The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

I second those car seats being really useful @InDreamland. Especially if the baby is asleep which they often will be on a cat journey! Much easier to lift that out than wake them! I also liked those seats for having baby up close to table if in a cage or restaurant, I found it easier to see them than in a pram. Plus you don't have to lug the carry cot about wherever you go.

Glad your scan went well @Bluebelltulip. This must all be so emotional for you. I hope you've got a relaxing evening planned - when you're DD is asleep anyway!

Brilliant news @TwittleBee! So pleased and relieved for you! How do you feel about no running etc? Can you do some low impact exercise like swimming?

Ffs!

Car not cat.

Cafe not cage.

I'm not illiterate I promise, just typing in the dark while I sit with DD at bedtime 😂

@sadtoday21 take small steps when you feel you can, buying the changing table is a good start.

@Twittlebee glad your scan went well, fingers crossed that you don't get anymore bleeding.

@Indreamland, @Twittlebee and @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you. It feels weird discussing a plan but also feels nice having more of an idea. I'm happy with the idea of having a sweep then induction, gives me a bit more certainty and my induction with DD2 went well. I'm hoping for a relaxing evening with DH, DD1 has gone to bed slightly late tonight. Tomorrow I feel will be a tough day as it's the same gestation that DD2 died at but meeting up with some friends who I know will help me.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue lol at baby in a cage!

@TwittleBee so glad the scan was looking good. Sorry to hear about the running but hope that you can find something to substitute!

@Squiff70 it was a bit of an epic post wasn't it... I really should just post more often rather than making huge long posts. Haha.
I hope your scan goes well today. I've been having regular scans (every 2-3 weeksish since 7 weeks) and it took a long while to not feel nervous beforehand. I'm glad they're keeping a close eye on you.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Thanks. It's still been raining a lot but we've gone from a red-warning for flooding to amber so hopefully it won't get worse. We have a yellow warning for heavy rain until midday today and then more rain on Thursday, but hopefully after that it'll calm down. Sick of seeing grey skies now.
As for the hospital bag. I'm planning on just having a carry-on suitcase as I'm having a c-section and expecting to be in for a few days.

@janey15 they always have problems finding my ovary too! Not sure if I have adhesions these days... I had them really bad years ago but been pain-free since my last operation in 2009, miraculously. I think the mental toll of pain can be much harder to deal with than the pain itself so getting some reassurance from the professionals should ease your mind. It IS normal to get aches and pains in pregnancy anyway...

@InDreamland I know what you mean about not wanting to tempt yourself with keeping baby in the car seat for too long... However I think it can be very practical for short trips... Nipping into a shop and such. Obviously not when newborn as they say 30 minutes maximum in the car seat, but I'm guessing I won't be going out with her that much during the newborn stage anyway. We got the Joie i-level because it reclines so helps slightly with the position for better breathing.

@Bluebelltulip I'm glad the scan went well. Stay strong. You're doing great! xxx

@sadtoday21 Good luck at the midwife appointment today.

@TwittleBee I am so relieved that the scan went well! It must be annoying having to slow down so much when you're clearly used to doing a lot of exercise, but really good that you have something to try to help avoid more bleeds. It's just so scary every time it happens.

I had my first cervical scan at 14 weeks. They monitored it every 2 weeks until 24 weeks from then on. They've also kept me on a very low dose of progesterone pessaries until 34 weeks so help avoid going into premature labour.

I had my MW appointment yesterday and I had a small amount of sugar in my urine so they're now keeping a close eye on that too... She said it could just be a one-off but if it happens twice in a row they'll do a glucose test. I think I need to just be a lot more careful about what I'm eating. Feeling a bit guilty for pigging out too much on sweet things.

On a lighter note; something happened yesterday which was both mortifying and hilarious. A new 3rd trimester pregnancy symptom... I was at work sitting at my desk and when I got up I had the noisiest, longest series of fanny-farts ever; and obviously I couldn't stop it! The other girl in the office looked at me and I just said 'I'm sorry, it's coming from the front, I can't stop it! At least it won't smell!' and then doubled over laughing... The miserable cow just gave a little 'ha' and continued working... Which made me laugh even more.
Pregnancy is delightful, isn't it?
OH now has a game called 'queef or wiff'...

@indreamland I was the same with car seats and will probably be more neurotic this time.

