Hi everyone!
Apologies for going quiet on you all. The baby blues hit big time day three and after a 48 hour labour, managed with pethidine only in the end plus some time in the birthing pool as gas and air made me vomit and after begging for an epidural but being talked out of it, I have been to a pretty dark place, but am finally starting to enjoy my little man.
I still can't find thread 15, but huge thanks toby for sending me the link to thread 16! I have missed you all!
Massive congratulations to all babies! Some amazing stories and all gorgeous names!
We'll at this end, The piles are finally shrinking, bleeding has nearly stopped, thrush is gone, mastitis is being treated, tear is healing, so things are looking up. Lol!
I feel for the ladies having bf issues. Sometimes Henry latches well and other times he just grabs the nipple, not helped by post birth mucous which means he has been struggling to breathe through his cute little nose! I have been in tears a lot because of the pain of some of his latches. It really has been and continues to be massively frustrating! However, he has already put on a pound so despite some dodgy latches he is obviously still getting the nutrition he needs. The number of times I have nearly given up.....
Also very much feel for everyone struggling to get their babies to sleep in cribs. Can't remember who bought a bed nest in desperation, but we hired one in the same desperation. Henry will only nap on me during the day, meaning at 3 weeks I am really limited as to what I can do. DH thankfully was off last week and this week so has been doing the cooking and chopping up my food so I can eat one handed. Not looking forward to him back at wrk next week.
At night, this week Henry has started sleeping in the bed nest only after he has fallen asleep on me for a good half an hour first and even then sometimes he will wake and demand feeding again before he will fall asleep! Am just grateful he is sleeping for a few hours at night though because I was up with him all day and night that first week and I started hallucinating, which scared the shit out of me! DH came to bed and to me he looked like a giant baby in the dim light! I could also see crying baby faces on the wallpaper in our room, the ceiling light etc. You know when your eyes play tricks on you and then you re-focus and see the reality. Well it was just like that but because I was so tired I couldn't re-focus my eyes. I felt as though I was cracking up and was scared it was turning into post natal depression! I had no appetite, didn't want to see anyone and things I normally enjoy I couldn't have cared less about..... People were sending us presents and cards and I couldn't bare to look at them. It was awful! I also had my first few panic attacks, one of which landed me in A&E at 5am one morning, because my hands and face went numb and I couldn't breathe properly. Turns out they think it was raised CO2 due to me hyperventilating without realising it due to tiredness and stress.
I just wanted to tell everyone about my experience, so if anyone else goes through something similar it gives them hope and reassurance that you do come out the other side. It doesn't last forever. Still having some low moments and had another panic attack Saturday night that came out of the blue, but getting many more high moments and less crying episodes.....
I had Henry sleeping on my chest a few nights this week because he couldn't breathe on his back.which made me really nervous, but I couldn't go back to the completely sleep deprived zombie that I was before! As you ladies have said, you have to do what gets you through and gives you some sleep!
I am hoping he will soon start to tolerate his Moses basket in the day so I don't have to bath in two seconds flat while listening to him cry or rely on DH to hold him and also that he will start to sleep in his bed nest at night without me having to have him sleep on me first.... We have tried everything, from letting him cry for ten mins to heating the mattress, putting rolled up towels down the end, elevating the end and nothing has worked. The midwife today suggested putting a ticking clock in the crib to mimic my heartbeat. Am sending DH to get one later. I can only imagine how hard it will be when it comes to moving him into his own room, but perhaps he will surprise us! Today I ordered "Ewan the dream sheep" which plays womb and heartbeat noises. It's a long shot but....
Henry also hates having his nappy changed. Have found a changing mat with a toy bar that has made some difference, but had to change him in the back of the car the other day and I have never heard crying like it! He is really melodramatic bless him! At least I no longer bawl along with him which is an improvement!
Nothing could have prepared me for the emotional roller coaster post birth can be! I have turned from the original miss independent to miss needy and clingy! The local hospital and GP surgeries have been our second home it feels like and I have used the 111 service about 8 times....
I really don't know how you ladies with toddlers manage with a newborn. I bow down to you all! Really makes me think long and hard about whether I would cope if we decided to have another.... I know DH is still keen, but he wasn't the one put through the ringer.....
However, it has all been totally worth it as Henry is just amazing and I would do absolutely anything for him!!!! Will never forget the moment he was handed to me and the feeling of him coming out. The contractions were torture. I actually found pushing him out a relief, as I was able to do something finally! I remember it stinging as his head came out, but it wasn't as bad as the contractions had been. I also remember the midwife wiggling him as I pushed his body out and I briefly worried he was perhaps stuck, which made me push even harder!
What's weird.is all the things I had been worrying about before I was in labour disappeared while I was in labour and although I still check Henry is breathing regularly, because I am so desperate for sleep, I relax a bit about it and have to trust he will be ok while I sleep.....
Good luck to everyone still waiting for their little monkeys to arrive and get as much sleep as you possibly can now!