Thread 13. TTC #1 Grads. Some of us still remember that thing called "a full nights sleep" for most, it's a mere memory.

[AudreyBradshaw]

Behold, the wonder of birth! Members from 6 weeks bfp to post-partum wonder Mamas! No question to grotty or minging.

We've come full circle from obsessing about cervical mucus to now obsessing if it's our vagina baby plug going! What larks!

Lots of talk about poo, ours and now babies too! Baby brain is REAL! From morning sickness in the first trimester to the third trimester struggle of getting out of bed ( "walrus-ing"in our house), to actual real babies who are growing so fast! Discussion on the merits of sleepyhead and Ewan the dream sheep.

Sooo many gorgeous babies now! And equally lovely Mummy's! We are amazing! What a year! Can you believe it's been a year since our first tentative TTC thread!? Look how far we've come!

Roll up, literally, in my case, cause I'm practically rotund! for TTC #1 Grads!

Yep, my waters broke spontaneously as well Leonie. I was over at a friend's house at the time and very lucky not to have been driving. It was about 11pm and I should have been on my way home but couldn't be bothered to get up! As it was, I was very lucky to have stayed put. Dh was having his final drinking night and was 7 brandy and cokes down so wouldn't have been able to drive me if I'd made it home! A friend of mine got me home, picked up dh and my notes and then drove us to the hospital.

I was 5cm when I arrived and about to be taken through to delivery when they did a quick scan to check on the baby. That's when I found out she was breech. As it turned out, she had been my entire pregnancy and a succession of midwives had missed it. Went in for an emcs - which was touch and go as I was 7cm and getting a lot of pressure in my bum by the time they were ready to give the spinal. If I'd been any further along I wouldn't have been able to have the c section so I was very lucky timing wise - I labour quickly apparently!

Officially there's no reason for her coming early, but the consultant has indicated he agrees with our theory that she'd simply outgrown her space and was very uncomfortable. She was born with reasonably deep ridges in her head where my ribs had been digging in. They also thought she had something called craniosynostosis (where the plates in the skull fuse in the womb). She had an x ray the day after she was born and an ultrasound on her brain to check for damage 2 weeks later. Luckily, everything seems to be fine and the consultant now believes she was just extremely squished up under my ribcage (a theory he disregarded when he initially saw her).

So... I'm hopeful that a second baby wouldn't have any reason to be early if they did the decent thing and went upside down like they're supposed to.

I understand those feelings of detachment though. It took longer than I was expecting to feel connected with Tam. I felt totally outside the birth as it was so rushed and just done to me. I didn't get any skin to skin for a while either. They handed her to dh fairly quickly but I could barely see her with the angle I was at on the bed. I also started losing consciousness soon after surgery and so it's all quite hazy.

The shock of it all, plus the fact that I struggled so much to breastfeed her for so long made it very very hard at the start. I felt for a while like I was faking it before the feelings actually came. It only really improved after I sobbed on dh one night that she didn't feel like my baby. It was awful.

Thank God it improved fairly quickly - I think this was all in the first week to 10 days. Be kind to yourself, talk to your dh about it and definitely ask for help if you need it though. Birth is such a huge thing to go through at the best of times and following the perfect, planned birth experience. You're so far away from having had that. It takes a toll on you, and you're absolutely not alone in finding that xx

leonie absolutely no reason for it here, either. I went in thinking I had a water infection to find that they'd gone and I didn't know when - which worried me. I blamed myself for overdoing the walking etc. We're all here for you ❤

So I'd rather go through labour again than see my little man the way he was earlier. Had vaccs at half 12 - they bothered me more than they bothered him. Like Bodhi and Atticus, Harrison cried for about 30 seconds then fed and went to sleep. Woke up for a feed an hour or so later then went back to sleep. He then woke up around 10 past 5 absolutely sobbing his heart out which is so unlike him. Poor little man was inconsolable and soaked my shirt he was crying that much. It absolutely broke my heart to watch he's only just gone to sleep on my chest about 5 mins ago. I'm stranded in the nursing chair in the nursery but am I hell risking disturbing him.

Hi ladies, sorry I've not been about I've been really busy. Arya is now awake most of the day and I've been spending every non-baby minute writing or working on the business. I'm shattered but it has to be done if I want to avoid going back to work.

Hope you're all doing well. I'll try to catch up tomorrow.

indi thank you, that all sounds great and absolutely what I needed to hear! Delighted at the thought of gettting out for a walk so soon, I hope I recover as well as you did, no reason to think I won't.

Leonie I wondered if you may have a touch of pnd. Im glad you're talking to your dh, I found opening up to my husband the hardest as that made it real. It's a complete misnomer that depression makes you feel terrible all the time- I had a mixture of good, ok and dreadful days. Every time i had a run of dreadful days I'd start to think about getting help, but would then pick up again. The last time it got worse I just realised I'd had enough. I felt like deciding to take ADs was a massive deal but now I couldn't care less, they really do work and have given me the chance to enjoy a bit of my pregnancy. Not trying to tell you what to do, think I'm just saying that if things don't get better soon please dont be afraid to tell someone professional. Big hugs.