I bought a Moby wrap which are the soft baby wearing ones best for babies hips. It took a bit of time to master tying it but once I had I used to scoop babe out of his car seat and wear him everywhere. I've got to say for things like food shopping, dog walking etc it was a million times less cumbersome than the pram and due to him being snuggled into my chest he just used to nod back to sleep. I even mastered breast feeding and cooking in it!! He's a very cuddly snuggly little toddler now and I'd like to think some of that was due to the amount of time he spent in his sling with me as a tiddler.

@sadtoday21 hope all goes well today with the midwife appointment! Nice to know I'm not the only one holding off and too scared to buy baby stuff. Fx you start getting crazy strong kicks soon! Some of them really take me by surprise - definitely a Kung Fu master in the making here! Maybe I'll call it Bruce!

@TwittleBee yay! Amazing news on your scan! Sorry about the running but I do agree that you should start to take it easy and do lower impact exercise. I still go to the gym 3 times a week but don't do the jumping (apart from the odd burpee if I do a gentle jump) plus the high intensity class is now a yoga class (gym's decision not mine - was coincidence they changed the class). I get wanting to keep exercising though - it's good for your mental wellbeing!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thanks for the advice too on the car seat - guess will have to see what DH thinks too as I've not discussed with him. Haha! Cage! I had an image in my head! Baby brain? How are you feeling now? Hope you're having a good week so far and the central line is being kind to you.

@Bluebelltulip sending you lots of hugs today. Hope you can have as good a day as possible. It's horrible isn't it with anniversaries - yesterday was 1 year anniversary of losing our second one, I just needed to keep myself busy. Didn't want to talk about it.

@KnitKitty OMG you just made me laugh! ON THE TRAIN!!!! That's hilarious but have to say if that happened to me I'd have been mortified! Does that car seat lie flat? Actually do any car seats lie flat? Suspect not. I think I really will need advice from the shops, especially as one of our cars is 12 years old and the other 10 years old but both still running well so no need to buy a new one (I hope - probably jinxed that too now).

@Frillyfarmer that's definitely something I need to consider, one of those baby carriers rather than a pram. Hmmmmmm, ah well I still have time to look into things and decide. No hurry. Don't really even need pram before baby is born I guess as can buy that after surely - or SIL might be giving us hers anyway.

So can't believe I'm 26 weeks today. Day after we lost baby/pregnancy #2. Mixed emotions today. I'm so petrified of something going wrong now. Baby was kicking like crazy last night before I went to sleep. Bit less active this morning though.

Omg @KnitKitty that is hilarious! And mortifying!!! I'm also going to use a travel suitcase and did last time, much easier to fit everything in! I was only in two nights with DD after an EMCS and hoping it will be similar this time!

The one thing I am really dreading and worrying about is getting put on a ward after birth. I was lucky with DD that after EMCS and horrible labour/induction, they took pity on me and gave me a private room. DH also stayed with me which was great as I needed help manoeuvring about, especially lifting DD out of the cot on the first night. I'm not only dreading the noise and sleep deprivation of a ward but I have read loads on MN about how people hate DHs staying with their wives in wards and whilst I do understand why, I also want my DH there with me!! That probably makes me sound really clingy and pathetic, I just felt so vulnerable after birth last time and sore and tired and even though I've done it once, I still want someone there to help me so I am not reliant on nurses, who in my experience are often super busy and can’t always get to you. Any advice on this fear is welcome!

I didn't keep newborn in the car seat for long, I think it's only a 30 minute limit until about 4 weeks?? And then a couple of hours?? But I do think it is useful and easier than switching between seat and pram/buggy.

I also had a carrier when DD was little – a Baby KTan and will definitely be using it again for things like the nursery run, @frillyfarmer - it's lovely and snuggly and just so easy! Have a look at them @indreamland as they are super easy to put on, but only last until about 4 months. I then have a BabyBjorn which I didn’t really like (too fiddly) but I tended to put DD in the buggy when she was bigger as I found it harder to carry her and all our stuff. The only travel thing I have bought this time is a buggy board so I can use the pram/buggy without DD moaning about walking or walking slowly! So I feel like I have a lot of travel options now depending on how big the baby is, where we are going and what the weather is like!

