January 2014 Thread 17 - and the final babies will be here any day now!

[Frizz1986]

Thought i would start up the last thread before we move over to postnatal thread.

Unfortunately I think he's made his mind up :( nothing specific has happened he just doesn't want to be together any more. I'm heartbroken. And I only live in London for my job and dh. Now I'm on maternity leave and dh is leaving me I don't know what to do. I can't afford the house on my own but we both can't afford to rent either. And poor Henry :(

mrsV that's rubbish, actually awful. Did he say he was definitely going?

I think having a baby is one of the most stressful things for a relationship as there are so many changes to the dynamic and a whole other person that we need to focus on. Even if this has been coming a while it could still all be linked to his worries over being a good dh and father.

I know there are quite a few of us in London and I'm sure we could arrange a coffee and cake meet up or just time to vent in person if that would help at all. We're here for you.

Oh, MrsV, how sad for you :(

Henry will be fine, though. He really will. As will you, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

mrsv I don't know history hut is there any chance he's depressed? how awful for you. xxxx

Oh MrsV. Could he have personal issues that he's projecting onto your relationship? DP has depression and was diagnosed as bipolar in his teens so very occasionally he'll get himself into a mindset of everyone's against me and life is completely shit even if something seemingly minor has happened.

Whatever happens you and Henry will be ok. And we're always here to listen.

We've had a lot go on in the last year (moved back from Australia, new jobs, house renovation, pregnant) so he has been under a lot if stress. I've never seen him like this before and I think it must be part of it but don't know what I can do. I've suggested doctors, counselling etc but he doesn't think any things wrong. I've agreed to get the house valued as the remaining jobs are stressing him out and if we can sell hopefully it'll make it easier for him (or at least easier to split if we do separate)

It's just so sad as he can't say why he's unhappy. Just that he is and he feels drained

mrsv I am so sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Talk to us as much as you need.

sunshine regarding anti b and bf, I was put on them yesterday for an infected cs incision and my dr has put me on flucloxacillin. Apparently trace amounts go into the milk but shouldn't affect baby.

Xander is having wind issues again, so back on the infacol. Don't know if I'm not winding him enough or if his latch isn't quite right but it's very frustrating, he is in a lot of pain and the crying is heartbreaking and rather annoying he feel quite helpless.

Here's to restful days and nights everyone.

MrsV I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. I think your DH owes you the chance to talk it over with a professional though. You have a v small baby and it may all be too much for you both.
Where in London are you? I can do cake and coffee any time. In SE here.

MrsV I'm so so sorry. It must be very difficult for you I hope it's something you can work through. It does sound like you've both had a lot to deal with over the past few months and I agree it might be worth talking it out with a professional, but it's hard if DH won't agree to it. Feel free to vent as much as you need on here, we are all listening.

Just got back from the GP. It's the first time I've been out properly on my own with Sylvie and she's 8 weeks! I was so anxious because I've built it up to be this massive thing and we were fine Its 2 miles each way to the doctors and I feel so much better for the walk. Although, after being sat on my arse for the last few months of pregnancy due to SPD and then not really doing much the past 8 weeks, the walk was a killer. I am so unfit! The doctor reckons she's got reflux so I've come home clutching the box of baby gaviscon hoping for a miracle. There was also a clinic on at the doctors so I've had her weighed and she's 11lb 13oz!!! She's getting heavy!

Also, the GP, two ladies at the clinic and two at the pharmacy all called her Sylvia the receptionist at the doctors did the same on the phone yesterday too. I reckon it's going to be a regular thing. Boo hoo

mrsv I am so sorry to read your news, that must be heartbreaking on so many levels. I can't imagine what you are going through but everyone is right, you will be ok as will Henry, much as that seems an impossibility right now. It does sound like he might be depressed (describing himself as 'drained' etc) and I hope you manage to get some marital counselling before giving up on your marriage altogether. I know family mediation is incredibly helpful and at the least can prevent acrimonious divorces, at best, the process can keep a family together.

Lucy is now four weeks old and still v unsettled in the evenings, but two nights ago we had a random breakthrough of 8 hours sleep in a row...(8pm-4am)... It was random though as last night she was pretty awful. Seems v windy and she cries a lot now in the day when she is awake. I just took her and the dog for a walk and ended upnpushing buggy up a very non buggy route, crossing two rivers and ending up on top of a big hill with most rolling down from above. V dramatic and I thought I was going to get lost, but felt great after, full of endorphins.

And as for wanky husbands, mine came home the other day after work and picked dd up as she was fussing and I told him off for throwing his coat,keys,laptop etc all over the kitchen table and he replied 'well, I have been looking after your daughter!' Er, your daughter too Mr!! I was not impressed. Men.

MrsV I'm so sorry. Will he really not go for some counselling? It seems like a lot to walk away from if he's just non-specifically sad, especially as you've both had such a lot on. Please vent on here if it helps.

I'm having a massive panic. TMI alert I just went to the loo and something was falling out :o I've shoved it back and got a gp appointment for Saturday. Have just scared myself reading the prolapse thread.

HV came today and has referred me to a craft group for depressed mums. She also bollocked me as DD is now only sleeping on my chest, which is such a big SIDS risk that she forcefully suggested that DD has to be in the crib from tonight. I've asked DH to see if he can get some time off to help.

felix I'm so used to people asking me about my 'little boy' that now I just go along with it instead of trying to explain why she's called Percy and has some blue clothes. Poor Percy will now spend the rest of her life doing much the sane I expect!

