Pregnancy after loss: spring 2019 edition (The Brexit Babes) 🐧

[PassTheAfterEights]

Extra supportive pregnancy journey thread for grads of the penguin huddle and anyone due spring 2019 after a long and bumpy road.

All welcome 🐧

Thread commandments:

Thou shalt share and not apologise for any neurosis or worry

Thou shalt shuffle immediately to the centre of the huddle when feeling vulnerable or hopeless

Thou shalt share all photographs and good news and celebrate raucously that of others

Thou shalt not apologise for TMI, or pearl-clutchy words and language

Thou shalt add your handle, age, number of DC and EDD when joining the thread to roll call so we know where everyone is (thanks!)

May our beans snuggle down, heads stay steady & the elastic on our waistbands quickly snap x

@happysbno4 that’s not on. Just because he’s 100% set on a name doesn’t mean you have to agree to is. It’s a joint decision, he can’t just dictate ‘it’s this and that’s it’
You have every right to veto his preferences as he did to yours.

So a vaguely intriguing topic! Time shifts and morning sickness. I'm on a -10hour time shift at the moment. So for you guys it's evening and here it is 6.30am. I was super lucky on the flight that my morning sickness wasn't too bad on the way to the airport, slightly set off by the bus transfer but I feel like actually by getting up at 4am and eating straight away I beat it! I didn't each much but small and little. ~24 hours later on the last flight (which was then ~9pm on the same day for me!), I felt the normal morning sickness kick in. But I only had to stay awake for two hours and so I think I slept through it. Now, I'm having gloriously sick free mornings right through until maybe 4pm or 5pm when I start feeling a bit grim and then it maxxes out at about 8pm but then I go to bed! So I'm taking bets on how long it takes for the morning sickness to go back to mornings!!

@HalfBloodPrincess I agree it's none of her business however...we didn't tell the mother we got married, and the shit really hit the fan on that. I believe that when she was told by the kids she didn't make a very good attempt to hide her emotions and it really impacted on the kids. I was wondering if it was kind of similar to when you tell someone who has had a mc that you're pregnant by text, so they've got some time to process it before they react? I don't know. I've got loads of time to plan. I wish she'd support us with the message "daddy won't forget you" but worry she will stir. Hopefully my fears are totally unfounded!

Having spoken to DH he thinks DSD won't show for Christmas because she really is in a tizz at the moment, and if so we'd wait til new year so we can't be accused of "ruining Christmas". It's kind of sad that I have to worry myself thinking about this. I'll just have to take things one step at a time but most importantly at the moment DH has told me I'm right and he agrees with me. And I do love being right and him agreeing with me.

@Happysbno4 my argument with my DH is that he is getting his surname in the child's name therefore he has to take lower priority on the forename. What's the surname situation with yours? He wasn't allowed any input on the previous two children's names so I hope we can find a compromise that primarily I want but he likes!! Did you have input on the names of the other children? Strangely I feel that because he's had kids before, I should deserve to chose the name of the baby anyway, even though he didn't really get to choose last time! I think it's fair to say firmly (if you want compromise) that it's the case that parents choose names jointly so if the forename is from one parent you need to take some input from the other parent in the middle name. You've got loads of time to negotiate (ie get your way)

I am constantly desperate for a shag. Even the moment after a shag. DH worried about knocking baby out but I need action (lols).

@xJune88 hope you're doing ok especially after having your car smashed into.

@Happysbno4 choosing the name is always a minefield but at least we get 9months to figure it out.

@frankiefumbles - your morning sickness has jet lag... but glad you are resting and enjoying.

Surname is an odd one with us as i still use my married name to be the same as my older children. I really need to change it but professionaly its not a good move. And ive used my married name as long as my madien....child bride! Any suggestions?

We are not engaged and marriage is not something I'm concerned with. So happy baby will have dad's surname. Perhaps I should tell him that! I could change my mind...

@xjune88 how are you doing? Don't be afraid to ask for help thease hormones are a nightmare and a bit like being drunk everything is elculated in our heads over anayalised and messed up. Sending you hugs.. x

Yeah all good thankyou thinking of stepping back abit as im getting too obsessed and involved and I'm scared to. Baby was fine measuring bang on bleed has gone 8+5 xx

@xJune88 I'm glad all is ok and the bleed is gone.

When are you all telling your work?

@xJune88 So glad all went well with the scan, sometimes a little bit of time out is a good idea.
@Pancakes7 I’ve told everyone now!!... Finished telling friends and people at work this week. I’m 15+2 today and can’t hide it any longer 🙈

@Maydot Aw how lovely. I'm 8 weeks today. So still too early. I'm just wondering I know people tell after 12 week scan normally. But as they do tests and you have to wait for results. I'm wondering if I should wait till results are all good and then tell? When did you tell?

