Due in March 2017 - thread #4

[NameChange30]

New thread for the March 2017 club!

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Previous threads:
Thread #1
Thread #2
Thread #3

On the appointment front, I was so annoyed that I went and bought myself a bunch of flowers, just Tesco ones, but it cheered me right up. Strange I know but I kept looking at the heavily pregnant women at the hospital with envy. At the moment I just look porky!

Ah right that makes more sense then. My bp went up in my first pregnancy and ended up on medication so I'm hoping it stays normal this time. I went super lazy in that pregnancy though whereas I don't have chance to be lazy this time with dd. I don't know if that contributed to it or not but I can imagine it didn't help. Who knows. Think my mum suffered with high bp so it may just be genetic. After 3 pregnancies hers never recovered so she now needs medication for it. I was annoyed by one midwife who said I had white coat syndrome because when it first went up they monitored it for awhile and it went down as I sat and relaxed. However I'd never ever had high bp before so why would I have been worried that it was going to happen so made it go up myself?! I had no idea it was going to go high. After that I maybe got stressed about it. Midwives can be mean haha.

Ha, know what you mean. I suffer from extreme white coat hypertension so I take readings at home in the days running up to any appointments. Mine was high pre pregnancy unfortunately. Had loads of blood tests to find out why but they don't have an answer, lost lots of weight, made no difference. My mum, granny and great grandmother have all had it at various times so they've just decided it's genetic. It's well managed now IMVHO so hoping the consultant (eventually) sees me once and then let's me get on with it!

Forgot to say about pregnancy pillows. I bought a standard v pillow last time and it as brilliant. Used it for sleeping and then ft breastfeeding. Still use it quite a bit now with the toddler. Would definitely recommend.

Tk maxx might have a pregnancy pillow? Is worth seeing if there are any Facebook selling sites near you and post up asking for one.

Anyone else not married and thinking about surnames. I'd like simplicity but would also like to have the same name as my baby. A long double barrel name can be a bit of a pain but if you don't hyphenate I see that the first surname only has a middle name status. Alternatively I see that if baby has my name and I later marry the father you can change the name on the birth certificate (which is not normally possible) it's a bit of a dilemma.

Clarity
I'm married and thinking about surnames Don't forgot those radical people who get married and don't change their surname!! Actually I did change part of it, I was double barrelled before and I swapped one of the names for DH's. I would like our child to be double barrelled as well, I don't see why we should drop my family name completely. I figure if we don't hyphenate, and just give two surnames, the child can always drop one if they want.
But then I am a rampant feminist

I took my husbands name on marriage but if we hadn't I'd be erring towards giving the baby my name. My dh would have taken my name on marriage if i wanted him to but he has a dc already with his name and also it would have been too much hassle to against societal norms.

Not married yet and my dd took my dps surname as I would like to eventually get married if he ever bloody agrees to it. I hate not being married. For me it means a lot more than just a peice of paper so it kills me that we're not yet. Our surnames are ridiculously similar though so it doesn't really matter and they'd sound silly double barrelled. Never really been into double barrelling. Unless someone I met had an horrendous surname, then I might have considered not taking it I'm definitely not a feminist and don't have a problem with tradition.

We double barrelled when marrying as I see our marriage as a team effort and a coming together of our two families. So babies will be double barrelled too (with hyphen). I don't really mind much about tradition, the kids can do what they want as they grow older.

To me feminism just means women being able to make the choices they want to (because there's the equality to do so) - if your choice is to take your husband's name etc there's nothing unfeminist about that if its what you want.

DD has my partners name. We are engaged so I am planning on taking his name eventually. I have no real attachment to my surname. My mum re married so she has a different surname to me. It doesn't bother me most of the time, but it did bother me that all of DD's tags were 'girl - my surname' and her red book. Her red book then has it scribbled out and her real name out there. But I'm not bothered enough to rush our wedding. We have a baby and a 35 year mortgage and another baby on the way..... We are pretty committed

Super I've sent you my email address for the Facebook group. Please forgive me if I got the wrong person, I cant keep up with whose who with the usernames, partly baby brain I'm sure.

