July 2017 #6 - labour here we come

[nat2311]

I think this is how you make one?

We only use the dummy in the car seat. And it's 50/50 whether she accepts it or rejects it.

Today we went to a birthday party and she was ok. I didn't know most of the people there but I was comfortable breastfeeding. I did however notice one thing. People tend to not talk to you when you are breastfeeding which can be quite lonely at a party when you have a newborn that feeds for 5mins here and 5mins there. It's like they want to give you the space to feed but it then leaves you isolated if you are constantly feeding; which I was. Dh kept checking on us every 15mins or so to ensure I wasn't too isolated but by 7.30pm the inconsolable crying from colic (or whatever gassy movement that she has) had kicked in that by then I was fed up and ready to leave.

Dh goes back to work on Monday and we have agreed he uses the ear plugs on days when he has early shifts to ensure he is not too tired. What sort of arrangements do you have with your dhs when they go back to work?

I am starting to think about a routine. Not a solid one where things have to be done at a fixed time but more of tweak a few things we have currently fallen into. For example, Our typical night routine starts at about 10pm when i take baby Fran up to sleep. She will fall asleep anytime between 10.30pm-11.30pm. She will then wake at 2 or 3am nappy change, feed and sleep usually within an hour but sometimes it might be longer. She will then wake again at about 5-6.30am and I normally move her to our bed, feed her and we both sleep till 9.30am but sometimes we have slept till 10.30-11am. This has become a regular occurrence that I want change. I want to get up at normal morning time of 8am and try to go to bed earlier. Most mum and baby group meet ups are before 12noon so if I'm sleeping surely I will miss all of them. Or is it too early to even think about changing things? Baby Fran will be 6wks old on Thursday.

Sorry for the double post. App crashed.

I was always suggested to have a routine of actions rather than tines. So we do things in a particular order but dan shift it around if people visit/we go out etc. Naps etc you won't really be able to get much of a handle cibtrol on full 6 months, or at least 4 when their sleep patterns mature.

I had the opposite at parties, did slink off for some space and everybody would come and bother me. People mainly avoid you though because they're scared if they see a nipple they'll spontaneously combust and turn into Hugh Grant (i.e. Gibberish wreck lol).

Sleep wise, dh has a very dangerous job. In fact one of his workmates lost three fingers the other day 😓. Because of that I do all the nights when he's off. He doesn't actually wake up when they cry. He will however go to the toddler if she wakes up. She has a double bed so he'll climb into cuddle her back to sleep but also means he gets rest too.

I'm struggling with these huge fits of random hysterical crying from baby Glitter at the moment. I was in tears, no top on screaming ah dh for god knows what. She wouldn't feed anymore, wouldn't take a dummy etc. I'd say allergy or something but most of the time she's fine, reflux I've rules out because she doesn't cry at most feeds. I think she just gets over stimulated REALLLLY easily and with a 2yo sister who keeps trying to love her/kiss her etc and we had some friends over today, it was too much.

Huge family get together tomorrow, with curry takeaway. She's going to have a HUGE sensory overload 😓😓😓😓

Wow, ALLLLLLL the typos

I expect most of my posts and texts to have typos now @glitterglitters. It's so hard to do anything one handed and on disturbed sleep.

@Notyetthere I've agreed with my OH that he can go in the spare room if he needs to once he's back at work. I've needed him early days because of having a c section and not being easily able to move to pick up the baby or get the things to change his nappy. To be fair, he's managed to sleep pretty well through night feeds. This morning he's asked me whether the baby had another feed after the midnight one - yes, he had two or three more!

I'm finding feeding so confusing in terms of times. Sometimes baby will have a long feed, then other times he seems to only need 10 minutes before falling asleep. I try and see if he wants to go back on for a bit, but often I have to put in in the snuzpod because I'm worried I'll fall asleep on him. The idea of a routine seems lovely and I can't wait to be there!

Yeah routine feeding whilst bf is a bit... impossible. You just have to let them fall into their own rhythm. Some days you're more hungry than others, some days it's hot and they'll need more to drink etc.

