July 2017 #6 - labour here we come

[nat2311]

I think this is how you make one?

I'm with you on the crying @nat2311 !
I hope your bleeding chills out. Weird about the itchy feet?!

It's DD's birthday tomorrow, so we've got lovely things planned. DS and I have also got our day 10 check at the hospital, and I'm getting anxious about his weight. No reason to think there's a problem, but a bit affected by my experience with DD. Grrrr. I was the same with all my scans in this pregnancy - having had a MMC last year, I dreaded each scan. Must have fun tomorrow!

Oh bless you @nat2311 and @Algebraic - I've also been heavy on the crying these past few days, and I've pinpointed it all on my struggle with breastfeeding (plus a few token tears for missing DH of course)... I'm loving every other aspect of motherhood so far - I even don't mind the sleepless nights - but breastfeeding is really breaking me down for a multitude of reasons. I'm making it my mission to get it sorted in the next day or so, because I don't want it to be a black cloud hanging over my entire newborn experience. Tonight I definitively made my mind up that I can't continue this way and something's got to give.

@Spindelina it's natural to have worries based on previous occurrences but just try to reassure yourself by remembering that everyone, every pregnancy, every baby is different. I'm sure you'll have good news at the weigh-in and will be able to enjoy the birthday celebrations fully.

Butterfly aww bless you. Breastfeeding issues are the ones that also broke me. At the beginning I cried mostly due to the that. What are you struggling with? My sil got me nipple shields on day 3 and they saved my sore nipples. They were so sore and I believe the shields stopped them short of cracking and bleeding. As for the engorged breast, once I mastered the pump, if baby wasn't feeding off that breast, I pumped some out to give me relief. No more than an ounce to ensure I didn't trigger over supply. But don't worry, baby z will soon get to a growth spurt and drain both breasts in no time.

@ButterflyFree I think we're in the same boat right now, I have one engorged breast and one that is lagging behind with milk. One minute I was telling my best friend I wouldn't beat myself up about not being able to feed her properly then the next I was weeping I couldn't make her happy.
My nipples were bleeding as I believe baby desperately wanted milk but it hasn't quite come in due to my low iron. I tried a shield but it was too big for her mouth.
After much discussion with DH I decided to try a pump while he gave her a top up feed of formula. 55ml of milk came out and that helped a lot. Still engorged now but I also managed to feed baby without nipple bleeding.
I totally understand what you mean about something's got to give. I have the medela swing pump, could you try that? It's really good. I hope you find a solution. Remember you are a great mother no matter what.

@Notyetthere it's not the nipples that are bothering me so much (I use Lansinoh and though they are a bit cracked and bloody it is manageable discomfort); there's a different level of pain that seems to come from deep within each breast when he latches and sucks. Latching has been checked by 3 different midwives and they all said it's perfect.

Yesterday my left side was so much bigger and fuller than the right, and I was leaking like crazy. Tonight we're having the night from hell; he's drained both sides twice in 3 hours and has been screeching inconsolably for an hour now because he's hungry and still wants more, but he's not getting any more out when he latches. He's been awake for 7 hours straight, has filled 3 dirty nappies and had 3 full feeds in that time. The midwife who saw me in the morning was praising how much milk supply I have. How is this even possible that he's emptied me and still wants more!! Both breasts are incredibly sore and tender and I'm really at my wits end at this point.

Just generally I dread every feed, even the thought of having to feed makes me miserable, each feed lasts at least 1 hour and he clamps onto me with such force and strength... I don't feel any joy or satisfaction or bond while he's feeding, I'm just praying for it to be over and I cry every single feed. It's really really not working for us.

Ohh cross-post @Algebraic - bless you and thank you so much. I'm sorry you're struggling with it too but at the same time it's nice to know I'm not alone.