Good luck charly, Carol and feathery for your scans today!
(I got the day right this time charly )

Surnames are a hot topic in our house! I already have a DD from previous relationship, she has her Dad's surname, we were engaged and I was pressured into it by his family (I was young and less sure of myself than I am now). Current DP and I are unmarried so I'm now faced with having 2 DC with different names to me DP isn't happy as DD1 has her Dads and he feels giving this one mine is punishing him for previous mistakes. No idea what we'll do.

Dozy
"I'm definitely not a feminist and don't have a problem with tradition."

I wasn't going to reply to this, because I didn't want to derail the thread, but it's been bothering me since I read it, and I think it's important, so I'd like to reply after all. Please bear with me. And feel free to ignore my post if you prefer!

Why do you say that you're not a feminist?
Maybe your definition of feminism is different from mine? The way I understand it, feminism is the belief that women are equal to men. Simples. So a woman saying "I'm not a feminist" is the same as a black person saying they don't believe in race equality. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Some traditions are harmless and lovely. But - and this is an extreme example - atrocities have been committed in the name of "tradition" (FGM, anyone?!). Less extreme, but still significant, is the inequality and injustice that has been perpetuated by some traditions. It might be "traditional" for married women in the UK (and other countries) to change their names, but it's not equal.

I'm not judging anyone who changed their name - I did it myself (well, I changed part of it) but I still don't think it's right that women are expected to change their names, and men aren't.

Scan day!!! Finally here

Had busy morning, took car to garage, took poorly miss daisy chain(cat)to the vets, she's feeling sorry for herself now and giving me evil looks

Now I can relax until I need to pick up OH from work (I have his car) for scan xx

On surnames our baby will have my OH name, he is the only boy on his side and I have 5 brothers to carry on my family name. Also we are engaged so eventually I will have the same name.

As charly said feminism is about women making their own choices. You can be a feminist and take your husbands name. I did.

In fact I'm probably more "right on" as my dh's surname was his mothers maiden name whereas ive lost my dads name. I changed mine as i wanted us all to have the same name. After months of deliberation i decided that was more important to me than making a feminist stand.

If you belive in equality for women, youre a feminist.

I also agree that feminism is about women having the some opportunities and choices as men, and being given the same status in society. I changed my name as it was important to me to have the same name as my husband. I felt having the same name was part of becoming a family. I'm not keen on double barrelled names as I feel like it becomes a mouthful! I think DH would have been open to changing his name to mine if I really hadn't wanted to give up my name, but I wasn't bothered.

I do think it should be a choice, and I hope society evolves so that it's more socially acceptable for men to change their name to the woman's, in the same way that slowly more men are becoming stay at home dads. Whatever works for you as a couple. But I don't think changing your name to your husband's is wrong, in the same way that I don't think becoming a stay at home mum is wrong, if it's your choice and it works for you.

FWIW I don't think changing your name is in any way comparable to FGM!!

Scan went well! Lady said everything looked like it was in the right place haha. Little shrimp was wriggling around like anything I couldn't believe it! Made up can't wait to show DH when he gets home

alpha
"I don't think changing your name is in any way comparable to FGM!!"

Neither does anyone else. I wasn't comparing them, I was talking more generally about different traditions. I was pointing out that tradition isn't always a good thing.

I would appreciate it if people respected my choice to have a double barrelled name, and to give one to my child, just as much as I respect others' choice to change their name and/or give their children their husband/partner's name.

charly Glad your scan went well!

All alpha said was she isn't keen on double barelling. I'm not either but it doesn't mean i judge anyone who chooses that for themselves or their child.

Lovely scan charly you've been waiting a long time for that!

Lovely scan charly x

I'm not keen on double barrelled names, I'm not keen on orange juice with pulp, I'm not keen on rollercoaster rides. Doesn't mean I'm judging anyone who has or does any of those things!!

Some traditions are just bad, in every way. FGM is painful, it has long term implications for sexual enjoyment, it can cause long term pain, it can cause problems with childbirth, and it's done at an age when the girls are too young to even consent. If it's your choice to change your name and it's something you want to do without being pressured into it, then I don't see how that's a bad thing, even if it is a tradition that was historically forced upon women. The whole institution of marriage is evolving, when historically it's purpose was to subjugate women.

I thought we were just having a friendly debate, I find it odd that you would start a discussion and then get offended when someone has a different opinion.