Thinking of you today @Bluebelltulip. I hope you can take some time to relax and look after yourself, you deserve it xxx

@Bluebelltulip I hope today goes easy on you x

@KnitKitty thank you for that, appreciate knowing what I might be able to expect. It is the not knowing which just sets me off on long days on Google. OMFG - I would have laughed with you for sure, I am an awful fanny farter when not pregnant haha

@InDreamland - just find it so hard about the running etc because initially I was told it is fine and that they actively encourage women to jog etc during pregnancy now. I assume this also mean no sex for me right? As I bleed after everytime I have sex - yet MWs always told me that is normal? I just wanna scream in frustration at it all. I am sure you can probably relate. I am sorry it must have been bloomin tough getting past when you lost baby#2 . I've no words for how that must feel.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - I get you regarding DH. I had him with me on the ward for a week after I gave birth to DS1 - I had sepsis and was so so so ill that I havent a clue how I would have managed to do anything without DH assisting me. But I guess if there was a nurse that could have fulfilled that role instead? NHS so understaffed though. But post DS2's birth I was alone, DH went with DS to NICU in a different hospital whilst I recovered from the EMCS - had no one to help me for hours, no came to check on me - was so lonely and isolating. My mum came up thankfully and cared for me.

Morning all!
Have been struggling with a bad cold for the last week - after working Tues & Weds I had no voice left by Weds morning and also ended up vomiting Weds night so I stayed off Thurs & Fri.
Went back yesterday mostly OK but started feeling a bit weak and shaky so called midwife hotline and they advised me to get my temperature taken - so I went to the school nurse 😅 and found it was mildly elevated. Both midwife and the nurse told me to stay home today which I have dutifully done, but feel guilty about missing my students so many times over the last few weeks.

Going to the doctor while I'm off anyway as I have a weird cut in the corner of my eye that doesn't seem to want to heal and I am getting anxious that it's going to get infected.

Exciting times over here, haha.

Impossible for me to keep to seat regulations I'm afraid as had a two hour car journey when lil one was 6 days old to get tongue tie snipped, could've done it with my own bloody scissors, it's such an easy procedure but we had to travel for it. Little one wasn't sleeping then and had to be up pretty early so we did the whole journey in one and I sat in the back.

I think I broke all the rules, including Co sleeping and staying in the same room when they nap. 😬

@knitkitty oh my, that's a good story! Was it you that said you've got a cat? She is obsessed with my DH, although she has taken to sniffing my belly! I don't think she will get jealous of the baby when I'm holding her but she will if DH is. She is a soft girl though and has been such a comfort to us during difficult times.
@TwittleBee so glad you had a good scan. I've also had a couple of instances of bleeding during the pregnancy so I'm ultra cautious, not because I think it will do any harm but I get very distressed seeing it so I only do gentle exercise.
@rubyroost yes there are so many rules! Or guidance, as they put it. I didn't even know you couldn't have a toy in the cot with them!

I've been a bit nervous coming on mumsnet since those little scares but feeling a bit better now. It's my 20 week scan next week and I can't help but worry about birth defects due to sperm dna fragmentation. Argh. But I'm feeling her a fair bit now which is reassuring.

I haven't bought anything yet but my friend wants to give me most of her stuff because they are only having one and everything is brand new from John Lewis. So kind of her. I do need a pram, though, something light because I'm tiny and our flat is small. I'd like to try a few out and then maybe buy second hand.

I don't qualify for SMP because I'm self employed. I'll be applying for maternity allowance. I'm not sure how we will get by on just DH's salary but we will work it out somehow.

Hope everyone else is well. I like the talk of baby items, it makes it feel more real :)

@Mistymeow we never got to test sperm dna fragmentation as I got pregnant and was discharged from fertility testing. But when we checked my boyfriends sperm, normal morphogy was 2%, apparently 15% is the minimum of what it should be. Its amazing how the right sperm can find the way there! Good luck for your scan, I know its an anxious time, but hopefully you can relax a bit more after this. X

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I think I understand your anxiety about being on a ward. With my first pregnancy at booking appointment I asked about private rooms as I'm anxious about being on a ward too as I value privacy, also want DH with me etc. They have private rooms available for a price and is first come first served so reliant on one being free at the time I want it. I'm prepared to pay. I'll be really upset if there isn't a room available but we can't pre-book. Also, if someone has a medical need for the private room they trump someone who just wants one and willing to pay. Have you asked your hospital about it? I'll be asking again in case it's changed since last year. Thanks for the recommendations on carriers, I'll look into them .....when I'm in the right headspace.