I've ordered the Medela Swing from Mothercare and am hoping it will arrive tomorrow, although I'm a bit thrown tonight by the fact that Baby Z has emptied both sides twice and is still hungry, when earlier in the day it seemed I was overproducing on one side.

I also had much discussion with DH today over the phone and he has encouraged me to do whatever feels right; he fully supports me if I decide that is to FF or pump or mixed feed or whatever. I've really tried my best and given Baby Z a lot of nutritious breast milk these first 11 days but it's not healthy for me to be crying every feed and almost feeling a resentment towards my DS because of the pain and discomfort that feeding him causes me. I think it's much more important for him to have a happy mama. DH was discussing it with his teammates at their training camp tonight too and all of them said their wives either pump/mix feed or exclusively FF, so he was gathering intel to try and make me feel less guilty bless him. Even DH and his 5 siblings were all FF and they turned out great :) so I'm trying to come to terms with all my options and not feel like a failure if my intention to exclusively BF hasn't worked out.

You are so right @ButterflyFree

My DH gave me a stern talking to which I needed. I told him I would rather sit and cry in agony and give her what she needed rather than FF and he made me see that is simply not healthy and not a logical thing to be thinking.
They must feel our stress so if you can have a nice cuddle with a bottle that would be lovely for you.
Yesterday was a day of desperation, we even gave her a dummy!

Breasts are factories not warehouses I was once told. It's actually making milk as they are latched on even if they feel empty.

Crying and screeching are weird ways that they get your body to make milk (cruel or what?!)it triggers hormones etc.

When you say a pain deep inside, is it like joy needles being pushed into your nipples and a tugging pain under your arm? Because I get that when I gave my letdown but it vanished at about 7 weeks? Horrible feeling though.

Hope you're all ok xxx

And if it's not working for you, don't beat yourself up. You're in a situation at the moment where dh isn't around. I get teary and "can't do it" and my dh snaps me out or takes the baby. I'd be seriously questioning myself if I were solo. Just do what you feel works and take it one feed at a time ❤️❤️❤️

Exactly @Algebraic that's my viewpoint too, and my DH shares it. For me to be so miserable and suffering and dreading each feed is not healthy and will affect my bond with the baby more than anything else. That idea of curling up together with a bottle and feeling contented is what was running through my head all day; I'd much rather that than continue like this, as surely baby will pick up on my tension sooner or later. It dominates my mood for the entire day because he's feeding so often, I simply can't escape the misery it's causing me. I really don't want to be like this.

@glitterglitters There's no pain under my arms or anywhere in that region... I don't know how to explain it other than to liken it to the sensation of severely straining a ligament whilst doing sport? It's as if the ligament runs from my nipple horizontally right to the back of the breast and is being stretched almost to tearing point with every single suck. It's not just a pain during let down, it's for the entirety of each feed. But there are many more elements contributing to my decision about how to proceed with feeding other than just the pain factor. I have a high pain threshold and would continue through it for the benefit of Baby Z if that were the only issue. I'm more worried about the mental state BF has been putting me in.

Butterfly I was about to come on say exactly what Glitters has posted. Your boobs won't have drained of milk completely even if they look and feel like that. Milk will still be made as you feed do baby Z is alright. I used to think that as in the evening mine are soft and deflated but if I give them a little squeeze after baby feeds milk comes out immediately. However, soubds like you are in pain. That pain sounds very odd indeed. I sometimes feel a pull when she feeds but no pain. It feels like a straw that stretches from nipple to the back of the breast and I can feel the milk flowing through it. You have our support whatever decision you make.

My nipples never got to the bleeding stage but got very scabby as they were so sore. I used to see scabs left behind in the shields after a feed!yum😐.

At day 11 I was feeling like you are at the moment and if i remember correctly baby Fran was going through a growth spurt so she was feeding constantly from day 10-13.

I have to say though that at 4wks old I think I have now mastered it. I forgot to take the shields with me out last week and so fed without them and you know what, my nipples were fine. I think they get to a point and just toughen up.

