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Original poster

The rainbow cave - where we can remember our angels and pray for our rainbow.

510 replies

3littlebadgers · 20/01/2016 07:30

Hello ladies, the other thread was full, so welcome to the rainbow cave. A place where we can hide away together as we remember our beautiful angel babies, and pray for our tiny rainbows.

Introducing myself and my babies for anyone new,

Name: 3littlebadgers
Angel: DD2, Azra stillborn at 40+5 March 2015
Rainbow: badger boy currently 36+1
Other DCs: ds1, ds2, dd1

OP posts:
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5
KittyandTeal · 21/02/2016 17:05

How are you feeling btw?

hopinghopefullyagain · 21/02/2016 17:52

I think that's the worst bit, you psych yourself up to phone and they might not even have them. I'm ok, have got the travel sickness bands back on so physically I'm a bit better so can be busier and avoid dwelling quite so much
Finally seeing the midwife for booking in on Wed. Am hoping it's the same one as before so I don't have to go through everything

KittyandTeal · 21/02/2016 18:43

That's a late booking appointment isn't it? Hopefully they'll know your story before you get there.

I had to be referred by the doc which I felt was a waste of time, however, the benefit was that the doc sent all my medical records up so they already knew most stuff about dd2, I just needed to fill in a few gap, which was fine. I find it's the telling people who have no idea the hardest.

I'm almost convinced I can feel a bit of movement too. I felt bubbles and flutters with dd1 when I thought I was 12 weeks, scan showed 13. I didn't feel dd2 until closer to 14/15 weeks but she was so quiet and tiny. This one is a real wriggler going from the scan, just like dd1. It's probably not though, I'm pretty sure it's not even possible but it feels so similar to dd1. Either way I'm finding it a bit comforting even if it is just gas!

hopinghopefullyagain · 21/02/2016 19:31

I think we take our comfort where we can find it in this game. I am NOT going to obsess about movement - it became a massive thing for us with dd1 because we knew that stillbirth was the most likely outcome and that reduced movement was our indicator. Apart from scans, that's going to be my biggest challenge.
Booking appointment is rubbish really. Gp told me not to make it until I'd seen the consultant so I was nearly 8 weeks when I contacted them and this was the soonest she could see me. I figure I'm on the hospital system already and I don't need a scan appointment so it won't matter. Am looking forward to answering all the questions again. My favourites were - can I read and write, does my husband beat me and am I related to my husband. Not sure whether they are standard everywhere or just standard for stoke

KittyandTeal · 21/02/2016 19:41

Oh yes I can imagine monitoring movements will be a big one for you. That's really tough. I think it's all medical appointments for me, I'm learning to separate them out. I have massive control issues over my body so scans etc are hard especially with dd2 history.

I love some of the booking questions, the 'are you related to your husband?' Is def a favourite of mine. I also love the social services involvement questions are always fun too, I do wonder if people just lie about those ones. You get asked the safeguarding stuff at every appointment now too! And yes the 'does your husband beat you?' As if in that situation you'd suddenly go 'oh yes, he does'

hopinghopefullyagain · 21/02/2016 20:24

Particularly when he is sitting next to you as he was on two occasions when she asked me. I'm tempted to say yes just to see if she knows what to do next! Possibly not the right attitude. Must take it seriously. It's about the only thing I can be lighthearted about though. There doesn't seem to be any scope for stillbirth in the previous pregnancy section so that will be interesting

KittyandTeal · 22/02/2016 07:53

Haha, I wonder what she'd do?!

When I booked there was a live child bit and a non living child (called something else) but they didn't want to know much, just the diagnosis and if the labour was ok.

LittleTulip · 22/02/2016 11:43

Hi lovely ladies

Glad to see this thread is still going strong and to see some old faces.

You're all doing fab Flowers

KittyandTeal · 22/02/2016 13:29

Just called fmc. Our results are all low risk. She couldn't give full results out, the doc will go over them with us at the scan but she said its good news and we don't need to worry about major trisomies now.

I'm not sure I've got my head around it yet but it's another positive step forward.

LittleTulip · 22/02/2016 13:57

That's great news Kitty. Hope it eases the tension just that little bit

hopinghopefullyagain · 22/02/2016 18:51

Brilliant! And breathe! like you say, another positive step forward

KittyandTeal · 22/02/2016 19:07

Thanks.

