December 2019-Thread 2

[BostonFern]

Kicking off a new thread since the last one if nearly full!

@fonxey thank you!!! The things there are so colourful and pretty! I've splurged a bit in the sale, but I know I'll be back there before and after I give birth

That's what i love about frugi. Also found something called blade and rose... Look it up. I haven't got anything from there yet. This all seems expensive for things ttyl grow out of in a flash.

But i don't like the pastelly coloured clothes you get in many other shops.

I've also found a ship called sprout on not on the highstreet website. Gorgeous.

I know it's still a bit early but when is everyone thinking of starting mat leave I'm thinking 37+5 but not sure if that's a bit selfish?

I dunno. I was thinking of leaving it until as late as possible. But i don't know. See how i feel. I don't want to be stuck at home bored but i don't want to be blobbing about at work but able to do much.

@smartcarnotsosmartdriver I'm thinking maybe 35/36 weeks as I have a good amount of holiday to use up! And with DD I finished just before 37 weeks and she was born 3 days later, I barely had any downtime between manic work and then a newborn and regretted a bit... this time there'll be no downtime with a 4 year old but at least I won't have the double pressure or child + work.

Earlier today DD felt a kick for the first time 😍 she was so happy! Every time DH tries to feel it baby stops, like the second he comes near me 😂

@fonxey blade and rose! Again, thank you! 😍 (Payday is Friday... C'mon now!)

Has anyone got their mat b1 forms? I've no idea where/how I get one.

Mat leave; I'm thinking I'll leave it to 39 weeks. Pushing it maybe, but I can wfh now so I only have to go in two days a week if I plan well. If I have any leave, I might tack it on, may as well.

@JayDot500 I had a minor booboo and accidentally bought octopus thoughts, matching top and socks.

And the other day i found a cute fluffy all in one outdoor thingy in Tesco that looks like Totoro (if you are familiar with Studio Ghibli...)

And then i discovered Kite clothing and might have bought a couple of things... LaLaLaLa...

My oh keeps glaring at me. He thinks I've bought too much. I need to stop now. I'm buying addressee of time too. Oh dear... Help! I hope she'll be able to wear them.

I'm worried i haven't got her enough wintery things. And the heading bill this year will be through the roof seeing as usually of course we're at work or out more than at home.

I have all long sleeved things and some jumpers and things... And cardigans are being knitted.

Someone tell me to stop buying things. They are all so cute.

@fonxey that was my original thought but with my PGP I'm just not sure that I'll make it that far along. I can't work from home at all and have about a 40 min commute each way.

@codenameduchess that's so lovely that your daughter got to feel! My DH felt bump moving the other day although I was lying in bed the other night and he was kicking so hard I could see my belly moving!

@JayDot500 I got mine at my 23 week app last week, they can't be issued until past 20 weeks and that was the first app I had since 20 weeks, my work then told me what my may pay will be and it's not great but we'll get by.

@codenameduchess actually reminded me i have any 2 weeks leave to use... So will probably tack that on. Good idea.

I actually probably need to talk to hr and apply for it...

But my oh and i are still trying to figure it out. Are any of you going to use shared parental leave? DP wants to have a couple of months with the child.

But we aren't sure when to be honest and in still lost as to how it works.

How will he get paid, if i take off all the paid part of the leave will he get paid much at all?

Confused. Definitely would be nice to have a couple of months together as a family. Why does work, money and a mortgage have to get in the way?

Aww it's great you guys have been able to share your kicks with your family. I've only just started to feel mine and they are still slight!

@fonxey you won't be able to take time off together with shared leave, rather than one parent taking all of the 52 weeks (39 paid and the rest unpaid if I remember correctly) with shared leave it is split, so say you take the first 6 months and then go back to work, your partner could then take the rest, or a portion of it. The time can't overlap because 2 people can't claim statutory pay for the same child. I believe statutory pay remains the same, but your partner would need to check his companies policy to see if he would get any enhanced pay.

