are so many mosquitos that I'm really worried about dengue and zika.

I know a few from our July-19 group have had their babies and Bentley (whose full MN name I can't remember) is due around the same time as me.

@TwittleBee so sorry you're having bleeding and cramping - I really hope it comes to nothing. I hope that you're feeling well supported by your doctors and midwives.

@janey15 not sure how far along you are but I felt a super strong kick at something like 18 weeks and then nothing like it for a good couple of weeks after that. It was weird and looking back now I assume that what I felt was her pushing herself into a corner or something so I couldn't feel her anymore. Anyway, I hope the scan tomorrow is reassuring for you - it's impossible not to worry.

Ladies, I really need your advice on something and apologies in advance for not replying to the previous messages! I was really busy yesterday and moving around a lot, so didn't have time to feel baby as much as usual. He definitely did kick at least three separate time, but it felt like less than usual. I also didn't feel him as much as I usually do after breakfast this morning. I'm only 23+1 and midwife said not to track movements until 24 weeks, what do I do? I also have anterior placenta and have only just started feeling movements really recently and not in a set pattern yet. I'm sure if I call they will just say its too early, but I'm worried that ignoring it is the wrong thing to do as well (read too much on MN about it). Please help!

@sadtoday21 I would call the PAU. I did many times before 24 weeks and they always checked the heartbeat with the doppler and said I did the right thing getting it checked out. (I also have an anterior placenta).

@sadtoday21 just a quick reply to say - my friend had similar recently and so she was invited into hospital for a quick doppler check of heartbeat. It is worth a call to your MW to see what she says. It is tricky as they do not recognise patterns prior 24 weeks and you were busy too (I always notice movements less when I am busy) so good chance baby is completely fine but I get your worry.

Sorry you've had more bleeding @TwittleBee. How are you today?

Good luck for your scan tomorrow @janey15!

@SunshineCrocodile I hope you and your OH are doing ok. It's so unfair you're going through this again.

Sorry for everyone I've missed, I have been keeping up I just don't have the time/energy to reply often when I'm at work!

I'm 22 weeks @sadtoday21 and I've been feeling movements for 11 weeks with a posterior and I still have irregular movements, yesterday he wasn't moving as much on the evening for example. I felt movements every other day about 14 weeks and then at 15 weeks I didn't feel anything for about 6 days!
I know this sounds cynical but I wonder if they say 24 weeks because that is the point they become viable so prior to this there is little they can do re movements. I don't know, but just wondered.

My current little boy used to go ages without moving and just as I'd decide it was time for a hospital visit, he'd go nuts! I perhaps waited too long at times, but it was difficult because he didn't have the 'pattern' that midwives refer to. Sometimes I'd not feel anything from going to sleep til about 6pm the next day and that was when I was about 30 weeks! I visited the hospital quite regularly and all was okay, I figured I couldn't go in 3/4 times a week. 😳
If I was following advice I would have been at the hospital all the time, I probably should have gone in to be honest, just in case! I had an anterior, but it didn't seem to effect movements, I felt them at 16 weeks with that pregnancy. I think it is because he stayed in the cephalic position quite a bit and must have been quite comfy so didn't move loads.

So I guess the most sensible advice is if you are worried get checked out. Have your movements come back now?

Thanks very much @Beaglemum93 @TwittleBee @Rubyroost!! Really helpful to have some sage advice on this issue. I ate some sugar and drank hot water and that wasn't working, but then I lied down and did immediately feel a few jabs.

@Rubyroost the movements have come back a bit now, I think I was just really tired and busy yesterday, maybe coming down with something. I also really wondered the exact same thing as you! I think they might say 24 weeks because that is viability, which worries me a bit because I've seen posts of babies being born even earlier and surviving (and later and not, really sadly), so it's not a precise science.

@Twittlebee really hope you are doing ok now. Has the bleeding stopped entirely?

@Beaglemum93 sorry to hear you are feeling so tired! How are you doing otherwise?

Did anyone get scans after 20 weeks? If so, when is the best time to see baby again before birth?

@janey15 'deep dives' that is fucking hilarious. 😂What the hell!!! I've been in education to long and all this new lingo and new initiatives really gets on my nerves. 🙄. Just leave us alone to bloody teach. Fgs. I'm sure you're scan will be just fine, but good luck for sat anyway.