So yeah, today can just piss off really. Oh, and my pizza dough didn't rise either

book I think most of us are guilty of the sleeping on the chest thing. Xander will barely sleep in his basket so we sleep with him on our chests juat so we actually get some sleep as well. We do what we need to do to get by, don't let the hv make you feel too bad.

Don't let the hv make you feel bad. There's nothing wrong with it, or co sleeping. Check out the WHO stuff on co-sleeping to confirm you're doing it safely. For extra points give a highlighted copy to the hv.

I've had a good day. Dropped ds off at nursery, he's there until 6 tonight. Went into work to have lunch with friends, pottered around asda, came home and watched criminal minds.

I'm cold, it's hard to type this, but i cba to get up and turn the heating up. Henry has a blanket on (large one folded into quarters) so he's all toasty. I need to get up and do some housework. I'm so lazy

book ignore her! Our family theme is co-sleep or no-sleep at the minute. I'm sure I read that a mum's breathing helps regulate little one's though obv no specific data or studies exist. I second frying - check you're doing it safely ie can't fall off bed or under pillows but got to be safer yhan having no sleep and zonking out somewhere like sofa
Big hugs mrsv

Thank you everyone. He's agreed to come home tonight and talk. We're going to have a day out on Sunday with Henry which will hopefully relax him I hope he changes his mind.

book to echo everyone else co-sleeping is fine. We co-slept with DS1 till he was 10months old stubborn little sod would not sleep anywhere else and I've co-slept with Cal on occasion too. He's just a bit more amenable to sleeping in his crib than his brother was.

Quite a good day here too frying. Small personal achievement of managing to get out the house with both boys and no meltdowns (though it took all the planning and organisational skills I learnt in uni). DS1 went out with PILs and great grandad to a garden centre and Cal and I have had a lovely day at home seeing a friend. Also got new converse for me and DS1, delivered by a lovely, smiley hermes man (not the usual surly cow that normally delivers it).

That sounds positive MrsV. Hope it goes well.

Oh, book :( A crappy day indeed.
I second what everyone else said about safe co-sleeping. And next time the hv asks, lie!
A craft group for depressed mums makes me think of basket-weaving. What does it really entail?
The possible prolapse thing sounds scary. Let me know if I can help in any way (more along the lines of keeping an eye on Percy while you're at the drs, rather than helping you push it back in).
But hey -- you made pizza dough! I'm impressed. I'm going to a friend's for lunch tomorrow so I need to make a cake, but cba.

Sounds positive, MrsV. Hope so.

That sounds good mrsv. I hope things start to look up for you.

I'm tempted to ignore the HV, but she kept on about how bad I'd feel if DD died because of how we slept:( If I can get her in the crib at night then I can move back into my bedroom with her, so I'm going to give it a go.

toby I am utterly devoid of artistic talent, so the thought of enforced craft therapy does not appeal. If it is actually basket weaving then I shall walk out in a huff. There is a creche for the babies, so I think it is more about getting some time away from them. It is for 12 weeks though. DH already thinks I'm a bit unhinged. None of this will help. Bah.

Your day sounds lovely frying. I did make it to Tesco where I had a spree on 3-6 months clothes :)

Is your crib a sidecar one, book? Meredith has been sleeping in hers for the vast majority of the night the past 2 nights after I remembered (6 weeks in) that it's supposed to go right next to the bed with the side down. I am an idiot.

No, I wish I'd got one of those now. If I have no luck in the next few days getting her in the crib then I might buy a sidecar one and get rid of this one. Percy won't sleep on the bed after her 1am waking now though, so even that might not help. It is probably a case of repeatedly putting her down/picking her up/calming/repeating I think. It seems so mean though - she's only 5 weeks!

That's horrible news Mrsv. You poor thing. Hope you can come to some resolution with him. Sending hugs your way.

If you do the co-sleeping safely (ahem!!) then I've had some hv where I previously lived recommend it! Too many mixed messages.

Book hope you're ok too and the craft isn't a disappointment. Cake making would be better IMO.

Had quite a good day here too. We went to a toddler play group/ soft play, DS had a 3 hour nap(!), and Lara is taking the dummy again (kept tongue blocking and only my little finger would do) and also had a nap at the same time which meant I could too! Now just waiting for my food delivery so we can eat tonight!! Hoping DH gets home soon so at least DS can be in bed before it arrives (he's eaten already!).

Not sure if DS has conjunctivitis. His eyes are a bit red but no discharge so not sure?? Anyone know if that's the start? Might need a trip to the docs tomorrow if it gets worse.

pidgy DD had conjunctivitis from birth and she had loads on eye goo from the start, so much that she couldn't open her eyes properly. Midwife sent a swab off and she needed a prescription for eye ointment 3x a day. It cleared up within 3 days.

I also had a HV who was pro co-sleeping! Unfortunately I haven't seen her again and had another one last time who was a sack of shit, and told me I should leave Sylvie to cry in the room on her own if she wouldn't settle in her crib otherwise she would get used to being picked up when she cries. As if I'm going to leave my 3 week old baby to cry!!! The thing that has really annoyed me during pregnancy and post-birth is the lack of consistency with the advice given. The first midwife we saw after Sylvie arrived told us to introduce a bottle before 3 weeks otherwise we may struggle to get her to take it, then when we told the shit-bag HV we were mixed feeding she said there's no way we should have given her a bottle before 6 weeks. Arghhh it annoys me!! Sorry I am ranting now. Book just ignore them and do what's best for you.