Thanks Miley! How are you feeling now?

Good luck first! Hope it's all getting going now.

irregular gosh what an experience. I'm sorry you had it so rough and am glad things are better now.

Thanks Canters. Took a while before I was able to write it all down and accept everything, but I think I'm alright with it now thankfully.

Really far behind again!

Miley sorry you have experienced the nocturnal baby!

I feel I am at breaking point at the monent. I know he is too young to be doing it deliberately but I can't cope with Bodhi's behaviour towards me anymore. For almost two weeks whenever I feed him he refuses the bottle and fusses so much he makes himself sick. Give him to DP/DM\MIL he is fine. Everytime I pick him up he thrashes around and beats and claws at me... give him to someone else he is all cuddles. He doesn't sleep more than a couple of hours at night so am barely getting any sleep and am up all night with a baby who seems to dislike me then am at home all day exhausted with his behaviour continuing. I really am at a loss what to do with him. I really thought that as the weeks passed things like his sleep would improve but it is just deteriorating as is his attitude when I am with him.

Sorry for the selfish moan but I really am feeling terrible tonight!!

Nev sorry you're feeling that way. I can't remember but do you breastfeed as well as bottle feed Bodhi? I breastfeed but express a bit too and Alexa won't take an expressed bottle from me but will from anyone else - just a thought. Not too sure about the other stuff I'm afraid but I guess she does claw at me when she's hungry.

Audrey I snored really badly during pregnancy. I used the nose strip things which helped a lot. Having said that your DH definitely shouldn't be waking you up! I used to wake myself up snoring as well as him!

Leonie thank you for the blog, it was really honest. It must have been incredibly difficult for you and I think you're doing a fab job.

Hi ladies

Hope everyone is doing ok. All good here. We moved Evelyn into her cot on Friday night, which was scary, but she seems to like it so far. It's a bit early really but she outgrew the Moses basket so we didn't have a lot of choice!

leonie and canters, hope you are both doing ok. canters, less than a week for you now - so exciting!

irregular, I can't believe your waters broke on the night your OH was out drinking!

Hugs to all ladies struggling with early births and the after effects

I hope things are progressing now for you first.

Exciting that you are 35 weeks now feefs! Not too much longer to go.

audrey, I'm impressed that your OH is still alive

miley, how is Harrison now after his injections? Evelyn had hers yesterday too. She was fine in the morning but super sleepy yesterday afternoon, which is not like her. Waiting to see how she is when she wakes up this morning. How is your mastitis?

marmite, sorry to hear about the lack of interest from your in laws. Do you think they will get more excited or involved once the baby arrives?

potato, I hope the business planning is going well.

nev, for you. Do you think it's just a phase? I find that for our 6pm ish feed, Evelyn gets really cranky and won't latch or settle for me but will for OH. Sometimes I wonder if it's the distraction of someone coming in the room. He calms her down and then passes her back. Do you have the same problem with Bodhi regardless of whether it's just you and him in the room or others as well?

Hope everyone else is well.

Nev sorry you're feeling this way. it sounds like you need a break. He definitely doesn't dislike you. He's probably just picking up on you feeling frazzled and reacting to it. Can you leave him with someone for a few hours so that you can catch up on your sleep? It will probably help more than anything else.

Leonie I'm hoping to get time to read your blog later

Pink is your cot in your room or a different room. Well done on doing it, glad she seems happy

Off to Bristol today for some shopping hopefully finish Arya's room later. Feel like I'm always on the go at the moment. I didn't get to bed until 1am yesterday!

pink he slept so much last night I had to wale him for a feed cause he'd gone 6 hours without and I didn't want him to dehydrate! I was up at 2.30 expressing because my boobs were rock hard! He's fine today though, he only had a little cry but that was more to do with him being tired - he's fed fine which I'm pleased about. Last night was really traumatic how is Evelyn? Did you cope ok with her having them? I cried like the softy I am but only once he went to sleep because I didn't want to upset him further.

nev Harrison has only just stared to accept a bottle off me, he point blank refused so often that i was forced into public breastfeeding when I was out with him on my own. I understand how frustrating it is but you sound like you're having a really tough time I can't offer any advice other than the usual 'things will get better', but I know how frustrating that is to hear.

We're fucked. Dh being charged with assault, not sure which category. He'll lose his SIA badge and new job. Fuck knows what we'll do after that, but now there will be a court case. I feel sick. Don't know what to do or say. We were told it was unlikely to go anywhere because it was self-defence. CPS obviously disagree. I'm mortified. And horrified.

Oh audrey, I don't really know what to say. Do you think it's likely to make it to court? Do his employers already know?

