The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Sorry to hear that @Flyfisherlady. I'm sure it's nothing, as others have said, but I would be feeling exactly the same in your shoes. It's impossible not to worry.

In my experience (only had bleeding before 12 weeks so far, touch wood!) the hospital will normally only see you if you are bleeding heavily unless you really push for it. Maybe it's different when you're further along though?

Also, if you're rhesus negative you are meant to report any bleeding after 12 weeks, in which case they might be more likely to see you?

@Flyfisherlady I would panic too, but sounds like it's probably going to be fine. I have piles (having children is just wonderful! 😬😂) so any blood I've had have come from that. Could that be the case with you? If you were bleeding, I'd expect to see more than that. Is there any way you could get a scan for peace of mind if you are still panicking? x

@Dimblebimble instead of emailing could you just mention it in staff meeting maybe? As an AOB? Or maybe just to colleagues in passing as you see them? Not sure what it's like at your company or how large it is. Where I work it's massive so no one does big formal announcements by email. Hopefully if you can listen in on the HB at 16 weeks it'll help with not wanting to get another scan until 20 weeks. That said, I won't lie, I had a private scan at 15+3 just before holiday, then listened to HB at 18 weeks with midwife (my delayed 16 week appointment) and then found it hard to wait 2 weeks for the 20 week scan. It's not easy not knowing what's going on in there, since the movements and strong kicking started though a couple of weeks ago I've definitely been less anxious. Anxiety is still there but the kicks at least tell me it's still alive. Hopefully you get strong movements early that will help.

@Flyfisherlady how are you this morning? Hope everything turned out fine last night, that baby is ok and it was just a little old blood dislodged from increased blood flow.

@janey15 I'm also still checking the loo roll and on 24 hour knicker watch. Don't think it'll end until Bubsy is out. Hopefully in February.

25 weeks today and Bubsy has definitely decided it's going to remind me it's there. Woke up and got some very strong kicks which took me by surprise, kung fu master in the making I think. Also getting movement now on the tube in to work which is reassuring, long may it continue. Can't believe we've made it this far but still feels like forever to go. 15 weeks is an eternity!

@Indreamland @rubyroost @dimblewimble etc.

Felt better when husband got home. We were both scared. But we calmed down enough to realise that it was so tiny it was probably nothing. I’m a bit shaky this morning. Now more worried about my vehement reaction of hyperventilating total panic. I probably never got over the miscarriage properly. Have a midwife’s appointment on Friday and will mention everything to her and maybe ask for a bit of mental health support. It can’t do any harm.

@Flyfisherlady I think the pregnancy freakouts are entirely normal. Glad you've calmed down, shame you can't chill with a glass of wine😂

Tooth saga unfortunately continues, pain and massive headache today so back to the dentist. Was hoping this extraction would be the end of it. Wish it would fuck off so I could just be a normal healthy woman enjoying my pregnancy. 😬
I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself! Fingers crossed I'm being paranoid and this increased pain is just part of the healing process and not fractured bone, other tooth coming out, root damage in other tooth, infection, dry sovket. Oooh the endless possibilities that I manage to make up in my head!

@Flyfisherlady can you go to EPU for reassurance? Definitely ask for some MH support. I was offered some support (healthy minds) but as I'm now getting movements I'm holding off as I'm finding the movement reassuring, doesn't stop me from worrying about other things but it's something. Did you get any counselling after the mc? I found that useful.

@Rubyroost I feel for you! That tooth issue is awful!

Morning all,

Jumping back in because, to my and my sonographer's shock, my baby has caught back up (3 weeks of growth and development of a heart beat in 1 week!!!!!) and so back to matching dates and everything looks to be progressing well! so i am 7+1 today

@sadtoday21 - that is a tricky one about the preeclampsia risk - I would probably take it though but only because preeclampsia scares me so much and I was told baby asprin can help prevent MC etc too (they were going to put me on it but they actually think my blood struggles to clot already, hence why I am a bleeder during pregnency and so i do not need my blood any thinner!)

@rubyroot at least you are on same level of housechores - both doing bare minimum! Used to drive me crazy when my husband was in bare minimum camp alone, we now in the sort of middle ground together.

@coconutlatte44 ah might pick your brain a bit about running whilst pregnant - do you get many comments about it? How do you bat them aside? I'm training for a half marathon, should be 28 weeks when I run it. The comments from family and friends have been awful though.