I'm finding it a bit confusing as well, only because my first fed hourly for about 6 months 😳 so I feel like I'm starving number 2. She went from 9pm till 4am last night (which would have been lovely except ouchy boobs and the three hours of screaming blue murder prior to 9pm )

She did take a bottle of expressed milk yesterday without a fuss. Means I can get my hair done on occasion. Hoorahhhhh!

Hi ladies,

I haven't read any updates - in the interest of my mental health I have been staying offline. I really hope you are all well and I want to thank you for your constant support.

I have been receiving care from
the mental health team and perinatal team. I developed severe anxiety through lack of sleep which was straying into psychosis territory. Fortunately my husband caught it early and called the hospital and set the ball rolling.

I have received medication to sleep and stabilise my mood and I'm doing much better. One day at a time. We will be moving in with family for a few months for recovery.

The support has been fantastic, I urge you - if you feel even a little bit not right please speak to your GP or midwife. Don't suffer in silence.

I will be back perhaps later in the week to catch up.

Xxx

@Algebraic I'm so glad you're getting help and support from professionals and family. Sounds like you're turning a corner with the medication and things will hopefully get better day by day. It's incredibly generous of you to share your story, I think the strength of forums like this is that people see that there's no right or easy way to have a baby and hopefully feel better about their own experiences.

We're here for you, and I'm sure we'd all be happy for you to private message us too. I won't bother you by messaging asking how things are (because how does that help anyone?!) but know that you, your partner and the little one are in my thoughts.

@Algebraic I'm glad you are getting the help you deserve and wish you a speedy positive recovery. I keep wondering how you've been getting on.

Our plan is that when OH goes back to work I will take on the night shifts on work nights and will be shared on weekends. I'm now just FF so hopefully will work out ok!

I know most have mixed opinions on waking a sleeping baby for a feed but where do you all stand on it? Sometimes he sleeps through the 4hrs and we have to prompt him to start waking up for the feed (which he then drains) other times he wakes up bang on time. Last night he actually fell asleep mid bottle and didn't want to wake back up and slept another 4 hrs. Probably different for BF babies but not sure if he's too young (18days) to be sleeping more than 4hrs??

We also didn't want to use a dummy but have found it a saviour from him destroying his hands he was sucking so hard! He doesn't sleep with it just uses it here and there to settle but again we're keen for him not to have it when just playing. I love the no conversation rule with a dummy!

So pleased you're being looked after @Algebraic we were wondering after you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@nat2311 if he's back to birthweight leave him to sleep!

Not: this is probably not very helpful as DS was FF but he was so bitty at the start - an ounce here, 10 min nap there - that it fed into my worries that I was messing it all up and wouldn't cope. I'm the sort of person who likes a routine so I lept at the idea of putting DS in one when it was mentioned. We loved it. We did it as an order of actions too, rather than a strict time-based one, but he went to having a full feed and being awake and then asleep for longer periods. We did bath and bed around 8 and then he'd have a feed around 11. The day routine fed into the night and he became more regular there too. He was 6 weeks old when I started the routine.

As for DH, he always slept through. We tried taking turns at weekends but I had to wake him up so in the end I just did all the night feeds and asked for a lie in instead - though DHs idea was 8am rather than 9 or 10 if we had no plans... He also took over the 11pm feed. Even now he doesn't really wake up for DS unless he comes in our room and like taps his face. He will wake instantly if I need him though. I had a dream that made me cry a few weeks ago and he shot awake as soon as I started crying.

I'll be doing all the night feeds and he should sleep OK but we're hoping baby will accept a bottle and either I'll express or we'll do one formula feed late night again which DH will do, allowing me to get a good few hours rest/sleep. I'm also hoping I can try and get a routine going but I know a) BF will probably make things very different and b) this baby might be very different to DS.

Algebraic: glad you're being looked after. Take care and I look forward to hearing from you when you're feeling a bit more settled.

Dear @Algebraic I'm so glad you are getting the support you need at this time ❤️ as I said before, it was hugely positive that you and your DH were able to acknowledge so early on that you needed to seek help. Glad to hear you are well on the way to coping and feeling much better. We are all thinking of you.