@TwittleBee I hope your bleeding stops soon, do you have any scans coming up?

Re the other threads with positive ladies, I think it's fine they're positive after 12 weeks and chances are things will work out for them. Once you get beyond 12 weeks chances that you'll have a healthy pregnancy massively increase. Tbh even if I hadn't had a miscarriage I don't think I'd feel comfortable buying stuff that early.

I made the mistake of responding to a thread about anxiety in pregnancy once, I knew I shouldn't have. The op had said she was worried about possible mmc, someone responded and said that they were rare and basically if you're healthy, eat well etc that you'll be fine, she then went on to say that it was women who led less healthy lifestyles that were more likely to suffer miscarriages. Well I saw red and said mmc were not rare and that healthy women do suffer miscarriages. That was met with the response that if I wanted to talk about miscarriages then I needed to post on the miscarriage board. Oops, I wouldn't have posted but it got me so angry that she was basically saying unhealthy people have miscarriages. All the women I know who have miscarried have been the perfect picture of health. 😡

Too and your 😡

@Kayjay2018 I'm sorry you're approaching a worrying time. Hopefully once you start having these appointments you will start to feel more confident gradually but please come and tell us how you're feeling whenever you need to.

@Kinsters thank you  It really helps to hear others experiences x

@sadtoday21 I would definitely call that close to the 24 weeks that they told you to look out for. I know 18 weeks where I am is too early but you're much further along.

Thank you @Beaglemum93 

@Rubyroost that sounds quite likely to me about waiting until 24 weeks. Let's face it - they are really only trying to reassure us before that as they know it's unlikely to actually be anything wrong and they couldn't do anything if there was.

@sadtoday21 I'm pretty good to be honest. 10 hour shifts are just getting a bit much. I've been getting quite a lot of rib pain though but the midwife said it's normal.

@Rubyroost I get so angry about comments like that too! As if it's not bad enough we lost our babies but people are saying it's our fault!

@Rubyroost I can't understand why they can't see how ridiculous these names are. The other one I can't stand right now is 'rapid graspers' instead of more able or higher ability
I think responding to that stupid comment was totally understandable! I saw a comment once that made my blood boil. It was someone reassuring a poster who had been Ttc for a while by saying if they had a healthy diet and lifestyle they would conceive quickly. As if all of us couldn't conceive because we were smoking, taking drugs living on takeaways

Well after worrying all week without even a hint of movement DH and I spent about half an hour sitting with our hands on my tummy feeling tiny taps from the inside! When I woke up this morning and lay on my back I could feel a hard little bulge at the bottom of my abdomen on the right then when I got home from work I drank a cold Diet Coke and lay on my left side. After a while I felt a bit of pushing in that area and when I checked the bulge had gone and I felt a few distinct little taps in the same place. Has anyone else found it easier to feel if they put their hand there? When DH came home it was happening on and off for ages although I could barely feel anything on the inside.
Happy either way and feeling more confident for tomorrow's scan

Hi everyone! I was on the ttc after loss thread for a while but I want quiet because I was struggling with things.
I have a MC in November last year with a suspected ectopic.
Fast forward a year to the day of my loss and I found out I'm pregnant again, 5 weeks today.
Time is going so slowly and I can't switch my brain off from the negative thoughts, I want so much to be happy about this but I just can't shake off the bad feeling, anyone relate?

Congratulations and welcome @Tiniestsky. Pregnancy after loss is really difficult, especially in the very early stages. Fingers crossed all will go well for you this time. This is a really supportive group and we all understand how you're feeling. If you need to talk, we're here.

janey15 that's great! My DH loves to rest his head on my bump, he can feel way more movements than I can when he does that! Is your placenta anterior? Mine is and I think it really limits what movements you feel on the inside (until baby discovers your cervix 😂😂😣)

Thanks very much @Beaglemum93 I just wish I could switch my brain off or go to sleep for 7 months 😂
I guess for now I'm going with "expect the worst and then anything else is a bonus" kind of attitude. Just so sad and unfair that the most exciting thing to ever happen to me has been robbed by what happened