Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

April that's a lovely idea about skyping

3, good luck for tomorrow, at least it's early (I'm guessing am not pm!?) so you won't be sitting around waiting all day

Who has I hope your doing as ok as can be expected x

zombie you'll never lose your dd, but i can understand how having to take the jewellery off would make you feel that way.

april glad to hear all is going ok with you, i do know what you mean though about people saying how "well" you're doing, i've had that too. And what a lovely idea about skyping your sister, i love that that's an option for you.

3little good luck for your scan, i hope all goes well for you.

AFM well, i've now officially got further in this pregnancy than with Ben. Today has been ok, dh had to go into work so my best friend made me get out of the house this afternoon by suggesting we take the kids to a local play area. Baby has been giving me lots of kicks and wriggles (some painful ones too) to reassure me. Just the next couple of weeks to get through now.

Love to all xx

That's great Kayleigh. Glad today wasn't as hard as you might have expected. I felt the same, I think sometimes the build up can be worse for days like that. Look after yourself x

Hi everyone, on the phone so struggling to name check.

whohas how are you today? I just can't believe someone in a position of trust could do something so awful. I hope you have some support around you

Looks like everyone is seeming quite positive (aside from the odd wobble) I really couldn't imagine being able to feel hope/excitement about pregnancy after a loss but I'm so pleased we are managing glimpses of it. I love the idea of writing a birthday card, think I'll steal that too. I also feel like day by day I'm losing dd, I do have her hand and footprints up and her photo on my phone background. Her birthday is coming up soon and I'm sure most people will forget, I'm preparing myself for that now.

I had a bad day yesterday, I found out a lady who lost her ds the same month as me has recently miscarried. I feel awful for her and it really brings it home that anything can happen. All I want to do is see how she is and offer her support but professionally I can't. It all seems so unfair.

Sorry, seems like I've ended it on a bit of a downer! Hugs to all that need them x

I've had the scan and... There is a beautiful little wriggley person in there! today is a good day. I completely broke down with relief when I saw the little heart beating. I could see it wriggling about but I guess I needed to see that heart beating away. The sonographer was a lovely, lovely man, who is being dragged into the cave whether he likes it or not, and he pointed out everything to me and spoke to my tiny baby like s/he was the most important person in this world. While I am feeling brave I am making rainbow themed announcement cards. Not sure I will be strong enough to do it face to face and I think I will feel more able to be around people once it is out in the open. Thanks for your support everyone

Ellie so sad to hear about your friend. I sometimes feel invincible to all problems other than premature birth (how I lost my angel) and then on other days I feel like every single problem is on my radar and I worry about them all!

3, glad to hear scan went well and your sonographer was fab. It makes such a diffwrnce. I feel v blessed with my doc (as its private here I get him the whole pregnancy and I think I may actually love him!). He only deals with high risk and is so kind to me and tells me how well we're doing. Even tho I often don't believe him it makes aug a difference. We must all being our fab sonographers/docs/midwifed etc into the cave! X

3 So pleased your scan went well, I know exactly what you mean about needing to see that heartbeart despite them wriggling all over the place. It's so nice that certain health professionals really do care and make such an effort to help us feel at ease. I think the idea of a card is nice, I still haven't told any friends/extended family as I just can't bring my self to have the conversation.

April the lady is a service user rather than a friend (although from how it made me feel you'd think we were!) I think you've summed up how I've felt about it. Labour has been my worry as that is when it all went wrong, but as soon as I heard about this lady the feeling of vulnerability was scary. How are you dealing with the resting/finding things to do? It must be so difficult, especially not being close to family. It sounds like you have a great doctor too, must make all the difference. I hope I'm as lucky.

Well it was the consultant appointment today, it went well and we feel positive about it but there were also some upsetting points. We didn't see the consultant as she was on annual leave . We got to listen to the heartbeat, although it took forever to find which had me panicking. The doctor mentioned something which we had never been told, apparently she was smaller than she should have been and her last measurements were slightly under so they assume my placenta had stopped working. It just feels like if they'd have picked up on it then she would have been alive. So I'm taking aspirin daily to help the placenta, will have a consultant appointment after every scan and extra 4 weekly scans after 24 weeks. They also said dependant on what the scans show/how I feel, that they may induce me at 38/9 weeks.

Hope everybody is doing ok, still thinking of whohas hope you are ok.