The idea of a routine sounds heavenly right now as Baby Z's schedule of sleeping and feeding is so utterly unpredictable at the moment. We are mixed BF and FF now but he's so hungry that even after an hour on both boobs he can then immediately down a 90ml bottle (of either formula or expressed breast milk)... He's drained a few 120ml bottles too. He's only sleeping for maximum 1 hour at a time before waking up demanding another feed, and he's suddenly rejected his SleepyHead and will only settle in my arms. Even when I think he's in a deep sleep, if I try to transfer him to the SleepyHead (which he was previously very happy in) he wakes up instantly and starts fussing. We tried a dummy last night for the first time but he repeatedly spat it out, so that was no help.

DH has an exceptional talent for sleeping through anything and everything, so when he wants or needs to sleep I have no doubt that he will be able to. I know he'll be incredibly supportive and helpful with the night feeds though. His schedule means he's home pretty much all day and then goes to training from 5pm-9:30pm, so that's amazing he'll be around for us so much. He will be away for a night each week once the season starts as the team have to stay together in a hotel the night before a game, so we'll see if I can manage that alone, or he's already suggested we could bring a trained maternity nurse to come and help out for those stints when he's away as it's usually a total of 30hrs he's away for each time.

I feel like I haven't slept - baby was feeding pretty much all night. Definitely the hardest night yet. Let's hope he sleeps soon and I can too.

Is there anybody you can ring @Lallypopstick ? Alternatively just stay in bed all cocoon all day if possible xxxx

I think the advice is that even ff babies should be fed on demand just like bf babies. I would only wake for a feed if therr are weight gain issues (although even though dd didnt really gain last thuraday im not waking her every 2 hours).

I never put a routine in place with ds and hes a prerty flexible 2 year old. I know some people wouldnt go do stuff because it was thier lo nap time or whatever but thats way too restricting for me personally. He used to feed every hour or so, dd seems like a breeze in comparrison as she often goes 3 hours and doesnt need boob to fall asleep. A couple of times now shes just been lay down and will close her eyes after a few mins and sleep which is totally shocking to me.
Last night was a tough one, she slept well and woke every 3 hours but inbetween her sleeping he was waking up. Dh slept through the whole thing lol

@algebraic thinking of you and what you're going through, wishing you a speedy recovery. It sounds like you're in very safe and caring hands x

@Butterflyfree Baby Z sounds exactly like how my DS was. He fed constantly, I couldn't put him down, could only sleep in my arms etc. It was soooo hard but it passes, I promise! I'm convinced he had silent reflux and/or very bad wind and that's why he wouldn't settle for me. The only way he got comfort was to be held so I had to go with it. But...looking back I don't think I ever winded him properly...in fairness winding tiny babies is not easy and requires perseverance! I read a post of yours from a few days ago where you were saying he fusses a lot at the boob, even though he's giving signs of hunger - I think this can mean wind rather than hunger.

I'm finding that DD will sometimes do the same - where she thinks she's hungry and starts rooting etc so I go to feed her but then she starts crying, not latching on, kicking her legs and screwing up her face - I now work on winding her and eventually she'll get a big burp out and then settle. I really wish I did this with DS as I think I probably got PND from having to hold him all the time. Kicking their legs in a sure sign of wind and the way i find she gets good relief is to hold her by wrapping my arm across her front, underneath her armpits while perched on my hip facing outwards and I walk around the room with her like that. She stops crying instantly.

i haven't been on the forum over the last while as DH has been off and we've been enjoying the last few weeks of sunshine and getting to know DD so all has been good. The biggest learning curve has been with our DS who's 21 months old. He hasn't been great with the jealousy which has been stressful but I know it'll eventually pass.

DH went back to work today so I had the job of getting DS to creche on my own. Thankfully it all went fine but trying to juggle a newborn in a carseat while ensuring the 21 month old doesn't bolt was not easy! I think in future I'll put her in the sling first and then walk him in while holding his hand.

On the question of beds/sleeping arrangements. DH has moved into the spare room now he's back at work. It doesn't make sense for him to be woken in the nights for feeds when he's to go to work. We did this for 5 months with DS and it worked well for us. The only slight problem this time is that DD makes very loud grunting noises from about 5am and has been waking our toddler! I cannot for the life of me get her to stop all her bleating and moaning and hunger doesn't seem to be the issue...I think wind is the problem. It's always bloody wind!!! damn my windy genes.