@Flyfisherlady - hope all is okay? completely understand that worry and good call to ask for some MH support.

@Rubyroost tooth problems are the worst!

@indreamland I am a bit terrified of the EPU to be honest. I had some especially callous doctors and some really bad treatment for my miscarriage there. Eg. I was told baby had died with the words “yup, yup definitely dead”. I’ve changed hospitals, but am still so scared. All this fear I think isn’t helpful and needs to be sorted.

@Flyfisherlady sorry you had some blood last night, I hope you don't get anymore.

@Twittlebee wow I hope everything goes smoothly from here.

I had to go in for monitoring yesterday as I didn't feel baby move much in the morning then it stopped for a few hours. Baby woke up on the monitor and is fine. I was so scared of being told that there was no heartbeat again. I'm 30+5 today and DD2 died at 31+5 so very nervous atm.

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@coconutlatte44, 33, EDD 22/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@strawberrye, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI, 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Mistymeow, 35, EDD 07/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Lozzak87 32 EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

Wow ladies so much to catch up on.... Firstly sorry for being absent for about two weeks went back to work after having two weeks off and because I do night shifts (yup even worked that pesky night with the extra hour in it!!) and day shifts it has completely knocked me for six!!!

An update on me... Did not have a UTI mw said it can be quite common to pee as much as I do and when she checked my urine all was clear, had my 16 week check and she asked me if I'd felt any movements.... I honestly can't say that I have, but she says they can feel like gas and I have a lot of that to confuse it with. Anyway she listened to the heart beat and let me record it for my OH as he was at work. So relieved, but it was a good job she checked my blood pressure before as I was freaking out!!!

@mistymeow I can imagine the stress you went through when they couldn't find a heartbeat, part of me wanted to say no dont even try and find one because if it's not there I don't know. Fingers crossed the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.

@rubyroost your advice is practical and very helpful you bring a level head to the anxiety because of your experiences. Glad to have you back.

@squiff70 so glad your scan went well and the twins are looking healthy beautiful sacn pics

Wonderful scan pictures @kayjay2018 it makes it all seem so real when you see them on the screen. Sometimes I just look at my scan pics and am in complete awe that this little thing is growing inside me!!

@Dimblebimble I told work really early because I began to mc with my first while I was at work, also working as a nurse there are certain things I can and can't do so I really wanted to be safe But I think if I was working in any other job I probably would have waited until 12 weeks to tell, that's when me and my OH told our family and friends. To be honest after the scan we were far to excited to keep it to ourselves any longer!!!

Hello @Ladybug84 and @RedRobin7 I'm so happy to have you join us and sad that we have to meet on this thread as it sounds like you have had a really tough time getting here. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you that things progress as smoothly as they can be. Always here for positive vibes, reassuring words and general chatter. Big hugs to you both xxx

@InDreamland my partner has never been very handy around the house, he would much rather be playing PlayStation (you would think he was a 14 year old boy not 33 year old man about to be a father). To be honest I feel it is my fault because when he was having a really bad episode of depression a few years ago I did literally take over and was grateful when he got out of bed and did something - even if it is playing PlayStation!!! He will often say I will do so and so on my day off.... I'm still waiting for him to change the light bulb in the bathroom (been waiting 2 months) last Thursday he was going to disassemble the bed in the spare room which is to become the nursery so we can plan out the room layout... It never happened. I'm hoping when I begin my maternity leave to teach him important life skills like using the washing machine and the oven so he can provide help for me when baby is finally here! Fingers crossed I am. Successful in my plan!!!

@TwittleBee what good news but also must have been an emotional roller coaster. Glad your back with the gang and hope your with us for the full 9 months.

I'm 17 weeks now and it feels really sureal but I'm taking everyday as it comes. Starting to buy be given little bits and pieces as babies are expensive I'd rather start sooner and spread the cost out a bit!! Waiting a bit longer before buying larger items though.

I hope you all have a good day today, I've got my first appointment with the consultant today don't really know what to expect just know I've got to be referred to them because of my high BMI, but I'm looking at it as another positive... More people involved to keep me and bubba safe
Xxxx

@Rubyroost When I say email, I mean just to my head of department, copying in HR. With other people I'll just mention it if it come up, or if they notice. It's so hard isn't it, it all feels more real when I've just had a scan. I don't really feel like there's a baby in there once that effect has worn off, but yes I think movements will help. I'm 15 weeks tomorrow so haven't felt anything yet. When did you first start to feel movements?