We've told dd1 who seems very excited. She's a bright little button and knew something was up, it was unsettling her. I also know that if anything goes wrong she will understand a simple explaination now.

I knows it's not the end of my worry and things will creep back in but for now I'm just letting it sink in

hopinghopefullyagain · 22/02/2016 19:43

A good day all round! Brilliant! No doubt there is a whole lot more worry to come but for now - take the good news while it is there and enjoy it! It'll sustain you through the next bout of stress 😀

KittyandTeal · 22/02/2016 19:54

Indeed. How are you feeling today?

hopinghopefullyagain · 22/02/2016 20:10

I'm ok thanks, ready for bed but that's the joys of the first day after a holiday. We are doing our world book day thing on Wednesday and I've just tried my costume on! Blatantly pregnant! So that will be interesting. I'd just like time to speed up and fast forward to a point where we can relax. But patience has never been my strongest point

KittyandTeal · 22/02/2016 20:32

Oh god. We've not got ours for a few weeks but we've been told were doing a Disney theme (yuk) so I have the choice between preg Snow White or tinker bell! Think I'll go for a tubby tinks!

I'd love to just skip the next 6 months tbh. I know once the 20 week scan is done I'll feel a bit better but I've accepted that this is never going to be an anxiety free pregnancy. I know too many things that can go wrong at any stage now.

FLAMBOLA · 22/02/2016 23:28

Hello everyone. You all seem to be doing well apart from the anxieties.

[Flowers]

FLAMBOLA · 22/02/2016 23:28

The obvious anxieties*

KittyandTeal · 24/02/2016 11:34

12 week scan done. All seems good so far. Another step along a long road.

Hope you're all well

hopinghopefullyagain · 24/02/2016 15:04

Excellent - that must be a relief. Surely the chances of all continuing to be well must increase now? I'm just waiting to see the midwife and telling myself that this time next week I'll have had the scan and should know more. It'll all be good!

KittyandTeal · 24/02/2016 16:58

I think so, yeah. Think it looks like a good chance things will be ok now.

I had a bit of a crash this afternoon, it's obviously been playing on my mind, and I've just slept 2 hours on the sofa while dh took dd1 out.

When's your scan hopefully?

hopinghopefullyagain · 24/02/2016 18:18

Scan is next Wednesday. The midwifes first question was 'so have you booked a pregnancy before? ' and when I asked if she had read my notes she had read the most recent consultant letter but not all the notes. She really didn't get it for ages and asked some questions that were daft on the circumstances. By the time we got to the end of the previous pregnancy section, she had got it and was good after that. She did a carbon dioxide screen which I've never had before and apparently I had a slightly raised readings which was most likely caused by travelling to the appointment in the car but now I have to wait for someone else to phone me and talk through the possible causes.
Kitty - I'm not surprised that you crashed thus afternoon, all the thinking and worrying and building yourself up for appointments takes it out of you.

KittyandTeal · 24/02/2016 18:48

Ooo, I'll keep everything crossed for you next weds. How annoying about the midwife. I guess they're often so busy but it's a bit of a pain for you. Glad she was good by the end.

I'd forgotten about the carbon dioxide reading. I had that with dd2 but they've not done it this time round yet. I remember the mw saying last time that driving or walking by a road will give a slightly increased reading but that they can see a smokers reading straight away.

I was supposed to be going out to Zumba tonight but I've ducked out, just want a nice bath and an early night

hopinghopefullyagain · 24/02/2016 18:57

A nice bath and an early night sounds just the job to me, much better than zumba! Enjoy!

FoggyBlue · 24/02/2016 21:55

Hi all,

Can I join your supportive thread!? I'm 12 and a half weeks pregnant with our 2nd baby. Our first baby was stillborn at 21 weeks just coming up to a year ago, we got bad news at a scan at 13 weeks. It really feels like 2015 was an entire year of grieving. I suppose it feels that way because it actually was.

We had a 12 week scan Monday and all looks good. We haven't had any screening tests and don't think we will be. I'm not sure where it would leave us really (living in a country where termination would require travel overseas).

I haven't been thinking too much about this pregnancy yet. I had a rough 6-10 weeks, lots of nausea and vomiting so focused on feeling sick as opposed to being pregnant I think! It was great seeing our baby on Monday so hopefully I can start believing he/she is well and start to get excited about meeting him/her.

Best wishes to all of you!