If you want time as a family it would be unpaid leave or holiday for one of you, handy being December babies as there's a potential for longer paternity leave with the bank holidays.

No, we can take it together, i have asked. The first 6 weeks is full pay for me at least... But I'd rather it be his pay than mine! As he earns quite a bit more.

But no we can take it together. If we took it all off together at the same time i can't remember how it works at all but we'd just end up with 25 in total before having to go back to work.

So if he takes 2 months of it means i just have to go back to work 8 weeks Beeche i would had i taken it all for myself.

Obviously if we take it together we'd be kinda poor and probably not being paid or much. But we entitled.

Ah when I asked our hr they told me no way! Hah I should know better than to rely on their 'advice' by now 😂

Having looked a bit deeper though, it appears to be just the statutory pay that is covered - so partner can get the £148 statutory for any weeks the mother doesn't use so you can share the 39 weeks. Not sure how that works with enhanced packages, eg. If both employers would pay higher contributions.

I know with DH he doesn't get anything above the statutory amount, so any time off would mean we were significantly worse off by both dropping to less than half our normal weekly pay if we were to have a block together... my maternity package isn't great either, manageable but still a massive drop!

Hi all, I hope you're all keeping well. Haven't been on in ages but I see I'm not the only one thinking about figuring out my maternity leave! I'd love to go a little early because I've had a really rough few months (not even including the pregnancy, though overlapping with it!) and I know I'll have a really busy next few months, so I am going to be tired by the end!!! But of course I want to have as long as possible after Baby gets here, so don't want to cheat myself out of that either!

Other than being generally busy, things are good with the baby! Had my 20 week scan on Friday and all is looking good I was really nervous before it. To to be honest, the sonographer didn't help as she was quite put out at how much the baby was moving - it made it hard to get measurements - but I took the movement as a good sign of health and all the indicators looked good too The sonographer confirmed that baby is a girl She's a bit smaller than average but is a good size and growing well, and I guess there have to be healthy babies both smaller and bigger than average for an average to even exist. Besides, I am quite short! The sonographer wasn't worried at all.

I'm feeling movements now but have an anterior placenta so apparently that's cushioning kicks and making them feel milder for me and will make it more difficult for anyone to feel her through my tummy. Still, I like feeling her! They feel more like random pulses to me than anything else.

Bought a changing bag on Friday after my scan to celebrate and now starting to look at preparing properly. I see some of you have been shopping from the last few posts, so I'm going to go back and read for recommendations! Happy shopping, all!

@fonxey @codenameduchess my understanding is that you’re both right. @fonxey you can both take time off together but as I understand it you can’t both get statuary pay during that period unless one of you is back at work. The exception to this is paternity pay which is usually 2 weeks and can be taken at any time. So scenario 1: parent a and parent b take the first two weeks. Parent a is entitled to 6 weeks on full pay so stays at home for first 6 weeks and parent b goes back to work for 4 weeks. Parent b is entitled to 11 weeks on full pay so a covers weeks 7- 11 whilst parent a is back at work. In week 12 either parent a or b stays at home and the other stays at work. The parent at home now receives statuary pay until week 26. So it’s a full tag team

Scenario b: parents a and b both take the first 8 weeks off. Parent b claims paternity leave but receives no other pay until he returns to work

Scenario 3: mum stays at home for the first 9 months receiving maternity pay and statuary. Dad goes back to work during the entirety of this period. Then months 9 to 12 mum goes back to work. Dad takes paternity leave for 2 weeks and takes the rest completely unpaid (based on a non enhanced policy)

@Fuiseog congratulations on your scan and news of a girl. How amazing! I have a small one too. Do you remember your percentiles?

It will be exciting shopping now!

Is anyone sporting maternity wear yet? I'm in desperate need of leggings / jeans but not sure where to go 🤔

@CourgetteAndCrisps I've been in it a good few weeks now... I'm genuinely massive! Definitely wasn't this big first time, I was in my normal clothes up to about 30 weeks.

