Due in June - am I unreasonable to expect the nanny to give birth for me?

[hollyandalice]

Chicks???

Oooo I didn't know that derlor, thanks! I shall buy some now and start taking it on my edd! I'm so frightened about the pooing!

That is if the baby is not born before my edd, though that is highly unlikely!

Hollyalice - have you seen the thread about the bags at sainsburys ?

My MW didn't shove anything up my bum from what I remember!

Yeah, I read it yesterday jbm! That reminds me, must go to bed soon so I can be sparkly and bright for my early morning shopping tomorrow!

They are still selling for £70 on ebay !!

Oh god (first timer who is quivering now)

So is it best to have sloppy pooh after the birth? Normal laxatives don't touch my bowels - I need hard core double doses!
Would it be easier to have a colonic irrigation? - No pushing required - it's just hoovered out??????

I have chafed myself quite badly in the past (horse riding) in the fanjio region, and have had to wee in the bath to ease the stinging! Is the first wee after birth a bit like that?

Have I said too much?

I don't remember painkillers up my bum. Just the aforementioned reflection of my episiostomy (sp?) in the tv opposite the bed.

Its madness, I tell you! The world has gone mad!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no hope of getting one. Am sure I will be at the bottom of the scrum, being pregnant and all. It won't stop the Wandsworth mums trampling over my belly to get at them!

DKMA, yes, wee in the bath or shower. Also, keep some Ice Pops in the freezer. You can wrap them in a hanky and put them in your pants for extra relief (and less bulky than a packet of frozen peas).

DKMA it is def better to have sloppy poo afterwards. Thelast thing you want to have to do is push it out! You'll be fine though if you prepare for it. No-one warned me about it so I didn't know and didn't prepare for the hell! As long as you eat loads of dried fruit and take something to help you'll be fine. Oh and weeing in the bath helps as does pouring water over your fanjo as you wee! Can get messy, but def helps!

glad to hear we all thirsty - thanks for making me feel normal

Oh my god....
So in those early days when everyone and their grandmother are coming around to visit the new baby - I will be wondering around the house with a pop-ice in my pants???!!! And the bath half full of pissy water?!!!!
LOL! I can't wait?!!

people are actually paying £70 for that?

DKMAFME - but still they come. Especially the MIL

No, you'll be stuck in the toilet trying to poo/crying because your milks come in/crying because its day 10 and we lose our minds that day after giving birth/or feeling hopelessly inadequate as all these people with normal lives pop in and then pop out to return to their fucking normal lives in the fucking real world....

... oh dear. I think I should go to bed, I'm scaring myself...

yup i'd advise starting to take senna or whatever from a couple of weeks prior to EDD makes it easier for baby to come out if you are not full of poo and reduces risk of needing the sieve for the water birthers!!!

would we be more likely to poo during labour though? I've shat infront of 6 midwives, 4 best friends and DP so far. Would rather not do it this time if it could be helped!

LOL at your kind words for the 1st timers Foxy - tell it like it is

oh Foxy why change the habbits of a lifetime??
was that before or after you shoved that bottle of lactulose up your bum

First timers - tell yourself "it can't be that bad" and you'll be fine.

As for the rest of us - we know the truth!

Have to go to bed now. If I'm still up when DP comes home he'll think his lucks in.

Night all, sleep well xxx

Am laughing out loud Derlor - either at you or at myself I'm not sure!

Hysterically.

Am glad we can all face up to the harsh reality to come. (At least THAT WOMAN that was stalking DH when DS2 was born won't be coming round this time. And his SIL probably won't come cos she fell out with his daughter. And my BIL won't cos he doesn't like me/women in general/babies - not sure which. Doesn't leave too many undesirables really.)

There is one good thing I will get out of it. If DH actually gets to take his 2 weeks he has asked for/been promised, given the fact that there is an ickle baby in the house to cuddle (rather than just an almost manic depressive wife who isn't 21 anymore and two very individual personalitied boys), he won't be rushing off to work on a whim every few minutes. Especially if it's a girl.

Delor... I seem to have no room for pooh in me at the moment! I seem to be operating the one meal in - one meal out policy. I have never been so regular! Is that normal? I think if I took laxatives now I could literally shit through the eye of a needle!

How is a vain girl like me going to cope with visitors in those first few weeks?
Would it be unreasonable to have a note on the front door saying 'fuck off unless you've been invited'? Do you think?

Think I might get a note like that on the front door - could I leave it there for always though?

I once read another book, think it was the memoirs of a district nurse. Probably best not to try epsom salts to bring on labour!!!

(The novel I mentioned the other day about toothbrushing your nipples described labour as "like having a really big shite".)

Oh the beauty of childbirth. Men would never do it.

Think DH lied... am going to bed, soonish.