April 2015 (and some Marchies) miscarriage survivors... can't believe we're half way there

[TinyTear]

Thread 3

Woohoo

22+3

Smiling, looking after a poorly child when you aren't feeling great is the pits. Good luck with your chat with your bosses. I think you are within your rights to request some slack especially with your scare on Saturday.

I'm also counting down for the Christmas holidays. I'm working till 24 dec & back at work on 2 jan ??

Yes I'm intending to book this time off as maternity & not sick leave. Im in a tricky position as I've refused overseas assignment & they are not pleased. I also walked out on a meeting on Thursday and missed an important deadline on Friday..... All that with today's phone calls does not bode well :(

I hope its not as bad as you think London

hes currently sprawled across me asleep (which is why im on here) so at least Im forced to sit down for awhile.

London - your work sound awful. hassling you whilst off sick is not good. I am impressed that you kept your pregnancy quiet for so long but glad you are finally telling them.

Smiling - glad you some rest but not good having a sick child on you. again talk to your employers especially about your scare. or can you get a fit to work not from your dr to limit what you do? (not had one so not sure how it works. )

Babiecakes - sorry you are not feeling positive. not sure what to say - I found with dd I didn't quite believe she would ever happen until several months after she was born. I would often think it was all a cruel dream and she never happened. This time, I do feel the same as I feel I should have had a couple of mcs before this pregnancy as it was unlikely to work out 1st time. I would love to be one of those people who could think bfp =baby 9 months later but I don't.

LIG, I told my line manger when I was 18 weeks pregnant. She then told the two directors that I report to. Apart from that no one else knows. I'm no longer keeping it a secret but it's not exactly something that I can just casually mention in passing.
I'm very relieved that I've told my boss though. She's been quite good about my recent time off from work.

I havent had a chance to talk to my boss yet and wont tonight so will have to wait till Thursday.

ive decided to take annual leave the week before I go on maternity leave if my bosses agree, so will be 36 weeks instead of 37, the last week at work will be half term so no school run we can just chill out for the week so should be manageable.

babiecakes I have the what if moments, ive only now started to believe I will have a baby but those moments still creep in. I think its perfectly natural after a miscarriage, unfortunately we know bfp does not = baby so im not going to give you a slap but I will send you some and tell you your not the only one who has those thoughts,

Babiecakes I know what you mean, I really do. I had a loss before each of my girls so I fully expected this pregnancy to end badly. I cannot shake the feeling that it still could, and find it very hard to relax about it and think about there being an actual baby at the end of it

Well my boss came home early because he wanted to 'have a chat' with me.

Apparently they have noticed that I havent been as proactive around the house and wanted to know why. No concerns about the care of the children. The only example he could give is that the playroom is a tip!

I told him I was tired and everything is taking longer to do than it used to so perhaps not as much is getting done each day and that going into school was too much if they wanted more done at home. He excepted that so I will no longer be going into school, I also pointed out that id been so unwell last week that id been sent home which he agreed was rare for me and ive moved my mat leave forward by 2 weeks.

im actually really annoyed, the kids get to school on time, have homework done, bathed, teeth brushed and in pj's by the time they get home and the kitchen is tidier than when I get there in the morning, in fact its spotless, table cleared away and floor swept, kids rooms tidy, beds changed and last week I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards, washing done, dishwasher loaded and im in school 2 days a week.

Smiling that is crap... So a nanny is also a bit of a cleaner? or is that what they think?

And I think playrooms (or in my case living room) = tip anyway lived in, I call it...

Im still really upset about it, I feel like ive been accused of not doing my job which isnt true, ok perhaps the playroom is a tip but the kids are looked after and happy, the rest of the house is clean and tidy and they are the ones who wanted me to help in the school.

just make sure the playroom is sparkling next time you go, and just do a quick job on the rest of the house...

i think kids happiness is the main thing, but for some people a tidy house seems to be the be all and end all...