Just wanted to ask for some tips on dealing with sleep anxiety if anyone has any? DH ordered me to bed as I was running on a few hours over past 6 days. Managed three on and off. Now basically just hovering over her making sure she's breathing really should go back to sleep !

@ButterflyFree
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Has baby Z been checked for tongue tie? What you are describing sounds so similar to how breastfeeding my son was at the beginning. Nipple shields helped with the pain to start with, and he had his tongue tie separated a week ago and we can now feed without the horrible pain we had before (trying to get baby used to just a nipple after the shields - he's doing really well, but gets a bit confused and will sometimes scream because he's hungry - with the nipple in his mouth - but won't latch on because he is expecting the shape and feel of the shield.

Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision for you and baby Z - I just wanted to share my experience in the hope that it might help as what you are experiencing sounds so similar.

AIBU buy they copied our wedding dance
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/2987527-AIBU-buy-they-copied-our-wedding-dance

If anyone needs a little chuckle I decided to participate in this thread. People talking about wedding dances and how they find them awful. (I love them). A lot of discussion about cringing. I was crying with laughter this morning (weird hormones I think!) as I was imagining all these mumsnetters walking around spontaneously cringing at everything in life like they were being stuck with a hot poker in the bum I really should stick to this thread only though, people are very mean!

@ButterflyFree have you had input from a breastfeeding expert? (ie not a midwife)

This website lets you find a lactation consultant, who are the most highly qualified people. You could get a consultation with one to go through your specific issues with pain and see if anything can be fixed, or talk about expressing / mixed feeding.

Fwiw, DD was mixed-fed and is just fine!

@Spindelina if you don't mind/have time, would you be up for imparting some knowledge about the mixed feeds? My hospital was dead against it but I think it could be good for me. Midwives are adamant latch is correct but still have nipple trauma. Gave one FF yesterday afternoon for a break and the relief on the nipples was immense.
Just wondering about keeping supply etc.

Thanks all so much for the support ❤️

@Imaginarymenagerie yes he's been checked for tongue tie and doesn't have it...

The reason I said he 'emptied' my supply during the night @glitterglitters @Notyetthere is that he was latching and feeding and then eventually the sound would change to him trying to gulp but no liquid was coming... then he would fuss and start whimpering whilst still on the breast, tugging and beating his hands on my chest, then unlatch himself and start screaming and making his usual hunger cues still (after more than 30 mins on the breast). So I would switch him to the other side and then the same would happen again. Supply has never been an issue on either side before - the smaller side was always enough and the bigger side more than enough. I tried squeezing but nothing came out, which is weird as they had been leaking all day. Perhaps he is having a growth spurt and my supply just can't keep up with his demand?

Thanks @Spindelina I have a lactation consultant coming to see me today, so let's see what she will say... I just don't want to be miserable like this and to not enjoy these precious newborn days purely because of breastfeeding angst 😓

Butterfly sounds like you really are suffering. Hope the lactation consultant appointment goes well. You shouldn't punish yourself and like you said, Baby Z deserves a calm happy mummy. Thinking of you.

Baby Fran has been spitting up her milk more and more over the last few days and yesterday we had a massive projectile sick from her. It has become more and more difficult to get her to keep her feeds down. Also her nappies are back to green poo and mucous. We have just been to the weighing clinic and also saw a health visitor. I had her examine the baby and the rash on her face which has now spread to her chest. She did say if it is baby acne it is one of the most severe she has seen and in combination with the other symptoms of sick and dodgy poos, recommended we see a doctor today. She has gained weight but not as much as I was hoping for. 3.95kg today at 4.5wks old compared to 3.45kg at 10days old. She is at 25th percentile. Looks like I will be going to the weight clinic more often as baby Fran threw up almost all her feeds yesterday.