@TwittleBee thanks, I found it easier to not talk about it because as soon as I do I just cry. It is frustrating feeling like you can't do what you normally would do, I found telling myself I had to go low impact and change the abs exercises was for the best, am doing it for baby and also after 2 losses I didn't want any reasons to blame myself again for another loss and I could say I did what I could to avoid it. Hope you find something else that gives you the same satisfaction and enjoyment. Guessing DTD is out too, we've not DTD since BFP as I'm too scared and I think now since bump popped it's put DH off knowing baby is in there lol!

@coconutlatte44 oh no, hope you feel better soon! Good that you're resting up! Please don't feel guilty about your students, you have to do what is right for you and baby. Hope your is okay.

@Rubyroost I'm too scared to break the rules, think maybe those who are more experienced are more relaxed.

@Mistymeow no toy in the cot? Really? Wow! Oooh 20 week scan coming up - hope that all goes well, I'm sure everything will be fine but totally get the anxiety as we also had poor results with sperm DNA fragmentation so thought we'd always end up with an issue. Try remind yourself you've come this far and that therefore it's likely the strongest healthiest swimmer got there and all should be fine. It is hard though to think positive.

@Indreamland I wasn't experienced, I think I broke them out if necessity, rather than due to experience. There were so many times when I laid in bed with my little one and nodded off after feeding him. The first night he came back from hospital he was cluster feeding all night and I was so exhausted i fell asleep holding him. I was really trying not to nod off!
OH told me off, yet didn't stay awake to prevent it happening 😡. It was just one of those things though and I'm afraid shit happens. I believe it's more dangerous if you're on the sofa tho. We fell asleep like this numerous times tho I'm afraid to admit, but I think if you speak to many mothers this is the reality for many of them!

I feel asleep like that loads @Rubyroost!! Half the reason why I decided to cosleep and follow guidelines as I figured that was safer than randomly dropping off!

My hospital used to charge for private rooms @InDreamland. I would happily pay to not be on a ward, but they stopped doing that and instead use them for people with medical need as they were so limited. Makes total sense. Don't think I will get one this time as c section will be under totally different circumstances.

Hope you feel better soon @coconutlatte44, sounds utterly miserable you poor thing xxx

Thank you for the well wishes. Today has been tough and I didn't sleep well last night, thankfully I've had plenty of movements. DC3 is now older than DD2 ever got.

On the equipment and guideline discussion, there are quite a few guidelines around safe sleeping including no toys in cot etc, I think it's best to familiarise yourself with them (lullaby trust is a good source) then go from there. Knowing how to safely co-sleep is useful. I used a wrap sling with DD1 a lot and only stopped using it over 1 year old.

@InDreamland thank you for trying to reassure me about movements this early  It's not that the lack of movements is worrying me, it's that I'm worrying anyway and wish I had some movements to reassure me  I felt a couple of prods over the weekend but nothing yesterday or today  Also until it's more regular/stronger I can't be sure of what I'm feeling because t seems to happen once then I sit there waiting for more but nothing happens. The other pregnant lady at work is feeling 'lots of wriggles' which makes me worry more 

Thank you @KnitKitty  I know exactly what you mean about the mental toll of being in pain. I really hope you stay pain free. I only really started to get bad pain again in the last 3 years but had a good 4 years before that.
I'm now crying with laughter at the fanny fart episode! If I'd been in your office at the time I'd probably have wet myself laughing to share the embarrassment 

@Rubyroost 4% is the lowest morphology should be but it can vary over time. My DHs came back as 4 the first time they tested, then went down even further 3 months later so I worried myself silly, then it improved to twenty something. Every iui we did they kept congratulating him on his sample

Ugh work is so busy this week. Today was crazy, my room is a tip, staff meeting went on forever and I now have another hundred things on my list. Also Ive got a student in with me tomorrow so I have to pretend to be normal and pretend I know what I'm doing and I really can't be bothered

Hope everyone is having a better week!

@Rubyroost it's so easy in theory to understand the dangers of all of these things and avoid them. But realistically a new mum delirious from lack of sleep will do just about anything to survive. I co slept a lot with DS in the newborn days - I took the view that as long as duvet and pillows were away from him and I was mindful of my position (slept with arm out to prevent me rolling, not that I ever slept that heavily!) then it was a million times safer than getting up and accidentally falling asleep on chair/sofa. When they are cluster feeding so relentlessly not even the side sleepers are a help!