The really irritating part is id planned to do it tomorrow anyway as im not needed in school so can spend all day sorting it rather than a quick tidy because ive only got a couple of hours.

ive just remembered he also said that the kids beds hadnt been changed for 3 weeks which is a complete lie, I have done them the last 2 weeks and will do it tomorrow but instead of putting different duvet covers on ive been stripping the beds, washing it in the morning then drying it and putting same ones back on, which id told them id done as I couldnt find the spare duvet covers because they had been put away in the spare room instead of the airing cupboard and I dont go in there.

I am angry on your behalf!!

Anyway, I just had the repeat scan. Face and lips all fine and heart too... Child still stubborn and although they could see the heart chambers it wasn't the best angle for a photo... Just had a coffee and cake and will hope she moves...

Ahhhh so glad scan is ok and I love the fact shes still being stubborn, your going to have your work cut out when shes born

yes, one stubborn, the other a melodramatic drama queen... Sigh!

So DD (nearly 3) was off yesterday and monday with a bad cold/temperature... yesterday afternoon already full of beans but whenever i asked if she wanted to go to nursery she said no

This morning, full of beans again, DH said she ran all the way to nursery (about 0.4 miles) but as soon as they got to class and her teacher asked how she was, apparently the lip came out and she sighed "not very well"

Drama queen!

Haha she sounds great

Glad the scan looked good tiny

smiling your employers sound very unreasonable :(

ah hormones, just watching something on the BBC news site about a school for disabled children and their nativity play and had tears running down my face...

got to love the hormones, I sobbed uncontrollably at paul o gradeys for the love of dogs, and it was a happy story

I really really dont want to be at work today, im just about to start the playroom but ive already got 2 children up, dressed, fed and to school, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, taken 3 rather heavy parcels to the post office (because my boss couldnt be bothered yesterday i presume) and put the bins out (because my boss forgot) im knackered before I even start my actual jobs

do you think it would be wrong if I took mat leave at 33 weeks, which would be the first week of February? financially it would be a push because I will then be off for 6 months but we could manage and ill be off for 2 months before baby is born which just seems wrong to me. initially id plannef to work till 37 weeks then lowered it to 35 weeks but im miserable and everyday just seems worse

Did they ask you specifically to do the parcels?
Otherwise I would have focused on the playroom as that is one of your tasks, but not the other things...

OK bins could have been an oversight and they need to be done, but parcels and stuff, I wouldn't think it would be your remit...

Not wrong at 33 weeks, or you could get a GP to sign you off for a bit to recover, and then go back...

yep I was specifically asked to take the parcels and he asked about the bins as he walked out the door, bins I dont mind as he had forgotten and I dont even mind the parcels but its the fact that they arent recognising that if im doing things like that, other jobs arent getting done, im not superwoman I can only get so much done.

i dont really want to get signed off then come back then go off again for mat leave, its not fair on my charges and would unsettle them.

I just feel a bit of a fraud taking such early leave, apart from being tired and slightly low blood pressure im in good health so feel I should work as long as I can and im confused because in 6 years ive never had any issues at work so am struggling to understand whats going on.

I genuinely am doing everything I should be its just taking a bit longer.

oh well dressing up clothes sorted and away now on to lego

Hmmm, how odd... maybe they are stressed with Christmas coming...

How old are the kids? Can you make up a tidying up game with them when they are home from school, or are they too old to fall for that?

5 and 9 they are good at tidying their bedrooms so all I have to do is a quick tidy and hoover/dust but when they moved to this house they were told they didnt need to tidy the playroom as it was meant for toys, so they dont put stuff away then of course my boss gets annoyed that its a tip and I end up tidying it.

having just picked up 2 boxes of dressing up clothes and getting halfway through picking up 5 boxes of lego that is spread across the floor I have discovered lots of tiny little polystyrene balls all over the floor, im now getting panicky because I am not carrying the hoover up here but that means the floor will still be a mess im usually a fairly confident person but I am so anxious about work at the moment the smallest thing sets me off.

Ahrgh, maybe you can sweep them up to a corner?

Oh Smiling, what a tricky situation you are in. I second what Tiny said, sweep it to one corner & explain that you couldn't carry the Hoover upstairs.

I'm still on bed rest and getting such a sore bottom! How on earth did Little manage it for so long?! By the way, has anyone heard from her?