September 2019 #9 - for Twittlebee **title edited by MNHQ**

[IVEgottheDECAF]

New thread ladies as i feel the end of the last one may fill quickly following last nights news!

Once again congratulation Twittle & family

KnobJockey that isnt a bad idea to print out my blog as its all there how I remember it - or even use that to help create bullet points maybe.

I'm hoping to go to Sands monthly meetings starting 5th Sep, DH is going to come too.

Sleeping has started improving, especially past 2 nights but I think that is because I am back on Quetiapine which always knocks me out.

Kyles I finished reading Say His Name last night and it has actually helped reframe my mind to a bit of a better place now so hoping this more positive outlook lasts.

No antibiotics, turns out it isnt an infection (thankfully!) but just overdone it and muscles arent doing great so been told strictly not to even pick up my toddler or hoover or anything for another 2 weeks. So certainly no driving either

Good and bad then i suppose - well it's official dr advice now so I hope you do get some rest Mrs!

Just dropping in Twittle, while I can’t add to the wise advice I am still thinking of you and your family each day. Hope the support from the crisis team on Friday is helpful.

I was dithering about the private GBS testing but there’s now one sitting on my bedside table ready for taking the sample next week.

@TwittleBee
I am not part of this group so I hope you don’t mind me posting. I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read your story and have shed a tear myself this morning hearing about Roy. I am so sorry you have had to go through this.

One thing that struck me was about you and DH wanting your DC to be close in age, and how you worry about that not being the case now for any future DC - I just wanted to say that there are 3 years between my DC and they are teens now, but they are close and I love to see them both together with a very close bond, so please don’t worry about that for the future. ( I hope you don’t think that’s an insensitive thing to say)
I am glad you are seeking support for you and DH and it’s good you are doing it together where you can, it’s heartbreaking for you both, but as you so rightly say, it’s hard when your grief is taking you in different directions.

What a lovely support network you have here I am so glad you have had people to talk to with emotional and practical support.

Good luck x

Hope you get on ok today, fingers crossed you get a lovely person you click with x

Hi @TwittleBee how are you? Have you managed to get a bit of rest and avoid lifting/cleaning etc since seeing the doctor.

Still think of you and your family each day. Congratulations on the work promotion too, your strength really is incredible! Xx

Evening all

Fortheloveofscience hope the test comes back clear for you!

Hi Waterfallgirl thank you for taking your time to read about Roy and post. It is welcomed, you're one more person who knows Roy now. My 2 step sisters have a 3 year gap, they are super close now too (in their 20s). I guess we just see DH and BIL as having 7 years and aren't close at all (but then maybe that's more because BIL is a bit odd...)

I actually didn't go in the end kyles101 I rang up and cancelled because I couldn't face getting the bus with DS all that way, especially when they said they'll decide on the day whether my DS would be able to sit in on the session. I don't think it's the right support there and I have a counselling session on Tuesday through the hospice.

happydays yes I have managed rest! And I'm feeling so much better for it, no longer aching there so clearly just overdone it!

Emotionally I was doing better yesterday. My outlook was a lot more positive and when I thought about my babies it was with a smile and gratefullness that my Missed Miscarriage baby gave us so much joy in the time I was pregnant and shaped our lives in a positive way. Like Roy too, that time with him was so precious and he bought my and Jack's family so much closer together.

And so today I thought I could be emotionally strong enough to go along to the family day out at the beach and be better at watching Vinnie play with his cousins without that sadness engulfing me. I was wrong, and so I find myself tonight in a dark place once again. Not as dark as it was but still emotionally drained.

How is everyone doing? Weekend bought us any babies?

I'm glad you managed to get some rest and physically feel a little better. The fact that you have managed to find that positivity and happiness yesterday @TwittleBee is a huge achievement.

The grieving process is such a journey that you just cannot avoid, hopefully with time and support, you will continue to find more positive days and there will be more space between those dark days. Don't feel guilty for finding it hard to watch today, you are completely entitled to grieve and feel every emotion that comes with that. As always, sending you love and strength (and a bloody big hug!!)

