November 2017 #5. You wait ages for a baby, then 3 come along at once. Ante/post-natal chat ...

[Zampa]

No specific post-natal category so I've added it to the normal ante-natal category ...

@butterybollocks quite jealous of your long sleeps!

@butterybollocks Managed 3 hours altogether with her in the cot then took her into OH and left! Got another 2 hours after that so manageable.

DD1 still asleep so staying in bed for as long as possible!

That's not too bad @zampa - 5 hours is my cut off point for feeling human. Anything less than that in total and I need extra caffeine to get through the day!

@lydiangel83 I am under no illusion that these long sleeps will last!

I’ve paid for the term now at a Music Bugs course which I’m told is a lot like Baby sensory (which was £80 per term 😳!) without the cliquey mums. I’ve spoken to 3 different women who said they’ve encountered some form of snobbery, exclusion, bullying or nastiness at one of these groups and I just can’t believe people would treat one another like that! We are all in the same exhausted, trying to keep it together, sleep-deprived boat, surely we can also be nice to one another? The Music Bugs group is lovely, I was so nervous about going but everyone is really friendly and sweet even though I’ve been late both times I’ve gone! I was so nervous about going having heard horror stories. I have paid for a course of swimming lessons which were expensive but I kind of expected that to be, and I start on Monday but I’m really nervous about going now! Have any of you guys encountered nastiness at a group before?? Xx

I've never encountered nastiness but I only ever went to one playgroup with DD1 and made some great friends there.

I like to think that our little group of people were welcoming to new people joining but maybe we came across as closed. I hope not!

I think some mums go to these things with one or two people they already know and aren't interested in widening their social circle. This can really affect those who join the group not knowing anyone. I felt like this at the ante-natal yoga class I went to with DD1. I ended up in tears at OH after a few of those classes, as I was obviously a hideous person that no-one wanted to befriend!

I haven't encountered nastiness as such but didn't make friends at baby sensory, although DD is now at school with some of the babies from there and I chat to their mums now in the playground. I've made friends on the school run and luckily a few of those mums have babies.

I went to my first baby massage class last week. The massage bit was nice but then there was about half an hour of 'advice'. It was basically that if we leave our babies to cry they'll be like children in Romanian orphanages and end up killing themselves as adults , but if we respond to them they'll be confident and independent. I am not a fan of crying it out techniques but it was a little extreme. She also said we only have to be amazing mothers two thirds of the time - well, thanks for that but I'm just trying to survive a new baby at the moment, never mind being amazing. And then there was much ranting about children playing on devices. DD had a tablet for Christmas.
I kept quiet and just drank my hot chocolate but I did feel for the first time mums in the room and I'm a bit annoyed that half the session was taken up with parenting advice which isn't what I signed up for.
I think it didn't set people up to be relaxed and get to know each other.

I completely agree with you haz that we're all going through this new baby stuff and I can't understand why people can't just be kind and supportive and not judgey.

@Zampa yes I can see that some people go in pairs I just find it sad so many women feel isolated in these months, and when they do try to get out and socialise they are knocked down! A girl I know who had her daughter the week before me told me the other day she went to a group where half the people knew each other, and the other half of the class knew each other. They all got talking to each other in their respective halves and completely ignored her as the only person there alone, and afterwards one half of the group were going to a nearby cafe for breakfast, and they invited the other half of the group, so she was the only person in this class not asked to join them for breakfast. I just think it’s so cruel!

I am going to kill my sister. She is flying home from Australia and tried to FaceTime me at 3.30 this morning and woke up Tilly! Last night she didn’t wake up for her 3-4am feed but tonight she would not settle back, I resisted picking her up until 5.30 but have broken now lol xx

Oh god @buttery that sounds awful!! I want to do baby massage as I do rub cream on Tilly after her bath and sing and she calms down so much after the excitement of bath time, so to know how to do it properly would be great. Yes I think half the time the teachers can be just as judgey! There was a woman I saw at the tongue tie clinic and she was adamant that I should breastfeed for at least a year (when all other healthcare professionals have said I shouldn’t pressure myself and just do what makes me and Baby happy/comfortable) and started going on about all sorts of scary things like breast cancer etc! Not what I wanted to hear with a 3 week old who couldn’t latch properly 😒 xx

I just wanted to share... the last two nights J has slept from 8.30pm to 6.30am without a wake up!!! So very proud of him 😜😜😜

He had his 6 weeks check at 11 weeks yesterday and all is perfect with him. He has shot up to a whopping 12lb so now almost doubled his birth weight.