Thankfully we managed to get a couple of hours this morning with me on the settee and him in the Moses basket next to me. He's still asleep now so I've had some breakfast and now I'm going to chance a shower to make me feel human.

I hope everyone's doing wonderfully!

Can I ask some questions about how everyone is sleeping arrangements are? At the moment baby is in the next to me crib for most of the night, then moves into bed with me and my partner from 5am until 8am. My midwife says aslong as we practice safe co-sleeping but other people say it's really dangerous. Is anyone else doing similar?

DS is on a single mattress on the floor with me from 8ish until 10-11, then he gets fussy for a few hours, then we settle back down from 2 ish until 7 ish. He's feeding every 2 hours or so, and we haven't managed to settle him anywhere other than in bed with me or in our arms. I'm comfortable with this from a safety POV - I'm less tired so less likely to fall down the stairs or whatever - and it's much better for my mental health. Drawback is it's not doing my hips any good.

@Littlejayx I coslept with my first following the guidelines and I'd happily do it again but baby Glitter is having none of it. Haha! I do occasionally have a nap with her like that though. Otherwise she's in a crib. Ext to my bed where she will stay until at the least 6 months.

If you use your best judgement and follow the guidelines you'll be making an informed decision. Anybody who says it's "dangerous" has probably not read the guidelines and has been given the blanket "it's dangerous" by hcp in the past.

@littlejayx i have a next2me crib and i used it for ds until nearly 9 months and now with dd. Then once dh has taken ds to childminders and gone to work i put her in bed with me, she feeds and sleeps and i either get up and brush teeth and potter about in the bedrooms whilst she snoozes on the bed or i go back to sleep until she wakes.

@twixes hows the sibling jelousy going? Ds loves jis new sister but im finding hes wanting to be incredibly noisy and annoying. Like if i mention bejng quiet he all of a sudden wants to be the noisiest police car in the world. And he'll look me dead in the eye and make a really loud noise. Its more attention seeking than direct jelousy i think. Just hoping things pan out ok and trying to accepy there will be jelous moments but its so hard to know how to handle things

The jealousy has been on/off @mynameisntLinda When he's tired or hungry he cranks it up but most of th time he's not too bad. He's definitely taking it out on me...lots of throwing stuff at me and he also does that looking straight at you while doing something I just told him not to do! He also slapped me full force on the face last night which was quite upsetting :( I know it's a phase but god it's hard!

On sleeping DD starts the night in her crib beside my bed but I don't bother try to get her back in after her feed as I cannot for the life of me stay awake while breastfeeding I coslept with DS for 5 months until he went into his cot in his own room and I plan on continuing like this until about the same time, possibly 4 months. It only took DS two nights to get him to sleep on his own and I'm a firm believer of the longer you leave it, the harder it can be! My consultant had her first baby in the bed til she was 8 YEARS old, so put her second into her own room after three nights!! Talk about two extremes :))

I'm embarrassed to say this little one only wakes for one feed at about 3am...I can't believe my luck! But I've done my time and earned my stripes, DS would feed all night long. I'd wake up with him attached to me, drinking away. Such a hungry little monster!

@twixes ds has been doing a bit of hitting lately but it stsrted before baby so i think its more over excitement and a new phase then because of the baby. I think hes just learning about what is and isnt acceptible so im trying to be understanding that right now his littke world has been turned upaide down.
I personally dont mind the cosleeping (man if my pre kid self could hear me now!! hahah "never gonna let kids get in my bed")
He stayed in the chicco until nearly 9 months and shell do yhe same..but thats more because im not quite sure how sharing a room will go. Our 3rd bedroom is on the floor below us and i dknt really want ds down there alone especially when he wont even be 3. It has an en suite so i have visions of the havoc he could reek in there lol (plus its our play room come sewing room (not that ive even opened the sewing machine ever), come storage room, and im not ready to give it up yet lol

Dd only feeds at about 12 3 and 6 at the mo...i defo did my time with ds who would be attached from the minute we went to bed until morning practically!!

I've just had the magic four hours sleep in a row for the first time since DS was born! Now latched on and going for it - he wasn't happy when I changed his nappy first though.