@butteflyfree the beating on yiue chest and funny noises is what dd does at night. I have to sit up and hold her over my shoulder and pat her back to soothe her. She feeds excellently but there are still the instances where she'll fuss amd just bob on and off with her mouth open or making slurping noises and just seems frustrated.
glitters is correct though your milk is supply and demand so it wont ever "run out"
I totally get what you mean about enjoying the newborn days. I feel like i missed out with ds because i spent 6 weeks in pain from 3rd degree tearing, constipation, feeding issues, sore nipples. I wish id have asked for more help. Its only now that times passed i realise i was probably suffering with mild pnd but i just hid it. I feel guilty about it now but i feel totally different this time round and i feel like this is how i should have felt when i had ds.

Re the lochia ive also lost 2 small clots last night but i also (and this is really tmi) pulled out something that seemed like my amniotic sack. Surely thats not normal? Mw is due to ring today to give me an appointment time for thursday so ill mention it but it was really weird.
Does anyone elses abdomen feel tender?

@algerbraic skipping 1 feed wont affect your supply over all. If you want to regularly substitute a feed you could express when baby is having the bottle. I used to skip the odd boob feed with a bottle of ebm and my supply was always ok. Generally they say not to give bottles or dummies for the first 6 weeks but we did. I needed to for my sanity (and hes still having some boob age 2 lol)

I'm introducing some ebm this week. Dh said he's struggling to bond with the baby at the moment.

He already does all the other things like playing, bathing, nappies, cuddles etc so maybe It might help a bit.

😓

I put this in the facebook group but if anyone is looking to use reusable nappies boots have a sale on bambino mio stuff. Really good prices for new. I've paid nearly this for 2nd hand in the tots bots in the past

www.boots.com/search/bambino+mio

Sorry to hear that @Notyetthere I hope they are able to figure out what is going on with baby Fran x

Thank you @Notyetthere ❤️ Sounds like Lil Notyet (Baby Fran! Didn't know her name before 😍 love it) is having a bit of a rough time bless her. I hope getting her seen to by the doctor will give you some reassurance and enable any kind of treatment she needs to clear this up.

@mynameisntLinda Bless you; I'm so glad you're able to enjoy the early days much more this time round but it must also be upsetting to realise that it didn't have to be the way it was the first time... I was worried I might start having some PND tendencies based purely on the amount of time I spend miserable due to the feeding situation, and once I reached the point of crying at every feed (bearing in mind he feeds pretty much every hour) I knew something had to be changed.

The lactation consultant has just left and she was wonderful. So helpful, calm, kind, understanding... She checked us both over thoroughly and confirmed once again that there's no tongue tie or thrush. Checked latch in various positions and said it was spot on. She also could tell that the pain is not coming from cracked or bloody nipples but is much deeper in the breast and she said it was unlikely that this type of pain would alleviate over time. She saw me reduced to tears whilst trying to feed, saw that he was drinking plenty from both sides, and saw that he was still demanding more.

So we came up with an action plan as she agreed I can't and shouldn't continue this way. I'll start dropping some feeds (will pump at the time) and using formula from today, and will apply a hot compress to my breasts when I try to express for the first time. She told me not to be a martyr though, as pumping may not work for me either. She told me there's no shame or guilt in my situation and the most important thing is for Baby Z to be well fed by a happy mama. Feeling relieved after her reassurances and having a Plan B to put into place today.

Welcome to the world Baby Tinkling (aka Holly)

Born at 00.35 this morning via c-section after a failed 6 day induction. I'd had loads of drugs but nothing seemed to work. Finally started having contractions using a drip (at max strength!) after my waters were manually broken only to make no progress but just get tired.

Opted for a c-section as I wasn't hopeful another round of drugs would make a difference.

She weighs 9lb 12oz. Coping well with life on the outside - had a blood sugar check and didn't flinch a muscle (apparently babies hate this!), though I did change her meconium filled nappy which meant she screamed the ward down for 10 mins after!