@Pancakes7 we told close family and friends a week after the scan, we didn’t have the results back yet but assumed they were low risk as we hadn’t heard anything. We then waited for the results to tell our friends and people at work.
My Manager knew at about 8 weeks because I worked from home on a few days if I was tired or felt sick or had appointments.

Congrats @xJune88 so glad all went well with you're scan. Totally understand the needing to take time out- helps sometimes & tbh whatever you need to do to get through this time as it's tough.

@Pancakes7 I told people at work today! Was really nervous about it but we had our monthly group meeting with everyone there this morning so figured was the best time to do it and waiting another month things might be a bit obvious by then- already struggling hiding now! Am 14+4 weeks. Had my nhs screening results back a week and a bit ago plus dating scan was ok so figured as reassured as will be for a while- though still feeling cautious/nervous even now! Xxx

Thanks @Maydot and @Jessabean I think I'll wait till after scan and results to tell work. I still worry what if something goes wrong. Even after having the good scan at 7 weeks +2. I'm thinking of booking a scan for 9 or 10 weeks but DH says just wait for nhs scan. Saying I can't have a scan every week. Which I guess is true. I just need to try and believe and remember this is a different pregnancy with all good signs so far. But its difficult.

I told some people at work as I’m a teacher and I need to pop to the toilet more often. Also if the worse happens I need them to understand why I would be so upset.

@Happysbno4 if I wasn't married, the baby would have my surname for sure. So I think that's generous. However if the baby had your old married name to match the older children - eek. But it's another point in your corner. If baby has his surname then surely it's fair to try and match up baby's name with the existing children to make them feel more of a unit?

@Maydot well done. Big step. I'm still hoping to hide it until Christmas at least. First baby so hoping it'll tuck in neatly or at least be slightly obliterated by my cake fat layer ;)

@Pancakes7 yes you can lol!! ;) I have booked one at week 9 when I get back with my mate (think of it as best friend bonding!) purely because she wants to see. It's a good excuse and we could normally get through £80 on dinner and wine out. That's my excuse.

@Pancakes7 ps those scans did even up and we are date buddies now!

@frankiefumbles Oh great, date buddies!!

Hey how is everyone? Glad to see @xJune88 had a good scan and all is well!

I'm back at work now, much to my horror, the sickness has hit a peak and I'm just having the worse time trying to keep anything down! Feel like I'm going to be sick all day and night 😩 it's bloody horrible! Work have been good tho and v understanding with my frequent toilet trips! I'm 8+2 today and pretty much everyone knows now as it's so hard to hide for me with my sickness!

Still having discharge turned pink today :( had enough just feels so similar to last time. Hate been scared and worrying every single day! X

@kisses4u Aw no you poor thing, being sick is awful. I hope it eases soon. I feel sick all the time the last 2 weeks but not being sick. Am finding it very difficult to find things to eat that don't make me feel nauseous. Cheese sandwiches were my go to and ready salted crisps. But that suddenly I couldn't hack either. Going to try cheese and crackers for dinner. @xJune88 So sorry you're having this worry. If you're concerned maybe contact your GP ir epu? Big hugs

Don't see what they can do to be honest feel like I'm just guna have to wait and see what happens. Nothing can be stopped fingers crossed it's nothing x

@xJune88 They can check you and put your mind at rest if all is ok. But up to you, what you do. Try to get rest.

@xJune88 I hope everything is ok, waiting is awful too. Are you going to try the EPU? I think that this stage do whatever you can to make yourself feel better.

@pancakes7 I am also considering another scan. Had my checking in app today and she was obviously talking about later events and I just kept thinking... am I definitely having a baby though?! Just feels very uncertain. I almost went for one last night but I think I am going to try and hold out until Friday when all being well I will be at 9+3.

I didn't know anything about the screening they do at 12 weeks. Feels like that could lead to some pretty huge decisions, certainly makes me think of things I hadn't considered before. Must mention it all to DH so he can have a think about it all too.

How Is everyone?

xxx

@Dreaminofholidays Yeah I'm thinking of booking a scan for 9 weeks or 10. I might just do it, it's only £60. Yes the tests have made me decide to wait till we get all clear before telling people. Just incase. I am feeling so much sicker and uncomfortable this time so I think last times possibly my hormomes were at a much lower level as I felt naseous but nothing like this. This gives me hope. Starting to believe we will have our baby in May.

I have woken to some pink spotting I was just starting to think I might have a successful pregnancy. Feeling very worried I’m not going to bother ringing epu as they won’t scan at the weekend unless it gets worse.