I have some over bump jeans from Matalan that are fab and a few bits from new look, and with DD I has leggings from Asda that we're really comfy! Asda's maternity wear is nice, and lasts well without spending a fortune. On the pricier side Jojo maman Bebe maternity wear is lovely.

Thanks, @elephantmarch ! I'm delighted The sonographer didn't actually mention the percentile and I never thought to ask at the time, which is a shame. Surely she would have said it if it was notably low though. I'd like to ask in future but I imagine that's the last scan! We'll just have to see what she's like when she arrives!

@CourgetteAndCrisps I've been in some maternity wear for a few weeks now, gathering one or two items each week for about the last month to keep me comfortable.
I'm 20+6 today and the looser of my normal clothes still fit - t-shirts, loose dresses etc. and definitely sweatshirts and jumpers - but they're certainly not disguising anything I don't mind as I've told people now (as of this week, all my closest friends and family know, but it took till now as I wanted to tell them in person). Jeans, skirts and most of my dresses are another story though. Turns out that most of my clothes have been very fitted around the waist, and my waist no longer exists!

I bought some maternity dresses from New Look, BooHoo and one from TopShop that I really love (the TopShop one was expensive but sooooo comfy and really nice - that and the New Look ones are my favourites). I also picked up maternity jeans from TopShop. I had planned on getting them in M&S or Next, but it turns out they don't stock the maternity wear in store here, only online, and I felt I needed to try them on as this body shape is brand new to me! One massive challenge I found with maternity clothes is that lots of shops seem to have maternity ranges and petite ranges but little to no maternity stock for petite women. I am short and growing outwards is not going to make me taller! The TopShop jeans cost more than I intended to spend, but by the day I got them I legitimately had no jeans that fit anymore and almost no trousers at all! Also, they are not too long, which was a massive plus. Even though my bump wasn't huge at the time and I could just have gone up a size, I didn't see the point as I would only grow out of them too. Two weeks after getting the jeans, I am so glad as my bump is still smallish but a lot lot bigger than a fortnight ago!
Overall I've been trying to buy things that I will be happy to wear post-baby when nursing (if I can), that are comfortable, and that I can just keep cycling through till the baby arrives so it doesn't feel wasteful. It's been very nice here so I've needed light dresses, which means I'll need more jumpers etc in a month or two but also planning on layering with what I have if possible!

I've had to tell my manager today. I've applied for the promotion i really wanted, interviews are the day before I have to tell her (and she's interviewing) so I thought it was better to say now before shortlisting rather than hide it until the day of interviews....

She asked if I want to withdraw my application because of baby! I'm furious, because she's discounted me immediately because I'm pregnant and sad because I have no real choice than to leave this job after maternity leave because there won't be any other chances at progression. Pretty effective maternity discrimination and nothing I can do about it.

But, it's out there now at least. Haven't exactly been hiding it anyway but it's a relief to just day it's baby and I've not just gone completely off the diet!

I don't think she's allowed to do that I'd speak to maternity action.

@codenameduchess that sucks and is definitely discrimination! Pity it has come down to this now - but I'd find a better company to work for. What decade are we in that stuff like that still happens?

Anyway, it will be your company's loss in the end.

She's not, but she'll nitpick every little thing and find ways to make sure I don't get the job without having it in writing it's because I'm pregnant (even though I'm doing the job now!).
It's really hard to prove maternity discrimination like this, if she'd not messed around for so long it would have been fine, it's just taken 8 months to advertise the job. If offers were enough before I had to tell her I'm pretty confident I'd have got it though 😭

I've got feelers out elsewhere though, i need to be picky as I can't take a pay cut and don't want to loose flexi time.

Only 14 weeks until pre maternity leave holiday starts!

@codenameduchess I've got my fingers crossed for you. Also we're finishing up on the same date I think!