Nev I've heard of people feeding their babies without holding them when they get overly fussy, would that work? As long as he is properly supported with cushions, at least his thrashing won't get him anywhere and he might give it up sooner!

Audrey that terrible. I don't know what to say, surely if it was self defence it'll get thrown out?

miley, it was awful seeing her in pain. She was more sleepy then usual yesterday and today and hadn't eaten as much, but hopefully they will improve soon, hope Harrison is ok today.

potato, she's in the cot in the nursery, which is next door to our room. We've got a video baby monitor too which I'm a bit obsessed with checking through the night!

Mums - I'm freaking out. What do I need for baby?! Will be winter when it arrives.

So far on my list I have:

Moses basket
Pram
Sheets for moses basket and pram (how many??)
Blankets for moses basket and pram (how many?? what kind??)
Muslins (how many??)
Car seat
Bath support - but do I need any special washes/creams for baby??

Baby vests (how many??)
Baby sleepsuits/all in ones (how many??)
Baby cardigans (how many??)
Baby hats (how many??)
Do I need socks??
Do I need a snowsuit??
Do I get a sleeping bag or just use blankets??
Do I need bibs??
How many nappies do I buy??

Breast pump - do I need one??
Bottles - do I need them?? I plan to breastfeed

What else do I need?!

Thanks guys, I'm just absolutely gutted. Thought things were looking up. I can't even process at the moment.

I'm trying to see any kind of positive in this now. Sorry for being so selfish and me me me. How am I supposed to be pleased about having a baby now? My dad put the pram together and I don't even give a shit. Can't muster up any enthusiasm about it tonight. I hope this is just shock. 38 week appointment tomorrow and I'm going to have to pretend to be happy about having a baby.

Thank you for the encouragement everyone. He has been just as bad all day today. Think it may be silent reflux as it all kicks off when I feed him and he just seems in agony afterwards.

Jan

Sheets for moses basket and pram (how many??) 4
Blankets for moses basket and pram (how many?? what kind??) I would suggest a grow swaddle or gro snug. You'll need 2
Muslins (how many??) lots! Maybe start with 10. I use receiving blankets instead which are brush cotton squares that I can use as muslins or blankets.
Bath support - but do I need any special washes/creams for baby?? You won't use any soap for at least the first month as its bad for baby's skin. Just use water.

Baby vests (how many??) 8
Baby sleepsuits/all in ones (how many??) 8 I would recommend getting cheap ones from somewhere like Asda as baby will grow out of then quickly! Also get the ones with poppers all the way down the front and both legs as they will be easier for you to get started with. Newborns are not very patient with wardrobe changes.
Baby cardigans (how many??) I barely used these but 2 is a safe number
Baby hats (how many??) 2
Do I need socks?? Depends what they will be wearing. If baby is in keep suits for the first couple of months then no.
Do I need a snowsuit?? If you're planning on walking with her a lot then it's a good idea.
Do I get a sleeping bag or just use blankets?? Sleeping bag 100% and go with proper gro bags, they are the best.
Do I need bibs?? I found normal bibs are useless with milk but tommee tippee make special milk ones that look good.
How many nappies do I buy?? If your using disposables then on one large pack of size 1 will last about a week.

Audrey this is terrible but you are in shock. You two will find a way to get this sorted and move on. Tell the midwife exactly how you feel as you may need extra help to deal with the stress. Don't suffer in silence.

I think Arya is having a growth spurt. She's been up every two hours through the night demanding food. She hasn't done that since she was a couple of weeks old. I'm shattered!!

Bloody hell audrey, no idea what to say but hope things turn out to be less bad then they seem. Big hugs.

jan I think bottles are handy to have in as you'll probably want to express at some point.

So, trump wins. What the actual fuck?

Jesus Christ. Trump. I would like to wake up yesterday when the world made sense. I'm frightened that if I tell the midwife that I'll have social services knocking. And I can't have that. I don't know what to do for the best.

Canters I know I am utter disbelief. And deeply saddened that people made that choice. But we must remember that Hitler was also democratically elected... it is a shame the world does not learn from mistakes. But hey - makes the fact the UK was stupid enough to vote out in the referendum the second worst decision of 2016!

audrey, I'd tell the midwife if you are feeling stressed. I think it's better to be open and honest from the get go about how you are feeling and they can then offer any additional support you need.

jan, I'd buy some bottles just I case baby struggles with breastfeeding to start with. I waited until after the birth to buy a breast pump. They tend to be expensive and I wanted to be sure that breastfeeding was working for us before I forked out for one. If you haven't got them on the list already, I'd suggest a Gro Egg, which is basically a thermometer to put in whatever room baby is in, and you will also need a baby monitor.

Can I ask the mummies how post birth weight loss is going? I'm struggling a bit because I seem to be hungry all if the time, and when you are busy its so easy to reach for biscuits So I've decided it's time to start the wedding dress diet!