The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

So jealous of your hospital @Rubyroost!

Love that you both co-slept @Rubyroost and @frillyfarmer! I was so anti co-sleeping before DD, honestly I thought Gina Ford was a guru! 😜🤦🏼‍♀️ But when they get here you realise that these things don't always work like that!! I still love in when DD gets in our bed, it's so special to have their little bodies cuddled up close.

I have wondered about expressing before this section @KnitKitty however I'm a bit scared that it could bring on labour and I really want Little Brother to stay out until after Christmas! Anyway, I've been looking into this as breastfeeding is really important to me and I definitely want to do it again. I was worried that my previous section didn't cause any problems as I was in labour beforehand. But it would seem it is the placenta coming away that actually triggers the hormones to kick start milk production and obviously this will happen with a section. I definitely want baby on me ASAP for skin to skin and to have first feed within the hour. I will SK my midwife at next appointment about expressing though.

As an aside, check out KellyMom for good breastfeeding advice and also if you are on Facebook join the Breastfeeding Yummy Mummies group. Ignore the shit name, it's a great group for advice and support and the posts definitely normalise things like cluster feeding!

Re the DHs in wards a lot of women don't want men in a woman's space, particularly after birth when they feel vulnerable, which I totally understand. Clearly I'm super needy as I'm just worried about being alone!!

So sorry for all you've been through @TwittleBee. Sepsis scares the crap out of me! It's great that you had your mum on hand last time. I think you, like so many other ladies on here, are very brave xxx Regarding bleeding, I bled all the way through my DD pregnancy. Was never given an answer as to why. But it definitely put me off certain exercises and sex this time. I just don't think that worry or anxiety when you see blood is worth it xxx

@Bluebelltulip I can't imagine how tough this must be for you. Do whatever you need over the next few days and weeks to relax and stay positive. It's great that you've passed another milestone, although it must be bittersweet. Big hugs to you, I still think you're amazing! xxx

Can't believe you're nearly 20 weeks @Mistymeow! I swear people are going to overtake me soon!

So many typos and bold fail as usual 😂🤦🏼‍♀️ Sorry, I'm always rushing when I reply!

@Rubyroost that sounds scary, I'm so gonna struggle aren't I? What is cluster feeding?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I wonder if my hospital has changed its policy since last year. I must remember to ask.

@Bluebelltulip sorry you had such a tough day. Sending hugs! Lovely though that this little one is now older and you're getting plenty of movements.

@janey15 totally sympathise with you on the worrying regardless, I think all of us on here will given our experiences. Someone told me that even those without our histories will worry so it's natural when you're pregnant. It's hard not to compare to others who are pregnant but it's not good for you plus every baby is different. I'm one of 4 who's pregnant in our part of the office (something in the water) but we're all having very different pregnancies and we've all had very different experiences beforehand too. Keep posting your worries here though and we'll all listen and try to reassure you.

@Frillyfarmer sounds like it's hard even if DH/P is around to help out not to fall asleep with baby?

@KnitKitty lol, that's how I feel about everyone else, catching up or overtaken me! Desperate now to reach 3rd tri and join you there. I've not seen an ELC in years, used to be one in Lakeside but that went years ago. Good to know about breastfeeding and boobs in pregnancy. I was wondering about mine as after first tri they seemed to deflate and any pain/discomfort went too. So what you wrote is reassuring, thank you. Guess my midwife should go through same thing with me at my next appointment with her at 28 weeks.

@Rubyroost hope the colds go soon and you don't get any more. Get plenty of rest if you can. Could DP take your DS out for the day at the weekend to let you sleep?

@TwittleBee thank you and I'm so glad your scan went well! FWIW, I also gave up running in pregnancy, even though I'm huge runner normally. Total respect for those who carry on, I'm up for it physically just not mentally (irrational fears of bouncing around baby too much). Looking forward to hitting the pavement after birth to lose those pounds!

@Bluebelltulip been thinking of you, so happy you were able to make it through the day and are feeling lots of movement now to reassure you Xxx.

@KnitKitty haha, how mortifying! Glad you were able to laugh about it. I looked at carseats the other day too, but not sure how necessary this is as we don't have a car. I know I need one to come home from hospital, but hoping midwives will provide one? Are you buying a sling?

@janey15 try not to compare movements to other ladies, I know its hard! Everyone and every baby is different. I'm 22+5 today and still not feeling loads of movement, which makes me really sad. Every time I see someone mentioning it at 17 weeks I get irrationally upset and want to flounce off MN. But my baby is moving, I just have an anterior placenta and its really hard to detect. We just have to be patient I guess, it can take quite a long time for first time mums too, anything up to 24 weeks is perfectly normal, according to my midwife.