Oh and no babies over the weekend. I think it's mine and @Stroan 's next week and then a few the week after if I recall correctly

Hi Twittlebee! How amazing are you that you are able to have a positive day yesterday, and that you are asking of us all? You truly are such a strong, kind woman. Please don't beat yourself up that you are feeling lower today- I think that better days can make the lows feel lower for a while, until you balance to it.

Sleep is a magical healer, I'm glad you're getting a bit more.

@TwittleBee it's going to be very up and down with the good and bad days. Today sounds like it was always going to be a tough one! The thoughts from yesterday, about the joy your babies did bring, sound so serene and lovely, and such a beautiful way to remember them. They are well loved.

So lovely to hear you talking about your babies that way twittle. Don't feel bad that you had a little slip back, I think that's completely normal with grief, little bit forward little bit back. You'll get there though, you will. Sounds like that rest has done you the world of good, keep it up.

Can't remember if I said but me and my little sister are so close, I think I mummy her a bit too, and there's 7 years (I think I lose track - I think I'm younger than I am!) between us.

Morning Twittlebee, how are you?

Morning, a little more positive today - had a good counselling session yesterday and have been told there is a bereaved parents event at the hospice which we are invited to so we can meet other parents and do some more keepsake makes. Feel like I might hopefully get a community around me with EACH.

I've also set up a Just Giving page for EACH as I think I am going to do some fundraising for them, might try a half marathon? There is a local one in March - is that enough time to go from no running to half a marathon? Eek.

I also had a lovely drawing created featuring me, DH and our 3 children and it shows our 2 of them are our angels.

How is everyone? Any updates?

Hi twittle, so lovely to hear you sounding more positive 💕 have you got anything exciting planned for the rest of the week / weekend?

Nothing yet although there are a couple of ladies booked in this week.

@twittlebee 6months is definately enough time to train for a half marathon, if you dont run I loved couch-5k app and parks runs to get started. It's such a good goal. Are you feeling ok physically?

I'm glad your council session went well, I just caught up with this weeks posts and cannot believe your GPs practice, the receptionist and Dr, why doesn't what happened get logged so they can show a modicum of sensitivity!
Keep thinking about you and your boys X

Twittle I'm so glad the counselling is useful! The picture sounds gorgeous too.

I'm glad the counselling is helping. The drawing sounds lovely and I think the marathon is a fab idea.
Sending love! You're doing amazing!!

kyles quite a busy weekend planned actually - It is my baby shower on saturday, well it was meant to be my baby shower and it kind of still is I suppose but rather than focusing on the baby to be it is celebrating the baby that was. Feeling a lot more positive about it, will be an emotional day but hopefully full of love and hope. Then Sunday, with a few friends, I am off to a charity summer party that will be in honor of angel babies so that will be another emotional but lovely day.

What about you? How are you doing? Bet you are all relieved that the weather is a lot cooler now!

BBell2 I think I am doing a lot better now physically. Actually last night I ran 5k in 30 minutes exactly! I am so chuffed with that. Thinking maybe 3 runs a week at 5k for next month to get started? Then move onto 10k runs next month?

DustyDoorframes and iano I've attached the picture - it probably isnt everyone's style but DH and I love it so much and I love the artist that does them, she is proper lovely.

Sending you all so so so much love and luck xx

Ah, that does sound like a lovely, very emotional weekend. Your picture is very cool, so totally unique.

Hmm, dh has a speed awareness course thing over in Nottingham... when he booked it I said I'd go shopping whilst he did it then we could go off for lunch somewhere... I'm thinking now I might just nap in the car then lunch

Well done on the running - I did c25k once and loved it... then winter came and I got unfit again - 5k off the bat is brilliant!! 2 or 3 runs max a week, maybe 2 at 5k but then a shorter one too. Or you could have a look at a proper half marathon training schedule, they're really good.

Love the picture twittle!

Wow, I'm super impressed that you are running at all yet, let alone 5k!
That's a lovely picture, and a lovely way to show your whole family.
It sounds like potentially quite a tough weekend, as well as a really nice one. Remember you can opt out whenever you need to, nobody will mind.

Oh love the picture!
Hope the weekend goes well. I'll be thinking of you. All sounds lots of fun.
I'm glad it's cooled down. Not been much fun in the heat.

Also impressed by the running! I need to get back to that after baby is born. The last time I went for a run was before my first was born . #fail!