Woohoo @TwittleBee welcome back! So glad everything worked out and baby is doing fine :)

@Dimblebimble it was @InDreamland that said to mention it in passing. I would email HR and head of dept. They don't need to know plans for mat leave until 25 weeks.

Been to dentist. No infection or dry socket, all symptoms normal (hard gum slightly wobbly and very sore adjacent tooth and headaches again!) so I need to trust the dentists advice and move on now.

@Flyfisherlady sorry you had a scare - hope that's the end of it. Even a little bit is enough to set nerves jangling although of course statistically your risk is tiny now. Having said that I panicked when I saw red on the loo roll the other day - closer inspection revealed it was a thread from my jumper that had somehow migrated! None of us are immune from the worry that something's gone wrong. Hope your midwife is maybe able to listen in at your Friday appointment.

Hi @Lozzak87 - sounds exhausting, poor you - no chance of being moved to days now you're pregnant? My ward manager was fantastic in my first pregnancy and I think I only worked three nights all in, she purposely kept me off them because she said it was no good for the babies. Lovely woman!

@Bluebelltulip I'm glad all was ok once you got in. You must be finding this part of the pregnancy so difficult, do go in as often as you feel you need to even if it means camping in MAC.

@Rubyroost tooth issues are rubbish, especially when pregnant, I hope today's dentist trip sorts it out.

@InDreamland 25 weeks! So lovely you're getting booted now. I just can't wait to feel movement, I have a 100% anterior placenta record so far though due to retroverted uterus so I doubt it'll be for some time!

@Dimblebimble hope you get a listen in at 16 weeks! My first scan will be in 2/3 weeks and I'm bricking it, but hearing the heartbeat had definitely helped in the meantime.

@Squiff70 saw your other thread, you poor thing. I just wanted to be all alone when I had the twins, even my husband did my head in and the constant MIL/DP/SIL visits and interference disguised as help in the first few weeks were (in my opinion, after the fact) a massive reason for not getting breastfeeding established. Hope you can get her to back off and support from your DH in that. (Sorry, I should be writing this on the other thread but I've lost it again and am so shit at searching!!). FWIW this time I'm going to be telling everyone to leave me alone to get feeding established and do some proper bonding, even DH. MIL flew in from her ex-pat home last time and stayed 3 weeks and I was close to murder by the end of it!

@strawberrye I believe reusable pads are less likely to cause irritation/soreness. You can also buy little cups, I forget what they're called, that you leave in your bra and they collect the excess which you can then freeze. I never leaked but I did express colostrum in the weeks before birth and I'm so glad I did as at least my babies' first feeds were BM even if I never got established!

@coconutlatte44 so impressed with the park run! I'm really annoyed with myself for letting my exercise slide as I'm usually quite active with strength training and yoga. But I've stupidly associated my MCs with exercise and I've just been too scared this time even though I'm sure the exercise had nothing to do with it! Hoping to resume yoga and some low intensity resistance stuff in 2nd trimester when I feel a bit safer.

@InDreamland sorry your other half is being a lazy sod. Any chance you can have a reasonable conversation with him about how unfair his behaviour is on you? He will have to step up once the baby arrives, he may as well get some practice in.

@Kayjay2018 how lovely that you've had great results and told everyone. I honestly can't imagine spilling the beans - haven't even told parents yet...

@Twitwooo hope you're starting to feel better. Sickness must be awful, I find the pregnancy exhaustion hard enough to deal with without it, I can't imagine how you're functioning.

Have put my big girl pants on and joined the June thread (nice to see you there twittlebee!) 10 weeks tomorrow and I still haven't really acknowledged that it's happening but I guess it is, so will be nice to have some support from people at the same stage as well as you lovely lot.

@TwittleBee nearly missed your post there. What amazing news and yes what a bloody roller-coaster. Hope you're okay after all that! You're back sooner than you thought. x

Thanks for the advice @SunshineCrocodile I could ask to be moved to just days but our ward is so busy during the day that I think I would be just as exhausted. Also I'm one of three nurses who are pregnant on the ward and one of only a handful that can take charge so it is tricky. Plus also I'm thinking about my maternity pay and the more unsocial hours I do the better it will be. I will look into it if I continue to feel exhausted but think I just have to push through for a few more weeks at least!!

Yaaaaasssss @TwittleBee! Excellent news!