So I went to midwife yesterday and heard the hb again :). Then went to look at baby things and bought my very first thing for baby boy - a stuffed rabbit! I was so proud of myself for overcoming the anxiety of buying things and now I just keep it near me and smile from time to time as it makes things feel more real.

I also looked at cribs and decided, to my surprise, that I actually like the schnuggle moses basket on the rocking stand. I love how lightweight it is to carry around and it rocks really well, which seemed soothing to me. Also looked cute and not too large for our small flat and was sturdier than I thought. Anyone have any thoughts on this crib? I'm thinking of buying it on black Friday and then getting the 3-in-1 travel system pram as well (although I didn't realise how huge and heavy carrycots are!).

Finally, one question for all the second time mums on this thread. I've been feeling too frumpy at home in joggers all the time lately (I mostly work on my dissertation from home), and I thought this feeling might intensify when baby is here, when I imagine that lack of sleep will force me to live in sweats. In my mind I want to waft-around-the-house-like-a-pregnant-ballerina-who-is-elegant-and-beautifully-pregnant and emerge from the hospital like a butterfly-emerging-from-a-chrysallis-with-sweet-new-baby-ready-for-cherishing, but the reality is so so different! So, I bought some luxurious and supersoft robe/pjs from white company yesterday to make myself feel better and more elizabeth taylor-esque, but now I'm worried they were too expensive (feeling guilty) and that I'm being stupid because baby will just throw up all over them and I should resign myself to old clothes for the first few months? What does one realistically wear to/from hospital and in the first few weeks?

Thank you @Knitkitty, @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, @Indreamland and @sadtoday21.

@sadtoday21 if you are traveling home by car from the hospital you will need your own car seat. You can get infant carriers fairly cheaply and could be useful if you are likely to go in other people's cars. I like the idea of buying some nice lounging clothes, yes they may get sick etc on them but it washes out.

@sadtoday21 - actually nice PJs are what I have lived in post both births! Having beautiful PJs and a robe makes me feel elegant when if they do get baby sick and milk on them. milk and sick doesnt stain so I wouldnt worry about ruining your nice PJs. Enjoy them, you are allowed a little luxury after carrying and birthing and then caring for a baby!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I think that it is going to be this way for me too. I had some bleeding here and there in my previous pregnancies but I am freaking out because Dr said that it is likely the bleeding that caused the early labour etc. So I am like, do I need to watch out for labour every time I bleed then?

Im spotting again today. Was hoping for an easy pregnancy but doesnt look like I will get that. Morning sickness is truly here too.

Hello ladies, sorry I've been quiet things have been a bit manic at work and I've just been falling asleep on the sofa most nights! Will catch up properly with everyone's news later.

Just wanted to say that at my 16 week midwife appointment she didn't do the heartbeat 😭 I was so disappointed! She said they don't do it at 16 weeks because it's too hard to find and it can panic people. We we're really counting on that for some interim reassurance so we caved and booked a last minute gender scan for this afternoon. So nervous/excited! Wish me luck!

@Dimblebimble that is really common now as I think too often it causes so much panic like your MW said! Good luck for this afternoon, let us know how it goes!

So I started spotting again this morning, its now significantly heavier... text my MW so just waiting for her to reply now I guess. Assuming up to EPU most likely? Although only had a scan 2 days ago

@twittlebee Yes I understand why they didn't do it, I just wish I'd known in advance so I didn't get my hopes up! At least this way we can find out the gender too :)

So sorry you're bleeding again, you're having a rough few weeks :( Yes I assume it would be epu. If it's heavy I assume they should see you even though you had a scan recently. Have they offered any explanation as to why you keep bleeding? Are they able to look into why it keeps happening? Hope everything is okay xx

@Dimblebimble I am excited to find out what you shall be having!

Mw said she will speak to a DR then call be back. Last scan they said they cannot see where the bleeding is coming from so they are assuming the cervix and that is what they kept telling me last pregnancies too. But I havent had any sex, done anything strenuous past few days now. Plus I have pain too now.

That is disappointing @Dimblebimble but think how you would have felt if she tried and couldn't find it!!! I hope the scan goes well and super exciting about finding out the sex! Do you have a feeling on what you might be having?

So sorry to hear you are bleeding again @TwittleBee. I can imagine this is super stressful for you. In my DD pregnancy I was told it could the cervix too and sometimes the bleeding was quite heavy. It was also always very red. I know none of that probably eases your worries right now, so I'm sending you a huge virtual hug. I hope you get seen soon xxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you. MW said I cant be scanned until next week. The EPU are worried about the dangers of over scanning...?!?! First I've ever heard of this danger?

