Martians 2014, thread 11. KEGELS!

[LyraSilvertongue]

Shiny new thread, ladies :)

Jolls I think its just pregnancy paranoia, I get exactly the same way! My DH is out for some beers having been to watch the rugby, and I'm so stressed that the only contact he has made is to tell me he's going to get a taxi home as the last train was too early. He's out with his mate and my dad FFS, he's hardly going to be doing much except beer and dissecting the match, but doesn't make me feel any better!!

Thanks ladies. I needed to get that off my chest. I know DP isn't dealing with it particularly well but he's had his own issues to deal with this week and this is the first time he's been directly on the receiving end of one of XP's tirades. I think life is wearing him down and this was the icing on the cake.

Ice, I tried getting him to focus on all the good stuff that's ahead - our baby, the chance of our own business etc but his head was firmly locked into negative mode. The main thing I'll be doing to minimise XP's ability to control us will be getting out of joint ownership of my house. Then I can live somewhere where he has no say in what happens there. And also if the business makes decent money he can't keep blackmailing me with maintenance and threatening to withhold it whenever he feels like it because I won't need his stinking money. Financial independence will make a huge difference.

Pram, I know he should understand that I come with baggage - unhinged ex, two children that aren't his etc. he has baggage too, like the crazy bitch ex who asked him to go on holiday with her and has said very nasty things about me to him by text, and also says things to me like "you're not so special to him" "you're not his type" blah blah (that's a whole other story). He's dealing with it completely the wrong way, I agree, but what can I do? Ban him from the pub? Sigh.

Cool, we have a shared residency order from the court so I have no chance of altering his contact with the boys. Plus they love their daddy so I'd be hurting them by hurting him. Sadly they seems to be used to this sort of thing from him. They shouldn't have to get used to seeing their father turn into a raging monster. He's never like that with them though, thankfully.

DP is still not home despite texting an hour ago to say he would be home soon. I could do with a cuddle, tbh.

Sorry you are having such a rough time lyra. Can you arrange for someone else to do the handover of children for you? Like another relative or someone similar? You are doing the right thing in tolerating this man in order for your children to have a relationship with him, as you say he is their father. Can't be easy tho, wish I could give better advice. It's hard when you try to do the right thing but the other person insists on acting like a dick. Hope you and your DP are OK.

In regards to baby books pram have you tried the secrets of the baby whisperer? I found that a bit of a middle ground between strict routine and no routine, as she advocates a routine but this is sort of established a bit by your baby. Give it a try. I've not actually done it, but I'm hoping to reread before the birth and take some advice at least.

He's home and he's not drunk but still very quiet.

Owl, it's always me thinking of the children, XP just thinks of himself. Pig.

I should go to bed. Looks like DP doesn't want to talk. I'll try tomorrow. Night y'all.

Hello!

Ive finally caught up (yep from lady thread and this one)and now cant rremember the half of what I read!! Lol sorry!

Sorry to hear xp's are being a real issue for some of you. Hoping for some relief and ok-ness (yep I know thats not a word!) Soon. Big hugz and to you!

With regards ttothr whole routines, feeding, napping, crying thingy. Im gonna probably get slapped at some point by ds was a demand feeder. And however much he had during the day whethet it was little and often or lots and often he still didnt sleep through, and he was a ff baby. (Thats where im expecting a slap!) Yep ff. During my pg with ds my gut instinct was not to bf but ff. My midwife was great at the time and said if thats what you want then you make sure you're not bullied into bf if you don't want to do it. So I didnt. My milk dried up about 1.5days after ds was born. Just goes yo show my instinct was right! Ff was a godsend because after such s traumatic labour and episiotomy stitches yo contend with, dp was completely on hand, as he could do a lot of the feeds. He loved it, and has an amazing bond with ds. Ds was also quite badly jaundice so they said that it was more helpful for regular feeding etc
I guess routine is fabby if it works from the beginning but if it doesn't dont worry, dont beat yourself up about it and try and go with your instinct, 9 times out of 10 it'll be right. Also I worried about how id know the crys for certain things, I didnt as a new mum I felt so under qualified, people saying this or that, I got so stressed with what everybody else telling me what yo do I got blurred, then mum said to me, take a step back, listen yo what your instinct is telling you and let ds almost guide you. It worked, i took the pressure off myself to conform and finally I started feeling more confident in myself. Ds slept through the night from 8-9 weeks. And whilst by no means is he perfect, I feel like I can honestly say that I have done my best with him. I never woke him for a feed whether it be day or night, I let him guide me, there's no way he was going to let himself starve. Plus I sometimes think that health officials are do besotted with babys weight gain that sometimes they forget how important sleep is for any growing child!!

A lot of first time mums on here, my best advice is keep an open mind and wait till you meet your little Martian and then review what you feel is best to do. You will do amazing im sure of it, even the world's most sleep deprived mums and dads manage to pull energy resources from somewhere! Go with the flow, dont be mean to yourself and know that it does get easier. I did get to know the different sorts of cried ds did to know what he needed! You will allbe fabby! :0) x

Wow, typo's galore there, hope you get the gist! ! :0)

formula fed???

Good on your midwife for being supportive of your choice. I've found there's refreshingly little indignant bosom-hoicking on this thread, and you should never feel you have to justify yourself anyway.

Woken by bladder& huuuuuuuuuuuge McDonalds craving for a big Mac meal..torture ! Will pop in tomorrow when awake...

Ooh apprentice. I too have a massive need for a Big Mac. In fact I Have done since last Saturday and today I will finally get one. Woo hoo!