Hi Ellie, it's been ok but I'm pretty bored! I was sad today as my sister gets married in Spain on Friday and all my family are arriving in Ibiza and it's hard to be missing out and also a reminder I should be there with a 4 month old.
The days seem to fairly quickly but I feel like Im wasting my days, but in the other hand I find it hard to be motivated! I am trying to learn French and read lots tho. The weeks however go slow! I think about the next weekly milestone and then when it arrives it doesn't feel like an achievement I just think about the next one! Feels like forever to go tho at the same time hoping it does last as long as possible! X

Oh April it will pass darling, but I know what you mean about the weekly milestones.
Ellie sorry to hear about the lady you know it just is too heartbreaking. Sorry also that your consultants appointment was stressful. It must have been hard to hear something new without expecting it. The four weekly scans sound good though. How do you feel about being induced?

Bless you April. I suppose you just have to keep telling your self that every day is another step closer. Milestones definitely have been helping me so I bet they are nice for you. I can imagine it's easy to get in a rut of doing nothing so it's good that you're keeping your brain active!
Yes 3 It did come as a shock, hopefully though it'll mean they're much more vigilant this time. Not sure how I feel about being induced as I know it's not always straight forward and there is the chance of needing an assisted delivery/cesarean. It would be nice to get baby out earlier but would prefer to go into labour naturally, whatever way makes sure little one gets here safely. I am so impatient to get this pregnancy over with which is such a shame as I enjoyed every minute of the last one.

Ooh, whilst I think about it....counting kicks. I've been told as soon as I feel movement to take note of the pattern, they said not to worry about counting but more a change in pattern. For those of you at the stage where you're aware of movements, how are you going about monitoring this? This is one of the big things I'm feeling anxious about, what if I get it wrong?! Would appreciate getting an idea of what everyone else is doing. I promise I'll stop clogging up the thread now!

Ellie I feel the same about induction but have been told the tiny risk of stillbirth is slightly increased after 37 weeks and the hospital would like to induce me at 39 weeks. It almost makes me want to ask for an elective section but hopefully the induction will be straight forward. It has been suggested that I could have regular stretch and sweeps before hand as this may cause labour to start naturally. I can't agree to that as the last time we heard DD HB was before and after a stretch and sweep and the midwife commented after that her HB seemed elevated and perhaps the procedure had stressed her out. There is no reason to think they are linked but I just can't take that risk.

WRT movement this baby is very good and there is generally a pattern. She fidgets a lot when I'm laying down so before I go to sleep and often from about 4/5am for a while. I get lots of movement after meals especially if I treat myself to something sweet. I don't think she has an amazing pattern with her wake sleep cycle but suspect this is down to me working shifts as I will often work days and nights within the same week. I work a very busy job and my mum got me a wristband from count the kicks so I was more aware of movements but I've never really used it as despite my anterior placenta I'm more aware of this ones movements. The only time I worry is after a particularly busy shift I'm not always sure when I last felt her move but can generally remember having to stand up as I got a foot in the ribs when sitting down or something similar.

Hope everyone has had a good day x

Yes I was going to suggest count the kicks too. They do an app but they told me recently it's being redone so not available right now. Theres other free appts but they are from US and work on the 10 movements in 2 hours and as someone else said it's more your baby's pattern that's important. I'm almost 26 weeks now and he turned breech which has meant I've felt less kicks. But he's kicking away right now- he's very nocturnal!!! X

ellie how sad to hear about the lady you know, it's truly awful sometimes. Your care as outlined at your consultants appointment sounds very similar to mine (eg; the aspirin until 36 weeks and the appointments after the extra scans), and for the record i've not seen my named consultant once so far in this pregnancy . With regard to movements, with this baby she started wriggling/kicking while i was eating or relaxed, however she did change her "mo" the other week hence why we went in for monitoring (she now is quiet while i'm eating and starts booting me afterwards)

3little so pleased the scan went well and that you had a lovely man performing the scan too. I did chuckle when i read about you dragging him into the cave whether he wants to come or not . I think your rainbow cards sound like a lovely idea, and if it makes you feel a bit more comfortable even better.

AFM saw the midwife today, all is good. There was a student midwife with her and i think i must have been her first rainbow pregnancy because she held the heartbeat thing there for ages, and even asked me if i wanted to listen for longer, bless her. After the appointment we went and bought a small pack of nappies and some formula for baby, which has made things seem that little bit more real for dh.

Love to all xx

I'm pleased your scan went well, 3.

Speaking of consultants, I had a strange dream about mine. He gave me a consultation in his boxers, lying on the hospital bed like Jabba the Hutt. [Hmm]

He he he Flambola I wonder what Freud would have to say! I'm just back from a busy two days visiting family so I will check in again properly tomorrow. Love to all of you amazing ladies, our beautiful angels and our tiny rainbows x

Evening ladies,

Flambola I'm not sure if that is a dream or a nightmare!!

