September 2019 #9 - for Twittlebee **title edited by MNHQ**

[IVEgottheDECAF]

New thread ladies as i feel the end of the last one may fill quickly following last nights news!

Once again congratulation Twittle & family

Yep, I like for Twittlebee too x

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/3629473-September-2019-10

New thread

Agree

@Tefiti2 I've PM-Ed you.
I agree, we should leave this thread be as a place for condolences, and remembering. I would be inclined to leave the title, unless Twittle would like it changed, and avoid at-ing her.
She can come and look when she wants to, and if she wants to change it she can let us/Mumsnet know. Roy was here.
It's hard to second guess, and everyone has different reactions- which is good and proper. Puglover may have some insight, or may want to keep away from the thread for awhile.
Twittle you must be in such a strange place! You might need room or you might need people. You might not feel like you have a clue what you need.

Will be thinking of you twittle if you ever need anything please do get in touch x x

much love Twittle & Roy

Thinking of you Twittlebee. Rest in peace little Roy.

Has someone messaged mumsnet re the title of the thread and changing to thread # 9 - for twittlebee? I've got no idea how to do that, is it a case of reporting a post?

Done.

Ty karigan

How is everyone else today?

Twittlebee I was sorry to hear your devastating news this morning. I just wanted to let you know that you and Roy have not been far from my thoughts. I have so much admiration for your strength and what an amazing mum you are. Sending lots of love xxxx

I posted on the wrong thread

So so sorry to hear your news Twittlebee.

I have only just been able to check this thread and I am devastated to hear about Roy. I'm a long time lurker pretty much from the beginning and was rooting for him to be okay. So much love and support being sent to you @TwittleBee, we will all be thinking of you and your family xxxx

Twittle we were on another thread together some time ago. I'm so, so sorry about the death of your sweet boy. There's no words but I'm sending my best wishes and good thoughts to you and your whole family (including lovely little Roy). Take care of yourself x

Thank you everyone and I do appreciate the title change too.

Sitting here crying on my own in the NICU parents room. I've been up since 4am unable to sleep. I can't wake DH because I just feel so guilty about everything. I know I didn't kill my baby but I just feel like I failed him. He is also in our room, he has his own little crib and we bathed and dressed him yesterday. He looks so beautiful and peaceful. I know he's gone but all I want to do is cuddle him but DH doesn't want him to be touched now as he wants his little body to rest; which I do totally get, especially after we had a photographer come and take photos with him. Felt so wrong to be posing with our dead baby but I want photos to remember him by.

I'm sorry I know this is gonna be an essay but I just need to get this all out.

Today marks the due date of our missed Missacraige and I can't stop thinking how I should be pregnant still but somehow I've lost two babies instead and I'm sitting here not pregnant and not holding my babies.

My boobs hurt so much, I've got so much fucking milk because I was working so hard to establish my supply ready for Roy. But he never got to have any. My c section scar hurts every time i cry too and it just reminds me how fucking empty I am now.

I just wanted a baby, a sibling for my DS so bad.

Can't stop thinking about how he must have been in pain, I look at his face and his lips are so sore from the breathing tube.

Also, no one told us at the time, but he was actually resuscitated at birth. We heard him cry at first but then he gave up and I can't stop thinking how that might have been better for him, to have stayed gone then. 5 days of being hooked up to so much, what sort of life was that for him

Just jumping in to give @TwittleBee a huge hug. I am so, so sorry to hear the awful news of your baby boy. I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling right now. Sending lots of love to you at this horrid time xx

Thank you Bentley I really do need one so badly right now xx

Oh @TwittleBee
I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. Two such awful losses, I don’t know how you get through this, but you will for your other son.

I think what you are thinking and feeling is entirely normal though, you would be worrying in a different way had Roy not been resuscitated- what if he had a chance etc.
You gave him a chance of life and he was loved are cared for in that short time. There are never any rights and wrongs in that situation-it’s just all bloody hard.

I can imagine seeing how tough it was in his little body is very upsetting, it is good to let all those feelings out so if it helps to do that hear we will all listen and support.

Honestly @TwittleBee I really am thinking of you. My baby was due today too, I've been awake since silly o'clock thinking about what should have been, but this truly puts it into perspective. I hope you have lots of support in RL, make sure you take as much time as you can & please don't feel like you failed your baby boy - you absolutely didn't.
I have no idea what to say to comfort you right now but if you need an ear, I'm here xx

@twittlebee I'm not pregnant but we were on a miscarriage thread together once and I saw your name in active threads.

I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy and the baby before him. I cant imagine how you must be feeling. Life is so very cruel and unfair to some.

My heart breaks for you and your family @TwittleBee, an unthinkable situation I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. Sending you lots of love and prayers that you and your family will get through this! Your little boy will always be with you❤️

A few friends have mentioned that I could donate my breast milk? Will they actually want mine?

Definitely one to ask the nurses, but I would hope they could find a home for it.

I appreciate that your DH wants Roy to rest, and I can understand why, but I personally think that if you want to cuddle him then cuddle him, what can be more resting than a cuddle with mum? And you can't think about him in pain, the doctor's won't have let him be in pain- you told us he was fighting the sedation, if he had been in pain his body wouldn't have let him do that! He was here because he wanted to show you all what a brave, strong boy he was, to meet you all and to give you memories to cherish forever.

Just do the best you can to cherish this time, as hard as it is, we are all sending you so much love and hugs to help give you the strength to get through it xx