Ah well done baby J @Durez! I’m very jealous but also very happy for you :) x

That's brilliant @durezidal! I wish good sleep for all of us, but you must really need it because you're working. Hope all is OK on your yard today if you had the crazy gales last night.

Aldi and Lidl have started their baby events today - I got a bit excited! Got some lovely organic cotton cardies from lidl and some Muslins and nursery wall stickers from Aldi

Ohhh thanks for that @butterybollocks - I'm heading to Aldi in a bit to get nappies. Will have a mooch whilst i am there

The Lidl organic baby clothes are lovely @butterybollocks I got some for Iris in the last baby event & they're lovely & soft. DS has had a few bits from there too & they wash & wear really well. I might pop to Aldi tomorrow

Iris is becoming more and more of a Velcro baby. I've only been able to put her down for a maximum of 10 minutes at a time today. Poor DS was so desperate to okay with me, in the end we were doing puzzles one handed on the floor with my other hand trying to placate iris. He was so good about it. She wouldn't even settle in her vibrating chair today & that normally does the trick. We haven't been out today so I'm wondering if that's part of it. She sleeps so well at night which I am so thankful for but I could do with an hour at home in the day where she sleeps & I can play with DS or run the hoover round or put washing on.

DD2 has a tendency, when she's feeding and feeling uncomfortable, to come off my breast taking my nipple with her, clamped between her gums. OW! Dreading her doing that once she had teeth!

God this weather is absolutely vile! It makes my job so much harder... but then I got home at 6pm and got to have a lovely long bath with Mr J which was heaven. He absolutely melts my heart because the moment he sees me, no matter what he is doing, he gives me the biggest smile!!!

Aww @DuRezidal how old is he now?

Hi all. Sorry I have been quiet on here but have just read though and I completely agree with what you are all saying. It's so so hard in these first 3 months. Dh has gone back to work and it's just me and e for the whole day then dh comes home and me and e pretty much go straight to bed and it's e and I alone again! Have had a really low week with lots of crying. It's easy to say to go out to mum groups but what if you don't have the confidence? Or your baby is very grizzly/cries a lot/ colic and reflux? I love him dearly but it is sometimes a nightmare getting out the house. I am starting to go to groups next week (trailing baby massage) and I hope that there are no clicky mum's. @butterybollocks sorry for your experience of the judgemental group. I am worried about mum's that have the 'perfect darling child'.
Need to find some confidence! Love to all x

@zampa e does that too! His tummy is really playing up with reflux and colic so when he doubles over I have to hold my breath and scream in my head! X @durezidal that sounds wonderful.... looking forward to that stage x

@motherhippy16 I promise leaving the house does get easier. With DD1 I can remember struggling to get out of the house before midday but even with 2 now, I can manage to leave before 9am!

Not sure if this is the issue with confidence but no-one is judging your parenting. At baby groups, most mums are going through the same thing or have been in the same place. Also, we're all wrapped up in our own babies/issues that people will more than likely be jealous of how together you seem!

@izzibee29 he is 11 weeks... where has the time gone!!!

He has started trying to have a conversation now too which is just a beautiful sound

@motherhippy16 Sorry to hear you've had a tough week. hopefully you'll enjoy baby massage and the tummy massages can be so helpful for windy colicky babies. It's definitely scary going to a group for the first time but I think you just have to bite the bullet and go for it. You can't go wrong if you coo over the other babies and say how gorgeous they are. All babies cry at groups and classes at some point. I just stop joining in with baby massage if F cries and fusses, and just cuddle him instead. Hang in there, things will get easier and we're all here for you if you want to rant about how hard things can be with a newborn.

Aww thank you everyone.... I think e is going through the 5 week dev leap and is more clingy and unsettled than usual. We have done 4 hour sleep stints so I know he can do it. Have raised the mattress in the crib so hopefully that will help. I'm looking forward to it and I know it will be fine... it's just the new mum fear which is silly as I work with children in my day job that have very difficult behaviour and I don't bat an eyelid! Different when it's your own child though I suppose x

@Motherhippy16 I found it overwhelming going to the first baby group, but it was fine and I couldn't wait to go again.

Even my laid back unflappable DH was nervous the first (and only time) he went to a group. Bea was a nightmare and screamed the whole time for him, but he said he still felt welcomed and came to the conclusion all babies cry, it was just the turn of ours that time.

Ugh. I am ill today - stomach ache and feeling achey all over and shivery. Finding it hard to look after F...I just want to go to bed. He's asleep at the moment so at least I'm not having to do anything but he's sleeping on me so I can't sleep! Roll on 5pm when DH gets home, although I still have the school run to do before then.