So many appointments coming up I feel these 10 (8 and a bit) weeks are going to go super fast. I finish work in 6 weeks all becoming real and very scary, keep having moments when I think about buying something or someone asks me about names and I just hope I get to bring this baby home.

Can't believe E would have been a year old on the 25th August, really hate the fact that I'm not organising a birthday party for a one year old but instead thinking about giving birth a month after!

Onto the real reason for my post. So 32/40 scan in 2 weeks followed by consultant appointment, however they only just booked the consultant appointment so it's actually at 34/40 instead of 32. I've also got an appointment with the community midwife that week.

My plan is to try and get some vaguely firm plans in places as I'm a planner and I like to know what's happening. I'm also aware if I don't see a consultant till 34 weeks they may struggle to book another appointment before 38 weeks!!

We've decided I'd like to be induced between 38 and 39 weeks which would be the 28th Sept. I finish work on the 11th September. The consultant has told me they won't scan after 36 weeks as it is inaccurate.

My main question is what do people think I should ask the consultant or community team for to help my anxiety for those two weeks between finishing work and delivery. Would a MW appointment each week to check HB be reasonable or does that strike of crazy lady demanding too much? I'm very aware once I no longer have the distraction of work time will slow down and I don't want to become too anxious. I'm also aware that as I look like I'm coping so well that potentially no one will offer this unless I ask for it.

Thanks if you made it through that epic post!!

lake i don't think a midwife appointment each week is demanding too much, if having that check-up so you can hear the heartbeat puts your mind at ease then it's worth it. I've worked out that in these last 3 weeks i'll be having 2 appointments each week.

AFM so now it's August i can say baby will be born, everyone around me is getting excited and while i am too a part of me just hopes i'll get to bring this baby home. Got my uncles 70th barbecue this afternoon so hopefully the weather will be ok.

Love to you all xx

Honestly Lake I don't think once a week is too much at all. In fact I'd be thinking once every three days would be more appropriate. Seriously how much trouble is it to listen to the baby? With my beautiful little angel, because I was over due I had an appointment on the Saturday, then on the Tuesday and had she not died I would have had one on the Friday too. If they can and do do it like that after 40 weeks then why not leading up to the due date especially for mothers with a previous loss?

How was the wedding, April? Did you manage to Skype attend?

Lake, I think an appointment every week is far from crazy lady! I was talking about this with DH and have said that they may as well set up a permanent bed for me in triage as I think I'll be there every day. My plan is to ask my MW if I can see her twice a week once I finish work, and if I need more then so be it. I don't care if I inconvenience others!

Not much going on my end apart from the usual. I have a GTT next Friday, which I'm not looking forward to. Well, the fasting, anyway. It's because James was so big when he was born that they're doing it, even though tests for diabetes came back negative. I know it's a precaution though and better to be safe than sorry.

I hope everyone has had a peaceful weekend xxx

Well, I've had a shit night. I was just absolutely overwhelmed with grief. It's such a struggle holding everything together. No-one else understands how utterly exhausting this all is.

flambola sending you hugs after your bad night. You're so right about how exhausting it is, i hope you're able to get a little bit of rest today

AFM 35 weeks today, and the occasions where i allow myself to think about bringing this baby home are a little more frequent now- although i'm not sure why as i'm still worried, but the thoughts just seem to creep in there. My uncles barbecue was lovely, even though i was shattered yesterday because it had gone on rather late . Baby also has her first family party to attend if she's here in time as it's my cousin's 40th the Saturday of the week they're inducing me wondering if i can persuade a midwife to give me a sweep on the Monday in the small hope it'll help speed thing up

Love to all xx

Wow I missed loads! My phone has completely stopped telling me at all when someone posts

Kayleigh your so close now! I found keeping busy helped.

Ellie how awful for the lady it's awful isn't it as it reminds me that going through what we have all been through doesn't give you a pass for an easy pregnancy next time if that makes any sense. Sorry you had a worrying appointment. How many weeks are you now?

3 that's great news about the scan! We'll have sonographers a plenty in the cave as I will bring mine too! (Just incase any of you need him)

Hahahhahaha flambola!!!! I take it your consultant isn't exactly a hunk? Im so sorry you have had a bad night your doing so well

Lake, that's not crazy at all. Do anything you need to, to reduce anxiety I had daily monitoring at Mac and saw my midwife every 2/3 days, now that's crazy

I can't find the other thread. Is all ok on the conception one? Any news from cake?