@InDreamland 26 weeks?! I swear you're catching up to me!!
I love the idea of making someone laugh on the train.
No the car seat doesn't lie completely flat and I'll be getting a carrycot too. But it is supposed to help with the oxygen levels. I will still be following the exact same guidance with regards to not keeping baby in it for too long though, but it's peace of mind for me that she'll be able to breathe a bit better; hopefully.

I started looking online at car seats and stuff and felt totally overwhelmed. Popped into Mothercare last week to have a look at theirs and poked around at some. Unfortunately couldn't order one in store as they'd stopped all orders and didn't have any in stock in store, but I went online after and bought it £50 cheaper anyway.
I'm really upset Mothercare is closing just as I'm having a baby (anyone know what's happening the Early Learning Centre????) I love their ethos and products and clothes. They do still exist abroad though... I'll have to find out if they're in France and get the in-laws to buy stuff.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope I won't be in hospital for too long either but preparing myself for the worst.
I've been worried about being on a ward too because I hate the idea of being alone and vulnerable. I don't think OH would be keen on sleeping at hospital... He hates them. But I think once baby arrives he might just want to soak up as much time with her as possible.
I don't tend to read many other threads on MN. Why don't people like DHs staying in hospital?

@coconutlatte44 Sorry you're under the weather. I hope you feel better soon. You are doing the right thing by resting and staying home. Look after yourself.

@Mistymeow Yes, it's me with the cat. How lovely that she's been sniffing your belly. So cute!
Good luck with the scan next week. The nerves are normal. We're here for hand-holding.
I'm comforted to know that I'm not the only one slightly worried about the money situation. As you said, it'll work out somehow.

@Bluebelltulip Sending you big squishy penguin cuddles. I'm glad you've been getting some reassuring movements. xxx

@janey15 Sorry work is so busy! Try to relax as much as you can when you're at home.

All this talk of falling asleep with cluster-feeding babies is making me a bit nervous

I forgot to mention that at my midwife appointment on Monday we talked about breastfeeding. I've been a bit worried because my boobs don't seem to know that I'm pregnant... no growth or pain or anything. She was very reassuring about that and said some women get massive breasts and leak a lot before birth and others don't leak or grow at all and it has no indication as to whether you'll have a good milk supply or not once baby is born.
I also mentioned being worried about my milk not coming in very quickly after birth because I'm having a c-section and I've heard it can take longer, and she told me that I can start to express a week or two before the surgery to encourage my milk to come in once baby is here; and I can collect any colostrum that comes out and freeze it (if any does come out, of course). She said not to do it too early as it can sometimes induce labour as it stimulates certain hormones, but showed me a technique for massaging around the breast to stimulate it and said it can help women having a planned c-section so that the milk comes in sooner after birth. I'll be checking with my consultant that she's happy for me to do this as we're trying to avoid me going into labour at all if possible; but it was really good to know about so thought I'd share.

P.S. I haven't done any fanny farts today...

@janey15 I'm so tired after half term I just want to go on maternity leave now and I'm only 21 1/2 weeks pregnant. Last pregnancy I felt healthy and positively glowing, this pregnancy I feel run down all the time, I keep catching colds and feel like I haven't quite recovered. I'm struggling to get myself up in the morning. Once I'm at work, it's not as bad as it seems and the day goes relatively quickly.

@Frillyfarmer I was very lucky to have excellent peer support workers (breastfeeding). In my area they visit you after you get out of hospital to make sure b feeding is going okay. I said I was struggling at night as baby was in and out if moses and kept waking as soon as I put him in. She said that many midwives won't suggest co sleeping, but that's what many b feeding women do. I was really trying to follow the guidelines to the tee, but I'm glad she put me right as co sleeping for the first 3 months made breastfeeding so much easier.

To all those on wards, I'm going to gloat here. My area is pretty shit for everything as are the hospitals, particularly my local hospital. Luckily the maternity ward is pretty good, once you've given birth in one of the labour rooms, you're in a room with two beds and it's uncommon to share. I guess if they have a busy few days and lots in you might have to share, last time I was in for 3 nights prior to my induction and 2 nights after c section and had my own room the whole time. This time hopefully I'll only be in one night after c section, I had to stay in last time as was waiting for baby to latch after all the drugs pumped into him, poor thing-his mouth was all floppy. 😢