Baby is doing fine and we are having a little girl! 😁 for some reason everyone early on had a feeling it was a boy and kept referring to it as he (including me), but I did wonder because I've had absolutely terrible skin since I fell pregnant. So excited! It feels more real now that we know :) we heard the babies heartbeat aswell and I bought a stuffed elephant that plays the recording so I can listen when I feel anxious ☺️

@TwittleBee I had red spotting on 3 separate occasions before 12 weeks. They were lighter than you are describing but I didn't have sex either, and there was never any reason identified as to why I kept bleeding. Really sorry you are having pain now too, I really hope they see you soon and give you some answers x

That's amazing @Dimblebimble ! So pleased for you!

I've got to wait till next tuesday. Meant to be doing the NIPT tomorrow, seems silly now.

@TwittleBee can the place doing the NIPT do a scan too? When I looked I saw a few that allowed you to add on an ultrasound for an additional fee.

Lovely news @Dimblebimble! Girls are great ;)

Does the place doing your NIPT not do a scan as well @twittleBee? I thought they had to scan to check dates as you have to be over 10+2 (or something like that)? Mine offered two scans as part of the package so do check.

@Dimblebimble lovely news!!!! Girls are the best 😍 I've had awful skin both this time being pregnant and with my DD. It didn't go away with DD ever 100% but mostly went away eventually when I stopped BF. My cheeks are so red!

The elephant toy sounds so so lovely I am jealous!!! 😊 Glad it all went well for you at the scan xxxx

Sorry to be confusing it's the home NIPT test for the sex, I thought I had already mentioned it on this thread but might have been another! I'll still do it I think, as surely it will be nice to know whether this one is a boy or girl whether this pregnancy continues or not.

@sadtoday21 I think you'll need to buy your own car seat. It will come in handy if you ever need to take baby in a car. Lovely that you heard the HB and have bought a soft toy. Not sure how I'll overcome this anxiety. I wouldn't worry about baby being sick over the outfit, it'll wash out. Wear what makes you feel good and comfy.

@TwittleBee so sorry you're having more bleeding but can't be scanned again until next week. I'm not sure about over scanning as the only place that told me to stop going for scans was one of the private clinics I went to and they didn't say it was harmful but more that I should try to start enjoying pregnancy and that baby was fine .....obvs didn't understand that I was anxious hence all the scans. Hoping that baby is still okay in there and that it's just one of those unexplained things that happens but baby is still safe and healthy.

@Dimblebimble yay for baby girl and being healthy! You must be so thrilled! Awww the elephant sounds so cute!

I'm so tired! Left work late and now on tube on way home. Bubsy normally kicks on tube ride home but hasn't on this journey yet .......cue worry!

@sadtoday21 did you say you will be getting a 3 in 1 travel system? If so, they come with a car seat.
Anyone else absolutely knackered, I'm supposed to be glowing in second tri like I was last time. Really struggling and it's not like I can chill at night as have to do all my planning and marking. So tired...

My day equals work, come home and chill til toddler wakes at 6 so about an hour and a half, then entertain and feed toddler, bath and bed by 9.30 and then school work for two hours and then up early to do an hours work before work starts. Im struggling so much at the moment. Zzzzz

I've been in London away with work - never been so grateful to be home to the chaos tonight 💞 central was SO busy this morning I copped out and emailed my boss to say no more London before due date in Feb. I don't NEED to be down there, I love working from the big offices because it's great for networking and it's so much easier than video conferencing but I've got to think about little tink now and all that travel is so unnecessary.

Very wriggly little lady the past week or so 💕 feeling so much more than I did with my first who I had an anterior placenta with. Just trying to keep up with my dog walking and keep a lid on all the stress. 24+5 today and it's really moving quickly now!

Anyone else getting braxton hicks? Had quite a few today. Think I need to drink more water as on days where I do the hicks are less

@Rubyroost gosh your day is full on with no evening respite. My BIL is a teacher so I hear about how hard he works in term time. Also absolutely exhausted here! Got in from work at 7:30pm last night. Barely ate any dinner, had shower, came downstairs to watch The Apprentice with DH and fell asleep half way through. Dragged myself up to bed around 10:30pm and then got woken twice in early hours by Bubsy kicking me (good and bad at same time - reassuring that baby is moving) and also a few times by DH snoring really loud. Knackered this morning and running very late for work. I'm feeling so sorry for myself.

@Frillyfarmer that is a good call there on no more London trips. Wish I could say that but my office is in central London. Great news though that you're getting lots of movement. It's such a reassuring feeling. Do you find some days the kicks are stronger than others? Some days I feel like Bubsy is trying to make a break for it through my stomach and others it's way more subtle and I have to concentrate more to feel it.

I WANT MY BED!!!!!

@Rubyroost what do Braxton hix feel like?