Rock - I'm sure it is just pregnancy paranoia. After all, if there was actually some big dirty weekend planned, he prepped months in advance as I knew he was going to this one some time ago. And I don't think he'd have the nerve to take the car knowing I have no cash, only plastic, and there's no cash point in walking distance so I'm effectively stranded at home unless I use taxis.

I think the main 2 problems are these:

• There has been 1 occasion where I was away for the weekend and had trouble getting in touch with him. I convinced myself I was being paranoid that time. Turns out I wasn't. We obviously managed to get passed it but it doesn't mean this stuff doesn't ring bells.

-I still think he's been inconsiderate by not calling or even sending a few texts. Surely he wants to know I'm ok? I was really struggling with back pain when he left. It would only have taken a few minutes.

When's he due back? DH had told me 11.30, and rolled up about 2 hours later so now I'm shattered this morning as I couldn't sleep til I knew he was home safe. I completely agree that he's being inconsiderate not to text or call you, it really winds me up when DH does this to me!

Apprentice I really want a bacon & egg mcmuffin meal, but I'm far too lazy to get the bus over to maccys in time for 10.30! I suppose this is one of the benefits of getting rid of my car, when I was having DS I spent far too much time in maccys drive through!!!

Oh Jolls

That would drive me insane. It is inconsiderate for him not to give you a quick call to let you know he arrived or how he was getting on. Hopefully he phones you this morning full of apologies and with a feasible explanation as to why he went off the radar. How is your back feeling today?

He should be back this evening at some point. Not sure when, but he'd have to bother calling for me to know that!

No apologies this morning. I'd imagine he knows I'm pissed and is avoiding the backlash.

My back isn't too bad today so far...I've already done a full clean of the kitchen and walked the pooch. Don't intend to do more than some laundry now today and carry on watching Breaking Bad. Need to save my energy for when my twatty fiancé shows his face.

Morning!!! I've just had my first cup of tea in 10 weeks!!! Omg - it was amazing!!!

grey I've just messages you about Facebook.

Oh, Jolls, there is surely no excuse for no contact. I would go utterly mortal on his ass (which I am sure you will). Here, have these:

Absy, thanks for your input. No judgement here about FF. I don't understand though: at the start of your post you said your child didn't sleep regardless of how much FF he had and then later on you say he was sleeping through from 8 weeks. Can you clarify?

Owl, The very title Baby Whisperer puts me off. I like a no-nonsense one-way-or-the-other instruction manual - dogmatic in tone preferably - written by someone who has nursed hundreds and hundreds of babies and toddlers I will deffo be taking a look at it though, thanks.

Lyra, how are things round your gaff this morning? I've been thinking about you and this strange man you used to be with. Is it right that he feels able to express himself however and whenever he like in front of your boys. Should he be able to discredit and abuse other adults in front of the children? Your boys clearly love him but I would start from the premise that they will grow up thinking it is perfectly okay to vent themselves in this manner in public and to whomever. We learn our behaviour from our parents and your ex is doing little to teach them how to behave with other adults you may not particularly respect. Can you lay this at his feet? Probably not, actually, he sounds like a narcissist of the highest order and they always think they're right and justified in their behaviour.

Hi all. Found you! Due 8th March. Just joining the conversation. No way I'm going to be able to read from the start so will be following from now. I've added my info to the stats thread.

Welcome Findus - as you may have gathered, this is a very chatty thread - good luck in keeping up! What child is this for you? We have everything from 1st to 5th on here.

I think Tracy Hogg aka 'The Baby Whisperer' has looked after thousands of kids. I think some people prefer her approach because she allows for different personality types in babies. But everyone will prefer the style which suits them best!

Anyone heard from Kara in a while? I hope she's doing okay.

I tried for 9weeks to get ds2 to take a dummy. Gave up on the end. It was awful tho, I remember not knowing what to do with a baby who doesn't have a dummy. As for over stimulation, that was a big thing here too. They'd both get wingy and it'd be because they just wanted to be left alone but of course, other people knew better and would insist on adding more simulation.

I honestly think that's the worst thing with a new baby whether you're trying to establish a routine or letting the baby lead, there are always people who think they know better and think they have the right to tell you how it should be done and how you're doing it wrong. You have to stick to what you feel is right for you and your family and bollocks to everyone else!!!

Got visitors here at the minute but when they've gone I'll post grannys top tips on routine. Then we'll all k now what we're doing.

Welcome findus.

I was craving McDonald's all week and I finally got one yesterday. McChicken Sandwich meal. Yum!

Welcome Findus.

I just googled Tracy Hogg (baby whisperer) to see out of interest if she had kids, and she's dead!! She died aged 44 of cancer. I had no idea. She did have 2 daughters. She could earn 15,000 dollars for a week of baby whispering in Hollywood.

Egg mcmuffin talk made me go to our local market and buy a breakfast bap with all the trimmings. It was amazing!

Hello all.
I am still alive, if only just. I hope everyone is well, and i will try my very best to catch up during the week and let you all in on whats going on up this end.

You know the pregnancy hormones are running riot when you shout at the TV because 2 women on Breaking Bad are gushing over chrysanthemums in a hospital room. where. there. are. no. fucking. chrysanthemums. I don't know much about flowers, but I know chrysanthemums look fuck all like tulips.

I really think I have a hormone issue today.

Welcome Findus.

Crikey Joll have some pissy daisies chrysanthemums

Mmm DH has taken DS swimming. Hello bed

I sound slightly crazy, don't I Ice?