Good to hear from you @Lozzak87 and glad all is going well.

This stage must be so hard for you @Bluebelltulip but you absolutely did the right thing going in to get checked. When is your next appointment?

Sorry you've had a scare @Flyfisherlady. I bled all the way through my DD pregnancy and the sight of blood, no matter how small is just horrible. I still expect to see blood every toilet trip and I'm almost 32 weeks!

Well I've had a midwife app this morning. Second GTT was all fine so can conclude that Little Brother is just BIG! I'm supposed to be working from home today but I'm catching up on good-bad TV and eating cake in my pjs!!

Thank you @SunshineCrocodile and @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I've got a midwife appointment on Friday then scan with consultant on Monday so lucky not long.

@Lozzak87 sorry, I've just read my post back and realised how insensitive it sounded! I don't mean it really did the babies no good, just that she was a bit of a sentimental old softie who was prepared to give me an easier ride!

Whoops sorry for the mixup @rubyroost @indreamland!

Okay I've told work. I don't know why this makes me so nervous! My boss isn't even mean! I feel really tearful and sensitive in general at the moment, and really clingy to dh. Think it must be my hormones!

Out of interest, how much maternity leave is everyone planning on/thinking of taking? And how long before your due date do you think you'll leave? It's hard to know when you'll feel ready to go back when you have no idea what to expect! My maternity pay is less generous than I would have anticipated for a university (I appreciate it's still better than many places, just not what I had hoped for) - 18 weeks full pay, 8 weeks half pay, and then just SMP which isn't enough to cover my half of our monthly expenses (me and dh contribute equally). I'd like to take a year but it will mean a hit to my savings (we're saving to move to a nicer area when the baby is 3/4 so that they can go to a better nursery and school, as the ones round here are rated really low).

Also, I was thinking of keeping all of my annual leave allowance from this year, rolling it over, and adding it onto the end of my maternity leave. Can you do that? Or is it only allowed if work have expressly prevented you from taking your leave. Year runs sept to sept, and I haven't taken any so far. Jan to April is my busy teaching semester and I will be wrapping up all of my research projects, handing over etc. So not sure when I could actually afford to take time off before the baby comes...

@Dimblebimble oh that's sounds alright to me, but then it would. In teaching we get six weeks full pay 3 months half pay and then smp. My friend who had a well paid job in the finance sector only got smp. I took 6 months last time and it wasn't enough. Went back for 6 weeks and then had six weeks holiday. I was still b feeding ns had to pump etc. This time I'll be aiming for a year, but it depends on how my funds are going.

That is better than mine @Dimblebimble and I'm definitely taking a year again! I did with DD and loved it - they change so much so quickly that I found a year felt like we'd established who she was when I went back. Plus I was more confident settling her into nursery at closer to one year old. So my advice would be take as much time as you can!! With my work you accrue leave so I will tag that on and I will also do some Keeping In Touch (KIT) days which are paid and will help during the period where I get SMP. My DH is again covering the outgoings when I'm off. Appreciate that not everyone can do this but I don't feel it should be all on you to use your savings, we are caring for their child and probably saving nursery/childcare costs during the time we are off. Finally, I went off last time at 36 weeks and I'm going bang on 37 weeks this time. I commute into central London and find it hard already! But as I said to someone on here the baby could realistically come anywhere between 37-42 weeks so it's up to you to make the call.

Sorry @Dimblebimble just read that back and didn't mean to sound harsh over the savings! Re reading your post I'm not sure if it's your savings or joint for your move, so my apologies.

@Rubyroost that sucks :( I have a few friend in great jobs that get only SMP and others who get full pay for a year 😯 I feel like 6 months full pay should be standard. Do you feel you would have been ready to go back at 9 months? If I go back in February after 9 months I'll have to do my usual teaching (I only teach in the spring semester anyway, the rest it the time I just do research), so I'll be going back at the busiest time of year. Whereas if I go back in May after a year I'll have skipped my teaching for the year and will just have to do some summer supervisions. Trying to work out whether skipping the stress of those manic teaching weeks is worth the financial loss or not, and tbh I think it probably is.

Going back in May sounds tempting! I think 9 months is more doable. Mine was just settling down and sleeping through the night. He had a sahd so no sending him off to nursery which I think helped. I think the difficulty is maintaining a full time job and still b feeding, having sleepless nights etc, it certainly is a killer.